Hello again, dear readers..
My birthday is on April but this year, 2016, is the first time I hate the early of April..
Call me childish or whatsoever but my heart still hurts and I can’t sleep well these days.. Don’t ask me why.. *shrugged
Amber was sang MC the Max – Heart, Please Stop when she was on audition.. The lyrics is so ing sad..
Just like my heart now, hurts.. Maybe you could try to listen of the song while read my story below..
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Amber POV

Every story has it end. Maybe this is also the end of my young love life.

It’s been 2 weeks since the day but my heart still hurt. I try to say I was okay but my heart always misses her. I try to smile to everyone I see, but I always end up crying at night.
As usual I'm awake and prepare myself to go practice with my members. Victoria unnie is coming today and she wants the members practice even when we have no show. I plan to bring my own car today, "Maybe I should fetch her," I said. I dial to Victoria unnie's number and she receives it immediately. "Ah Amber," she greet me. "Jie, you want me to pick you up?" "Sounds good, I'm too tired to drive anyway. Keke," she said.

I park my car at the parking lot. When we are gonna entering, "Unnie," it's her beautiful voice. "Ah Soojung-ah," Victoria unnie greet her back. "I miss you, unnie," she said while hugging our leader. I turn my head to her, about to greet too, but I feel I can't breathe when I saw he was behind her. "Jie, I will go upstairs, okay?" I said and walk away.

We practice for an hour or more, "We can take a break for half hour, okay?" Victoria unnie said. I see Krystal is walking toward me, "Unnie I'm going to the restroom," I said then walk away. I hear steps behind me, I hope it wasn't her. "Amber," damn, it's her. She grab my wrist and turn me, make me face her, "Why are you avoiding me?" she asks in annoyed tone. Sigh. "I'm not avoiding you. I need to pee, okay?" I said the turn to enter the restroom. "Amber, I know you so well. I know you upset on me, but why? Is it because of the dating?" she say in princess mode. "Krys, cut it out. I'm not upset about that (lie), okay. I.. I'm just so stressed these days," I said. "Amber," she try to say something but I run to the cubicle and lock it. "Amber! We need to talk," she said. I close my ear and scream on her, "Go away Krys!" I never be so harsh to her before. I hear a sob then I hear the door open and closed. I can't hold my tears anymore, I cry at the toilet. I hear the door open again, "Amber," it's Victoria unnie's voice. I unlock the door and run to hug her. I cry on her embrace. "Jie, my heart hurts," I said in Chinese. "Let's get home, okay. We have finished the practice," she said.

Victoria unnie insist to drive me home and she stay on my place, "Here, drink," she said while hand me a glass of water. I take the glass but I put it on my coffee table, "Amber, you have to be tough," she said. I feel calmer with Victoria unnie beside me. "How can I?" "You have to," she said. "Like your 'Borders' lyrics, 'Stand up straight, fight your way,' You made it yourself, right? To strengthen others. Now you need it to strengthen yourself too," she said while patting my back.

We're on a radio show this evening, I sit beside Luna. Krystal sit in my opposite and Victoria unnie beside her. "Hello everybody, guess who our guest for today?? It's f(x)," he informed. "1..2..3.. We are f(x). Hello," we all said in unison. I can see Krystal steal a glance at me but I ignore it. I can't face her but we need to be professional. The DJ ask some question to her and she make a funny anwer, everyone laugh. I also try to laugh but I know it sounds so fake. "Amber-ssi, someone ask about your audition in 2007. What song did you sang?" he asked. "Ah, I was sang MC the Max sunbaenim “Heart, Please Stop” and K.Will sunbaenim “Left Heart”," I replied. "Isn't it sad song? Do you mind to sing it again," he said. I glance at Victoria unnie and she nodded. "Okay. I'll try. It's been so long," I said then start to sing;

cham man-i sa-rang-haet-da-neun mar-i [The word 'I loved you a lot']
nae ga-seum kkeut-e geol-lyeo-seo [are caught on my heart]
sum-eul swi-myeon han-sum-i doe-go [Whenever I breathe, it turns into a sigh]
nun-eul gam-eu-myeon nun-mur-i dwae [If I close my eyes, they become teary]

meo-ri-ga nae ga-seum-eul hon-nae-go [My mind gets mad at my heart]
ba-ppeu-ge na-reul bo-chae-do [I try to keep myself busy]
tteo-nan ne-ga sar-a-nal ttae-ma-da [Whenever you come back alive again in my mind]
deol-keok da-si geob-i-na [I become afraid]
ha-ru-ga him-deur-eo-jyeo [and my day becomes harder]

