Do you remember when we fell under
Did you expect me to reason with thunder
I still remember when time was frozen
What seemed forever was just a moment

Hurry up, hurry up
There's no more waiting
We're still worth saving

Feel the light
Shining in the dark of night
Remember what we forgot
I know it's a long shot
But we're bringing it all back
We're bringing it all back

 

Tears fill my eyes as I write these lyrics. Ever since Jimins death, I feel depressed. I don't feel like eating, I don't feel like sleeping, I don't want to live anymore. But that is not what Jimin wanted. Jimin wanted me to be happy. To smile. To laugh. How can I?

How can I live like this?

 

*Flashback*

"Who did this?" I yelled, seeing Jimin soaked up in blood, guns laying on the floor.

"Don't worry kookie. I did it for our best. This is what we both wanted."

 

*Present Day*

"Jungkook. Your coffee is getting cold." I look up and see Jin. His eyes are sad. All the members eyes are sad. Jimin was happy light in the group. He made sure to make everyone smile. He made sure that no one was down. Without him, we're nothing.

"I don't feel like drinking it anymore." I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks.

Yoongi wrapped his arms around me, something he never does.

"Aish. Don't cry jungkookie. We're here for you." He said, wiping my tears away with his hand.

"It's not the same hyung. I loved him so much. It hurts so much hyung. I want him back. Why did he kill himself? W- why h-hyung?" I asked, sobbing, puling Yoongi closer to me.

"Shh. Kookie, he loved you too. He loved you so much. Anyone could see it. Everyone saw how much he cared for you." He whispered.

"T-then w-why d-did h-he k-kil h-himself?" I mubmbled against his chest.

Yoongi pulled away to look at me. "Baby, we don't know. He probably had something going on."

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks again. "Why didn't he tell us? I could've helped."

 

"We all could've helped." Taehyung whispered, wrapping his arms around his legs.

"Maybe he didn't want us to worry. Jimin always wanted us to be happy. He probably didn't want to burden us." Hoseok said, comforting Taehyung.

 

"Let's go everyone. New Years is almost coming. Let's get ready." Jin said, ushering us out of the cafe.

 

"Yoongi-hyung." I whispered.

"Yes kookie?"

"When will things go back the way they were?" I asked.

 

Yoongi sighed, lifting my chin up with his forefinger. I couldn't look at him in the eyes. I was scared I was going to cry again.

"Kookie. Look at me." He demanded. I looked up and saw his eyes. Pity, sorrow, anger. Maybe even fear?

"No one knows when things will be the same again. Only time will tell. The truth will unravel itself. Be patient."

I nodded.

 

Once we got exited the cafe, all of us visited many stores looking for New Years decorations. In a few minutes, we were all laughing because Hoseok was pinning balloons all over Taehyung's body.

I felt a twinge of sadness knowing Jimin wasn't here with us.

"If Jiminnie was here,he would goof around with all the costumes and decorations." Namjoon said. No one said anything after. We didn't need to. Everyone knew it was true.

 

"Come on, lets go back to the dorm." Jin said, after a few moments of silence.

 

*1 week later*

Today was New Years eve. 30 seconds before midnight. 30 seconds before the new year started. This year was hard on all of us, hard on me too. We all wish Jimin was here to celebrate with us.

"Oh God." We all prayed. "Let Park Jimin, our brother, our friend, our life, our everything, but most of all, kookie's lover, rest in peace. Let him rejoice as we are right now. Amen."

 

"COUNTDOWN!" Hoseok shouted.

"5." We all shouted."4.3.2.1!"

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!" Everyone said jumping up and down.

 

I looked around me. Even though Jimin wasn't here, I imagined him with us. i imagined him having fun, laughing with us, rejoicing with us. I imagined him living this moment right now.

"We love you Jimin. Whereever you are right now, remember that your members are wishing you the best." V said.

Jin smiled at him. We all put our arms around each other. I looked a us, I took a look at what we were doing.

"We're going to be okay." Namjoon assured us.

We all nodded. We were here for each other, we were going to live.

 

That night when I went in the bedroom Jimin and I shared, I took a look at his side of the room. I looked at his bed, touched his bedsheets, felt his clothes, saw his dance trophies. It all smelled like him. It smelled like the Jimin I once knew.

 

It felt weird not having my roommate, my best friend, my life, my lover not sleep in the same bedroom with me again. From now on, it would only be me. No more Jimin cuddling with me, whispering sweet nothins until I fell asleep.

Before I used to take whatever he did for me for granted, now I wish to just be able to see his face and hear his voice.

 

I looked at his side of the wall. Pictures of him ,pictures of me, pictures of all of the group -when we were seven-, pictures of both of us together. I looked at the most recent one, the day before he killed himself.

How could I not notice his pain? He was smiling, yet his eyes seemed sad. As I was looking through his stuff, I found a note under his pillow. When was this here?

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time I was done reading, I was sobbing. I folded the letter and out it under my pillow as a reminder that my Jimin hyung is always with me.

 

That night, I lay on my bed with Jimins blanket around me, with Jimins scent invading my senses.

Holding our most recent picture in my hand, I felt tears fall. I was smiling through my tears.

 

"Jimin hyung. I want you to know that I always loved you, I will always love you. Even if one day I find myself a new lover, I will never forget you. I will remember all the times we had, all the memories we shared, all the times we laughed, every single moment." I said  kissing Jimin's face in the picture.

 

"A new year, a new beginning, I can make this through." I whispered, falling asleep, not knowing what tomrrow would bring.

 

 

THE END