A/N: Love and comments are much appreciated ^^ Love you!

Jieun’s POV

“, , .” I hissed almost silently down the stairs, racing to answer the pounding on the door, like my Dad’s disgruntled voice from the other room was yelling explosively at me to do.

I avoided the creaking floorboards, and skipped over the empty beer bottles from last night, the sheer amount of them a clear warning to me that if I crossed him today there was no way that I was going to walk away without at least one broken bone or bloody something.

“I’m going, Dad!” I yelled back, hoping that it would calm him down a bit. It didn’t.

He only started yelling louder at me for not being quick enough about it. Wincing I rushed to the front door, just in time because the person on the other side had their hand raised mid-knock. I did a double take when I saw just who it was.

“Jonghyun? What are you doing here?” I hissed quietly, my voice higher in disbelief.

He gave me a sheepish grin.

”I was just dropping by to see if you wanted to hang out.” He said half hopefully.

“This isn’t the best time.” I said anxiously.

Something about having Jonghyun and my dad in such a close proximity to each other had my stomach knotting in fear.

Jonghyun’s eyes tried going over my shoulder to see inside me house. Aware of just what state the house was in I pulled the door closer to me, so he couldn’t see anything.

“I heard yelling, I didn’t get you in trouble or anything did I?”

I felt myself soften at the concern written in his features, and just as I opened my mouth to assure him there was nothing for him to worry about, I heard the sound of my father’s door opening.

My eyes widened when I realise that he was coming downstairs. Panicking I grabbed my jacket that was hanging by the door and pushed on Jonghyun’s chest so that there was enough room behind me to swing the front door shut.

“You’re right we should hang out today!” I said, injecting false enthusiasm into my voice, trying to hide the panic I was feeling.

Jonghyun looked bewildered at my sudden change of mind, his eyes traveling over to my door suspiciously.

“Okay…” He answered dubiously.

“I thought you just said it wasn’t the best time?” He asked, not believing my change in heart.

“Yeah, but I guess I could squeeze you in anyway. I haven’t seen you much since the holidays started.” I said.

And it wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t seen much of Jonghyun, except for the fact he had the habit of turning up at the end of my shifts at the Sunshine Cafe to walk me home ever since that night he found out where I lived.

I wasn’t sure how he had even gotten a hold of my working schedule, but from the Cheshire grin on Min’s face when he first turned up I would bet she had something to do with it.

Jonghyun watched me suspiciously as I refused to meet his eyes, choosing instead to stare at the dent of confusion in his eyebrows.

“Aren’t you going to tell anyone that you’re leaving? Won’t someone be worried if you just up and disappear?”

I held in a snort.

“It’s fine Jonghyun. As long as I’m home tonight my dad won’t really be bothered. Now are we going to stand around here all day doing nothing, or was there somewhere you wanted to go?”

I wanted to get Jonghyun away from my house as quickly as possible, because even though I knew my dad wasn’t likely to come out, I didn’t really want to run the risk of it anyway.

“Yeah. Okay.” He said, but once again he was looking at my door, as if he was trying to stare through it to the other side.

“I just don’t want to get you in trouble or anything.”

I gave him a small smile, shaking my head at him.

"I’m not going to get into trouble.”

I hope.

“Alright.” He answered, shaking his head before sending me a smile.

I let out a long breath of relief as we put more distance between my house and us. When we reached the end of my street, I felt relaxed enough to talk normally without sounding stiff.

“So what exactly did you have planned for us to do?” I asked, falling into step beside him.

“Well I thought that we could go into town or something. I still need to get some Christmas shopping done.” He suggested.

I felt my face scrunch up in distaste at the mention of shopping. I wasn’t a big fan of walking around all day staring at things that I couldn’t have. But Jonghyun seemed keen on the idea.

I saw his face fall a little when he was my less than enthusiastic response to his suggestion, making my stomach pinch in guilt.

“Or we could do something else. We could go to the park, or my house.” He ended with a shrug, but from the slightly crestfallen expression he was wearing I could tell he had had his heart set on going into town together.

