“.. And what do you think sets you apart as a leader?” Boom asked me.

 

I rolled my eyes internally, knowing I had several prepared answers to this frequently asked question. I acted like I was thinking hard about it before I chose one.

 

“Well, there's very little I'm afraid of.” I said, nodding. “So I can handle a stressful situation easily.”

 

“Taeyeon is good at remaining calm.” Tiffany interrupted.

 

I glanced sideways at her. She smiled.

 

“She's very meticulous, so if there's an important decision that has to be made she takes a lot of time to think it through and comes to the most sensible outcome.”

 

Tiffany smiled at me again when she was finished explaining and I was sure I was the only one in the booth who could recognize the love emanating from her eyes.

 

“Taeyeon-unnie is very sensible.” Seohyun echoed.

 

“So, you two trust her judgment?” Boom asked.

 

“I'd follow Taeyeon to the end of the world.” Tiffany said.

 

I could see Seohyun nodding in agreement beside her.

 

…

 

The very last thing I felt right now, was sensible... but I didn't care

 

These were likely my last moments I would ever spend on a stage and I found myself too afraid to even look at the crowd. It was profound, considering I'd never felt fear of this magnitude on stage before, rather; this was a completely different type of fear altogether. It was fear mixed with exhilaration and panic and an unyielding urge to take Tiffany away from all of this and protect her.

 

I kept up a steady stream of cursing myself for doing this. Sensible Taeyeon was screaming in my head, telling me how it was bad enough that there was pictures of this all over the internet right now. How now there was going to be videos and live fan commentary on YouTube. It was going to shake South Korea off of its axis... this was going to truly devastate people. As a friend and a lover... a fiance, I should have taken more care to protect Tiffany's privacy instead of dragging her into this. This act of defiance could very well put her in danger. I felt so irresponsible but I didn't see a way I could have just gone quietly... it went against my nature...

 

Stubborn...

 

Tiffany squeezed my elbow, broke the kiss, and pulled me into a tight hug in one swift movement.

 

“Ah... daebak.” I could barely hear her mutter over the crowd.

 

I was relieved to notice that my face was obscured by her head for the majority of the crowd. The first reaction I saw from the fans was an awed expression and a few in the pit who were filming us dutifully.

 

I backed out of Tiffany's arms humbly and stood to face my judgment. I became aware how incredibly loud it was. The reaction of the crowd didn't make sense to me. Surely, by now, I should have been pelted by glow sticks. I had to remind myself that it was a foreign crowd...

 

Had I tried this little stunt in Korea, the show probably would have been stopped. I could have been arrested for indecency and inciting a riot...

 

But these fans looked merely... curious. Shocked, yes, but not appalled, though a few I saw holding blue glow sticks look skeptical, perhaps thinking this was all an act.

 

I turned around and looked back up at the big screen which was still focused on Tiffany's face. She was still smiling radiantly and I wondered what was really going through her head. How could she still look so strong?

 

My eyes fell to my colleagues who were all grouped underneath the screen together finishing the song and wearing much soberer faces...

 

Whether they knew about Tiffany and I or not, they knew what I had just done had been a severe infraction against my contract, because they'd all signed the same one.

 

Of the girls, I could only see Jessica who was covering with her hand, her eyes wide.

 

“Let's go.” I muttered.

 

“Tae... we need to take our final bow.” Tiffany said, pulling me back.

 

I held onto Tiffany's hand tightly and brought the microphone to my mouth.

 

“Thank you.” I said softly to the fans in broken English. “It... was great.”

 

The crowd somehow got even louder. I looked sideways at Tiffany who smirked at me before signaling me to bow with her.

 

My last bow as a performer...

 

This was when things really started sinking in for me, the injustice of the whole situation, even more so for Tiffany than for myself... Knowing that behind her nervous smile that there was a broken heart killed me. It hurt even worse knowing it was my fault. That had it not been for me that she might have spent the rest of her life doing what she loves...

 

I couldn’t keep the anger off of my face when we stood upright again and quickly spun around to walk backstage. Most of the other SM performers were making their way off of the stage now so I hurried to just put an end to all of this, to put this life behind me.

 

My eyes were unfocused on the ground as Tiffany guided me throughout the halls backstage. It was unusually quiet, and even with my eyes trained on the ground I could see the feet of the people that were lined up along the walls as if they were just there to watch us walk past, like I was about to be executed.

 

I adamantly stared at my feet.

 

Tiffany pushed the door open to our dressing room and only then did I lift my head. My heart dropped when I saw the lethargic expressions on the other girls' faces...

 

Sooyoung was just staring at me from the corner of the room. Seohyun had wide eyes and Hyoyeon was rubbing her back comfortingly. None of the girls had bothered started getting dressed yet, they all seemed like they had the very life out of them. I barely took notice that Jessica wasn't in here when I noticed Sunny stomping towards me.

 

“You stupid idiot, Kim Taeyeon!” She yelled, pointing her finger at me, eyes blazing.

 

Hell hath no fury as Soonkyu scorned...

 

Tiffany tried to stand in front of me defensively, but I edged her out of the way. She didn't need to be taking responsibility for my actions.

 

“Why would you do that, huh?” She asked, nostrils flaring. “You didn't even warn us!”

 

“If I would have said anything, you guys wouldn't have been able to perform.” I said.

 

“To hell with performing, don't you think we at least deserve to know?” She said. “You guys just decided to ditch us tonight, huh? Just thought it'd be a good time to move on with your lives?”

 

“It wasn't our fault.” Tiffany said.

 

“No it was. I can explain it.” I interrupted her.

 

Sunny crossed her arms.

 

I sighed.

 

“We got caught.” I muttered. Sunny's entire face changed. She blinked rapidly.

 

“It was all over the internet and we were told tonight would be our last night..” I trailed off when Sunny's face showed comprehension.

 

“... They really fired you?” Sooyoung asked, her face losing its color.

 

I nodded.

 

The entire room was so silent... The contrast between how loud it was out at the concert was stellar. My ears were ringing so loud...

 

I glanced at Tiffany and just found her staring into my face. I couldn't read any particular emotion from her, she was just standing so close to me, watching my every move as if she was waiting for me to crack. Ironic, when I wanted to protect her she was entirely too busy protecting me to need protection, but couldn't she see that I didn't need it? I was much too ramped up on adrenaline to feel the true magnitude of all of this right now.

 

The door opened and closed and I turned to see Jessica's eyes on me.

 

“Well, I think everyone knows now.” She said softly. “They were pretty upset with you so I thought it would help if I explained it...”

 

I narrowed my eyes. Upset with me? With me? They didn't even know the half of it. I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I'd like to see what they would have done in my position.

 

“It was brave.” Tiffany said.

 

I shook my head automatically and locked eyes with Sunny again. Her condition was deteriorating rapidly... The realization that tonight could be the end of all of our dreams was evident on her face... I gripped her arms pulled her closer, putting my arms around her neck.

 

“What- Why aren't you all dressed yet? We need to go, the plane leaves in two hours.” Yongjun said after barreling through the door.

 

He didn't even look at me.

 

“Plane?” Sunny asked. “I thought we were dri-”

 

“We're not participating in the Google concert.” He said flatly. “We need to be in Korea.”

 

“Well, where am I supposed to go?” Jessica asked. “I'm going home for vacation but I wasn't supposed to fly until tomorrow.”

 

Yongjun sighed...

 

“You need to come back to Korea.” He said.

 

“But why?” Jessica's voice raised. “I've got no schedule.”

 

He put a hand on her shoulder and then spoke in a voice that he must have thought was low enough to escape my hearing but I heard every word.

 

“Jessica, you're the oldest now. Preparations must be made if we want to survive. Now, you're the leader and the President wishes to speak with you and the others...”

 

My body went rigid. It was as if someone just flipped a switch on to bring home how real this situation was.

