It was a quarter past nine when he arrived. He was early, but he didn’t mind; Lu Han would be home soon.


The calendar stuck to one side of the fridge reminded Sehun that it was Wednesday, Lu Han’s day at his personal studio. He was excited to welcome his tired-looking boyfriend. To him, it was plain endearing to see Lu Han’s hair with drops of different colours of dried oils all over. The phone rang just as he was setting the kettle on the stove. It was Chanyeol, his and Luhan’s friend, bearing good news.


It was a quarter to ten when Lu Han finally opened the front door. Sehun thought he looked radiant.


“Your tea’s gone cold.”


Lu Han smiled.


“It’s the thought that matters, isn’t it? I had a very long day, but it was worth it.”


Sehun walked up to him to steal a soft, chaste kiss, just for the sake of it, before grabbing Lu Han’s mug and putting it in the microwave. He’d done this so many times before, his movements were automatic.


He wasn’t in the mood for waiting till the machine beeped three times to indicate the tea was ready, so he just took the mug out and walked out to the living room. Lu Han had already taken his shirt off. Sehun felt overdressed in his –actually Lu Han’s– wine hoodie and loose sweatpants.


“So, what’s got you so busy?”


Lu Han signalled Sehun to sit between his legs. He replied only after he was comfortable enough.


“Something I think you’ll like.”


Sehun hummed. He knew better than to pry; whatever this was, Lu Han wanted to keep it secret until it was done. He wriggled a bit, trying to wrap his arm around Lu Han’s middle and failing; the sofa was spacious, it was them who were crushed together on the far end of it.


“Chanyeol called.”


“Oh. Any reason in particular?”


“Yeah. Guess who are getting married?”


Lu Han pondered about it for a few minutes. Sehun wondered what was taking him so long since their group of friends wasn’t that big. He thought he’d seen something sombre in Lu Han’s eyes for a second, but he didn’t know why it could be, so he didn’t think too much about it.


“Is it him and Baekhyun?”


Sehun laughed. Maybe it was an obvious choice, since everyone around them knew about Baekhyun and Chanyeol, but he felt his stomach drop when he heard Lu Han’s answer. He liked that they were at that point in their relationship where they were so in sync, they even thought the same things sometimes.


“That’s exactly what I told him. You should have heard him, he was ecstatic, but no. It’s not them.”


Lu Han gasped.


“Oh, god. Don’t tell me it’s our little Jongin.”


Sehun nodded, pouting and holding back a tear.


“Kyungsoo proposed last night. In front of everyone, except us, because we’re responsible employees. It’s been recorded.”


“I can’t believe it.”


“My brother is getting married and you can’t believe it.”


“He’s like a little brother to me, too. I’m just in shock, I thought the first ones to tie the knot would be either Baekhyun and Chanyeol, or Minseok and Jongdae. Aren’t they too young?”


Sehun would have been affronted if it weren’t for Lu Han’s expression.


“Jongin is my age, Kyungsoo just a year older. They’re fine.”


“I am panicking because two of my friends are getting married. Please let’s not have children ever.”


Sehun felt his heart pick up his pace. Unlike Jongin, he’d never had marriage as one of his priorities. Of course he wanted to marry Lu Han and start a family of their own, but he could wait, and he would. He trusted Lu Han, and his words had felt more like a promise than a plea.


“I want a daughter, though.”


Lu Han hit Sehun’s arm playfully.


“This world is too rotten for me to have a daughter. Over protectiveness is bad for kids.”


Sehun didn’t answer, opting instead to trace patterns on Lu Han’s chest. His head was resting against it, and he could faintly hear his heartbeat. It lulled him to a deep slumber.






They had their Thursday off. It was some kind of agreement of theirs to have a day off together to spend it at home.


After two rounds of morning , Sehun felt both sore and exhilarated. It happened every time; he loved feeling like that. The worst part was that he couldn’t help but want to tell Lu Han the cheesiest things right after. He held his tongue, though, sighing instead.


“Don’t sigh so heavily; I, too, wish we could stay this way forever.”


It’d been Lu Han voicing his own thoughts, and the way he was so sure about the reason behind that sigh had made Sehun’s heart feel like it was too big; like it didn’t fit inside his ribcage.


“Too bad we’re going to die at some point, no?”


Lu Han laughed, sitting himself up and dragging Sehun to his side before straddling him.


“So what? We’re dying, but we’re still here, so full of life…”


Sehun held Lu Han’s gaze, a million feelings conveyed in mere seconds through a silent conversation impossible to have with words.


“We’re dying no matter how you look at it, if you think about it. Aren’t we risking ourselves? Aren’t we giving our hearts away to a person who keeps it beating, yet someone who could potentially break it in a matter of seconds?”


“To think the first thing you said to me on our first date was that ‘love is for people stupid enough to believe in such fantasies.’ However, Sehun, whether we die soon, fall out or stay in love, death is a promise.”


“Death is depressing. What’s the point in having found each other if it will be something finite?”


Lu Han stayed quiet, scrutinising Sehun. Then, rather calmly, he bent down to kiss him full on the lips, slow and intimate, as if trying to prove a point. Sehun felt hot and suffocated, as if he’d never kissed Lu Han before. He figured they’d never kissed like this and, for a moment, he regretted it. It made him feel like they’d been loving each other the wrong way.


After kissing him for two minutes, Lu Han finally bit Sehun’s lower lip, dragging it between his teeth and releasing it, like he always did after their long make-out sessions. Taking a deep breathe, he grabbed Sehun’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes again. His expression was soft yet fiery; Sehun wasn’t sure how Lu Han could do that.


“You always ask things the wrong way; do you think it’s pointless for me to love you this hard? Or is it that you hate the idea of dying because it means being separated from me?”


Sehun’s mouth was strangely dry. It might have been because Lu Han was spilling his feelings, which had happened only once before, but Sehun wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, Lu Han’s face was expectant, so Sehun needed to answer both wisely and quickly.


“I couldn’t take it. I don’t fancy being separated from you, much less if it’s for such a selfish reason. What would I do?”


Lu Han chuckled.


“Would it be selfish to die? I don’t think so, but that’s beside the point right now. You shouldn’t care about it being finite, instead, you should focus on loving without regrets, because one day, hopefully when you’re old and grey, you’ll realise you worried too much about something unavoidable and wasted a lot of precious time.”


He kissed Sehun’s cheek before getting up, grabbing a pair of pants and making his way to the bathroom.