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I cried a lot because of you

It was heavily raining that day when Hanbin looked at you with that forced smile. His eyes were shaking but he held your gaze to cover the pain that was about to come for a few more seconds. You still don’t know why he did that. It wasn’t like it hurt him… right? The sky was so dark, just like the circles underneath his eyes. Why did he look so sad when he was about to crush down your world and not his?

“Let’s break up”, the words finally left his mouth. He was smiling, as if that would make anything better. You finally felt the cold raindrops connecting with your skin but compared to his words they seemed comforting. They mixed with the tears that didn’t seem to stop coming out of your eyes. “Okay”, you smiled back. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful even now. You couldn’t scream, couldn’t stop him, couldn’t object to the words that just hit you like a sharp knife to destroy you from inside, causing your whole body to shake. Your heart felt numb.

Only the view in front of it could wake it up a little. His dark brown messy hair that was all over his head, hanging down, water dripping from the tips. His brown eyes, those eyes that had whispered to you the quite i love yous that he couldn’t say out loud. How come they were screaming it still, were you imagining it? It was only for a few more seconds, even though it felt like a long painful period of time when he stood in front of you, watching you break down from inside but not doing anything, before Hanbin turned around and ran away.

“Let’s break up” yeah, Hanbin, let’s break up. You cried along with the sky, you didn’t know if it was because of you or just coincidence that the clouds seemed to darken, the wind shaking the world awake and the rain getting heavier with each moment. You felt cold. But it was a relief. Because it was the only sign of you being still alive despite the pain that was going through each part of your body.

I laughed a lot because of you

Every time you woke up, you met the pair of eyes that were looking at you so lovingly, making you want to turn around and hide under your blanket because it was making your heart jump in response. “Are you so in love with me?”, you’d always ask him, “Yeah”, he had always answered to put a perfectly shaped smile on your lips.

On days where you didn’t have the time to make food simply because of work, you looked into your bag just because, to meet the little lunchbox with a note. I know you have a lot to do but don’t forget to eat!^^, it said with his messy handwriting. You opened it to meet the crooked kimbap rolls that were about to fall apart. Yeah, he surely wasn’t the best cook, but it was enough to make you smile. They tasted.. special. Just like he would always do them and that was how you loved them the most.

When he was working and didn’t come home for days, he didn’t make it feel like he had completely forgotten about you. Whenever you entered the apartment you saw a whole lot of post-it notes all over the place, you knew he was busy and couldn’t make it. Yet, you didn’t mind. His notes were enough to make it feel like he was there.Don’t forget to drink the milk, it’ll help you grow!! or I’m thinking of you right now, you should do too while taking a rest on our couch or you better not slip in the shower again while i am not there, okay? >.<. You didn’t know which of them were you favorites. Maybe all of them. But it didn’t matter, what mattered was the happiness that placed itself in the pit of your stomach.

The absolute most enjoyable time though, was when you sat on the cliff, the waves hitting the rocks from time to time, the whales singing from the distance and the damp, salty air that wrapped around you two. All you did was talk. Talk and laugh. Whether it was serious or sad, you two always ended up laughing about the most stupid things. Just because… just because you were so happy about being together.

I believed in the love because of you

You never thought that you’d experience this kind of love. A kind of love that made you believe you could fly and do everything in this world. A kind of love that grew each day, higher and higher, to bloom like a beautiful flower. You thought all of this only existed in the most cliche books or movies.

But Kim Hanbin made you believe, believe that love existed.

I’ve lost everything because of you

In the end, all of this, all of the happy memories you had shared and promises you had made, every moment of laughter and faith in love, vanished. Just like that, from one moment to another, it was all gone. 

He was gone. 

He took everything, your happiness, your smile, even your love, he took it all and threw it away. Kim Hanbin took it all and left you empty handed.

“Let’s break up”, 3 words that had left his mouth easier than his secret confessions.

“Yeah, let’s break up”, you answer after all this time, before moving a step forward to meet nothing but air. You’re falling down, and it feels so good. You can’t fly, you realize, even if you love, you can’t. You can only fall and if there is no one to catch you then you already lost.