 

Jessica turned around to look at me with her huge eyes. She looked like she might cry and instead of reacting properly I just stood there. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

 

Tiffany clenched my hand tighter, making me think she must have heard him as well. I looked sideways at her but she was still wearing a calm face.

 

“And what are you two doing?” He turned and asked us.

 

I blinked, wondering if I wasn't even permitted to be backstage any longer.

 

“...What?” I asked.

 

“Are you going back to Korea? You mentioned something about staying...”

 

“Oh. Yeah.” I looked at Tiffany. “I don't want to go back yet.” I told her.

 

She nodded.

 

“We're going to my Dad's.” She said.

 

“Okay, well as a gesture of good faith we have a car to take you there.” He said like he was reading it off of a script. He rolled his eyes as he did so. He knew like I knew that this was probably the President's way of reminding me of my contract and holding me to its terms and conditions.

 

I nodded.

 

“Okay.. well... whenever you guys are ready it's in the back waiting for you.” He said. He hovered awkwardly for a moment before giving me a tight smile. I could see through his hard exterior... this was hard for him. Perhaps just as hard as it was for the rest of us. He never wanted to see this happen, despite our rocky past.

 

He patted Tiffany on the shoulder and walked away hastily.

 

I definitely expected more pyrotechnics.

 

We all changed quickly in silence. I could hear somebody in the room breathing especially difficultly, but I didn't stop to see. What comfort could I give them? From this position I couldn't do anything for anyone anymore. My hands were tied, my heart was broken and Yongjun had brought it to my attention the best; it wasn't my responsibility to take care of these kids anymore...

 

Involuntarily, I glanced over my shoulder in Jessica's direction and came to realize that it was her who was crying the loudest. I sighed, finishing quickly and crossed the room to her.

 

“Come.” I said, pulling her out into the hall by her elbow.

 

“Wait.” She whimpered, pulling her shirt over her head before following me out of the door. I could see the others staring at us over her shoulder before the door shut.

 

“Listen, you need to pull yourself together.” I side, wiping her face.

 

“I didn't want this.” She sputtered. “I don't want to be leader. Leader of what? Why aren't we just disbanding?”

 

“I don't know. When I spoke to the President he made it pretty clear that if Tiffany and I ever left it would be the end but if they're going to try and keep the band together you need to be strong for them.” I said. ”I didn't want to be leader either but when In Jung left, I didn't have a choice, did I?”

 

She nodded and tried taking a big breath but it got stuck in the back of her constricted throat. She coughed hard.

 

“Come on.” I said, softly, rubbing her back when she doubled over.

 

She used her hands on my shoulders to pull herself upright again and flung her arms around my neck.

 

I hugged her back tightly, fighting against my aching throat that was threatening to close off completely.

 

I didn't care how bad things were, I refused to walk out of this building in tears. I swallowed hard and narrowed my eyes in concentration, forcing the urge to cry out of my range of abilities.

 

I wouldn't go down like a weakling and I wouldn't let Jessica give up either.

 

“Until the very last girl doesn't want to do this anymore, you must remain strong for them, as a leader.” I said.

 

She held me tighter and I opened my eyes when the door opened again. Tiffany, now fully dressed, came up behind Jessica and hugged both of us tightly.

 

Hearing the voices of others, I became aware that this hallway was much too public to be having such an emotional display and pulled away.

 

“Inside.” I muttered, reaching around them for the doorknob.

 

It wasn't the best idea though, cause when the others had seen Tiffany and Jessica, it became a giant group huddle. It was much too emotional feeling all those arms clutching me, clutching each other, grasping to hold onto this moment.

 

Fighting against fate.

 

“Yah.” I muttered, my face forced tightly against Seohyun's shoulder. I needed this situation to be lighter if I wanted to leave with a dry face. “Stop acting like this is the end. I'm suffocating.”

 

I was immediately shoved from behind. I turned around to see Sunny staring me as if I was out of line.

 

“I expect to hear from you a lot. I want you guys to take care of the Sones, okay?”

 

Sooyoung edged through the others to hug me. Surprisingly, out of everyone, she didn't appear to be teary eyed

 

“Are you alright?” I asked her.

 

“Yeah.” She said, shrugging. “It's weird, it doesn't feel real, does it?”

 

“...Not yet.” I agreed. “You'll all be at my wedding?” I asked. Tiffany beamed.

 

“Of course.” Sunny said first.

 

“Yeah.” Hyoyeon said.

 

I took a step back and looked into each of their faces. I locked eyes with everyone except for Jessica, who was still such a mess she couldn't look at me.

 

It was a weird moment, not wanting to say goodbye. Hovering on speech, yet without words being able to communicate with the others through eye contact. It was just silent mutual understanding, almost like a pact.

 

This was not the end.

 

Yongjun came back in to get them and he could probably feel how tense the atmosphere was because he didn't say anything. He fidgeted a little, probably because I knew he was on a tight schedule, but he didn't know how to rush our goodbye. But it wasn't goodbye at all, and it felt silly to be getting so emotional about this.

 

After everything we'd gone through together I was certain I'd see them all again... They would always be a part of my life. It was stupid to think otherwise.

 

We were family and I felt stronger just from remembering that.

 

“Go on... Don't be late.” I said, standing up straight and taking a big breath. I smiled tightly at them. “Yah, don't act stupid. Do me proud.”

 

They looked at one another before moving. Sunny moved to hug me.

 

“I'll keep you up to date with everything that's happening when I find out...” She said.

 

“Yep.” I said to her. “Heads high.” I said to everyone else.

 

I felt uneasy watching them leave one by one without me but I stayed rooted to the spot. Hyoyeon was the last to go, turning around and waving feebly, stronger than the rest of them. Yongjun followed after them and the door shut...

 

I stood there looking pretty stupid for a few moments, not knowing what to do with this new found silence... this new found freedom.

 

Tiffany was putting her tour T-shirt back onto a hanger and hanging it beside the rest of the girls shirts. I watched how meticulously she was setting them back. I didn't see a point... It wasn't like we'd ever be wearing them again.

 

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Tiffany asked.

 

“Hm?”

 

“We should steal the shirts.” She smirked.

 

I grinned.

 

“Really? After all of this you're thinking about petty theft?” I asked.

 

She only giggled, but I expected an answer...

 

“How is it you're like this?” I asked, exasperated. “How come you're not upset right now? I expected you to be in tears after the concert...”

 

She smiled brighter.

 

“I don't know.” She said. “I guess I chose you over the career a long time ago...”

 

She took my face in her hands and fixed her thumbs into the corner of my mouth, forcing me to smile.

 

“We can do anything we want now.” She mused. “We can buy an apartment and go on dates and we won't have a curfew or a schedule to get in the way. We don't really lose anything, do we? We have enough money to live for a long time... and the girls will always be in contact with us, we just won't get to see them every day.”

 

I blinked at her and it was evident that her smile was genuine.

 

How incredibly positive of her. I could think of a hundred different things we could worry about right now, about the money eventually running out, about our safety when we return to Korea and the amount of hate we're bound to receive, but with the way Tiffany was smiling, I couldn't bring the words to my lips.

 

Tiffany's smile rendered the problems null, for now.

 

“It's not the end of anything Tae, it's the start of a whole new life. I'm excited.” She said.

 

“Do you want to wear these out?” She asked, pulling an extra pair of sunglasses out as if she'd read my mind and known I didn't want to even make eye contact with anyone while we were leaving.

 

I grinned and slid them over my eyes as there was a knock at the door again.

 

We froze in place and looked at one another before Tiffany answered, “Come in.”

 

To my absolute horror, Boa squeezed into the door and closed it behind her, biting her lip.

 

As if choreographed, Tiffany and I both bowed in unison out of habit and shock at her appearance. Boa returned our bow.

 

“... I don't really know how to ask this so I'm just going to be blunt. I heard some things and I want to know what's true... you don't have to answer.” She said, quickly.

