Let The Light In

(Luminescence)

 

“Taeyeon! Taeyeon, breathe.”

 

Eunsook gets a face of pink curls when Taeyeon whirls around to yell, “Breathe? Sookie, have you seen the state of this place?” Eunsook bites down on her lip before she can snap about spending the whole week prior trying to get Taeyeon to help her clean the house.

 

Eunsook knows Taeyeon’s anxiety often makes her seem lazy or uninterested, knows that Taeyeon’s probably on the edge of a panic attack. The sun has just set and for some reason Taeyeon tends to become more sensitive at night. There’s this nervous, pulsing, shimmering energy sparking her skin.

 

It’s just that Eunsook has been reminding her - gently, always gently - for the past week that Gwiboon and Minho aren’t going to host Christmas at their place this year, it’s here, so let’s just tidy up and maybe put up a few decorations? But Taeyeon had just waved her away with a vague smile promising ‘we’ll get to it, stop worrying so much’.

 

She looks at the hectic red flush along Taeyeon’s cheekbones and the way her hands are shaking and Eunsook’s heart hurts a little at the preventability of the whole thing.

 

Taeyeon sweeps their coats and scarfs from the bench by the front door and stuffs them in the wardrobe, “They’re coming round for lunch tomorrow-“

 

“Well, I would hope they’re coming for lunch tomorrow since it is Christmas Day.” Eunsook sighs before she can think better of it. Taeyeon pauses, panting angrily, glaring at her girlfriend furiously, and then huffs loudly and blusters into the living room. Eunsook trails after her; torn between making sure she’s ok and actually tidying up herself. Lingering in the wide doorway, Eunsook can’t help but smile, even as Taeyeon frantically beats the pillows and mutters under her breath about the whereabouts of the vacuum cleaner. Taeyeon’s so earnest about this, so desperate to ensure everyone has fun, that Eunsook finds herself helplessly endeared despite everything.

 

“You’re not helping!” Taeyeon shrieks suddenly. Eunsook starts, but before she can even react, Taeyeon’s flown across the room whimpering apologies. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, it’s not your fault, it’s mine, I know, I know.”

 

She hovers just out of arms reach. Eunsook frowns and leans forward to poke the lines above Taeyeon’s eyebrows.

 

“Shh, don’t frown. Hug?”

 

Taeyeon’s teeth worry her lip for a moment, pink bleeding white under pressure, then she nods and stumbles into Eunsook’s arms. Eunsook breathes steadily, deeply, and feels Taeyeon’s little puffs of breath against her collarbones, following the rhythm set, can feel the little movements of Taeyeon’s ribcage echoing her own where their chests are pressed together.

 

“Sookie?” Taeyeon mumbles into Eunsook’s shirt. Eunsook hums, the sound rumbling through them both. “…They’re our friends, right?” Eunsook nods. “And if our house isn’t really pretty, they’ll still be our friends, won’t they?”

 

Eunsook kisses the top of Taeyeon’s pastel, silk-soft hair. Taeyeon does this, sometimes. Pushes and pushes, testing people. They will still like me even if I do this? What about if I do this? and occasionally Why do they still like me? Surely they’re bored by now?

 

When Taeyeon first asked her, just a little after they’d gotten together, Eunsook had sworn never to let Taeyeon feel it necessary to ask those questions. She knows, now, that it’s not a question of necessity. Eunsook has come to realise that anxiety works in darker ways than that. So for now, she focuses on the way Taeyeon sighs softly, her body melting against Eunsook’s, tension draining from her body. The nervous light dims into something gentler.

 

When Eunsook shuffles them so she can sit on the arm of the sofa, tugging Taeyeon by her belt to settle between her legs, and nuzzles her nose into Taeyeon’s neck, the heady scent of vanilla perfume mingling with the hints of masculine cologne Taeyeon adores is almost overpowering. Taeyeon giggles as Eunsook snuffles closer, hugging Taeyeon’s slim waist tightly.

 

Taeyeon wriggles a bit and Eunsook pulls away, smiling up with half-moon eyes as Taeyeon’s hands smooth over Eunsook’s thighs and she leans down to press soft kisses along Eunsook’s hairline, down to Eunsook’s lips. Warm, wet, familiar. Taeyeon scratches her fingernails up the inside seam of Eunsook’s shorts and laughs when Eunsook pushes her away, blushing bright red. Even after all these years. It makes Taeyeon’s heart flutter.

