People say life’s a , but that’s probably just because some jerk screwed her over. Well, him and Life’s best friend.

Yeah, I know. The statement’s a little bit bitter, but you have to admit there’s got to be some truth to it. Just look at people. People aren’t born inherently evil, though evil is inherently human. We’re all born with survival instincts, and it’s up to the people in our lives to teach us how to reign those in, how to be a “good” person.

Of course, no one is born inherently good, either. And some people really aren’t very good at teaching others how they should be. So sometimes the lessons don’t stick, or there never were any lessons, and you wind up with a person who’s more bad than good.

That being said, most people who are bad or mean usually have had something bad happen to them. Like me. That’s why I don’t think it’s fair to be so hard on life when we don’t even know her story.

Maybe she was good at one point, but then she caught her boyfriend and best friend going at it in his apartment. Maybe she found out that they had hooked up multiple times and at multiple places. Maybe she found out they weren’t much more than rabbits. Except they weren’t doing it for any noble purpose, like procreating, (Heaven help the poor child if they ever did have one) they were just doing it for the fun of it. Because what’s more fun than having with your girlfriend’s best friend, or having with your best friend’s boyfriend? I mean, I certainly can’t think of anything.

Maybe if I could think of something, my social circle would have encompassed more people than just those two. Maybe then when I decided to cut them out of my life (not that they were very upset at getting cut loose) I wouldn’t have been left by myself. Well, myself and Sehun, but he doesn’t count because he’s still in high school back home.

Sometimes it really having a friend who’s a couple of years younger than you.  

~

“There’s something fundamentally wrong about a person who doesn’t like coffee working in a coffee shop.”

I ignored the comment. There wasn’t much point in responding. What did Min Seok want me to say, anyways? Apologize that he had to work with someone who doesn’t drink coffee like water the way he does? Who doesn’t love trying different flavors like he does? Who doesn’t really love anything about it? Well, other than that it sold well, keeping the coffee shop I worked in doing well, which kept me in a job, which I really needed.

“Why did you even apply here, anyway?”

I pursed my lips to keep them shut until I could come up with a response that didn’t bite. Min Seok wasn’t a bad person; he just had no tact sometimes. Especially when he was bored.

“Why does anyone get a job?” I asked, leaning against the front counter.

The shop was having a slow spell. It wasn’t one of the bigger franchises, so we didn’t get a lot of customers streaming in all the time. People would usually bustle in the shop in spurts, and then all disappear together. Of course, we were always busiest during the mornings, but it was currently the afternoon.

“Hey,” Min Seok said, nudging me with his elbow.

I snapped to reality, bringing my eyes back into focus. I had been reading a lot of fantasy recently, so my mind always slid from this world to another one when it wasn’t being stimulated by anything here. Which was often. I had “discovered” fantasy about three months ago, realizing I like fabricated worlds much more real ones.

“Hey,” Min Seok said again, also nudging me again.

I stood up straight before turning to him, shooting him an annoyed look. He was smiling mischievously, and nodded his head slightly towards the door. When I looked, I saw a boy about my age walking in. He was quite cute; large eyes and heart shaped lips standing in strong defiance of anyone claiming otherwise. This wasn’t why Min Seok was trying to get my attention, though. 

Well, I guess in a way it kind of was.

This guy, Kyung Soo, or at least that’s the name he gives us, comes into the coffee shop about once a week to get a cup of hot chocolate. This in and of itself really isn’t that strange considering, what is strange, or so my co-workers say, is the way he acts around me. They are all convinced, Min Seok included, that this guy has a thing for me.

While I would definitely have been flattered if that was the case, especially considering how attractive the guy was, I didn’t buy it. Ever since breaking up with my boyfriend, I hadn’t been taking care of my appearance very much. I’d stopped wearing make up and I wasn’t keeping up with my skin care, so I had zits popping up periodically. I also barely bothered to brush my hair, just pulled it all back in a bun to keep it out of my face. I also had taken to wearing baggy clothes. In the shop we wore aprons, and I kept my sleeves pushed back so they didn’t get into anything, but it was still pretty obvious.