 

I found my eyes on the floor. I couldn't believe I was about to explain this situation to my idol. Were we about to get reprimanded? Aigoo...

 

“Uh... You two have been dating and then the press found out about it so this was going to be your last show and that's why you kissed...?”

 

I nodded and heard Tiffany's response. Her voice shook.

 

“Yes, unnie. We were fired before the show.” Tiffany said.

 

A moments' silence, then I heard clapping coupled with laughter. Boa had her hands covering her face as she doubled over.

 

I was speechless.

 

“...Is that funny, unnie?” Tiffany asked, looking dumbstruck.

 

“That's... that's great!” Boa said.

 

“... You're not mad at us?” I asked.

 

“No. I've just never seen anyone fight back like this before.” She said. “You girls are going to be heroes.”

 

I gaped at her and she appraised me slowly, squinting while she as she pulled out a chair from in front of the vanity mirror to sit down.

 

“You... you don't even get it, do you?” She asked, awestruck.

 

I shook my head.

 

She laughed again. “I don't even know how to explain it to you...”

 

Boa got to her feet and walked to me, stopping directly in front of me and pulling the sunglasses off of my face.

 

“Hm...” She hummed after making eye contact with me. “Okay, let me ask you this: Do you think your career has left a lasting impression on Korean culture?”

 

I blinked at her. How could somebody answer a question like this about themselves without looking arrogant. I stuck the tongue in the corner of my mouth in thought.

 

“I think in the time we were active we made an impact.” Tiffany answered.

 

“Ah, but you don't think you'll be remembered?” Boa asked.

 

Tiffany shook her head, a slight pout on her lips.

 

Boa nodded. “If you both had just gone quietly I would agree with you. People call SNSD Korea's national treasure. You were so widely known and liked... you were huge.”

 

I wasn't sure what this point had to do with our current situation and why she'd brought this up. I couldn't even tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

 

“But... do you know what I think?” She continued, turning around and staring at me in the mirror after giving herself a quick look over. “I think what you've done tonight will have a bigger impact than anything you've ever done as a singers.”

 

She smirked when she saw our clueless faces.

 

“Let's say you just performed tonight and left quietly, and tomorrow SM announced your departure from the company. People would have only been able to speculate 'why'. But since you've come out so boldly and kissed, not only in public but at an SM event of all places, when it gets out that you've been fired your fans and the world are going to know exactly why... Not to mention, it makes you both look so incredibly brave and unapologetic.”

 

I was staggered, having never thought about it that way.

 

“Unnie, I didn't intend to do anything like that though... I was just... pissed off.” I said.

 

A broad smile spread across her face at my words.

 

“Exactly!” She said. “And how do you think the gay community in Korea feels about not even being able to walk down the street holding their lovers' hands? I bet they're pretty pissed off, too. To those people, you will be heroes. And it's those people that Lee Soo Man will fear. Their plight and your plight are the same, and now the media and society itself is going to have to address it. It's the first step towards equality.”

 

I had to smile back at her. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I could become an advocate for a civil rights struggle.

 

“...but we never wanted to hurt SM artists.” Tiffany said.

 

I looked at her and she slid her hand into mine, edging closer. She half smiled to try and hide the mild concern on her face.

 

“... Surely you don't think you're the only gays in the company?” Boa smirked at Tiffany. “I'd say there's at least one in every group...”

 

… I could feel my eyes bugging out of my skull...

 

“Stay strong.” She chuckled. “And don't be surprised if you find some very familiar faces coming out to support you when this all comes out in the media.”

 

“It's funny, isn't it? The President works so hard to form strong bonds between his artists for fan service, but he doesn't realize they become more loyal to one another than to him.” She said, grinning, as if this was an afterthought.

 

I stared at Tiffany with my mouth hanging open dumbly as Boa walked to the door. She turned before leaving.

 

“Yah, Kim Taeyeon.” She said. “No shades. Walk out proudly. It was a pleasure working with you both.”

 

“...Wow.” I breathed after the door closed behind her, glancing down at the shades I was holding.

 

Having been in the company the longest, Boa just... knows. Being a solo artist allows her to see everything from a different perspective and while she is bound by the same contract we all are, since she is older I feel she's treated more leniently than others. It's empowering to know that she feels for our situation. That she understands it and she's... she's fighting for us.

 

I smiled and rested them on top of my head, but as Tiffany and I left the building to embark on our new life alone, I ended up pulling them down again to cover my eyes.

 

The standing ovation we received from the lingering SM artists made me far too emotional to go without them.

 

---

 

 

Soft hands on my face; I became aware of how stunningly bright it was behind my eyelids. I could feel a cool finger tracing through my hair, across my scalp and down my neck. A smile came to my lips before I even opened my eyes.

 

I could smell her. All was well.

 

I opened one eye slowly and it was no surprise that Tiffany was brighter than the sun. She had her bangs tied on top of her head and I could swear she was the only person in the world that could make untidy hair look incredible. Even though she wasn't wearing an ounce of makeup, her face looked like it was glowing. She looked soft, refreshed, and happy.

 

“I considered letting you sleep all day.” She said, softly. “You were talking a lot, so I don't think you got much rest.”

 

I broke eye contact with her. I didn't get much rest at all, but I didn't know anything about sleep talking, though I wouldn't deny it, it usually does happen when I'm stressed out. I spent most of the night listening to Tiffany breathe and thinking about the future... and the past, and what Boa had said, and all that time the Genie era poster above Tiffany's bed of myself stared me down.

 

Tiffany slid back into bed beside me and smirked.

 

“Look.” She said.

 

“Omo, seriously?” I said, sitting up. She was holding my cell phone to my face and despite not having my contacts in, I could make out what looked like eighteen missing calls.

 

She smiled. “Four from Sunny, two from Yuri and Sooyoung, one from Yoona, the rest were Jessica.”

 

I sighed and tried to take the phone out of Tiffany's hand to start calling people back, but she pulled it out of my reach.

 

“Don't worry, I talked to them.” Tiffany said. “The girls were just concerned for us, I think I put them at ease.”

 

I sighed and lay my head on her shoulder glaring into nothingness.

 

“We need to plan.” I said. “We need to figure out what we want to do. We can live in California but I'd have to get citizenship so we have to go back to Korea eventually... even if just for a little while.” I said, thinking aloud.

 

“Do you really want to live here?” She asked, skeptically.

 

“It'll be safer.” I said.

 

Tiffany giggled.

 

“Tae... you're totally the boy in this relationship.”

 

“Eh?” I said, my mouth flat lining.

 

“All I was thinking about this morning when I woke up was getting you a meal. And here you are thinking about shelter and protection.” She said, looping a piece of my hair around her finger.

 

“These are things we have to think about...” I said with wide eyes.

 

“We don't have to just yet, Tae. Relax a little. Let's take a day off.”

 

Fine, I thought. I could give it a day, but any longer I think I might lose my mind.

 

“So, what's for breakfast?” I asked.

 

Tiffany pouted. “I really wanted to cook for you but there's nothing here...”

 

“Couldn't we go get food?” I asked.

 

“Well... if you want to walk. We don't have a car today.” She said, biting her lip. “We have fruit...”

 

She looked forlorn; disappointed. Like she was really looking forward to cooking for me. I smiled at her.

 

“Fruit sounds good.”

 

“Okay.” She said, kissing my cheek, hopping up out of bed and running downstairs.

 

I stared after her as she left...

 

Mine, forever. I grinned to myself, satisfied with this prospect. Today was the first day of my new forever.

 

The window was blowing a nice breeze again that seemed to come naturally to California. I enjoyed it being remarkably sunny, yet nothing too hot to suffer through. I got up and gazed out her window, stretching my arms above my hair and embracing the air and sun. It felt amazing.