I mentally cursed him out. Wasn’t it meant to be girls forcing guys to go shopping, not the other way around? Letting out an exaggerated sigh, I rolled my eyes.

“Shopping sounds good.” I said holding back a wince as the words left my lips.

There wasn’t a way to take the words back now. Especially when a large smile spread over his face that was difficult to look at without staring. So I chose instead to look away.

“Awesome.” Jonghyun chirped enthusiastically.

I felt my stomach unclench when he was back to his usual chipper self. It didn’t take long for me to regret my decision. As soon as I saw just how many people had decided to come into town today made my stomach was once again knotted up in nerves.

I had completely forgotten about the Christmas crowds. Unconsciously I found myself shuffling closer to Jonghyun. I held in a groan. I should have just told him I couldn’t go anywhere today.

As we pushed our ways through the crowds I focused on the story that Jonghyun was telling me, about a disastrously bad Christmas dinner he had suffered through a couple of years ago where he had accidently tripped and given his grandma a plateful of mash potatoes to the face.

It helped me to concentrate on Jonghyun rather than the uncomfortable itch that lived under my skin being in such a packed place. I didn’t take my eyes off of his cringing face as he retold the tale of his mortification.

We went through shop after shop, never staying for too long because whatever there was never seemed to catch Jonghyun’s attention for very long. A few times he would see a ridiculously designed hat or pair of glasses and he would try them on and pose for me, and I couldn’t help but crack a couple of smiles.

Especially when he was pratting about, prancing down the aisle in an oversized lady hat, putting on a fake posh accent, and a passing by lady who was wearing an almost identical hat had let out a rather loud humph of indignation as she stalked by making Jonghyun turn beetroot.

But that was topped when a man who had seen what had happened started to make a scene, having a go at us and about how teenagers had no manners these days. He’d even managed to get us thrown out because we were apparently the ones ‘causing a disturbance.’

I could barely contain the laughter at Jonghyun’s horrified face, as how quickly it all had escalated and how many people were watching him being thrown out of a shop.

It was when we were out of the shop, and Jonghyun still had the bewildered expression stuck on his face, like he couldn’t really believe what had happened when I could no longer hold back the laughter.

I doubled over, holding onto the wall for support as my body shook all over. I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever laughed this hard over anything before. I couldn’t even explain what I had found so funny about the whole situation.

“Y-your f-f-face!” I squeezed out, my eyes tearing.

I wasn’t getting nearly enough oxygen, but I couldn’t stop laughing. When I calmed down a little I risked a glance at Jonghyun and he still had a look of utter disbelief on as he stared down at me, and that sent me off into another laughing fit.

I gasped in air, holding my breath to try and reign in my laughter.

“You done now?”

Sometime during my laughing fit, Jonghyun had completely regained his composure. He was leant up against the wall next to me, his arms crossed over his chest as he waited for me to be finished.

I held my lips together between my teeth, as I mutely nodded my head, afraid that if I opened my mouth the laughing would start all over again. Jonghyun was looking at me with a half amused smile etched on his lips.

“I think after all that laughter you’ve probably given your belly enough of a work out to need feeding.” He said shaking his head at me.

“Shall we get lunch?” He asked.

“Actually I didn’t bring any money. But if you’re hungry we can go get you food anyway.” I told him, straightening myself up, and fixing my shirt that had ridden up a little.

“I don’t mind paying for you too.” He offered nonchalantly.

I blinked up at him, my laughter forgotten. My response was stuck in my throat as I stared up at him. Was he being serious? I cleared my throat trying to dislodge the lump that was growing in it.

“You don’t have to do that.” I told him shaking my head.

“I know. I’m offering anyway.” He said rolling his eyes at me.

I just shook my head again. I still wasn’t used to it. I wasn’t used to being treated like this at all.

I still couldn’t quite understand how Jonghyun could physically have all that amiability crammed inside of him. It was almost concerning. Because being that nice had its consequences.

