Christmas Pen Pal

24^th December 2015

Yixing never thought this day would come.

This is it.

He’s finally meeting Jiaheng.

It started nineteen years ago, when a six-year old Yixing decided to mail his first Christmas card to a random address somewhere in Guangzhou. He never really thought that anyone would reply especially seeing as the card is something that he made for a school project and not something fancy from the store. To his surprise, he received a Christmas card from the same address he sent his handmade Christmas card to. What’s more surprising is the kid who wrote him back also made a handmade Christmas card.

The boy introduced himself as Li Jiaheng he also added that he’s a year older than Yixing.

Yixing can still remember how ecstatic he was when his mother told him that he had received a mail. Receiving a mail at six years old is unusual but his parents knew why someone would send something for their son because Yixing was adamant that they help him send his Christmas card to somebody. Yixing was a very friendly kid so it was not a surprise when he wanted to send his crafted card to somebody else instead of giving it to his parents.

From then on, every year Yixing would create a Christmas card to be sent to Jiaheng and the elder would also send him one back. On the third year, Yixing had received Jiaheng’s card a day before Christmas when usually his reply card would be late.

On the fourth year, Jiaheng sent him a card on an October which shocked Yixing because it was still well away from Christmas. When he read the contents of the card though he understood why the elder had sent it ahead of the holidays.

Yixing,

I will be moving to Canada and I am not sure if I will be able to send you a card from there so I am sending this a bit earlier. I hope that is okay. As soon we have settled down, I will make sure to ask my mom to help me send you a card for Christmas so you will know where you can send yours. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. :)

Jiaheng

Fortunately, Jiaheng was able to send him a letter from Canada and even if it arrived to Yixing two months late for Christmas he still sent the older his handmade Christmas card for the previous holiday. And their exchanges continued from them on. Even with Jiaheng’s constant change in address they still kept contact through their Christmas cards.

Yixing is already prepared and ready for the dinner he is going to have with Jiaheng but he still had a lot of time to kill so he decides to go through their past exchanges again. He goes to his cabinet and retrieves the box where he stores all of his keepsakes which are mostly the cards Jiaheng has sent him through the years. He plucks one out at random, not really minding that some of them are already yellowing at the corners. He has read every card a couple of times that he probably would have already guessed just by looking at the envelope from which year it was. Yet there’s still that giddy feeling every time he opens the yellow sometimes coffee-stained envelope as if it’s the first time he’s reading each of Jiaheng’s carefully and beautifully written letters.

04 November 2004

Yixing,

How are you? I hope your year was good. I can’t say mine was fantastic but I will be coming back to China next year so that should be a good thing, right? I am so down lately but I’m glad that I have this, that I have you to take my mind off of it. I wish your holidays will be great and that you’ll get a lot of gifts this year. :) Merry Christmas! :)

Jiaheng

Yixing finished reading and remembered that this is probably the saddest one he got from Jiaheng. The younger was reminded of how he sent so many letters to Jiaheng afterwards even if it was outside of the Christmas holidays. He felt then that it was in his hands to lift the elder’s mood up. He was even tempted to leave their telephone number on one of his letters so Jiaheng can give him a call but he decided against it, not wanting to put pressure on his long distance friend.

Jiaheng never replied to any of his letters though but Yixing did not dwell on it. As long as the elder doesn’t forget their usual Christmas exchange then he will understand.

And Jiaheng never did.

25 November 2005

Xingxing,

Hello! :) How is my Xingxing? I’m sorry if I never had the time to write you back but I really appreciate all of your letters. They all made me smile and I asked my mom to have that drawing you made for me framed. :) Thank you for being such a good friend, Yixing. I hope I can do more for you but all I can do is play basketball :( Maybe I can teach you someday when we meet. :) Have a Happy Christmas, Yixing! :)

Jiaheng

From then on, they had promised to meet each other when they happen to be in each other’s city which leads them to where they are today, ten years after that promise.

Yixing felt his smart phone vibrate from inside his pocket. He places the card back into the box that specially holds his Christmas cards from Jiaheng.

From: Jiaheng

I hope you’re ready. I’m on my way to the restaurant now. :)

Yixing can’t explain it but whenever he receives a message from Jiaheng, he would always have that same tingly feeling he gets while he’s opening the elder’s card for him that year.