 

Tiffany's arms came around me while my back was still arched back into a stretch. I grinned, seeing a banana in each of her hands and melted back against her. Her breath tickled my neck as she kissed my shoulder.

 

“So.. I had a thought.” She said. “Since we can't really go anywhere today we should just stay home.”

 

I turned my head to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

 

“...Wow, how long did it take you to come up with that?” I chuckled.

 

I got hit in the head with one banana, and the other was handed to me as she released me.

 

“I just had an idea for something we could do, smart .” She smirked.

 

“What's that?”

 

I began peeling my banana and by the time I'd taken my first bite I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and tried to take in what she was holding.

 

Stretchy looking fabric with bright neon colors. I squinted at it.

 

Bathing suits...

 

I glanced back over my shoulder out the window and into her backyard at the inviting looking swimming pool. She set down one of the suits beside me and kissed my cheek.

 

“I'll be downstairs.”

 

I tied my hair back and felt both amused and slightly pathetic that I could fit into a bathing suit of Tiffany's that she must have been able to fit in back when she was just a teenager. I hung my head over the side of the stairs on my way down just in time to see Tiffany walk past with her killer body in her bathing suit holding our cell phones, and some towels.

 

I jumped the last few steps with a childish grin on my face and followed Tiffany outside only to be greeted, in all its glory, Tiffany's incredible backside. She was bent over laying out two towels in the sun on the sunniest piece of deck. Once I realized that I was staring at her like a piece of meat I shook my head stupidly and forced myself to look away.

 

What's gotten into you...?

 

I walked out barefoot across the hot concrete to where Tiffany was laying our towels out in the sun. I switched back and forth between feet so my feet weren't scorched while I was waiting.

 

“Don't wait for me.” Tiffany said, standing up straight. “Get in. I'm gonna grab us drinks.”

 

Her head slowly dropped in front of me as her eyes drew lines down my body. I watched her face intently on baited breath.

 

She grinned stiffly and locked eyes with me again. I knew then, what sort of swimming session she had in mind.

 

“Go.” She said, patting my and grinning before turning and walking back into the house.

 

I turned and tested the water, dipping my foot into it gingerly. Surprisingly, it felt perfect. I decided that the shallow end would be plenty deep enough for me and used the stairs to inch my way into the water.

 

It felt so nice that when it was up to my shoulders I pulled my hair down and submerged my head completely. It's not like I intended for it to be a test for myself... to see how long I could stay under water... but it felt nice. I let my body go limp and just listened to the garbled silence. My hair was swirling weightlessly above my head and down here, under water, I felt like I was finally disconnected from all my worries.

 

I heard a wooshing sound and opened my eyes to see a blurred pink figure in front of me. Tiffany's legs being teased by a sudden rush of tiny bubbles. She must have jumped in beside me.

 

I came to the surface throwing my hair behind me. I must have come up right in front of her because her arms were practically around me instantly and I happily melted against her firm body.

 

“Damn. Thought you drowned for a second there.” She said.

 

“Damn?” I asked, glaring at her.

 

“Ah well, I'll just give you CPR anyway, just to be sure.” She said, snickering.

 

I rolled my eyes at the corny line and ducked under her arm to escape the kiss. It ended up landing in the side of my face anyway, her arms wrapped around me from behind. It felt really nice... but my eyes were locked on the two beers sitting on the deck right beside the water.

 

I couldn't quite figure out what was shoved into the shaft of the bottle until I got close enough. Lime wedges.

 

I smiled to myself and wondered if this was what it was going to be like being married to Tiffany, having every small insignificant detail checked upon and perfected, knowing she probably took the time to cut the lime herself... How badly she wanted to make me a nice breakfast...

 

Tiffany is going to make an excellent wife.

 

I grimaced from sipping my beer and spun in her arms to face her.

 

Tiffany was clinging to me, smirking down at my body.

 

“You look nice today, Tae Tae...” She said.

 

I raised an eyebrow.

 

“You look kind of erted today.” I responded with a grin.

 

She hit my shoulder and pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes, feeling her smooth body pressed against my own. I didn't want her to let me go and it was as if she could read my mind. I held on tight to her shoulders and she held me close. I hung my head over her shoulder just watching the ripples in the water as we turned slowly.

 

“Tae...” Tiffany said softly.

 

“Hm?” I hummed.

 

She pulled her head back to rest her forehead against mine.

 

“...We're free.” She whispered.

 

I blinked, still staring at the sunlight gleaming off of the water as I took in every meaning of that statement. It was curious how she referred to being stuck in a contract like a prison sentence. I didn't realize until she said it that she was right. That was exactly what this felt like.

 

Like we'd broken out of prison and we were in hiding. Like we were supposed to be somewhere else doing something instead of leisurely enjoying our time together. It was going to take a lot of time to get used to just having our free will back...

 

It would be like this forever now...

 

“I love you.” I whispered.

 

I felt Tiffany's wet hand land underneath my chin and I had to break eye contact with the water. She tilted my head and lowered her face to mine.

 

Pure bliss...

 

To find this level of devotion from another human being is truly what makes life worth living. This feeling must be the very reason there’s a wide market for hundreds of artists just like me to release those cheesy, beautiful and sometimes senseless love songs for every normal person to enjoy.

 

Money can't buy love and for some reason fame prohibits you from that one basic human function...

 

But even if you can't have everything, I'm content with my choice.

 

Tiffany sighed audibly against my lips before pulling away, resting her face against mine.

 

“I really wish I could have kissed you like that yesterday... in front of everyone.” She said. “I guess I'm not as brave as you.”

 

I smirked. “I'm not so sure it's bravado as much as it is irresponsibility...”

 

Tiffany ignored that.

 

“Do you even know what that felt like from my perspective.”

 

I shook my head.

 

She smiled.

 

“You proudly claimed me in front of the world, Tae...”

 

I knew where this was heading, mostly because Tiffany's hands were becoming playful on the small of my back.

 

“You know what? I give up.” She said, shaking her head and shrugging. “It's like every time I think you've reached your limit you manage to do something else to completely blow me away.”

 

The adoration in her eyes penetrated me. It struck me as so odd that the times I truly impress or turn Tiffany on the most, its without intent and I knew that I succeeded in both because her hands were drifting lower.

 

“So y, Tae Tae.” She whispered before biting down on my ear lobe gently.

 

I closed my eyes, feeling little jolts of electricity shoot down my neck.

 

“... I-In the pool, Tipani?” I asked.

 

“Mmmhmm.” She hummed, traveling from my ear to my neck.

 

As she began on my neck I could feel myself melting. Surely, soon, I would be just as fluid as the water we were surrounded by. Tiffany began harder and my eyes opened in thought because I could swear I could feel teeth.

 

“Uh...” I croaked, trying to pull my head back. This is when I started feeling alarmed. Tiffany held me into place by gripping my head. All I could do was kick my legs feebly against the water.

 

“Wha- What are you doing?!” I choked.

 

“Mm.” She sighed, easing off only long enough to breathe before me harder. I could feel that part of my neck growing warmer.

 

I whimpered, trying to push her away by her shoulders to no avail.

 

At her own will, Tiffany finally released me and my flesh came out of with an audible pop.

 

“What the heck!?” I yelled, shoving her aside before bringing my hand to my neck.

 

I looked at my hand and gasped.

 

“You drew blood!”

 

Until this point, Tiffany was laughing so hard she couldn't even see.

 

“Let me see.” She pulled my hand away and examined my neck, looking happy with herself. I glowered at her as she did so.

 

“I didn't think it'd be that big.” She smiled. “Yah, Taeyeon-ah! That's my first hickey ever!”

 

I shook my head at her incredulously, unable to keep from smiling. She was acting like a child that had just made their first piece of art and wanted it put on the refrigerator.

 

I knew why she did it, too. I knew that, if things were different; if we were still employed, having a hickey would simply not be allowed. It was an act of our new found freedom.