It’s not that I think looks are the only thing that matter in attraction, Kyung Soo and I just hadn’t talked at all besides me taking his order or him picking it up. What else was there for him to know about me other than what I looked like?

“Hello,” I greeted when he reached the cash register. Min Seok had moved away and was watching us out of Kyung Soo’s line of sight.

He ordered a hot chocolate, like he always does (much to Min Seok’s frustration) but didn’t walk away after I handed him the receipt. He hesitated, nervous.

“You-you have beautiful eyes,” he managed to force out, much to his horror. He stared at me wide-eyed after he said the words, looking like he couldn’t believe he’d just said them. “I mean-”

“Thanks,” I said, cutting him off, feeling myself beginning to blush.

I really appreciated the compliment, but I knew Min Seok had heard and that he wasn’t going to let this go. I really didn’t want him to have any more firepower in this than he had already gotten.

Thankfully, Kyung Soo didn’t try to say anything else; he just ducked his head and made his way to a table as far from the front counter as he could get, his back to me. As he walked away, I felt bad that I hadn’t said anything else. It had been a long time since anyone had complimented me, and I really was flattered. Even if Min Seok hadn’t been in hearing distance, though, I probably wouldn’t have handled it much differently. He seemed nice enough, but it’s not like we would ever start dating or anything. I can’t bring myself to even want to date someone after what happened with my boyfriend, I don’t want to risk that again. Although, granted, I didn’t have any friends that he would see regularly if we started dating anyways. Sehun lives about an hour away.

Besides our first date would just be some grand disillusionment for him. Whatever he thought was so attractive about me, he would find out either isn’t really there, or not exactly what he thought. I’d just disappoint him. Well, unless my eyes are the only things he likes, then they’re exactly what he thinks they are, I guess.

“See, Ji Eun,” Min Seok said when I started making the drink, looking smug. “He likes you.”

I retaliated his smirk with a look of exasperation.

“You know,” he said, suddenly becoming serious, “your eyes really are pretty. I can’t believe I never noticed before.”

Flushing easily since it was the second compliment in such a short amount of time, I bent my head down in a way not so unlike Kyung Soo had just done, too embarrassed to look back up. I hunched my shoulders forward a bit, trying to curl in on myself. Something about receiving any sort of compliment from anyone just felt wrong to me anymore.

“Oh! It’s because you usually wear glasses,” Min Seok continued on, oblivious to my discomfort. “Why aren’t you wearing them today?”

“I just didn’t feel like it,” I shrugged. My eyesight wasn’t bad enough to require me wearing them all the time. I could see perfectly fine up to a few feet in front of me. I used to hardly ever wear them, except in class or to the movies, but when I first stopped wearing make up I wore them to try and cover up my face so it was less obvious. Then, I just got used to it.

When I finished the drink, I walked out from behind the counter and headed towards the table Kyung Soo was waiting at.

I set his drink on the table in front of him, and when I glanced up at his face the look I saw brought me up short. He looked fascinated, and wanting. Like he couldn’t take his eyes off me, but at the same time desired something more. I hadn’t been looked at like that in long time. Ever, really. My last boyfriend had been a lot cockier; he’d looked at me like I was already his before we’d even spoken to each other.

The look Kyung Soo was giving me… it was nice.

I immediately walked away before he could say or do anything else. There was no way I was going to fall for just that look. It would be better for both of us if I pretend I had never noticed it in the first place. I’m going to have to tell the others to knock off their teasing; I really can’t handle this right now.

“Sparks fly?” Min Seok asked when I rushed back behind the counter.

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I said with more vehemence than I meant.

I startled Min Seok into silence, and I felt bad, but I didn’t have the time to stop and apologize because I could feel my throat tightening up and tears pressing up behind my eyes about to seep through. I turned around and headed towards the bathroom after that and locked myself in there for way longer than I should have; my control over my feelings usually being better than it was then. By the time I walked out, though, Kyung Soo was gone and Min Seok, thankfully, didn’t bring it back up again.

~

“We only went behind your back because we didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” my boyfriend had said.

“I can see that.”