#
ga-seum-a nun-mur-a han-sum-a sa-rang-a [My heart, my tears, my sigh, my love]
wae it-ji mot-ha-ni [why can't you forget?]
tteol-chyeo-beo-ri-go swi-ji mot-ha-ni [Why can't you let go and just rest?]
je-bal nae-ge mar-hae-jwo [Please tell me...]

geo-jit-mar-i-ra-do jom hae-jwo [Tell me something even though it may be a lie]
dor-a-on-da-go [That you are on the way]
na-e-ge dor-a-o-go it-da-go [coming back to me]


deo man-i an-a-jwo-ya haet-neun-de [I should have held you in my arms more]
deo ye-ppeo-hae-ya haet-neun-de [I should have cared for you more]
mot-nan ne-ga saeng-gak-nal ttae-ma-da [Whenever I think of you]
si-rin nun-mur-i heul-leo [cold tears roll down]
meom-chul-su-ga eob-jan-a [I can't stop them]

##
ga-seum-a nun-mur-a han-sum-a sa-rang-a [My heart, my tears, my sigh, my love]
wae it-ji mot-ha-ni [why can't you forget?]
tteol-chyeo-beo-ri-go swi-ji mot-ha-ni [Why can't you let go and just rest?]
je-bal nae-ge mar-hae-jwo [Please tell me...]
geo-jit-mar-i-ra-do jom hae-jwo [Tell me something even though it may be a lie]
dor-a-on-da-go [That you are on the way]
na-e-ge dor-a-o-go it-da-go [coming back to me]

jo-geum-ssik mu-dyeo-ji-myeo [As it is slowly being buried]
mo-du-ga geu-reo-deut sal-get-jyo [everyone would live as normal]
seul-peo-seo juk-ji-neun an-get-jyo [and not die from sadness]

geu i-reum geu eol-gul geu us-eum geu jeon-bu-reul [That name, that face, that laugh, everything]
eo-tteo-ge it-get-ni [how am I supposed to forget?]
su-man-eun neo-reul an-go sa-neun-de [I'm living with so many memories of you]

geu-reo-ge na gyeon-dil-kke [This is how I will survive]
geu-reo-ge mid-go sar-a-bol-kke [This is what I will believe and live]
o-neul ha-ru-man beo-ti-myeon [If I can just withstand this day]
ne-ga dor-a-on-da-go [you will come back]
ga-seum-a da-si dor-a-ol-geo-ya [My heart, she will come back]

Yes Krys, this song is what my heart say to you, my mind said.
"Whoa, such a beautiful song. Your voice also beautiful, Amber-ssi," he said. "Yeah, my voice is husky and y, so it fit," I said try to make a joke, to hold my tears.
"Hey, why don't we go to eat patbingsu?" Luna suggests. "I can't. Henry asked me out before," I said. Luna and Victoria unnie nodded. "Amber we need to talk," Krystal approach and grab my hand. "What to talked Krys? You can talk about it here, now," "No, just the two of us," she said and try pull me. "No. You wanna talk. Let's talk now, here or not at all," I said then yank my hand off her. Luna is gonna approach us but Victoria unnie hold her, "They need to solve on their own," she said wisely. "Amber, please," "Stop it Soojung," Henry come approach me. "Oppa, I really need to talk to Amber," she said. "That's enough Soojung. You're dating him. You choose him over her. Can't you see she's broken? Why can't you leave her alone to heal her broken heart? She's been in love with you for years. I thought you love her too. The way you look at her, the way you treat her.." "It's enough, Henry. Let's go," I cut his words. I turn and walk toward his car. "Amber I give time to cry out loud before we arrived. Go ahead," he said while driving. I look at the window and do what he say because I can't hold back my tears.

