A/N:

Oh my gosh guys, so this oneshot was based off my own personal experiences (Up until the new friend thing). I cried while writing this. I'm so glad that I could get all my feelings out and write this oneshot for you guys.

Please, If you do like it, give me an upvote, comment, and subcribe! Muah! Love you guys! Chu~

Yoongi didn't know when it had started. The self-loathing thoughts, the loneliness, the pain that was almost physical. It wasn't that bad through high school, but once he graduated, the thoughts never stopped. His friends stopped contacting him, and he knew deep down inside that it was because of him. Who would want to hang out with someone like him anyway?

He found himself the be annoying. When he spoke, he hated everything that came out. He would always stumble over his words often, making himself feel stupid. When he tried joking or joining in on a conversation, everyone would just stare. They wouldn't laugh or reply. They only smiled a fake smile, returning their conversation to the people who mattered.

It really worsened when Yoongi's father passed away in February. His father was the only one who didn't make him feel stupid or unwanted. When Yoongi graduated from high school the last year in May, his father had come to his open house at Yoongi's grandparent's house. That was the last time the mint-haired boy had seen his father healthy.

About a month after his graduation, Yoongi was picking his mother up from the truck stop. Yoongi lived on his own at this point, his mother always being on the road with her boyfriend. While he was waiting for his mother to gather her things, Yoongi got a phone call. It was from his father's girlfriend. He picked up the phone. “Hello?” Yoongi didn't know why he felt uneasy when he answered the phone. There was no reason for him to feel uneasy.

“Yoongi.” She sounded like she had been crying. Yoongi fumbled with the steering wheel, and tapped his foot. He didn't want to answer her. He didn't want to know the reason why she was crying. “Yoongi, your dad. He went to the doctor.” Yoongi could feel his heart drop to his stomach as he heard his dad's girlfriend sniffle on the other line.

He needed to know why she was crying. Could it really be that bad? “Yeah? He's okay right? Nothing wrong?” As he said the words, he knew he was wrong. The woman had begun crying loudly.

“Yoongi,” She cried again. “Your dad, he only has one year left to live.” Yoongi fell silent. He didn't know what to say. He hated himself for not saying anything. His father was dying, and he had nothing to say? He should have cried. He should have screamed. Something. He should have done, said, something! “He went to the doctor to get surgery on his leg, but they found a tumor in his leg. When they searched the rest of his body, they found some spots on his lungs.”

Yoongi's mother arrived after getting her things at that point. She sat in the passenger seat. Yoongi closed his eyes, not wanting to believe what he heard, but still not being able to say a thing. He wanted to cry, but because of his stupid shyness, he refused. When the conversation was over, Yoongi hung the phone up, then put it inside the cup holder. He didn't make eye contact with his mother, looking forward at the semi's lined up in front of him.

His mother broke the silence. “What did she say?” Yoongi ignored her for a few moments, then looked at her. His lips started quivering. He could feel the tears start to build up. He really didn't want to say anything, because he knew that he would let the tears fall out.

Still, he wanted to tell his mother. Yoongi tried to find the words, but it was difficult. “I-I can't even say it.” The tears fell. He started sobbing uncontrollably. His mother pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back as he cried. He grabbed onto his mother's shirt.

Eventually he felt okay enough to slow his tears, but they were still coming. He decided to tell his mother. “Dad, he only has a year to live.” Yoongi's mother was supposed to go on the road again than night for a week. But I didn't want to be alone. “Mom, can you please stay with me this week? I really don't want to be alone.”

Yoongi's mother hesitated. “Um, I don't know. Let me talk to my boyfriend.” She got out of the car. Yoongi was angry. He had just found out that his father was dying, and his mother still had to think about staying with him. Yoongi wondered if a day would ever come that his mother would put him first before any of her boyfriends that she changes up every year give or take. When his mother returned, he got his answer, which was exactly what he had expected. “No, I'm sorry sweetie. But, we're going down south and I never get to go down there. You'll be okay. Don't worry.” Yoongi just ignored her.

For the next seven months, Yoongi drove down to see his father every other weekend. He wished he could see his father every single day, or every weekend. But, he couldn't. He had a ty job, with ty pay, and he lived an hour away from his father. His father seemed weaker and weaker each visit. The chemo therapy wasn't working, nor was the radiation, just like they had expected. Yoongi's father couldn't even walk. His surgery he had on his leg in June never healed, causing him pain and discomfort.

Yoongi's father was surrounded by family on the day before his death. Yoongi's mother, brother, aunt, and grandmother were all there. Yoongi's father had been sleeping a lot the week before, but for some reason that day, he was more awake than he had been in months. Normally, he would dose off after about twenty minutes of being awake, but not that day. He stayed awake with Yoongi and all the other family members as they all watched home videos, laughing and sometimes crying.