 

“Sorry.” She says again.

 

Eunsook just shakes her head. “It’s ok. How about I tidy up the living room and you make sure our bedroom isn’t a total mess?”

 

“Or you could come up and help me check?” Taeyeon blinks, dipping her head coyly and gazing at Eunsook through her long eyelashes. Eunsook shoves her towards the stairs.

 

“Go away!”

 

Taeyeon prances off upstairs, cackling at the barely concealed whine in Eunsook’s voice.

 

Eunsook sighs at the state of the living room and gets to work.

 

---

 

It’s nine o’clock by the time they finish cleaning. Clean sheets on all the beds, living spaces organised and vacuumed, the somewhat musty box of Christmas decorations in the centre of the carpet.

 

It’s not that they dislike Christmas - hell, Taeyeon’s a practicing Catholic, even if Eunsook’s vaguely Buddhist - but neither are keen on the over-commercialisation of the holiday, and their little two-storey flat is small enough as it is without Christmas decorations everywhere, and they’ve both been busy recently.

 

Neither of them feels particularly hungry but Eunsook decides, on a whim, to bake cookies.

 

“It’s too late to bake cookies.” Taeyeon whines, hopping up onto the kitchen table, shamelessly admiring Eunsook’s bum in her black skinny jeans.

 

“It’s Christmas.” Eunsook replies. “Do you know where the chocolate buttons are?”

 

“I finished them yesterday.” Taeyeon smirks a little. “Sorry.” Eunsook hits her knee as she passes on her way to the tiny pantry cupboard and Taeyeon’s smirk widens.

 

“You’re not sorry at all, you little .”

 

Taeyeon gasps in pseudo-offence. “Sook!”

 

Eunsook smacks them over the head with the box of flour, a tiny cloud of tiny exploding out of the corners and settling on Taeyeon’s candyfloss hair. “Don’t you ‘Sook’ me, babe.”

 

Taeyeon is blushing too hard to snark back, just mumbles, “You could use those special cooking chocolate drops instead.”

 

Eunsook pecks her cheek.

 

“Already got them, buttercup.”

 

“I’m...” Taeyeon slips down, landing softly on the floor. “I’ll go and put on some Christmas music?” Eunsook wrinkles her nose but Taeyeon just pokes it and skips off anyway, “Not taking no as an answer! We’ve been bad enough at Christmas this year.”

 

The music comes on and Eunsook starts dancing around the kitchen despite herself. “Is this my old album?”

 

Taeyeon nods as she slides back, grabs Eunsook’s hands and spins them around in a circle. Eunsook stubs her toe on the table leg and Taeyeon can’t stop laughing.

 

Grumbling, Eunsook drags Taeyeon to the counter by the scruff of her collar. “Come on, blob the mixture on here. Even you can’t ruin that.”

 

Taeyeon takes the jibe, hip-bumping Eunsook and pouting until Eunsook kisses her.

 

Eunsook sets the timer just as Merry Christmas Everyone comes on and she shrieks too loudly for the late hour and pulls Taeyeon out to the living room, singing brashly and doing totally inappropriate body-rolls until Taeyeon turns bright red and joins in. They sing and sound so terrible that Eunsook bursts into a fit of laughter, chuckling until she can’t breath. Taeyeon waggles her eyebrows and insists Eunsook dance with her, round and round their carpet in their living room of their little house, until Eunsook can’t keep up, collapsing on the sofa, submerging into the snuggly pillows and blankets, just watching as Taeyeon lets herself go. It’s almost blinding.

 

Eunsook’s chest hurts with how happy she suddenly feels, curled up on the sofa, the wafts of gingerbread from the kitchen, the silly, familiar music and Taeyeon. Taeyeon’s sparkly eyes and sinful dancing, the twirl of her arms and slender legs, her pink hair still dusted with flour and her pink lips mouthing the lyrics, smushing up into a smile every time their eyes catch.

 

Then Taeyeon kicks the box of decorations over and it spits out strangles of lifeless, limp tinsel and a few pathetic balls of tangled fairy lights. Eunsook stifles her laughter as Taeyeon hops around the living room, holding her foot, and throws herself off the sofa to rummage around and pull out the stupid light up plastic tree that reaches her thighs.

 

“Dear? I’m in pain and you’re ignoring me?” Eunsook’s lips twitch with the effort of not laughing at Taeyeon’s petulant tone.

