The tears should have run out by now, yet again I am amazed at how much more my body is willing to shed. It’s not tears of sadness. It is tears of disappointment, of heartbreak, of suffering. But maybe it is sadness too. I am not too sure. It is just one more thing I have no control over.

I don’t have many memories of us. My mind was far too young to retain such moments and keep them in the books of my soul. But I remember the feeling. I remember warmth and comfort and love.

Then it is black.

The next thing I know, I am being pulled in two different directions, destined to be aimless. By then, I recognise your back and your shadow more than I do your face. The hands on the clock move faster than I could realise I was slowly losing the feeling— the feeling of familiarity.

It is a cycle. I can no longer remember my purpose. Turns out I had been thrown away, tossed aside for someone new. I am no longer your world, and the feeling is mutual.

The years go by and there are no longer feelings. I have turned cold. Funny when that was how Fate chose for me to resemble you. I see you, but I do not know you. Not anymore. I do not recognise the man standing before me. I see a stranger. But I guess that’s what you’ve turned me into as well.

I watch you, but with eyes that are too tired they might as well have been dead. I watch you destroy yourself, but I am tired. I am too tired to stop you because you’ve destroyed me as well. And if that makes me bitter, than so be it.

I don’t long for it. Even when I’m staring out through the glass and see love and familiarity, I do not long for it. I’ve done without it for so long I tell myself that I don’t need it.

You’re destroying yourself again. It’s a new someone. And I shut my eyes, waiting for the impact as you throw me away once again.

You’re destroying yourself, and you’re destroying me again. But this time I am numb, and nothing will hurt me anymore. 

— n. u.