When Yoongi left that night, he made sure to hug his father tightly. He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that it was the last time he would see his father alive. And sure enough, at ten in the morning the next day, he got a phone call from his aunt. He didn't pick up, because he was scared. He felt like he knew what the call was going to be about.

Yoongi's mother walked into the room a few minutes later. “Yoongi,” She began slowly. She had sounded upset. “Yoongi, your father has just passed away about half an hour ago.” Yoongi didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. “I'm sorry.” His mother said before leaving the room. And even though his father had just passed away, he didn't feel that overwhelming pain of sorrow that he had expected to feel when his father passed away. He felt almost, numb.

He hated himself for that. Why didn't he cry? Why didn't he get angry? Why did it seem like everything was fine to him? How come everyone else around him, people who weren't his son, people who didn't know him like Yoongi knew him, cried more than he did? He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. Even at the funeral, he wanted to cry, but since he was in public, he forced the tears to stay inside. People probably thought he was heartless. They probably thought he was happy that his father was gone.

People would come up to Yoongi and ask him if he was okay. When he said he was okay, people would tell him that he wasn't okay. What did these people know? Did they really know him that well? Who were those people that they thought they could tell him how he felt? He did feel fine! He felt okay, and that was the problem.

Now, nearly eleven months after his death, Yoongi realized those people were right. Yoongi wasn't okay. He would cry watching television shows. He would cry whenever he missed his father. Whenever he wanted to just pick up the phone and tell his father about something that happened to him. He took his father for granted. And if he could have him back, he would never leave his father's side.

* * *

Yoongi worked at a coffee shop now. He loved the smell of coffee, but that was the only thing he loved about his job. He hated the customers. He hated his co-workers who treated him like he was invisible. They never included him in any of their jokes or any of their conversations.

While he was working the cash register he heard two of his co-workers laugh behind him. He didn't turn his head to see what they were laughing at, because he knew deep down, even though he wasn't doing anything to be laughed at, that they were laughing at him. He didn't know why, but he knew it was about him.

He finished taking a girl's order when a boy walked up and said, “Hello, I'm here for an interview.” Yoongi looked up into the boy's eyes, and he felt his heart stop momentarily. “My name is Park Jimin.”

Finally, Yoongi found the words to say. “Oh, oh yeah.” He called for the manager, and in a couple minutes, Jimin was taken to the break room for an interview. Yoongi had silently rooted for the boy who had bright orange hair. He seemed different that all of his other co-workers. Yoongi knew better than to like someone this early. The mint-haired boy knew deep down, that he was probably exactly like all the others. And if he wasn't exactly like the others, there was probably something else.

Thirty minutes after Jimin had been taken to the break room, Yoongi felt a pair of arms slide around his waist. “I got the job!” The person exclaimed. Yoongi jumped in surprise. It was Jimin. They barely met each other, and Jimin is already hugging him. “Woo! See you tomorrow!” He all but skipped out of the coffee shop, and for the first time in a while, Yoongi found himself smiling.

And when the next day came, Yoongi saw Jimin, just like Jimin had said. He was the happiest person Yoongi thought he had ever seen. His smiled never faded from that slightly chubby face of his. As the days went on, Yoongi began smiling more. “Hey Yoongi.” Jimin practically sang. “Wanna come to my house and play some video games? You can even stay the night if you want to!” Normally, if someone asked him to come over, he would refuse, knowing that Yoongi would say something awkward or annoying, and he didn't feel like hating himself while stuck at someone's house. But, when Jimin offered for him to come over, for some reason he couldn't refuse. He just nodded, sending Jimin a slight smile. Jimin grinned, then ran off to finish his job that he was doing prior.

* * *

Yoongi swallowed, then rang Jimin's doorbell. He was carrying a small bag over his shoulder, holding his clothes for the night and his work clothes for in the morning. Moments later, Jimin opened the door. “Yoongi!” He yelled, then grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. “Let's go play!” Yoongi smiled at how childish Jimin sounded, but he followed him over to the light blue sofa.

They played games for hours. Jimin talked to Yoongi the entire time, and Yoongi felt happy. He hadn't had this much fun, ever. He actually felt like he belonged in a friendship. “Thank you.” Yoongi blurted out.

“For what?” Jimin paused the game and looked at Yoongi. He caught himself looking at Jimin for too long. Why did he find this boy so good looking? Yoongi was straight, he wasn't supposed to find other boys attractive.

“F-For being my friend.” Yoongi said, finally moving his gaze away from the younger. He felt a hand on his arm and he looked up to see Jimin slightly frowning. It was the first time he had seen the younger do anything other than smile from ear to ear. “What's wrong?” Yoongi asked. Did he say something wrong? Were they not really friends? He started to panic, and Jimin noticed, and began to smile again.

“Hey, it's nothing. It's just that I'm worried about you. You're never happy, you know? I don't like seeing you like that.” Jimin gave Yoongi's arm a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “And thank you for being my friend too.”