 

“Hey, look! I found you!” Eunsook exclaims, pulling a particularly fat and mouldy Santa Claus from the box.

 

“Oh yeah?” Taeyeon slams down next to her, foot forgotten. “Well, well, this is you!” In her hand sits a tiny, disfigured reindeer, his red nose long since snapped off.

 

“You’re an idiot. An idiot. Why do I love you?” Taeyeon splutters, as she always does.

 

Eunsook finds it a little silly; after all, Taeyeon said ‘I love you’ first. But then again, Taeyeon has always been shyer about throwing emotion around like this. Eunsook, too, is only really this open when they are alone, when it is just the two of them.

 

But god, she loves how blushy Taeyeon gets every time she says it, loves how, just like now, she drops everything and dives across to loop her arms around Eunsook’s neck and kiss her deeply, red lips and hot, slick tongues.

 

“Buttercup.” Eunsook breathes into Taeyeon’s open mouth, hands coming up to thumb Taeyeon’s pink cheeks, brush her messy curls behind her ears, tug gently on the earlobe until Taeyeon’s nose twitches. Taeyeon’s black eyes glitter in the warm lamplight, her skin golden. Eunsook really does love her.

 

The cookie timer goes off.

 

---

 

It’s past midnight when they’ve finished putting up the Christmas decorations. Eunsook turns the lights down low, so only the warm orange lamps in the corners of the room and the weak golden fairy lights looping across the ceiling are left shining, then flops on the carpet, letting her eyes flutter shut. When she opens them again, at the sound of a little ‘unf!’, she finds their duvet floating into the living room. Taeyeon’s hair pokes out of the top and her tanned legs out the bottom, having struggled out of her jeans.

 

Taeyeon throws the cushions off the sofa then dumps the duvet onto it, jumping on and burying into it like it’s a nest. Her soft face peers over the edge, smiling down at Eunsook. Little fingers with mint fingernails wiggle at Eunsook until she climbs up too, the pair of them floundering around arranging themselves, tangling themselves up.

 

They’ve always shared the role of big spoon, and tonight Taeyeon pulls Eunsook’s head against her s and hooks her chin on top of Eunsook’s brunette waves. Eunsook wraps her non-squished arm around Taeyeon’s waist, loving the firm, lean muscle under her bicep, and nuzzles closer. Closer.

 

Their duvet is so downy and Taeyeon’s body thrums like a tiny heater, her heartbeat comforting as it rumbles through their bodies.

 

Taeyeon’s small fingertips lightly dig into Eunsook’s jaw as she curls down to press her lips against her girlfriend’s.

 

“Our fifth Christmas, Tae.” Eunsook whispers, eyes dancing over every inch of Taeyeon’s face. Smooth, round cheeks, the same colour as her short curls, sharp jawline, dinky little button nose, the hint of dark circles beneath those melty black eyes lined in kohl. “You should take your makeup off.”

 

“I don’t care. One night can’t hurt.” And so what if she wakes up the next morning with her eyelashes sticking together, and whining down Eunsook’s ear? That doesn’t matter right now. Nothing matters outside of their gentle, chaste kisses, delicate hands, all the places they’re pressed as close as physically possible. Eunsook pulls away to rest her head back on Taeyeon’s s, her eyelashes placing tiny butterfly kisses to the bare skin of Taeyeon’s collar, where her pyjama shirt scoops low.

 

Taeyeon thinks she’s going to cry because she’s so happy.

 

“I read something.” Eunsook murmurs. The tickle of her breath across Taeyeon’s skin raises tiny goosebumps that she pauses to kiss away, making Taeyeon giggle and hit her shoulder. That short pause makes Eunsook reconsider, makes her realise it’s too cringey for her to say.

 

“What did you read?” Taeyeon coaxes, curious, nose in the hot midnight river of Eunsook’s hair.

 

“Nah, it was silly. Let me put on a song?” Taeyeon doesn’t push Eunsook, just lifts her hip so Eunsook can get her phone. She keys in the passcode - they’ve never told each other their passcodes - and hands it over, tummy tingling in expectation, watching the way Eunsook’s pupils vibrate as she speeds through the songs.

 

When the first dirge-like croons of The Pogues vibrates from the speakers, trembling through the air and infusing the living room with anticipation for the tempo change, Taeyeon laughs and Eunsook wiggles her eyebrows and their heartbeats pound in time.

 

There!