Whenever I breathe, it turns into a sigh
If I close my eyes, they become teary
Whenever I think of you, cold tears roll down
I can't stop them
That name, that face, that laugh, everything, how am I supposed to forget?
I'm living with so many memories of you
If I can just withstand this day, you will come back
My heart, she will come back

Krystal POV
Amber has walking away from me, from my life. I kneel and cry my heart loud. I feel hand on my arm pulling me up. "Let's go home," Victoria unnie said. I cry all the way back.
Victoria unnie put me to the dorm's couch, Luna unnie give a glass of water. I sip it little then put it on the table. I put my face on my palm, cry again. I feel my heart break apart. Why does it feel so hurt. Does Amber feel like this too?
"Soojung, you need to get a rest. Why don't you stay over. I'll take you home tomorrow morning," Victoria unnie said. I nodded, "Can I sleep with both of you, unnies?" I asked. They look at each other and then nodded.  
I was sleep in the middle with Victoria unnie on my right and Luna unnie on my left. "I'm afraid, unnie," I said. Victoria unnie caresses my hair, "Of what?" "Amber. I'm afraid that she choose to walk away from me," I said while sob. "Soojung-ah, no offend but I think you're the one who walking away from her," Luna unnie said and hug my waist. I can't say anything besides sobbing. "I know I'm selfish but I really don't want her to avoid me, I don't want her to walk away from my life. How can I make it up to her unnie?" I said. "Soojung-ah, she need time to heal her heart. Just give her some time," Victoria unnie said. "You also need some time to think. I used to think that you has some feel toward her, but.. I don't know," she added.

Victoria POV
What should I do? I caress her hair till she asleep, but I can't sleep. Maybe I should call Amber. I slip out of the blanket and grab my phone. I closed the bedroom door and dialed Amber's number, "The number you dialed.." the voice said. "Why now? Tsk," I grunted. My phone rang all of sudden, make me jolted. Henry's number, "Hello," "Jie, it's me," it's Amber. Sigh. I feel relief. "Where are you?" I asked. "Home. But I need to tell you that.. I'm going back to US at dawn. Please don't tell her," she said. "What?" "Jie, we don't have any event or comeback. Only solo activities, right? So I will take a leave and go home for a while," she said. What is she thinking of? Sigh. "Send my regards to Luna," she said.

I open my eyes and turn to my right, Soojung wasn't here while Luna still sleep soundly. Where is she? I'm out of the bedroom and find Soojung sitting on the couch with her head on her knee. I tapped her shoulder and she glance up, her eyes are red and puffy. Oh dear. "Why are you wake up so early. It's not Jung Soojung I know" I try to sound okay. She gives me a small smile, "I was try to call Amber, but her phone was out of reach," she said. Should I tell her? But Amber not allows me to. "Amber.. She called me last night. And.. She said, she's going abroad," I said. Amber, I'm sorry.

Krystal POV
I widen my eyes in surprised. "Where is she going?" I asked. "Sorry but I don't know. She doesn't say where she is going," Victoria unnie said. I hung my head and start to sob, "This is what I'm afraid of, unnie. She's gone, she must hates me now," I put my face to my palm and cry hard. "Maybe I should ask Henry. Maybe he knows where she is going to," I said then start to dial Henry number. "Hello," I heard Henry voice, still sleep I guess. Sorry. "Oppa, where is Amber going to go?" I asked. "Soojung, I've told you to stay away from her. Give her some time. She needs to heal her heart. Why don't you get it?" he sounds a bit angry. "Oppa please, I don't want her away from me," I said. "It's too late Soojung. You're the one who choose to leave her. You have chosen him, remember?" he said then hangs up the phone. Stupid. Stupid Amber. No you're the stupid one, Soojung, I cry hard again in Victoria unnie's embrace.

Amber POV
I lean to the window and watch the dark sky, the dark cloud. Maybe this is the time, time to let her go. "I'm sorry," I feel my tears flow on my cheek. "Goodbye, princess. I promise I'll be back when my heart has healed and we can find our own happiness,"

I'm living with so many memories of you
If I can just withstand this day, you will come back
My heart, she will come back

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Sh*t.. I have no word to say.. I cry a lot to this song.. Stupid stupid shion..