The words fell out of my mouth without my permission. My brain had been blank as I stared at him in just his boxers tangled up in the same sheets as my friend, who was topless.

“God, Ji Eun. I’m so tired of tip toeing around your feelings,” my best friend had said. I had felt hallowed out before, now it felt like she had just reached inside and found my heart and squeezed as hard as she could.

“Come on, you don’t have to be so mean,” my boyfriend had said to her, rubbing her back in a calming gesture. My eyes had narrowed in on his hand. It was so intimate, especially since she wasn’t wearing a shirt, but he did it so casually. Like it was something he must have done a lot.

“Yes I do!” She argued back. “Seriously, Ji Eun, if you weren’t so self-involved you would have noticed this happening a long time ago.”

“This has been going on a for a while?” I managed to maneuver the words around her clutch on my heart to reach my throat and force them out.

“Months.”

My boyfriend looked like he was going to contradict her, then thought about it and nodded. At least he had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

“And you never told me?”

“Don’t play the victim. You’re the one who drove us to this.”

I stared back at my best friend, feeling like I had never actually seen her before. I always new she was a bit shallow, a little too wild, but I had believed in her, defended her. We had been friends since we were young, but I guess when you grow up in a sparsely populated area, you just take the friends you could get. Now, we had both moved to Seoul to attend college, and she had more friend options. She had exploited that, but it had never even occurred to me to consider it, nor what the repercussions of her making more friends would be for me.

I looked at my boyfriend, whom I had come to make food for. He’d told me he was sick, and since he lived alone I decided to bring by some medicine and food, help take care of him. Clearly, my friend was already doing that for him.

He attends the same college as my friend and me, and we had met him at the beginning of freshman year. We started dating not too long after that, and it had been a year since then.

I didn’t really know what to say to either of them. I could yell and scream, or I could cry, or I could say something cool and then walk out and pretend I didn’t even care. The only problem was that I suddenly felt too tired to do anything. So instead of any of the other options, I just turned and left. Neither of them came after me.

I threw away the food and medicine in one of the trashcans, already knowing I would never be able to use any of it.

When I reached my dorm, I fell in bed and started crying, and I didn’t really stop for over a month. I didn’t have anyone to lean on that was near by, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family about it. They always thought I would do great things, so I was embarrassed to tell them about the incident and how it had messed me up so much my grades had dropped. I managed to pull myself together enough to keep them descent by the end of the semester, but just barely.

The only thing that really helped was reading, namely reading fantasy. I liked reading about different worlds with all the politics and magic. They made me happy. And I liked that you could easily tell who was good and who was bad. There was this clear line. You were either good or evil, and the evil ones were always defeated.

Reality just can’t live up to that.

~

“He’s here again,” Min Seok said the following week when Kyung Soo walked in.

“Why don’t you take his order?” I asked, scared that he’d try to compliment me again.

Yes, I am scared of a compliment.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I explained hurriedly when I noticed Min Seok was about to say no.

He gave me a look that said he didn’t believe me, but I didn’t worry about it, already heading towards the restrooms. I glanced back at the front counter as I walked around it and accidentally made eye contact with Kyung Soo who looked disappointed I wasn’t taking his order this time.

When I was coming back, I could hear Min Seok saying something. I didn’t know what it was at first, but something in me was telling me not to walk out where he could see me yet.

“If you like her, you should talk to her,” Min Seok said.

“I talked to her last week. It didn’t go over well,” came Kyung Soo’s voice.

Were they talking about me?

“Look, Ji Eun’s been really weird about guys since before she started working here a few months ago. Actually, she’s been really weird about people in general. The thing is you can’t just go about this half-heartedly. She’s really closed off, so you’re going to have to go the extra mile to prove you’re someone worth her interest so she doesn’t brush you off as just another annoying human like she does everyone else.”

“Just another annoying human”? Did I really give Min Seok the impression that I thought of him that way? I hadn’t meant to. I liked Min Seok, in a strictly platonic way. He could be annoying sometimes, but everyone can be. I didn’t think of him as “just another annoying human” at all. If that’s what he thinks, then I needed to start treating him better. He was the closest thing I had to a friend out here, and I didn’t want to lose that.