 

Taeyeon leaps off the sofa, or tries to, and they tumble to the floor, then jump up and dance in their socks, fingers tangled together, hushed voices laced with mirth and contentment and that rare, rare joy of being. The places, the moments, when their hands meet; they seem to spark and glitter.

 

Messy Irish jigging, gasping cackles and sweaty palms. Relishing the curses they growl out. Twirling each other around.

 

Taeyeon’s high, breathy tone trilling through the notes. There’s a deep intensity to her voice when they reach the fourth stanza, skipping close enough their breath mingles, gazes locked, “You took my dreams from me, when I first found you.”

 

Eunsook takes the male’s part with her low, gruff voice, and hopes she conveys a little of her love. “I kept them with me babe, I put them with my own, couldn’t make it all alone, I built my dreams around you.”

 

Taeyeon presses their foreheads together and her hands come to Eunsook’s broad shoulders and Eunsook’s fall to Taeyeon’s slim hips.

 

---

 

They’re awoken the next morning by Gwiboon bursting in.

 

“Why did we give her a spare key?” Taeyeon groans down Eunsook’s ear, before muttering angrily about her day-old makeup.

 

Eunsook doesn’t respond, twisting to bury her face in the cushions.

 

“Darlings, darlings!” Gwiboon calls, halting abruptly in the doorway before bursting into soft coos. “Min, Min, look. They’re so adorable. Why don’t we do that?”

 

Minho gives her a long-suffering look. “Boonie, Jonghyun sleeps on our sofa.”

 

Gwiboon hits him, just because, and then breezes through to the linked kitchen to dump her bags of food, Minho trailing after her, similarly laden.

 

“Oh cookies!”

 

That’s enough to get Taeyeon up, scrambling over the lump of her girlfriend’s nearly comatose body to save the cookies before Gwiboon can devour them all. She slips a bit on the kitchen tiles in her socks but Gwiboon dives and catches her, despite the ridiculous heels the older woman is wearing.

 

“’anks.” Taeyeon mumbles, the last remaining wave of sleepiness hitting her. Gwiboon sets her down in a kitchen chair and ruffles her curls.

 

“You just sit there, love, and Minho will make you some breakfast.”

 

“I do not remember volunteering?” Gwiboon kicks him so he pulls her lilac hair before dutifully finding Taeyeon some marmalade on toast. He ends up eating half of it anyway.

 

“He eats us out of house and home.” Gwiboon hisses behind her hand.

 

“I heard that.”

 

“Good.” Gwiboon smirks. “You were meant to.”

 

“Why did I marry you?” Minho groans. But his eyes are so fond, his lips quirking up at the sides into a tiny smile despite his best efforts not to give in, and Gwiboon’s sharp edges melt as she curls her fingers in his shirt and pulls him down for a kiss.

 

Taeyeon can remember a time when seeing that would make her feel jealous or insecure, but now she pretends to gag and grins at her friends so widely her cheeks hurt a little. Eunsook emerges like a monster from the deep, stumbling over and kissing the hurt away with sleep-hot lips.

 

Taeyeon steals the last piece of toast from Minho’s hands and feeds it to Eunsook instead. Gwiboon laughs in delight.

 

“We’ll head up and fix ourselves a little. Y’know. Where’s Jjong?”

 

“The lads swung round to pick him up earlier to go and buy the drinks.” Everyone had unanimously decided not to exchange presents but to instead contribute through bringing food and drink and good company. “Can’t believe they left it so last minute.”

 

Taeyeon pauses in the doorway, Eunsook slumped against her with an arm around her narrow shoulders, and laughs. “I can.”

 

---

 

More dancing, but this time accompanied by far greater amounts of alcohol and less intense kissing and more dancing partners. Eunsook flails around with her brother, calls out toasts, takes some time out to phone her parents and wish them a (somewhat awkward but nevertheless amicable) Merry Christmas. When she sneaks back inside, shivering from the cold, Taeyeon lights up at the sight of her, places a messy kiss on the edge of Jongin’s lips then flies through the chaos of their friendship group to latch onto her.

 

Eunsook throws an arm around Taeyeon’s shoulders. “My parents said to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

 

Taeyeon squints, though the alcohol buzzing in her veins prevents the sentence from dampening her mood too much. “Really? To me?” She settles into Eunsook’s side like she was made to fit.

 

Eunsook smiles softly, a bit dozily, “Yup. To you. Merry Christmas, Taeyeonnie.”