It’s already been a year since Jiaheng wrote down his cell phone number along with his usual Christmas greetings. A year of text message exchanges but never phone calls since Jiaheng is always busy with his work. Ever since he settled down in Shanghai three years ago, he had stayed and for once Yixing was glad that he wasn’t too far and was sure to stay.

To: Jiaheng

I am. See you there. :)

They don’t know how each other looks like so they wouldn’t be able to know who is who in a restaurant full of people but that’s at the bottom of Yixing’s list of concerns as he pockets his phone because Jiaheng has reserved a private room for them under his name. What is at the top of Yixing’s list of things to worry about going into this dinner is Jiaheng’s reaction when he sees Yixing. He paid a huge amount of attention on his looks today more than the other days of the twenty three years of his life combined; even going as far as visiting the salon for a trim and a hair treatment.

Yixing stands up and places the box back in his cabinet, giving himself another once over on the mirror before completely walking out of his apartment.

This should be a piece of cake. He inhales as he starts his car before joining the light Changsha traffic.

Yixing hums along the Christmas songs playing on the radio, sometimes even singing along when he knows the lyrics. He uses that opportunity to remove the last ounce of nervousness in his veins, drumming along the steering wheel to the beat of the music.

He gets to the restaurant relatively early considering he left, in his terms, quite late. They have decided to meet at a restaurant that is just a few minutes’ drive from the hotel where Jiaheng is staying at. The place is, as every other establishment during this time of the year, covered in Christmas decorations, garlands draped on every possible inch and lights twinkling from the Christmas tree that is situated in the middle of the whole restaurant. Yixing smiles when he sees the pine tree covered in lights and different Christmas decorations, it reminds him of how he would always volunteer to decorate the tree himself when he was a kid.

A waiter ushers him to a table that is situated in the far back of the restaurant and for a moment he’s wondering where the man is guiding him to but he figures it might have been due to Jiaheng’s late reservation that they ended up in the far side of the restaurant. When the waiter walks up to a staircase at the far end, he knows there’s something amiss. He’s been to this restaurant before with a couple of his work colleagues and higher-ups and he knows that this part is reserved only for VIPs. He has never asked Jiaheng about the specifics of his job because he feels that he would be breaching a fine line if he ever does so. This situation only makes him wonder just what the man does for him to be able to afford a VIP room.

They finally stop walking after what felt like an hour. The waiter opens the door and motions for him to enter.

At first he doesn’t see anybody, just the table for two in the middle of the room. Until he sees the tall man with blonde hair standing in front of the floor to roof glass window. There’s an air to this man that even with his back to Yixing, the younger can already feel his knees go weak.

His knees buckle and fight to keep standing when the man turns around. He’s dressed to the nines with a Givenchy suit, his shoes a pair of the latest Lanvin and even from meters away Yixing can smell his expensive cologne. However, all of that structured fashion gloriousness is nothing to the face that accompanies it.

His platinum blonde hair looks soft and handsomely unruly on top of his head. His eyes are wide yet piercing as he makes eye contact with Yixing. The younger doesn’t think he’s seen a nose sculpted so perfectly over someone’s face before and his lips, his lips look so temptingly luscious that Yixing fights the urge to just run up to the man to have a taste.

Another reason why he stays frozen on his spot is because the man before him is someone he has seen before, in the cinemas, on his 24-inch LED TV, on his cellphone, hell even on his way to work in different billboard and subway ads. This man who came here as Jiaheng to Yixing isn’t the man he expected him to be.

Yixing thinks he is in the wrong room and maybe the waiter made a mistake but the man walks forward and extends a hand to him introducing himself as Li Jiaheng.

Yixing shakes his head in disbelief and the man smiles at him when he shakily breathes out: “Wu Yifan…”

<> 

Yifan isn’t exactly sure if this is a good idea; to reveal himself to the person he’s been exchanging Christmas cards with since he was seven. But Yixing has become, unexpectedly, a huge part of his life that he can’t help but open up about himself to the younger.

If he was being honest, he would tell you that he wanted to laugh at the card that was sent to their house. He remembers it clearly, Yixing’s squiggly huge letters on the envelope and even on the handmade card. He really wanted to laugh but he had this nagging voice at the back of his head that kept on telling him that this was something done with heart and should not be mocked. And that’s how he found himself borrowing (more like stealing, he asked forgiveness for it afterwards) a couple of bond papers, to create his own Christmas card to send back to the kid named Yixing. He knows his parents will just ignore this kid but he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want another kid to feel unwanted; to feel the same as he was.