Apparently, I hadn’t learned my lesson the first time I had a friend I treated poorly.

“With Ji Eun, you just have to think of her as a bull; you gotta take her by the horns.”

I huffed through my nose at the comparison, indignant.

“I’m not very good at taking things by the horns,” Kyung Soo said uncertainly.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you. Honestly, it’d be easier to get a rock to show you affection.”

Feeling it was best if this conversation came to an end, I rounded the corner of the hallway to the bathroom so I was back on the main floor of the café. Kyung Soo scurried off to a table to wait for his order as Min Seok began making the hot chocolate. I walked up next to him, folded my arms, and then stared him down resolutely while he resolutely ignored me. I waited until his hands were free before punching him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Bulls are prone to violence.”

“You heard that?” he asked, rubbing his arm where I’d hit him.

I folded my arms again, glaring at him.

“I know you think a rock has a larger emotional capacity than I do, but I do, in fact, have feelings.”

“I know; I deal with your anger and irritation all the time.”

“I’m not that bad,” I defended, a little stung by the comment.

“I’ve never seen any of your other emotions,” Min Seok said, continuing on with the preparations for the drink.

I could see it in his face that he wasn’t trying to be rude, that it was just his lack of tact rearing it’s ugly head again. Still, that didn’t stop me from feeling hurt. Then again, maybe I deserved it. I knew I hadn’t exactly been little Miss Sunshine ever since I caught my boyfriend and best friend, but I hadn’t thought I was that bad.

Then again, I still referred to them as my boyfriend and my best friend, as in they still were those things even though they weren’t. I really should break that habit. It can’t be healthy. I mean, there are lot of things I do that can’t be healthy, like my addiction to potato chips and how I’d rather read about Vin taking down another Inquisitor over talking to people, but fixing any problem at all is an improvement, no matter how small.

Well, two problems. I also needed to work on being nicer to Min Seok. I teased the people I liked. It’s just how I was raised to show affection; my family is pretty merciless when it comes to it. It’s now a knee-jerk reaction for me to tease people I like, and be nice and polite to people I’m not sure about or dislike. I had tried keeping up the teasing with Min Seok, but I guess coupled with my less than cheerful personality as of late, I probably wasn’t coming off right.

When he finished with the drink, I held out my hand for it. He hesitated, looking at my hand confused before looking at my face.

“I’ll take it to him,” I said.

He arched an eyebrow.

“You will?”

“Yes.” I held in a sigh, trying not to make this any more of a big deal than I knew he already was going to make it. I was taking the drink to be nice to him, and to Kyung Soo, who seemed like a nice guy. There was nothing else attached to it.

“Alright,” he said, handing me the drink, “take this to your future husband.”

I had to roll my eyes at that.

When I set the drink down in front of him, Kyung Soo looked up at me, saying “thank you” with a smile. However, when he saw it was me and not Min Seok who had brought the drink, his smile faded. If I hadn’t just overheard the conversation he just had with Min Seok, I’d probably be slightly offended by that. As it was, I was just confused.

“Enjoy your drink,” I said and began walking away.

“Wait!” he said, catching hold of my wrist.

I looked down at it, arching an eyebrow. Aside from not liking being touched in general recently, I especially didn’t like when people did it to control me. Thankfully, Kyung Soo noticed my look and released my hand immediately.

“Sorry,” he said. He hesitated, and then stood up.

He wasn’t much taller than me, and it was honestly very reassuring. I didn’t like it when guys were taller than me. When I first started college, I actually went to one of the parties with my ex best friend. There was alcohol involved, and this intoxicated guy started hitting on me. I wasn’t interested, and he got mad when I rejected his advances. Unfortunately, he had a horrible temper, and it was much worse since he was drunk. He was so much larger than me, looming over me. I was terrified and decided then and there that I never wanted to date someone who was too much bigger than me. Of course, I was rather short so that was easier said than done.

It was part of the draw to my ex. He was actually an inch or two shorter than me, a bane to his existence.

“Listen,” Kyung Soo said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I was wondering if you’d like to hang out sometime.”

