Seeing him always made everything about her melt. Her legs, brain and tongue all seemed to just flow away and desert her, leaving her as just a shell of a girl, with her heart beating fasting and her breaths cutting shorter. She felt foolish, gangly and awkward and everything she said sounded stupid to her ears. She was hyper-aware of every movement she made, and she wondered how he saw her too.
It was his face that did it: his expressions. He was rakishly slim and tall, yet muscled; he had tattoos and taught limbs, but nothing about his body made her swoon. No, it was his eyes, piercing and dark brown; the quizzical tension behind them, the whimsical curiosity, the look he had like he wanted to take out your soul and repair it. The problem was that he looked at everyone like that, and it quashed any hopes she had that she was special.

She’d known him for a year. A year of craning her head up to stare into his eyes and feeling her cheeks grow hot whenever she did; a year of watching him quietly from behind the stage, feeling shy about speaking to him but doing so anyway; a year of rolling her eyes when people clammed up, and watching him find the way to make them spill their innermost thoughts. He was a singer and dancer in the Idol group called 'Exo', of course: everyone adored him, some more loudly than others.

He had a girlfriend though, someone beautiful, pleasant and composed, the opposite of what she herself was. That was why it hurt so much whenever he kissed her on the cheek and told her she was sweet after many of the rehersals she'd seen him at: knowing that she didn’t have a chance.

After a year, it had gotten too much. Sitting on the edge of the merchandise table, she was chatting to the group's drummer, who was practically the guy version of her, one of her best friends and confidant.
“Who’re you staring at?” he asked, resting his chin on his hands and glancing at her.
“Guess.”
“Oh no, not our dancer again…”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “And it’s not like I get to talk to anyone about it.”
“Talk to me then.”
“No fear! You’ll laugh at me.”
“Well yeah, of course I will, but I’m sure I’ll feel your pain.”
She glanced back at him, his expression mild but worried.
“Seriously,” he said. “You’re such a sweet, happy girl, but whenever he gets within view you just change.”
“I’m ninety-five per cent sure I’m in love with him, and I can’t deal with it any more,” she said, and shrugged. “That’s all.”
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