* * *

It was time for the two boys to go to sleep. Jimin led the older into his bedroom. Yoongi paused in the doorway when he saw his bed. It was twin sized. “Oh, Yoongi, if you don't mind, we'll have to share this bed tonight. The floor is too cold for you or me to sleep on, plus I only have that one blanket that's on my bed.” Yoongi gulped. What would it be like to sleep next to another man, so close? But he agreed.

Yoongi put his bag down on a chair at the right side of the room and began searching through it for his pajamas. Normally, he wouldn't think twice about changing in front of another male. They were both males, so who cared right? But this time, Yoongi felt uneasy, and he was unsure why. He turned around to tell Jimin he was going to the bathroom, but when he turned around, Jimin was standing in the middle of the room with his shirt already half way off his body. Yoongi's eyes flashed to his abs, and his eyes lingered. He started to bite his lips, but he snapped out of it as Jimin got his shirt all the way off. “Um, Jimin, I'm going to the bathroom.” And he was off.

He slammed the bathroom door behind him, grabbed his chest, and slid down the door onto his . His heart was pounding a million miles a minute. His hand pounded against his chest. Why? Why was his heart pounding for someone like Jimin? A male? He wasn't gay. There's no way he was gay. When he was younger, he kissed some girls, he had girlfriends too. So why, why was his heart pounding for a male?

Slowly, he changed into his pajamas. He was nervous about going back into the bedroom. Twenty minutes passed, and Yoongi decided he should probably get back to the bedroom before Jimin thought something was up. When he walked into the room, the light was still on, but Jimin was fast asleep on the bed. Unknowingly, Yoongi frowned. He wanted to talk to the younger a little while longer before going to sleep.

Yoongi walked over to the bed, then decided that there was barely enough room for him to climb in beside the younger. Yoongi got in so that his back was faced toward the sleeping boy, but Jimin was faced toward Yoongi's back.

Yoongi is usually a rough sleeper, so it was no surprise that he turned over onto his other side, facing Jimin. His eyes continued to stay closed for a couple minutes, before he suddenly opened them. Jimin was staring back at him, their eyes meeting. This time, Yoongi didn't turn away.

Maybe what Yoongi was feeling was comfort. Jimin was the first person who made Yoongi feel safe. He made him feel wanted, and somehow loved. He knew from the beginning that their friendship seemed...different.

Jimin inched his body closer to Yoongi's, their bodies completely touching, their lips only inches apart. “Jimin,” Yoongi began. “I'm sorry.” Before Jimin could ask why, Yoongi pushed his lips against his. Jimin didn't respond at first, but then he did. And, Yoongi could feel sparks flying everywhere. Butterflies flew around inside his stomach, trying to find a way to escape. But there was no escaping, they were there to stay.

Jimin wrapped his arms around the older and deepened the kiss. There was now no inch of their body that wasn't touching the other. Eventually the kiss ended, but their faces stayed close to each others. “Don't be sorry.” Jimin breathed out. “Yoongi, I like you.” That's when Yoongi sat up. “Hyung, what's wrong?”

Yoongi stood up from the bed and paced around. “It's just-” He couldn't find the words. “It's just that...” Yoongi huffed out a large breath of air. “Look, I like you too, but I'm scared. What if someday, you decide you don't like me anymore. What if you find someone better than me, and believe me, it's not that hard, and you leave me?” Yoongi paced around the room for a few seconds. “I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't think I could take it.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin sighed out. “Believe me, I like you more than you know. I would never do something like that to you.” Yoongi ran a hand through his hair. Jimin could tell he still wasn't sure. “Look Yoongi, if I ever do that to you, which I promise I won't, I'll let you beat me up okay?” He smiled softly at the nervous boy. Yoongi nodded, finally deciding to let the younger in.

The two boys didn't sleep that night. They stayed up all night talking. Yoongi told Jimin about his depression, and his dad. And by the end of the conversation, Jimin was crying. He hated the elder feeling that way. He knew most people didn't understand depression, but Jimin did. When he was younger, he too was depressed. But, after many years of friendship with his best friend Taehyung, he was cured. Jimin hoped to be that person to Yoongi, but more. He wanted to love Yoongi more than anything he had ever loved before.

Yoongi was happy for once in his life. He was with someone who treated him like a real human. Someone who didn't just push him into the corner when he found someone more interesting to talk to. Someone who didn't laugh at who he was. Someone who loved him. Someone Yoongi loved dearly. Even though Jimin was a boy, Yoongi was the happiest person in Seoul. He still didn't think he was gay. He just knew that Jimin was the one for him, despite his gender. Because, when it comes to love, Gender doesn't mean a damn thing.

Hi guys, it's me again. I forgot to add at the end of the chapter,

Yoongi's story of his father passing away, is actually my story.

Here is my Dad and I, the one who inspired me to write this...