 

“Are you mad?” She asked.

 

“..No.” I conceded.

 

“I got carried away.” She said. She grabbed onto the edge of the pool and pulled herself against me, effectively pinning me against the wall. “I'll make sure the rest go in places where people can never see them.”

 

To get even closer, she pushed her knee between my legs and forced her way between them. We were now wrapped up in each other so tightly that I could hear her heart beat every time she inhaled.

 

“... You're killing me.” I said softly.

 

“I'll make it up to you, I promise.” She whispered, taking my lips once more.

 

I let my body go limp in her arms. She was going to take me and I was going to let her. I was ready for it. We had a lot of lost time to make up for... but I heard something and it distracted me.

 

I opened my eyes and peered over to the glass patio table where it sounded like a woodpecker was assaulting it.

 

“It's mine. Ignore it, Tae.” Tiffany murmured.

 

Ah, her phone.

 

I let my eyes roll shut again and just enjoyed Tiffany's hands working to untie my bikini.

 

I heard the noise again but tried to ignore it. I listened to Tiffany's ragged breathing instead, but then I heard an impact and what sounded like delicate pieces of plastic tinkling against the concrete.

 

We both looked over to see that Tiffany's phone had vibrated itself off of the table and broken apart on the floor.

 

Tiffany swore under her breath and let go of me.

 

“Is it broken?” I asked with little concern. Admittedly my mind was in the gutter, and the water that was rushing off of Tiffany's body in waves as she exited the pool captivated me.

 

She used a towel to dry her hands before handling it.

 

“No, the battery just fell out.” She said, putting it back together.

 

I heard my own phone, a text massage, and started walking out of the pool too.

 

“Don't worry about it. We're taking a day off remember?” She said, partially blocking me from getting to it.

 

“I might as well look though.” I muttered.

 

As Tiffany's phone was still powering back up, my phone started ringing.

 

“It must be important.” I said.

 

“Let it go.” Tiffany insisted.

 

I couldn't get around her to see it, but the instant her phone came back online it started vibrating again. I looked down at hers.

 

“... Why is Hyomin calling you?” I asked her.

 

“... I don't know.” She said.

 

Once my phone finished ringing, it sounded off three new text messages, and Tiffany finally let me pass to look at it.

 

“Shinyoung.” I murmured. The message she left just said 'call me'.

 

Our phones both began ringing at the same time. Tiffany and I looked at one another with our mouths hanging open.

 

“I don't get it.” I said.

 

It was a little frightening. Never had I received so many calls on my phone at the same time.

 

“I think... the news just got out, Tae.” Tiffany said.

 

I just watched the messages flash through my screen, quickly being replaced by new ones. All of them from people who weren't a part of SM. People who would still be surprised by the news coming out. It made sense. Over in Korea, people were reeling right now over us, while we stood here comfortably, poolside, with alcoholic beverages.

 

I felt like I was on a different planet.

 

“... Who do I answer first?” I asked.

 

“Nobody.” Tiffany said. My question seemed to have woken her up, because she yanked the cell phone out of my hand and turned it off along with her own.

 

“But-”

 

“No. We're done with that life. We don't have to think about this right now. They'll understand.” She said.

 

But I couldn't shake the thought from my head. My friends and colleagues, what did they all think about me now? Were they calling in the hopes that I'd deny everything? I stared at my feet, paralyzed.

 

“We'll live better lives now, after all of this.” Tiffany said. “We can do anything we want. We don't have to answer...”

 

“Anything we want.” I echoed.

 

“No curfew, no obligations-”

 

Tiffany was breathing heavily. I could tell she was talking out loud as if trying to convince herself of this, more than me.

 

“No schedule, no rules.” She sighed, walking into me.

 

She couldn't convince herself.

 

“...It's a false freedom... we still have to go back, don't we?” She said.

 

I nodded and she walked into me, her damp bathing suit feeling like ice against my skin but I didn't recoil from her. I held her closer. She felt exactly as I felt, that all of the repercussions would hit us at once when we went back to Korea.

 

Even being cut free... we still had loose ends to tie up.

 

“Tae? I think we should do it right then.”

 

“What does that mean?” I asked.

 

“...I think we should stop in New York first.”

 

 

“Yah, if you don't hurry up we'll miss our appointment.” I heard Yuri yell.

 

It was two weeks today since we'd been called into the President's office and told we weren't allowed to ever mention Tiffany or Taeyeon in interviews again. Two weeks since I was declared the new leader and they told us we'd be continuing as a seven member group.

 

We were told we'd be getting right into preparations for our Japanese comeback, but production had come to a halt. Despite the companies statements about everything running normally and how confident they were things would be just fine without the other girls, they seemed frozen with fear over how to continue.

 

It was obvious that SM was panicking. Sure, it surprised me that it turned out this way... but it completely blindsided SM.

 

By denouncing Taeyeon and Tiffany and firing them it was as if they'd set off a pile of dynamite. Sure, there were plenty of people that supported their decision; the ones that spouted hate towards Taeny and blamed them for the fall of SNSD, for the fall of values in Korea and for being bad role models for their children.

 

But what they hadn't anticipated were how many people that would truly voice their support for Tiffany and Taeyeon. Not only just devoted fans but other artists in the industry. Other actors and actresses that knew the girls and even people who weren't even into Kpop to begin with. Those who just felt appalled at the injustice.

 

It was bigger than the fandom... the entire country was divided about this.

 

But just the complacency and sitting around not knowing what was going to happen in our future put the rest of the girls and I into depression. With every day that passed, I could see the will to continue leaving in the other girls' eyes. It just didn't seem right to carry on like normal without two of our sisters.

 

Taking advantage of this pause in our schedules, most of the other girls were never even seen around the dorm anymore, opting to spend time with their families instead.

 

That left Yuri and I alone in the dorms. It was like taste of what it might be like if I ever moved in with her.

 

“Two minutes.” I shouted back.

 

Once again, despite the world crashing down around us, Yuri proved to be an amazing distraction.

 

Today, she insisted on taking me to her private gym for a workout and while I loved the idea of spending time with her, working out in a gym pretty much bored me. To put it simply, I'm not exactly the athletic type, especially at nine in the morning. So in the moment I had away from her earlier on in the week, I bought myself some new, rather provocative workout clothes in the hope that it would change her mind about going at all.

 

On my way into the living room, I grinned and watched her eyebrows rise as her eyes fell.

 

“I'm ready.” I said, tying my hair back.

 

She got to her feet.

 

“...You're going dressed like that?”

 

“Yeah, why not?” I asked, bringing my foot up on a nearby stool to tie my shoe. I could feel the tight fabric of my shoulders hug my curves firmly and knew that the angle that Yuri was watching all of this from should be enough to set her off.

 

“... I said it was a private gym, but there will still be other people there, you know?” She said in a small voice.

 

I put my foot down, and grinned up at her completely understanding why she was feeling timid.

 

“I can change if you don't want other people to look at me.” I said, putting my hands on either side of her waist and walking into her, pushing her back towards the couch.

 

“It's not that. I just... d-don't want you to feel self conscious.” She stuttered.

 

She lost the battle to keep her balance and ended up sitting again. I straddled her lap.

 

“But I like looking y for you, Yuri-ah.” I said, faking a pout.

 

She paused, smiling.

 

“...Well, we could just stay home and work out.”

 

Suddenly, I heard keys jangling from outside, and then I heard the keys roughly being shoved into the lock in the front door. I sat up straight, wincing, knowing that all my hard work in getting out of the gym was probably all in vain now.

 

Then I wondered who it could be, thinking I was sure that the other girls were all supposed to be gone today.

 

But it wasn't a female that entered.

 

My first instinct was to grab a heavy object to hit him with but after staring at him I found something familiar in his face. Before I could act, Yuri was on her feet, effectively throwing me onto the floor.

