He was a very happy boy, I still remember.

 

We were friends since we were still kids and I knew everything about him and him to me. He had no other friends except me and the same goes with me. But that changed when we went to High School.

 

We quickly found friends there and now we have 5 friends with us.

 

But even though we’re a lot now, I was still and always will be his best best friend.

 

Mark Tuan was a very nice kid. Too nice, yes. When we were still in Elementary, I would protect him from the bullies because Mark was always quiet at School. He only talked to me and to teachers. He was awkward to everyone else. Whatever you tell him to do, he will try his best to do it. He will follow you everywhere. Mark Tuan was a good friend. Mark was really nice. Too nice for his being.

 

I am the opposite of him. I was blunt to everyone. I don’t want to talk to them and if they would talk to me, I don't sugarcoat every word I say. I only want to talk to Mark. He was the only person that I would open up with. I am cheerful and always joking but only when I’m around Mark.

 

We were each other’s opposites but we clicked just like that because we needed each other. I needed his listening ear at all times and he needed the happiness that radiates all over me.

 

But Mark Tuan can have his funny side too, which I was so happy because he mentioned that I was the only one who he’s confident to joke with.

 

Actually, I think I’m only confident when I’m with him and he’s only confident when he’s with me. I think that’s our only similarity, our lack of confidence.

 

We call ourselves brothers because of our unbreakable bond. It has been so many years but we still didn’t drift apart.

 

But I thought all of that a year before we went to High School.

 

Yes, High School may be fun. Me and Mark finally had friends that we can trust. He is slowly opening up himself to them.

 

But High School with a lot of friends meant that I can protect Mark less. I can’t keep track of him because a lot of people talks to us.

 

He is famous. I mean, we are famous.

 

But he was more famous. Maybe because he was handsome. Scratch that, he is handsome. And everyone at School saw that. He became a heartthrob.

 

I am famous for my cheerful attitude. I am friendly and approachable and maybe that’s why people like talking to me.

 

Me and Mark still talk to each other but seldom now.

 

I knew something was wrong when he went late one day.

 

And of course, I knew someday, that nice attitude of him will lead him into pain.

 

“I’m sorry for keeping this from you, Jackson. I have--had a girlfriend. But she cheated on me.” Mark Tuan finally said when I asked him what’s wrong when we were at the canteen.

 

I felt betrayed--because he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend--but I felt more angry. Angry to the girl who cheated on him. Who abused his niceness.  Who hurt him.

 

“No, Jackson. Leave her alone. You can’t hurt a girl.” Mark maybe noticed the grim look on my face that’s why he said that.

 

I looked at him and all I saw was sadness.

 

That girl broke Mark Tuan. Who was she to do that? Even me, who’s friends with Mark for years, didn’t even dare to hurt Mark Tuan or if I did, he was not this sad. But this was different. Mark Tuan’s sadness was caused by a different person.

 

“Jackson.” Mark suddenly hugged me, “Please, for my sake, don’t seek revenge. Let’s just leave it, okay.”

 

And of course, I couldn’t say no to Mark Tuan.

 

 

Since that day, I swore to ignore all the people who talks with me and give all my attention to Mark Tuan.

 

It took him a long time to move on and go in a relationship again.

 

This time, I was watching the girl. This time, I won’t let Mark be hurt again.

 

But I made a mistake by letting the girl grow closer to Mark Tuan’s heart.

 

One afternoon, when a teacher told me to go to the Janitor’s room to get some cleaning materials for the other students, I saw Mark’s girlfriend making out with someone.

 

I should have punched the both of them, I don’t care if she’s a girl, but I cared about Mark and how he’ll feel when he’ll know that I punched his girlfriend. So I left them like that and looked for Mark.

 

Mark Tuan, who is talking to our 5 friends with a smile, smiled even wider when he saw me and I just stop to stare at his face. How can I break him? But it’s not actually me who’s gonna break him... But it’s still me who’s bringing the news.

 

“Mark, we need to talk about something.” I said and I didn’t wait for him to talk and just dragged him to the garden where we were alone.