My heart clenched at the idea of someone trying to take advantage of Jonghyun’s kindness, but isn’t that what I do? I never gave anything back, but I kept taking, and accepting things from him. I greedily clung on to any ounce of kindness he showed me, and I didn’t ever give any in return.

“Oh! I know just the place we should go!” Jonghyun interrupted enthusiastically, before I could argue anymore, and I knew that was exactly what he was aiming to do.

I narrowed my eyes. But he was already hurrying me along.

“Come on, or the queues will be crazy by the time we get there.” He insisted.

“Jonghyun!” I complained, not fooled and unsure where he was leading me.

He just grinned and motioned for me to follow, which I did begrudgingly, unwilling to be left alone in the middle of town in the insanely large crowd. I realised before we reached our destination where we were going.

Halmoni’s Tteokbukki.

Home of the neighbourhood’s most famous spicy rice cake and sausages. Allegedly. I’d never set foot in there for myself, so I couldn’t exactly give my opinion on the matter. It was where most the people from our school hung out.

I’d hear people planning to meet up there all the time in school. Apparently it was ‘the place to be’. Though I’d never held any desire to go. That’s a lie. I had wanted to once, a long time ago, when a girl invited everyone in the class to go to her birthday party being held there. All except me.

No one wanted the school at their birthday.

I’d gotten over it quickly though. I hadn’t let it bother me for long. I’d never been a popular person. And yet here I was. With Kim Jonghyun out of all people, probably the most popular guy at our entire school.

I stiffened because through the large windows that made up the majority of the shop entrance it was easy to see that it was packed full with other people our age. My stomach turned, warning me to turn back, that this was my holiday and I wasn’t forced to be around these people, but Jonghyun was already continuing on through the entrance, looking like Christmas had come early, as the warm air hit him walking in.

I followed him inside, at a far less eager pace, my eyes darting around us to try and see if there were any people looking. I felt somewhat self-conscious walking inside.

There were a few people I recognised from school, but they hadn’t noticed us entering, too enwrapped in their own conversations. But there was one group of giggling girls that had definitely had their attention caught at our entrance, or more accurately Jonghyun’s entrance.

Their eyes were locked, hungrily on his back as he joined the queue. He was oblivious to them, and I was grateful that their attention wasn’t directed even slightly at me. Or at least it wasn’t until Jonghyun turned around, calling my name and ushering me closer to his side.

I winced as I saw their heads snap in my direction simultaneously, to see who he was talking to. Clear disappointment and judgement was settled in their eyes, and I looked away straightening my posture as I moved towards Jonghyun.

I walked as confidently as I could towards Jonghyun, not batting so much as an eyelash at their stares that hadn’t left me. I had a blank look on my face to appear completely unbothered by their unwanted attention.

“Tteokbukki? Seriously?” I asked him, my voice coming out stiff in my attempts to keep it normal.

He nodded his head, his eyes lighting up.

“Nothing beats spicy rice cakes in this cold weather.” He announced proudly.

I gave him a flat look, not believing that any tteokbukki could be good enough that coming here would be worth the near-as-damn-it suffocating crowds. Reading this on my expression his happy smile died.

“Don’t tell me you don’t like rice cake here.” He said, looking personally offended at the mere thought.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been.” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders.

If I had thought he had looked ridiculously offended before it was nothing compared to now.

“Are you serious?” He asked in utter disbelief.

I winced at the half shout his question had come out in. My eyes darted around us again, relieved to see we hadn’t attracted any additional attention. Not one person was looking in our direction.

“Have you ever seen me here before?” I asked him, tiling my head expectantly.

“Well no.” He responded slowly, trailing off as he thought about it.

“But are you honestly trying to tell me that you’ve never been? Not even once?” He asked.

“That’s what ‘never’ means.” I answered with an eye roll.

“But everyone’s been here at least once!” He exclaimed, still looking uncertain.

I sighed. I guess this was my ‘once’.

“Jonghyun, people come here with friends.” I told him motioning around us, to prove my point.

Every table had at least two people on talking fervently to one another. Not one person was sat alone.