 

“Omo! What do you want!?” Yuri growled.

 

I pulled myself to my feet using Yuri's arms and she stood in front of me protectively.

 

We had a stare off with the man in silence. Right when I figured out who he was, the next person walked in behind him.

 

Tiffany came to a stop and eye smiled warmly at us.

 

Yuri gasped.

 

Then she came walking in.

 

It was a jolt to see Taeyeon with brown hair and bangs again. My staring was surely going to burn a hole through her head. I couldn't get over it. It was like she'd just come back from a time machine. She looked like my childhood friend again... It wasn't until now that I realized how overly old the blonde made her look.

 

She was a kid again.

 

“...Did we interrupt something?” Tiffany asked slowly, smirking brightly.

 

“No... we were... I mean, we were going to the gym.” I blushed from Tiffany's implication. She glanced backwards at the clock and I knew she thought it was bizarre I was up so early. “Wait. What are you guys doing here?”

 

They both looked guilty.

 

“We're here to get our things.” Taeyeon said.

 

I glanced back at Yuri. “But... We've tried calling you and we haven't heard a thing. Why didn't you tell us you'd be coming? The others would have loved to have seen you...”

 

Tiffany looked at Taeyeon, who was staring at her feet before answering. “We thought you'd be busy.”

 

Taeyeon touched her brother's arm and muttered. “Let's get started.”

 

Jiwoong followed Taeyeon to her room, pulling out a large roll of trash bags from his back pocket and brandishing it like the hilt of a sword.

 

Instead of following them, Tiffany approached us and pulled me into a tight hug, pulling Yuri close as well with her other arm.

 

“I miss you guys.” She lamented.

 

“We miss you too.” Yuri said.

 

My eyes were still locked on Taeyeon's back, until she turned the corner and disappeared.

 

“...It's nothing personal.” Tiffany whispered. “I've been following everything really closely on the internet, everything that's been going on with you guys and Taeyeon doesn't want to hear a word about it. She was fine the entire time we were in the states but... I think she was really scared to see you guys again.”

 

“...Why?” I asked.

 

“She's carrying around a lot of guilt.” She said, sighing and looking around the dorm. “Is anyone else here?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“I expected you guys to be in Japan by now.” She said.

 

“We did too.” Yuri said, blankly.

 

My head was no longer in their conversation.

 

Guilt...

 

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

 

How could Taeyeon be carrying around all the guilt when I was so sure I deserved a part in it myself. One day soon it could be me. Yuri and I could end up facing the same fate as her and Tiffany.

 

I became aware of how awkward it suddenly felt. Two weeks without a word and after five minutes were we already out of things to talk about? I stared at Tiffany. Is this how things were going to be between us from now on? Is this what she wanted? What they wanted?

 

Jiwoong emerged into the living room with two full trash bags that he set by the front door.

 

The sound he emitted made Tiffany's head turn towards him. I grabbed her wrist to take her attention back.

 

“We don't blame you guys.” I said, flatly.

 

Tiffany nodded.

 

“Somehow, I already knew that.” She heaved another sigh and gave me a sympathetic smile. “I'd better go help them.”

 

Yuri's hands were rubbing my shoulders as I watched Tiffany disappear. I felt pressure building up in my chest and even though Yuri's hands were doing the best they could to keep me calm, I felt the purest of panic. The doubts I'd been carrying around lately had just trumped my last practical idea. 'Ignore it. Beat it down and carry on like they want you to.'

 

I couldn't do it any longer.

 

I turned my head into Yuri's shoulder and hid my face.

 

“Breathe...” Yuri said in a soothing tone.

 

“I.. I can't. I can't do this.” I breathed.

 

Taeyeon came out next with a bag and set it beside the others. I looked over my shoulder at her and our eyes met for a fraction of a second before she walked away but in that brief glimpse into her face I could see how tired she looked. Not physically, but emotionally. The stress was wearing her down... the stress that I should also bear. I wished now, fervently, that it was me in her position instead.

 

“Can't do what...?” Yuri asked.

 

“... I can't be in Girls' Generation anymore.” I whispered.

 

I couldn't look into Yuri's face for a reaction out of fear, but Yuri's hands didn't even stutter. She continued the smooth rhythmic massage of my shoulders.

 

“... I know.” She finally crooned.

 

“Do you feel that way also?”

 

“... I know things will never be the same.” She said.

 

“... Of course they won't..”

 

Yuri looked thoughtful and reclaimed her place on the couch. She pulled me down with her to sit across her lap, her chin resting on my shoulder.

 

“We all knew it was going to end eventually, right?” She murmured.

 

“I think I'm okay with this... ending.” She said, sounding very uncertain. “I just wish I haven't taken this situation for granted... seems like it just slipped by so fast...”

 

I met her eyes, wishing for the same thing.

 

“I think we've got a meeting to arrange.” She said, patting my thigh.

 

“Yeah...” I sighed.

 

It was time, as a unit, to stop avoiding the inevitable. I was tired of sitting around and waiting for SM to tell me what to do. I wasn't a child anymore and I wanted to make my own decisions while, at the same time, working in the best interest of the others....

 

It saddened me that it took them under an hour to strip any trace of themselves from their old dorm room.

 

Jiwoong was now trying to pick up as many bags as possible. The girls hovering next to him awkwardly.

 

“Sorry we can't stay longer. Taeyeon's parents are expecting us...” Tiffany said.

 

Yeah right, I thought. Taeyeon looked like she was dying to get out of here and then what? What if she never got over this? What if she never tried to contact us again?

 

I couldn't allow myself to consider the thought...

 

“This...” I shook my head.

 

They both stared at me.

 

“This is so stupid! Why are you being like this?” I asked, coldly.

 

Taeyeon blinked at me, visibly shuddering. The cute kid leader persona more evident than ever on her face.

 

“You can't just disappear Taeyeon, we'll find you.” I said, my voice raising. “I don't know why you're trying to do this alone, we're all in this together.”

 

Taeyeon ran her hand down her face, looking agitated. I started walking towards her and I could feel Yuri hanging on to me loosely; protectively.

 

“...Yah, well you need to get over this, now. You're a leader n-” Taeyeon tried to say.

 

“No.” I shrugged. I looked between her and Tiffany. “You are our leader. How could you even think it would ever work without you? Or you?” I prodded Tiffany in the stomach with my finger.

 

“Make it work. For them.” Taeyeon said.

 

“You haven't seen them. You haven’t answered their phone calls. Everyone's depressed Taeyeon. Being out of sight doesn't put you out of mind.” I said. “It's over.”

 

There it was. I finally voiced what I knew everyone has been thinking for the last two weeks.

 

It's over... Girl's generation is over...

 

Taeyeon started shaking her head, her eyebrows drawing together.

 

“I'll take it from here. You never led us astray in four years, I'll see to it that we'll do right by you, Taeng,” I touched her arm. “But you better still be my damn sister when this is all over with.”

 

I pulled her into a hug and I felt her body all at once give in. She hugged me back, the same way we used to hug each other as trainees. When we weren't sure or not if we'd even make it. Against my shoulder I saw a small smile on her face, probably from how bold my last statement had been.

 

“Don't worry about a thing.” I whispered.

 

She nodded slowly and rubbed her eyes.

 

“And really, of all people you're going to be afraid of seeing me?” I asked, smirking.

 

She chuckled. “Well, I was mostly afraid of running into Yongjun.”

 

My smile faded.

 

“Taeyeon... Yongjun... got fired.” I frowned at her.

 

Yuri walked around me to hug Taeyeon as blank shock spread across her face.

 

“Why...?” Tiffany asked.

 

“He wasn't supposed to tell you about the pictures before the concert.” I said, pursing my lips. “There's more to it, but we don't really get that much insider information since Sunny isn't talking to her uncle anymore.”

 

Taeyeon started shaking her head, looking incredibly angry.