So with enough persuasion, he dragged his mother to the post office to send Yixing his handmade card that was really just a huge Merry Christmas written on a folded paper. He hopes though that that was enough.

Apparently it was because he got another card from the same boy on the next Christmas. He picked up the sort-of tradition to have something solid in his life. He managed to send Yixing the next Christmas card in time and the next thing he knows whenever the cold months start he gets all giddy and excited to write to Yixing.

He never thought that those harmless exchanges would lead them here, in this very room. He didn’t really know what to expect when he invited Yixing for dinner on Christmas Eve. He was invited for a show in Changsha and he immediately grabbed the offer without thinking of it too much. He’s been to the city many times before, guesting for Hunan TV’s shows from time to time but he never had the courage to tell Yixing, to meet up and finally introduce himself not as Li Jiaheng but as Wu Yifan. Afraid that the younger will start seeing him as the celebrity and not the person he exchanges cards with annually.

Yifan is glad though that he finally built up the courage to ask Yixing for a meet up and leave all his worries for later. If he didn’t then he wouldn’t ever be able to lay his eyes on the beauty before him.

Unlike himself, Yixing is only wearing a white dress shirt and a simple black coat paired with black slacks. No matter how simple it looks like, there’s something about the way his eyes sparkle and his lips purse out in disbelief that has Yifan enchanted.

Looking at the younger now, watching his kind and soft features under the lights of the chandelier above them, he remembers a letter from Yixing during those days that he had told the younger he was feeling down.

Jiaheng ge,

Hello ge! Your letter got me worried. I am sure whatever it is that’s bothering you will be resolved soon. I don’t know how hard it is for you but I will be always here to listen and to stay. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. Please be well.

Yixing

He knew then that Yixing was one of those, if not the only person, people he wants to keep in his life.

“You can call me Yifan or Jiaheng, whichever is more comfortable for you.” Yifan informs the still stunned Yixing before offering him to take a seat.

“You’re…you’re joking, right?” The younger asks, squinting his eyes at Yifan until the elder answers with a laugh.

“Yixing, you know I’m not good with jokes.” Somehow Yixing’s face relaxes and his eyes widen a little bit as if he just understood the inside joke. Yifan pulls his chair for him and it obliges the younger to sit down.

“I hope you don’t mind, I already ordered for us.” As if on cue, the door opens and the waiter comes in with their appetizer. Yifan eyes Yixing who still has not said a thing since they sat down while the waiter places their food in front of them.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” The younger’s voice makes Yifan lift his head up to ask him what he is apologizing for, only to be answered by Yixing’s following words: “I’m just trying to process all of this. Are you really sure you’re Li Jiaheng?” Yifan can’t help but laugh at Yixing’s persistence. He had expected a whole bunch of reactions that the younger could give him but not this. He just nods as an answer before pulling something from his pocket.

The envelope is almost yellow at the sides with yellow spots dotting it in various areas, much like the ones Yixing has tucked in his box inside his cabinet. Upon seeing it, Yixing’s jaw drops while Yifan’s smile widens. The younger obviously knows what he has in his hand.

“This is one of the out-of-nowhere letters you sent me when I was having troubles in college.” Yifan supplies as if Yixing needs the information when he can clearly see his handwriting on the outside of the envelope. This, Yifan thinks, should be proof enough.

“Why do you have it with you?” At first Yifan thought the younger was accusing him of stealing it from somebody else but after seeing genuine curiosity in the younger’s eyes he just answers honestly.

“I keep it with me all the time and whenever I feel lonely, I would read it.” He tucks it back into his pocket for safekeeping and when he looks back up he sees a light dusting of pink over Yixing’s cheeks. He finds it adorable and he also finds himself staring fixated at the younger’s bottom lip that he seems to love biting.

And then he sees Yixing smile before uttering: “Well, I’m glad, I guess.”

What causes Yifan’s eyes to widen and for his heart to skip a beat is the appearance of a dimple on Yixing’s right cheek. He wants to poke it so hard that he couldn’t stop his hand from moving up and forward to dig a finger on the adorable hole.