“And I don’t exactly have an abundance of those.” I finished.

Jonghyun’s face dampened at my words, his early happiness gone.

“Oh.” He said, with guilt playing with his features, and I knew that he was upset at the fact that he had kept pushing the subject.

“Jonghyun, stop looking like that.” I ordered him point-blankly; I didn’t like knowing I had anything to do with that expression being on his face.

“I’m not bothered by the fact I’m friendless.” I assured him.

“You’re not friendless.” Jonghyun argued, trying to protect me from the harshness of my own words.

“You have me, and Min Kyung keeps going on about how you two are going to be best friends.”

“Ming Kyung and I aren’t friends.” I said, without a moment pause for hesitation.

“But we are.” Jonghyun continued to push the point.

I sighed with aggravation.

“Whoop. One friend. I guess this is what popularity feels like.” I said, and I could see Jonghyun’s lips twitching up involuntarily at my sarcasm, but it changed rather suddenly back to sullenness.

“Did you get lonely?” He asked me curiously.

“When?” I asked warily, resisting the urge to rub my temples to try and prevent the upcoming headache headed my way.

“Before we were friends.” He answered.

“Oh.” I answered dumbly, feeling stupid for having had to ask.

I shrugged my shoulders, not meeting his eyes as they burned into the side of my face.

“Not really.” I lied.

“I never like people being close to me, physically or mentally, so I’d never really made any efforts to make friends.” In fact I had done exactly the opposite.

Jonghyun didn’t look like he quite knew what to do with my answer. He was pulling a face as his mind mulled over my words, and there was a deep frown creasing his brow.

“Jonghyun.” I said distracting him successfully from him his thoughts for long enough to nod towards the line that had moving up in front of us, indicating that he should move forwards.

“He took a large step, and I followed suit with a smaller one, creating some more distance between us.

We spent the rest of our time in the queue in silence, both of us lost in deep thought. Me? I was trying to remember the last time I let myself feel lonely, because being friendless when you’re young it is lonely. Watching everyone make friends, gossiping, laughing, and playing together around you whilst you’re left alone is kind of like a kick in the gut when you’re a kid.

Even if you’re the one pushing them away.

Eventually I learnt to be able to ignore it, but I don’t think it left. Maybe that’s why I was so addicted to Jonghyun. He took away the uncomfortable itch of the underlying emotion I tried so hard to ignore, and will away.

When he was around I didn’t feel lonely.

But as I stared hard at the profile of his face, I couldn’t make myself believe that was the only reason I was addicted to Jonghyun. There was something else there; I just didn’t know what it was.

Jonghyun and I were called up to the front of the queue, but I didn’t look away from Jonghyun as he rattled off his excessively large order to the greasy haired teenager behind the counter.

But his words were going in one ear and out the other. I was completely lost to the world until I felt a hand fall onto my arm, making my heart shoot through my throat.

I jumped nimbly out of the way, watching as a small flash of hurt crossed Jonghyun’s eyes as quick as I whip whilst his hand fell to his side, and then it was gone.

The sting of guilt stayed with me though, because Jonghyun had looked hurt but not surprised. Ever since the night at the Sunshine Cafe I’d been dancing away from his every touch, and he’d noticed.

I guess it was kind of hard not to.

I felt another wave of shame as I watched him stuff his hand into his pocket, curled tightly into a fist, and I quickly averted my eyes again.

Half of me wanted to reach out to him and take his hand, like when he had held my hand when he had first walked me back to his house. But I pushed the urge back. That was the reason I couldn’t let him touch me in the first place.

It was bizarre and outlandish the things it did to my heart to have his skin touching mine. For once it wasn’t the fear that had my heartbeat speeding dangerously, I didn’t know what it was, but it couldn’t have been healthy.

I’d noticed it when I had gone to his house the day he had gotten ill. I’d noticed it when my body had squirmed with the urge to curl up closer to him when I’d watched the movie with him.