 

“... Jeshica, if you guys are going to quit do it on your own terms. If you go through SM you'll never be allowed to speak the truth.” She said, shortly, “And do it before they can force you to do anything else.”

 

Taeyeon pushed Jiwoong ahead of her and disappeared on her way down to the elevator.

 

Tiffany's hand landed on my face.

 

“I love you.” She said softly, kissing my cheek.

 

“I love you too.” I muttered. She reached over my shoulder to grasp Yuri's hand briefly before following after the others. After the elevator doors shut, I closed the front door and turned to Yuri.

 

“We need to do this now.” I said.

 

“I agree.” She said. She patted my back. “At least they look well.”

 

By well, I assumed Yuri must mean that they're still breathing. They didn't look all that 'well' to me.

 

I went to my room to retrieve our cell phones and stopped along the way back.

 

It was a shock to see how empty their room looked without their possessions. Completely white walls and nothing on the ground except for the furniture.

 

I spotted though, that out of their huge plushy collection, they left behind one Totoro and one Dukong, tucked under the covers. I swallowed hard and continued down the hall, starting the mass text message to the other girls, insisting that they come back to the dorms instantly, that we had a lot to talk about.

 

“That was a nice rock though, huh?” Yuri said, taking her cell phone out of my hand.

 

I blinked up at her. “Rock?”

 

“Tiffany's ring. It was huge.”

 

I felt my eyes bulge.

 

“Ring? Wedding ring?”

 

---

 

 

I watched the landscape pass by me as I sat in my brothers truck enjoying the short ride home to Jeonju.

 

It wasn't that I wasn't looking forward to reuniting with my mother again for the first time since Christmas, but I just wasn't sure if I was ready. I wasn't sure what kind of words she had ready for me after I'd just essentially shamed the entire family.

 

I welcomed every bit of traffic that forced us to delay that reality.

 

Tiffany, who was sitting in between Jiwoong and I, put her hand on mine and I stared down at our hands together. Her ring glinting in the sun next to my own.

 

“Umma is going to throw a fit.” He said.

 

I already knew that.

 

“She'll understand.” I said. “We'll have a real wedding when we have our life situation in order. It just... needed to be done.”

 

I looked sideways at Tiffany and gave her a soft smile, which she returned.

 

“Are you comfortable, sister?” Jiwoong asked Tiffany, lightly.

 

I smiled.

 

Upon telling him about our hasty marriage, he'd used every opportunity to address her formally as his new sister. I only hoped the rest of my family would be so welcoming.

 

“Uh oh.” He said, reaching into his shirt.

 

He glanced down at his phone and smirked. “Speak of the devil.” Glancing towards me he showed me the screen. Mother was calling.

 

“Answer it.” He said, handing it to me.

 

“Eesh. I don't want to.” I said.

 

In a last stitch effort I looked at Tiffany and held the phone out to her.

 

She hit me in the shoulder.

 

“Fine, fine.” I muttered.

 

“Yeobosayo?” I said into it.

 

“... Ji-? Sooyoung-ah?”

 

My mouth dropped open and I looked at Jiwoong.

 

“Umma, it's Taeyeon.” I said, rolling my eyes at him.

 

“Ah. Are you at home yet?”

 

“Not yet, Umma, we're on our way now.” I said.

 

I bit my lip, thinking about ways to make Jiwoong pay...

 

“Can you come to the shop instead? Your father and I are both here.”

 

“Aigoo, we have all of our things in Jiwoong's truck Umma, can't we just meet you at home?” I said.

 

Tiffany smiled at me. I must have sounded like a whiny child.

 

I waited for a response. I could hear a muffled conversation going on on the other end between her and my father and it made me suspicious.

 

“You can come here.” She said forcefully. “And soon yes? And use the back parking lot.”

 

“Alright. We'll be there shortly.” I said, flatly.

 

It would take some getting used to having parents around again, knowing there would be no arguing over small details, though Tiffany and I only anticipated spending a few weeks at home while finding our own place to live.

 

I set the phone down on my lap and stared ahead, rubbing my bottom lip in thought.

 

“They want us at the shop. Take the back entrance.” I muttered.

 

“Alright.” He said.

 

...

 

“Oppa.” I said.

 

“Eh?”

 

“Why would Mother think that Sooyoung would ever answer your phone?”

 

We stopped at a red light and I watched him go rigid. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, staring deadpan; straight ahead.

 

“She thought you were Sooyoung?” He asked. His careless smirk came too late.

 

“Yes.”

 

He shrugged. “Maybe she thought she was helping us move.”

 

I glowered at him until he looked back at me.

 

He sighed heavily and we started moving again.

 

“We only went out to eat once as friends.” He said. “Sooyoung-Ssi wanted to say hello to her when she Umma calling.”

 

“...Pabo.” I muttered. He was lucky Tiffany was sitting between us.

 

“Wae? That's not nice.” He grinned.

 

I shook my head. This was already a lost battle and I had enough to prepare for mentally knowing I was about to see my parents again. Tiffany who was eye-smiling like crazy nudged me with her elbow and mouthed 'so cute'. I wasn't in the mood to argue with her either.

 

I rested my head against the window and the streets began looking more and more familiar as we got nearer. The bonus was avoiding the main street traffic altogether by taking a side street to the back parking lot.

 

The usually abandoned 'parking lot' was nearly full, but luckily we were still able to get a spot. I climbed out of the truck first and then held a hand out for Tiffany to step out onto the uneven gravel.

 

We came across my father first as we walked followed Jiwoong into the back door. His smile was fixed and he took extra time to hug each of us. I couldn't figure out what about his stature gave of the era of stress. I figured they must have been having a busy day.

 

I didn't see my mother until we were inside the actual shop. I was surprised to see nobody else was in the store and I could tell immediately that something was wrong. All the blinds were tightly shut, and I just felt an aura of buzzing... for some reason I felt energy and liveliness where I saw none.

 

“Are you closing up early?” I asked, looking up at the closed blinds.

 

My mother didn't answer.

 

She rose from the desk and hastily jogged her way around to hug me.

 

“Ahh, my girl.” She said softly against my head.

 

She let go of me and quickly gave Tiffany the same treatment. Tiffany smiled down at me over her shoulder.

 

“I'm so glad to see you both.” She said. “How was your flight?”

 

“Long.” I muttered.

 

“Not bad.” Tiffany said.

 

It was cute to watch how Tiffany acted in front of my mother. Though their last time together didn't go so well I could see that my mother was trying to be on her best behavior today. Over the last six months she must have come to terms with my relationship. It made things feel a lot more comfortable right off the bat.

 

“I love your hair.” My mother said to me, teasing the bangs with her hand. “I always thought brown was best on you.”

 

I smiled. “I didn't have a choice Umma, chlorine turned it green.”

 

She laughed.

 

I grinned and looked around the store, wondering how so much time could pass with so little changing in a particular place. It looked exactly as I left it last time I was here. The only thing I was nervous about seeing was the shrine my father had built of me. It was bigger than last time and still standing proud near the entrance. My father and brother were speaking quietly in the doorway to the back of the store. I couldn't figure out why they seemed so serious.

 

And even though the store was empty I couldn't shake the feeling that we somehow weren't alone.

 

“Okay, here's the situation.” My father said, coming to stand with us.

 

“Situation?” I asked.

 

He motioned for me to go behind the counter and I took a seat near the cash register.

 

My mother bit her lip.

 

“I asked you here today because I thought there was something you needed to see.” She said.

 

I frowned at her. To me, this was starting to sound like an intervention of some sort.

 

“I've never seen anything like it before.” My father said. He adjusted his glasses on his face and switched on a monitor beside me. The monitor for the security system.

 

I watched the picture fade in from black on the tiny screen and squinted. It was low quality and in black and white but I could make out a ton of people.

 

“What time did your plane get in?” My mother asked.