I gave him an apologetic smile, hating that I had to turn him down but at the same time glad to get it over with. I hated to think of all the time he’s already wasted here, and I hoped he could move on to someone who could reciprocate his feelings soon.

“Sorry, I don’t date strangers.”

He looked surprise at first, then hurt. In the next second he covered that all up. He tried to appear calm and unaffected, but I could see the strains of pain on his features.

“My mistake.”

Kyung Soo walked around me and out the door without looking back. I stared after him, confused by his word choice. It was weirdly stiff and formal for him as apposed to his quiet politeness.

I tried shaking it out of my thoughts since I probably wouldn’t be seeing him again. I grabbed the drink he hadn’t touched and walked back around the counter, holding it out to Min Seok.

“Hot chocolate?”

He took the drink, but his look was disappointed.

“That’s kind of harsh, calling him a stranger,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“He said you guys had had classes together, that you have some together now, and that you’d worked on a project together before.”

I stared at him blankly.

“You don’t remember him?”

I shrugged.

“I haven’t really paid much attention to anyone-“ I caught myself, unable to say their names, “-to anyone but my friends.”

“If you keep that up, you miss out on great people like-” He paused and I was sure he was going to say Kyung Soo’s name “-like me.”

I looked up at him, surprised, but he was smirking and wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“You’re pretty hard to miss,” I teased.

“I do radiate.”

I smiled at him, which seemed to pull Min Seok up short for a moment. Then he was back to teasing mode.

“Don’t go falling for me. I’ve got my sights set on a girl from my building.”

“Heaven help the poor girl.”

~

I can’t believe I never noticed him before. I had two classes with Kyung Soo just this semester, which meant that we probably had the same major, which meant we’d probably had a lot of the same classes before, just like he’d said.

I kept accidentally watching him in our first class. The only reason I stopped was because I kept locking eyes with him. It wasn’t until the next class we had together that I realized the reason we kept making eye contact was because he was looking at me, too. He didn’t seem mad, and I felt bad about what I’d said yesterday, so I decided to go up to him after class.

“Hey, Kyung Soo,” I said while he was still at his desk.

He paused while putting away his notes, looking up at me shocked. He stopped what he was doing, waiting for me to continue, seeming more curious than anything, which I took as a good sign.

“I’m sorry about what I said the other day,” I began, suddenly nervous. I had expected him to be angry or annoyed, that’s what I’d been used to. I didn’t know what to think about his current attitude. “I’m not very observant to begin with, and I’ve been even worse lately.”

“No, it’s okay,” he said, beginning to pack up his things again. “I shouldn’t have expected you to notice me the way I notice you.”

That pulled me up short, and it did him too.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he hurried to explain.

“It’s fine,” I said even though I could feel myself beginning to blush. “Well, I just wanted to apologize so I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you at the coffee shop?” he asked, looking worried, like he was afraid I wouldn’t want him to stop by anymore.

“Yeah, of course,” I found myself saying, unable to deny him with the look he gave me and honestly not bothered at all by it. It’d probably be even more awkward if he started avoiding me now that I realized we had classes together, anyways.

~

“Hey,” Min Seok nudged me when Kyung Soo came into the coffee shop again the following day. He seemed a little surprised, and gave me questioning look.

I didn’t respond, only moved up to the cash register, ready to take his order.

“Hello,” I said smiling, falling into work habit since I didn’t how I was supposed to greet him. I wasn’t sure what I thought of him anymore, nor what he thought of me.

“Hey,” he said, smiling back at me. It seemed genuine enough, which still threw me a little. The only people who had ever seemed this nice or easy going with me outside of my family had been Sehun, and I didn’t see him very often.

“Hot chocolate?” I asked, and he nodded.

“So, how are classes going?”

I looked up at him surprised, again not used to this kind of treatment.

“Good.” I continued with the cash register. “How are yours?”

“Good.”

He paid for the drink then went and sat at his table while I started making it.

“What’s going on with you two? Why are you suddenly so friendly?” Min Seok asked, beginning an interrogation I figured was coming after my small conversation with Kyung Soo.