It was so strange. For anyone else it would have been far too close already, I shouldn’t have wanted to be closer. He was already ridiculously close. I should have been in the midst of a panic attack, not contemplating moving even closer.

“We should go find a table. They’ll bring us our food.” Jonghyun said with a smile on his face that didn’t fully meet his eyes.

Another wave of shame rolled over me, but I kept my face studiously blank as I nodded my head.

I shouldn’t want to be closer.

I repeated the words in my head.

I shouldn’t want to be closer.

I trailed Jonghyun as he expertly weaved his way through the crowds, leaving a gap behind him that I could follow. He took us to a table that was being vacated by a couple of teenage girls, talking about some band they both loved.

We took seats opposite from one another, and I felt myself relax a little, because a part of me was still tempted to reach out for him, but it had been dulled down significantly once a table had been put between us.

“So I have a question.” Jonghyun spoke up, cracking through the awkward silence that had settled over the both of us.

I eyed him cautiously wondering if this had more to do with friends and my serious lack of them. What came out was a much worse subject though.

“What’s your dad like?”

I blanched, moving back in my seat. Where had that come from?

“This morning, I could hear a lot of yelling through your door. Was that your dad?” He hedged, choosing his words carefully.

“Yeah.” I answered.

“He sounded mad. Was he upset that I dropped by like I did this morning?” I realised then that Jonghyun had been holding in these questions all day trying to work out exactly how to ask me.

“Something like that.” I said with a long sigh, before deciding to elaborate.

“He had a hangover, and didn’t exactly appreciate the loud hammering on the door.” I shrugged my shoulders, and I saw Jonghyun’s face morph into confusion.

“He had a hangover, and was yelling like that?” He asked.

I glanced up at him, and then down at the table uncomfortably, my jaw clenching involuntarily.

“I didn’t say he was smart.” I said answered plainly, tapping my finger gently on the underside edge of the table.

Was this conversation over yet? Would it be weird if I just told him to stop asking? Would he get suspicious?

Jonghyun did look like he was done, so I quickly flipped the topic around on him.

“What about your dad? I never met him.” I told him in truth.

At the sudden flip in conversation Jonghyun’s jaw tightened, and I immediately regretted bringing it up. It was glaringly obvious that he didn’t live with his dad, and that didn’t leave many ways for this conversation to end, and none of the ways for it to end were pretty.

“The bastard split after Jun Young was born.” Jonghyun said in a steely tone I hadn’t ever heard him use apart from when it came to the letters.

I felt my stomach sink at the mention of his father leaving. I knew what that was like.

“He was a gambling addict. He went off somewhere with a blond chick the last time I heard.” There was a bitterness in his voice that I didn’t like.

I didn’t want Jonghyun to know what that kind of hurt was.

I wanted him blissfully unaware of life’s cruelness, so he didn’t have to go through that kind of pain. People like Jonghyun didn’t deserve that. Not even a little.

It was unfair how life had done that to him. Completely unfair. If life were a person I would gladly punch them in the face on his behalf.

“Oh.” I said plainly, unsure of what to say.

But Jonghyun shrugged his shoulders. “I feel worse for Jun Young. He never had a father to look up to.”

I shook my head at him. Of course he was more upset for someone else than he was for him. That was so typically Jonghyun.

“I don’t. He’s got you, Jonghyun.” I pointed out, meeting his eyes directly.

Jonghyun’s anger drained from his face as it softened. He gave me a weak smile. That was the point at which his food arrived. The waiter lay down two plates on the table, followed by two drinks before leaving.

I smiled when Jonghyun let out an appreciative moan at the smell of it. But it settled into a frown when I realised he had ordered me food without my say so.

“Seriously?” I asked him, staring down at the two plate full of identical food.

Jonghyun’s eyes snapped open and he grinned widely at me, making my eyes narrow a little.

“You’ve never had before. I couldn’t let something so outrageous continue on for one more day.” He teased.

My lips twitched, but I didn’t put up a fight. I didn’t want to. Fighting Jonghyun seemed so pointless, because he always seemed to win. Plus the food smelt amazing.