 

“Seven thirty, why?”

 

“Around nine o'clock people started gathering.” She said.

 

“Wait, this isn't a tape?” I asked.

 

My father shook his head.

 

“This is the front of the store in real time.” He said. “They're all here for you. We had to shut down for security purposes.”

 

“We figured somebody must have spotted you at the airport and they deduced this would be the best place to get your attention...”

 

My heart sank and I leaned back against the chair.

 

“Protesters...” I sighed.

 

My parents looked at each other, to Tiffany, and then back to me.

 

“Not protesters.” My mother said. “Supporters, Taeyeon.”

 

“If anything, I'd say they were protesting SM.” My father said.

 

My mouth fell open.

 

“Seriously?” I croaked.

 

“You can't tell on this... but they're all in pink.” My father said, pointing at the tiny monitor. “The first ones that arrived came and tell us that there would probably be more people coming. They were very respectful and didn't want to interrupt business but it looks like more people came than they anticipated...”

 

I looked closer at the blurry image now. It was hard to even spot an open piece of pavement along the entire length of the shop and even beyond.

 

“What do we do?” I asked, turning to Tiffany who looked almost moved to tears.

 

She shook her head and shrugged.

 

“Shouldn't you say something to them?” My mother asked.

 

“Umma, if we show our faces out there-”

 

“Shhh.” My dad stopped us, holding his hand up. Through the obscured glass, it sounded like they were singing. I immediately recognized 'Into the New World'.

 

That was all the convincing I needed.

 

I stood up and took Tiffany's hand.

 

“Well, it looks like I can finally be your security.” Jiwoong said, grinning.

 

I turned back and made sure everyone was ready to leave immediately following this stunt. I didn't want to hang around two long after since I was sure the crowd could quadruple in mere minutes after our appearance.

 

“How are we going to do this?” I murmured to Tiffany.

 

“I... don't know.” She shrugged. “Let's just be ourselves.” She squeezed my hand. “Our true selves. We don't need to hide anything anymore...”

 

I smiled at her and brought her hand to my face, kissing it before patting Jiwoong on the back.

 

And as he led us into the open air, and the first screams reached my ears, I couldn't stop smiling. What looked like fifty or sixty people was only a mere fraction of the support we had on our side. It gave me hope to see how long and old some of the supporters were.

 

We stayed as long as we could, shook hands with most, and left with light hearts, as the protesters informed us that the majority bigger protest was outside of SM entertainment this very minute.

 

The way they wished us well was so kind that it left a permanent impression on me.

 

And I didn't let go of Tiffany's hand the entire time we were out there.

 

---

 

 

After a light dinner, my mother all but forced us to go to bed knowing how badly jet lagged we must have been.

 

It was strange being back in my bedroom again and even stranger that my mom didn't seem to have any qualms about Tiffany and I sleeping together under her roof. I was truly proud of her. As a woman who was so against my lifestyle I knew there must have been a lot for her to let go of to support me.

 

Tiffany instantly fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, but I couldn't find rest so easily even though I felt incredibly tired.

 

I lay beside her, staring at the light dully reflecting off of her skin in the darkness. I couldn't stop thinking about those people that were supporting me today. I couldn't stop thinking about the other girls and what they were going through all because of me.

 

I couldn't allow myself to feel better about this situation than I knew I should, but I couldn't help it.

 

Yes, I lost my job... but there was hope on the horizon.

 

Curiosity finally got the best of me and I vacated my bed to unpack my laptop. I sat back into bed besides Fany as delicately as I could without disturbing her, turned it on and plugged in some headphones.

 

For too long I've cowered from the headlines. It was time to face the music.

 

I stared at my search engine not even sure to begin, so I typed in my name.

 

My standard profiles came up first, like always. Links to Soshified and other fan sites that I opted out of going to first... I ended up on the bad side of the internet.

 

With a heavy heart I read some of the harshest comments on a fan video from SM town. Arguments flying back and forth between people defending my lifestyle and other people damning Tiffany and I to hell.

 

I quickly left the page, unable to read any more.

 

Then I came across a five minute video by a man who was vlogging about how he thought I was the bravest woman in Asia that left me beaming.

 

Overall, the situation seemed truly divided and that was more than I could have hoped for. It was almost exactly as BoA had said it would be.

 

Still smiling, I went to Soshified and started looking at recent posts.

 

The fans still appeared to be up in arms about something. A link to a Youtube video I found in a lot of different threads. I couldn't help feeling the most sorry for the fans that had been caught up in the middle of this horrible situation. I frowned and tried to think of a way to make it up to them while my video was buffering.

 

I was surprised to see the other girls faces when the video started.

 

The title was, “A very special message to SONE.”

 

Jessica, who was sitting in the middle, was the first to address the camera.

 

“Hello, Sone. This is a new place for us to be meeting isn't it?” She said softly. Nobody on the screen smiled.

 

I could already tell where this was going just by the low energy mood... the shrunken demeanor of the other girls. I nudged Tiffany to wake her up.

 

“Wae?” She whined.

 

“You have to see this. I said, turning the laptop towards her until I saw her squinting at the dim light from the screen. I pulled out one of my ear buds and offered it to her.

 

“We really wish that we were coming to you on better terms, but this has to be done.” Jessica continued. “The seven of us just got done discussing a lot of the recent events that have been going on and we thought it would be important for you to know why these things are about to happen to us.

 

Jessica paused and looked around at the others, before continuing.

 

“SNSD isn't a name that we got to pick, it was given to us before we debuted. When we given it, they told us that a name doesn't make a group what it is. Instead, the group makes its own definition of it's name through its performances. I remember, the night we were told our name, we all sat up discussing what it could mean to us and we hoped that since there were so many of us and we are all so different, that every one of our fans could look at us and find someone that they could identify with.”

 

“I remember that.” Tiffany said, sleepily.

 

I nodded.

 

Jessica swallowed hard.

 

“Two weeks ago, two of our sisters were fired from the group for being who they are and without them we don't feel that we can truly represent our entire fan base anymore. This will be the last official video that we release as a group.”

 

Tiffany sat up on her elbows and stared at the screen intently.

 

“Tiffany and Taeyeon were fired because they were in love. It's true, and we're not denying it.” Jessica said. “Idols are expected to live constrained lives, but we are drawing the line at people telling us who we can and cannot love.”

 

I heard Tiffany gasp beside me. I couldn't believe what I was watching.

 

I could see Sunny nodding fervently behind Jessica and tears in Sooyoung's eyes. Obviously this was all done in one take, because they were probably a wreck after shooting it.

 

“We'd also like to apologize to all of our gay and lesbian fans for how you must feel. The way that SM entertainment immediately fired Tiffany and Taeyeon-ah without even giving a reason must have made you feel like your lifestyle is so disgusting and obscene that it can never be addressed in the public eye. Even if the men in suits won't acknowledge you, we want you to know that we all support your lifestyle one hundred percent.”

 

Seohyun was nodding now.

 

I heard Tiffany sniff beside me loudly.

 

Jessica blinked and broke eye contact with the camera in evident thought.

 

“The thing that defines a generation is what positive strides it can make from its predecessors. So, on a final note, let's work together to become more accepting of one another. Let's reach out to our friends and family and tell them that we support them for who they are, even if their skin color, gender, or uality differs from our own. Let's all learn to love one another. It's time. Thank you. This has been Girls' Generation.”

 

I didn't have words...

 

I lay back against the pillows again, with my mouth hanging open loosely hanging on to Tiffany who was sobbing openly into my arms.

 

There was two things I was absolutely certain about.

 

Korea was now going to, for the first time, be in an open discussion about human uality and rights and somehow I'd become the poster child for the defense.

 

And in the age where idols can be deemed gods and pop culture rules the world...

 

A kiss can have a bigger impact than a nuclear warhead.

 

I was ready for the war. Bring it on.