“I apologized to him yesterday, and he didn’t seem that upset anyways.”

“Hmm,” he said, looking at me speculatively. “This is his second time coming in this week, too, and he never does that. And you recently rejected him.” He paused, waiting for me to respond, but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. “He probably thinks he still has a chance with you.”

I rolled my eyes at that.

“Why would he think he still has a chance just because I apologized for calling him a stranger?”

“Because you went out of your way to make sure you hadn’t offended him.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Does he still have a chance? Now that you know you know him? Kind of, anyways?”

I hesitated before answering, actually trying to consider what my thoughts on the whole thing was. The hesitation seemed to be answer enough for Min Seok, though.

“He does! What are you waiting for? Go over there and get your man!”

I rolled my eyes again.

“I’m not even sure what I think of him, and I’m sure you’re overreacting to what he’s thinking.”

I had finished what I was doing and started around the counter before Min Seok could reply. I reached Kyung Soo’s table and set the drink down and I was about to say something, but then the front door opened, which was in my line of sight, and the person walking in made me freeze up.

Kim Jong Dae, my ex boyfriend.

I didn’t recognize the girl he walked in with, but it was clear who she was to him.

He noticed me and for a second I thought he was going to pretend like he didn’t know me.

“Ji Eun,” he called, turning him and the girl who his arm was around toward me. “How’ve you been?”

I didn’t know what to say at first. I grabbed my apron with both of my hands so hard they became fists, gripping it too tight, but he didn’t seem to notice. The girl, however, did. I could see the confusion on her face as she stared down at my hands.

“Fine,” I forced myself to answer. “You?”

I hated this. I hated everything about this. Seoul was a big city. How is it possible that we would run into each other here? This shouldn’t have happened; it just isn’t probable. But I new what I thought and what my feelings were didn’t matter. I knew if I shut my eyes he would still be there when I opened them, even if I tried to wish him away.

“Good,” he said smiling at me like we were old friends who had bumped into each other. “Oh, this is my girlfriend, Eun Jung.” The girl smiled at me, completely friendly. Suddenly, I felt sorry for her. “How’s Su Ji?”

“Why ask me?”

The words tumbled out of my mouth from my shock at being asked. Wouldn’t he know better? I hadn’t talked to either of them since the day I found them together. If I hadn’t been talking to him, why would I talk to her?

“I haven’t heard from her in a while, I was wondering if you had,” he shrugged. “Hey, babe, why don’t you go ahead and order out drinks? I’ll be right there.”

Eun Jung seemed a bit concerned at being basically dismissed, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Okay. It was nice meeting you…” she began, then trailed off since neither Jong Dae nor I had actually introduced myself.

“Ji Eun.”

I expected a reaction. I expected her to know my name. Jong Dae and I had dated for over a year, and I had just kind of expected her to know my name since I had been a big part of his life. But there was no response to it other than a smile and a nod before she walked away. Maybe they had just started dating, or maybe they hadn’t been dating that long. Maybe that’s why she didn’t know. Or maybe I was being too full of myself, thinking that he would feel the need to mention me to anyone else he dates.

While I was still having these thoughts, Jong Dae walked up to me so he was standing next to me. I hated being so close to him, hated it with more passion than I thought I had in me any more, but I refused to back down. If this wasn’t a big deal to him, than it wouldn’t be a big deal to me anymore.

“Seriously though, do you know how I could get a hold of Su Ji? She hasn’t been returning my calls or texts.”

I stared at him, floored. It had been half a year since we had last seen each other, half a year since we’d broken up because he cheated on me with Su Ji, and this is what he wants to know about?

“Aren’t you dating Eun Jung?” I asked.

He shrugged again.

“Yeah, and another girl. And I’d like to see Su Ji again, too.” I stared at him, horror struck. Had I really dated someone like him? “You know how I am, I can’t be with just one girl.”

What was he saying?

“But you dated me for a year,” I said, suddenly scared of what he would say to that, then suddenly knowing what he would say. I should have guessed when he hadn’t been that bothered about telling me how long he and Su Ji had been hooking up.

“Yeah, and I saw other girls, too. I thought you knew.”