 

He looked at me with questioning eyes and I just pity him. Can I really break him? Can I really see him breaking in front of me again?

 

“I saw your girlfriend making out with someone. At the Janitor’s room.” I said and he stopped breathing, and I did too.

 

I waited for his reaction. But it took longer than I thought.

 

“I’m sor--”

 

“You’re kidding!” Mark said, followed by a nervous laugh.

 

“No. I’m not kidding. I really saw them, Mark.” I said and he stopped laughing and shook his head.

 

“Why are you making up things, Jackson? She loves me. I know she loves me.”

 

“But Mark--”

 

“No! You’re trying to break us up, aren’t you?! Right?! Why, Jackson?! Because you’re jealous?! ‘Coz you never had a girlfriend before?! WHY?” I can see the anger in his eyes.

 

“Mark, I’m just trying to protect you.”

 

“I don’t need your protection, liar.” Mark spat each word with venom and left me there.

 

Left me breaking. So he was not the one who broke after the conversation. I was the one who broke.

 

For days, I talked to no one. I can’t. Every time I try to talk, I remember Mark Tuan and remember the fact that he’s ignoring me.

 

I was having lunch alone, under a big tree, with only a sandwich that I made because I didn’t want to go at the cafeteria. I don’t want to see Mark Tuan happy without me. I don’t want him happy when I’m suffering.

 

Then suddenly I saw a tall figure from far away running in my direction. I couldn’t identify his face because he was covering it but his hair--which is red--was a big giveaway on who he was and even though I felt very betrayed because of him, I still opened up my arms.

 

“What happened?” I asked him when he cried on my arms for 5 minutes without talking.

 

“It was all a bet. She never loved me. She never did. And the whole School knew the bet. And now they think I’m pathetic.” He continued to cry while talking but I understood him.

 

“Do you think I’m pathetic?” Mark Tuan asked when he finally calmed down and is now sitting on my lap and leaning on my chest.

 

“You? Of course not.” I said, staring at his red hair because I can’t see his face from the angle.

 

“Why didn’t you say “I told you so.”? You should have told me that now.” Mark asked and looked up and saw his eyes, his eyes which is the window of his soul. His eyes were the ones who always told me if he’s happy or not. And now his eyes are full of tears again.

 

“Because I am your friend, Mark, and even though it was your mistake not listening to me, I won’t blame you. Because I will always support you.” I said to him and smiled sincerely.

 

He jokingly punched my chest, “Why are you so nice?” He pouted and pinched my cheeks, “Anyway, sorry for calling you a liar.”

 

“It’s okay. At least now you know, I’m not.” I said and he stayed quiet.

 

I decided to finish my sandwich while waiting for him to talk again.

 

“And Jackson?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I take back what I said. I need your protection.” Mark said and smiled at me.

 

“Good. Because I’m always here to protect you.” I said.

 

After that, I saw everyone look at Mark like he’s trash or there’s something funny about him and I distracted him from their looks by talking to him about what happened to my life when he was ignoring me. And I was happy when he laughed. I was happy... Because he started to feel happy too.

 

 

Me and Mark was back to square 1, where we only had each other but we were fine with it. At least that’s what I thought.

 

Of course, the 5 friends that we had came back to us and I was still doubting if can we be friends again. But I remembered how Mark Tuan looked excited and happy when he talks with the five so I decided to let them in again.

 

But of course, some things changed and change is something that I really can’t stop.

 

One day, when me and Mark was talking at the lockers, taking our stuff, a girl, probably a freshmen, approached us, or maybe just Mark.

 

She shyly got Mark’s hand and she put a letter there. Then she grinned at Mark.

 

At Mark Tuan who didn’t know what to do.

 

And that was the first time I saw his demon.

 

Mark Tuan suddenly smirked and without opening and reading the letter, he ripped it into pieces.

 

I saw how the light on the girl’s eyes slowly disappear and she stared at the mess on the floor and then at Mark’s face.