It surprises Yixing at first but it seems that the act just makes him smile wider causing his dimples to become more prominent.

Yifan didn’t think it would be possible but here he is falling deeper for the boy he had only hoped to meet. But who was he kidding? He knows himself that he has fallen for Yixing even long ago, from when they started their long-standing tradition.

Yixing seems to have relaxed after that, glancing at Yifan every now and then without wearing those nervous eyes.

“So…” Yifan just raises an eyebrow when the younger initiates a conversation, “how come you’re Wu Yifan now? Or is that just a stage name?”

“No, it’s my real name. I changed it when my parents got divorced.” To this Yixing’s eyes bulge out more than before. “I kind of wanted to let go of that cause it only reminded me of how sad my childhood was.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The pout that Yixing gives is enough to melt Yifan’s heart. “I kept calling you Jiaheng…” The younger looks down and starts twiddling his fingers, feeling guilty for some reason.

“It’s okay.” The actor puts up a dismissive hand. “You’re a part of my childhood that I wanted to keep that’s why I never told you.” Yixing turns red and stays quiet for the rest of the course, only replying to Yifan’s questions when he is asked.

A smile tugs at Yifan’s lips when he sees Yixing’s delighted face as he hums around his spoon.

He really does love sweets, Yifan thinks as he watches Yixing devour his slice of cake for dessert.

“Yixing?” The younger looks up from his cake with his spoon still in his mouth and Yifan suppresses the urge to squeal because Yixing is just too cute and because it wouldn’t be manly to do that, “it would be really nice if you can spend Christmas with me.”

“I…uhh…” Yixing blinks and his mouth perfectly imitates how a fish would when it’s out on land.

“I would still be here tomorrow,” Yifan adds, not giving up easily, “and I have no one to spend it with.”

Yifan knows from previous exchanges of texts that Yixing’s parents are on a cruise for the holidays so he knows the other is going to either be spending Christmas alone or with friends, hopefully not with a boyfriend.

After much thinking, Yixing finally says: “You can come to my place and I’ll cook dinner.”

Yifan couldn’t suppress the smile that has adorned his face for the rest of the evening and Yixing seems to have a fixed smile on his face as well with the light dusting of pink looking beautiful over his cheeks.

Even before Yixing can back out of his promised dinner, Yifan makes sure to get the younger’s address. He walks Yixing to his car even if there is a huge risk of people seeing him, not wanting to part with the younger just yet. He couldn’t stop himself from pulling Yixing’s wrist and holding him close. The embrace lasts longer than he expects which makes his heart even happier. He smiles when he feels Yixing’s stiff body turn lax in his arms after a while but the happiness is cut by the buzzing of his cellphone, alerting him of a new message.

The younger finally bids him goodbye and he watches as he drives out of the parking lot and into the traffic once again. He stays there for a few seconds, just thinking of the events that happened that night. He knows it’s quite cliché and wrong to say that it’s love at first sight because for one, he knew long ago that he loved Yixing and didn’t need to see him to fall for him but having the physical image of the person you love, knowing they’re well, healthy and that they are amazingly beautiful has Yifan’s heart skipping a beat.

<> 

Yifan shows up at Yixing’s place five minutes earlier than what they had arranged, bringing his professionally punctual self into the plate. It is better to be earlier than expected than to be late. He doesn’t want to give the younger that kind of image.

When Yixing opens the door, he finds a tall, blonde man bundled in an orange sweater that he had pulled up until it hides his mouth and nose making his looks more adorable than steely; a trait his fans have attached to him because of his sharp features.

“Hi.” Yifan pulls his head out of the collar of his sweater to reveal a face that barely has any makeup on yet Yixing still thinks he’s more handsome than the whole of China combined. He moves away from the door to let Yifan in who he then notes has one single red paper bag in his hand. Yixing himself had to rush that morning to the mall, hoping that it would be open, so he can buy Yifan a gift. Sadly, when he got there, the mall was closed. He just hopes Yifan will like everything he cooked and accept it as his poor excuse of a gift.

It turns out that the elder does love everything, even praising Yixing for being able to cook so well. At first the younger thought that Yifan was just being polite but when the actor said: “I’ve never had home cooked meal in such a long time. This feels very nostalgic.” He feels that flutter in his heart again and then Yifan is smiling at him so genuinely that he is afraid his heart might not make it through the dinner.