I stared back at him and realized that I had never really known the guy I’d dated. What kind of person would think like that? What kind of girl would be okay with that? Looking at Eun Jung, I noticed she kept shooting us confused looks, concerned. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was as clueless as I had been when I’d dated him.

“No, I didn’t.”

There was a war going on inside me, tears fighting to get out while the rest of me tried to barricade them in. I would not cry in front of him, I would not.

 “Sorry, thought you knew,” Jong Dae said, looking uncomfortable. He turned and caught sight of Eun Jung before turning back to me. “Listen, it was still nice seeing you. Let me know if you hear from Su Ji.” And with that, he left.

That was it.

“Are you okay?” I heard someone ask. It took me a second to realize it was Kyung Soo.

Then it hit me that this whole exchange had happened right next to him. He had seen everything, heard everything. I was suddenly ashamed, hating that this had all happened in front of him of all people.

“Yeah, fine,” I said even though my face and voice both clearly indicated that I was not.

I couldn’t stand to stay there for another second. I walked away from him, rounding the counter, past Min Seok who looked concerned as well, asking if I was okay, and through the doors that lead to the back.

I walked out the back door into an alleyway and broke apart, disassembled. I crouched down, burring my face behind my legs and arms and just sobbed. I don’t know if Min Seok or anyone else followed me out, if they had I didn’t notice them. I just kept crying for a long time.

I realized while I was crying that I had never actually let myself cry completely out over everything that had happened. I tried to bottle it up, push it down. After a certain period of time I had decided I needed to get over it, that I needed to decide to just not feel about it anymore. There had been times when I started crying by accident, put I had always made myself regain control, trying to never let myself feel anything about it; it had all hurt so much. Sitting in that alleyway, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It hurt like hell, and I cried for so long the only reason I stopped was because I was too tired to keep on any more, but by the time I was done I actually felt a littler better, lighter.

Eventually, Min Seok came out to check on me.

“You really dated that guy?” he asked as we walked back in.

Not trusting my voice after all that crying, I just nodded.

“And it… didn’t end well?”

I surprised the both of us by smiling; Min Seok had finally seemed to learn some tact. The thing was that he really didn’t need it this time. I was finally okay to talk about it.

So I told him everything. It helped even more to get the whole story off my chest. I’d never told anyone all the details about how everything had ended, not even Sehun, and it made me feel better to finally do that.

Kyung Soo hadn’t been in the shop when I came back in; I had been outside for too long. I was surprised by how much it really did bother me that he had witnessed all of that. The whole thing hadn’t really been too bad considering what it was, but it was still embarrassing. If Min Seok had been right and Kyung Soo had still liked me when he walked in, he probably didn’t anymore.

Or so I had thought, which was why I was so shocked, for probably the millionth time that day, to see him waiting for me after we had closed up the café.

I debated pretending like I hadn’t noticed him and just walking right on by, but then Min Seok spoke up.

“Oh Kyung Soo, you’re still here?” he asked, although he didn’t really sound that surprised by it. “You can walk Ji Eun home. I’ll see you later.”

He and the other people who worked at the coffee shop all left us then, so it was just Kyung Soo and me.

“So,” I began, feeling the need to break the silence.

“Are you okay?” for some reason, I felt my cheeks warm.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t-” he began, then stopped, huffing. “I was wondering if…” he tried again, but then trailed off.

“The reason I didn’t want to date anyone,” I said in a quiet but even voice, understanding what he was trying to ask and wanting to save him the struggle, “was because I wasn’t entirely over what had happened.”

Kyung Soo nodded, pulling his lips in to bite them before looking at the ground. Now that I was looking for it, I could see it in his eyes. The hope. He was trying to cover it up, not let me see, trying to be considerate of me again.

It made me smile.

“Kyung Soo?”

He turned his eyes up to me, a look of awe spreading across his face. It’s funny, but I was pretty sure he had never seen me smile before. Strange to think, but I hadn’t really been doing much smiling at all recently.

“Kyung Soo, would you like to hang out sometime?”

He continued to stare at me at first, then a smile spread across his face as well.

I had my answer.