November 12: 10:25pm, Hayaley’s Bedroom, Cheongpyeong

Jae Joong kisses her forehead. “That was amazing,” then gazes at her flushed face. “You are amazing.”

Hayaley smiles. “You are too,” and pulls him down for another kiss.

Jae Joong savors the sweetness of the kiss for a few moment. He would love to keep going but knows it’s time they talk. He wraps his arms around Hayaley and turns to lie down on the bed, pulling her with him. Hayaley snuggles closer.

“When I was in Vienna, I was surrounded by all these beautiful sceneries but I felt so empty. You sending me those pictures of you in Vienna only made me miss you more. I thought I could see you everywhere but you weren’t really there.”

Hayaley smiles. Jae Joong would send her pictures from his photoshoot and she would send him pictures of her in the same or similar locations. It was just her way of acknowledging and agreeing that it’s beautiful there. But she’s pleased it did more than just that.

“I think my heart knew I love you from ages ago.”

“Ages ago,” Hayaley repeats silently and smiles contentedly.

“I really haven’t had too much time to think about my enlistment. I mean I knew it was coming up but aside from the plans I made for the fans, I haven’t really had time to think about what it meant to my personal life. And us, it kinda happened in the midst of it all.”

“Fair enough,” Hayaley thought.

“Remember Yong Guen’s birthday?” He feels her head nodding against his chest. “The boys brought up my enlistment. It became a huge topic. Before long, someone asked about you and that’s when it hit me.”

Hayaley feels him gulp and remembers what he had mumbled in his sleep when he came home that morning. But what did he mean by “Don’t go…”?

“They kept saying two years is a long time….”

She feels him tighten his hold around her. She does the same, feeling like he needed assurance.

“You know I’m adopted.” She nods. “I didn’t find out about it till I was much older and I didn’t think it affected me much since I found out when I was older. And I had so much love from my adopted parents and siblings. But apparently, sometimes, our brain does crazy things.”

Hayaley kisses his chest. She totally understands.

“When we – Yoo Chun and Jun Su – split, many hurtful, hateful things were said and you can really tell who your real friends are when everyone abandons you. I think that was when the insecurities with my mum also came to the surface.”

He pauses again. Hayaley lets him. Something she had learned from Dr. Bronson.

“I think it started affecting my relationships too…with women. Of course my work is to be blamed for most of it. But about three years ago, I met this girl.”

Uh…oh. Is she ready for this? She feels her heart constrict a little.

“We dated for almost 3 months, which is somewhat of a record for me….at least since my insecurities…. Anyway, she started to get restless because I would not show much commitment.”

“And what does that mean?” She has pushed away so she can stare him in the eyes. She seems to recall she had brought up a similar concern.

He smiles. “I wouldn’t acknowledge her as my girlfriend to the boys. Once, Su Jin noona stop by when she was at my place and instead of introducing her as my girlfriend, I said friend.”

“Ooh…” Not good. She actually winced, which made Jae Joong laugh.

“Exactly. I think you know what happened after noona left.” She nods, eyes smiling. “To make matters worst, I said in an interview that no girl could give me the happiness I felt when I’m with the fans. You know what I mean, right?”

She shakes her head slowly then chuckles when she saw his bewildered look, “Yes, I do, silly. Just teasing.”

He continues, relieved. “It’s a different type of happiness.”

“I know. You don’t have to explain. I would tell you the same thing.”

“Okay so she did not and said I didn’t love her. You know the rest.”

She doesn’t but she really does not want to know either. “Did you love her?” That’s all she wants to know.

He gazes at the beautiful face hovering over his. “I think I did.” But I think I may love you more if that’s possible. “I was just so afraid it won’t last. That she would leave and abandon me….Like my mother and everyone else. I thought I could just let it ride and perhaps I could figure it out later.”

“Like you were doing with me.”

He nods. “I’m so sorry, Hayaley. After she left, my insecurities, that sense of abandonment just got magnified I think. I finally talked myself into committing. I even bought the promise rings. But I was too late. I guess she decided I was too neurotic for her.”

Hayaley chuckles. “You are a little. But so am I. I guess that makes us a perfect pair.”

He