Thankfully, it does. Yixing thanks his regular dancing lessons for having a healthy heart but Yifan had already asked if he can stay until midnight and Yixing thinks he might need some real medication after this day. There is just an inexplicable feeling that surrounds him when he is with Yifan. He doesn’t know if it is just the rush of finally meeting someone you’ve only been talking to through snail mail or if it is because of something deeper, something that he doesn’t know if the elder feels as well.

When they settle down in Yixing’s living room, Yifan instantly places the red paper bag over his lap.

“You didn’t have to. We already had that dinner last night and I don’t have a gift for you.” Yixing looks down at the gift on his lap, embarrassed and shy. He doesn’t want to receive anything if he himself doesn’t give back.

“Yixing,” he lifts his face up when he feels Yifan’s cold fingers under his chin and his eyes meets with the elder’s, “you are more than enough as a gift.” Yixing wants to say he’s lame and that he is not going anywhere with all the cheesy lines but his brain goes haywire and he looks like a fish again with his mouth opening and closing without sounds being produced. Yifan removes his fingers from the younger’s chin and motions for him to open the gift.

Yixing finds a gold Cartier bracelet inside and before he can even thank Yifan he sees a matching one on the elder’s left wrist.

“Do you like it?” Yifan asks, a curious tone under his breath when he notices that Yixing has not said anything. Yixing seems to have awoken from his sleep and nods frantically before saying: “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

Yifan doesn’t waste any time and places the bracelet around Yixing’s wrist as well. He shows the younger his own and they just look into each other’s eyes for a long time without saying anything. It is Yixing who breaks eye contact first and he starts fiddling with the new band around his wrist.

When he lifts his head up he sees snow falling and it instantly changes his focus from being self-conscious around Yifan to being happy at the sight of the sign of winter. Yifan turns his head to the direction that Yixing is looking at and smiles as well. He stands up abruptly and pulls Yixing up by the hand to go out in the balcony.

It’s cold but they don’t really mind as they watch the whole city be covered with snow with its twinkling lights smiling up at them.

Yifan’s eyes are instantly drawn to his side to look at Yixing’s face. If there is any word that can describe what he looks like at the moment it would be ethereal. The snow speckled on his chocolate brown hair, the way the lights reflect on his eyes and how they make a beautiful painting on Yixing’s cheeks, make the younger look even more beautiful to him than anyone he has ever seen.

“I like you.” The words roll out of Yifan’s tongue like it is a phrase he would use every day, but at the same time it also felt like it is something he has been wanting to say. It is so simple, so carefree and so unabashed that it has Yixing’s eyes widening at how it flowed out of his mouth so freely. Yifan knows that the red that is coloring Yixing’s face at that moment is not because of the lights or the cold but because of his words.

Before the younger can say anything, Yifan adds: “I’m not asking for much Yixing. I just want to know that you’ll be there for me.”

Yixing looks into his eyes and finds nothing but sincerity in them. He smiles and simply nods, understanding that there are only a few people that Yifan holds dear to his heart and to know that he is one of them is enough to cause his heart to feel all warm despite the cold atmosphere. Yifan reaches out for his hand and he blushes when the elder interlaces their fingers together.

“Yixing?” The younger diverts his attention from the falling snow to the actor, seeing the twinkle in his eyes again makes Yifan beam in delight. He starts to lean down to Yixing’s level and he can see the younger’s eyes grow wider but he didn’t move an inch even when Yifan moved forward to have his nose touch the tip of Yixing’s. His smile doesn’t falter when he sees the younger close his eyes at the action, a hot puff of air from Yixing’s pursed lips bathing his face in warmth.

“Merry Christmas.” His deep voice pierces through the silence that has settled around them and before the younger can greet back, he pushes his lips forward to meet Yixing’s in a soft brush. The kiss didn’t last long, just a light peck then they’re already parting with eyes closed. Even with just a light press, Yixing’s cheeks have turned red as an apple, making Yifan proud of himself for pulling such a reaction from the younger for the nth time that night.

Yixing opens his eyes after a beat and looks at Yifan’s eyes, smiling his widest and most beautiful one, before muttering: “Merry Christmas.”