 

Then I saw her emotion change from not knowing anything to not feeling anything. And then she ran. She ran and even if her back was turned away, I knew she was crying. I knew she felt numb.

 

Mark was clapping his hand like he was satisfied at what he did. The people around gasped at Mark and started whispering. And I can’t stop wondering when did that demon get in him.

 

“Why did you do that?” I decided to ask him when we were walking down the hallway.

 

“Because why not? I realized that to survive in this world, you need to hurt others, or others will hurt you.” Mark said with finality.

 

And I was afraid. This was not the same Mark Tuan that I grew up with. Wait wrong, this was not Mark Tuan at all.

 

Mark Tuan would never say that. And if he did, he would let me talk about it.

 

But he said the sentence so surely, like he doesn’t need me to talk about it anymore. And that’s what I did.

 

When we met up with the group when it was lunch, he was talking with the group again but I didn’t talk with them and just stared at him. Stared at his face. Stared at his eyes.

 

Why didn’t I notice?

 

I can usually know what’s in his mind just by looking at his eyes but now, he seems so far away from me and just pretending that he’s still near me.

 

Why is he doing this?

 

Of course, he was traumatized. He was in a lot of pain and embarrassment.

 

And I actually hoped that I fixed that. But I obviously failed. I failed so hard and now look at what he’s done to himself.

 

“Jackson? You haven’t touched your food for a while now.” Mark suddenly said to me and I stopped staring.

 

“Right.” I mumbled and ate again.

 

“Mark, I have something to tell you later. Can we meet up at the rooftop?” Jinyoung finally said and Mark nodded, unable to speak because his mouth was full.

 

I stared at how nervous Jinyoung was when he asked the question and I noticed how his shoulders relaxed when Mark nodded.

 

What was this all about?

 

When classes ended, Mark told me to wait at the benches because he’s gonna go meet Jinyoung. But I can’t really leave him so when Mark already went up the rooftop, I followed him.

 

When I opened the door a little, I heard Mark saying hi to Jinyoung and asking what they need to talk about.

 

“Well, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and I know it sounds absurd, don’t worry, that’s what I thought too, but I can’t go on living life without telling you this. I might actually like you and not in a friendly way but in a way that I don’t really know and I’m not really sure of.” Jinyoung said, looking down on the floor.

 

Mark was staring at Jinyoung, maybe not believing on what he just heard... Then his demon decided to interfere.

 

“You’re gay? And you like me?” Mark laughed at Jinyoung.

 

I saw how Jinyoung’s tears hit the ground.

 

“Good thing you thought it’s absurd because it really is! It’s not just absurd, it’s gross! What were you thinking, falling for me, huh?” Mark asked with a smirk.

 

Jinyoung said nothing and continued to cry quietly.

 

“Hey, answer me, I’m talking to you. And why can’t you look at me in the eye? I thought you liked me? When you like someone, you look at them, right?” Mark was obviously mocking Jinyoung but the latter still said and did nothing and Mark became impatient and tilted Jinyoung’s face up with his thumb and I can see the satisfaction on his face when he saw Jinyoung widened his eyes.

 

Mark moved his face closer to Jinyoung and Jinyoung closed his eyes.

 

“Pathetic!” Mark released Jinyoung’s face and laughed like he found everything so amusing.

 

I cringed at the word he said.

 

A long time ago, Mark Tuan hated that word because that’s what everyone called him. And now he just said it to his friend. But that was a long time ago.

 

When I noticed that Jinyoung was ready to run away, I quickly went down the stairs and waited outside the building of the rooftop.

 

I saw Jinyoung follow me a seconds after, running away. He didn’t even notice me.

 

A while after, Mark went out and smiled at me.

 

“I told you to wait for me at the benches, right?” Mark said and put his arm on my shoulder.

 

I smiled back at him.

 

And then I thought, his demon is gone now.

 

 

Day by day, it was getting worse with Mark’s demon and everyday I quietly pray that the demon will go away but of course it didn’t.

 

It was slowly eating up Mark but I