 

“Merry Christma~s, Eunsookie.” Taeyeon giggles and the sound is like sunshine shimmering on fresh snow.

 

They look around the room together.

 

Gwiboon long since threw away her heels, and is dancing on the sofa, Minho sneaking up to wrap his long arms around her thighs and bury his face into her belly as she shrieks and hits his head.

 

Jonghyun is such a lightweight that it becomes a team effort to keep him away from the drinks after his third glass of wine.

 

Woohyun and Joonmyun and Lee Joon are singing loudly to Wham! and just looking at Kyuhyun and Changmin makes Taeyeon want to cry with embarrassment; she buries her face in Eunsook’s armpit. Honestly, they aren’t 50 yet; the dad dancing needs to stop. When she looks back fearfully, Amber’s joined them. Ugh, why are these people their friends? Taeyeon mutters and Eunsook splutters with second-hand humiliation.

 

In the kitchen Eunsook thinks she can just make out the beginning of a disaster; worrying because people need to stop cheering Heechul on as he throws back shots and worrying because Eunsook is really, really tempted to go and join him. But it looks like Eeteuk is headed over, rolling his eyes.

 

A few seconds later Heechul bursts out of the kitchen with his entourage, laughing so loudly, so gleefully, that everyone momentarily pauses to laugh with him.

 

---

 

Gwiboon, Jonghyun, Jongin and Minho stay over but they wave the others home, arms around each other’s waists and identically idiotic grins on their faces, even as the bitter breeze nips at exposed skin.

 

They shiver back inside, rubbing each other’s hands and giggling for no reason.

 

Or maybe, as Minho pats Taeyeon’s hair before Gwiboon drags him upstairs, kissing Eunsook’s cheek on the way past, as Jonghyun limpets onto Taeyeon then won’t stop ranting about how much he loves them both, loves this house, loves everything, loves Christmas, and dissolves into sniffly tears because why isn’t every day like this, but that would decrease the joy surely?, and as Jongin smiles widely at Eunsook then has a who-can-hug-tighter battle with Taeyeon…

 

Maybe they’re giggling for all the right reasons.

 

---

 

They go out for lunch the next day (late lunch, none able to heave themselves out of bed before twelve), all six of them cramming into their little car and going to their favourite restaurant, dressed immaculately. A few improvisations had to be made; Gwiboon had remembered, of course, to pack clothes for both herself and Minho, and Jongin had a draw of his stuff in the guest bedroom anyway, but Jonghyun had just brushed his jeans down and stolen one of Taeyeon’s cute sparkly shirts.

 

It’s lovely, the food delicious as always and the restaurant quieter in the Christmas hangover though still humming a little; as if content, like its guests, to mellow and relax after the buzz of the previous day. Eunsook and Gwiboon leave a sizeable tip because the owner looks dead on her feet and she kisses both of their cheeks (they know her really well so it’s not odd at all).

 

On the way home, Taeyeon firmly kneads Eunsook’s thigh as the elder drives and their backseat passengers sing along - harmonising and terribly out of tune, of course - to the carols. At every stop light Eunsook drops her hand from the steering wheel and places her big, warm hands over Taeyeon’s little fists.

 

They hold hands up the stairs to their bedroom, where their second television awaits. Eunsook’s is downstairs amongst the wreckage of the living room but Taeyeon’s little portable one is on top of the chest of drawers at the end of their bed. Taeyeon and Jongin curl up, giggling together, everyone carefully avoids meeting Gwiboon’s eye as she pouts at Minho’s total absorption in the Christmas film until he pulls her onto his lap and rests his head on her lavender hair.  Eunsook huddles down and finds her eyelids closing in the content murmur of full tummy and friendship; she’s vaguely aware of Taeyeon reaching over and pulling the duvet over her, pressing a little flutter kiss to her cheek.

 

“Sweet dreams, darling.”

 

The sky is nostalgia purple and soft pink when Eunsook awakes in the silent early dusk, thoughts heavy and body heavier; she lifts her head a little and finds Taeyeon sprawled across her stomach, drooling on her shirt. Quiet voices drift up the stairs and she’s glad the others let them be, glad to lie in the drowsy, sleep-sweet bedroom with Taeyeon flopped like a blanket over her.

 

In the last rays of winter sun, bright icy streaks outside in contrast to the warmth of the room, Taeyeon’s face is edged in natural light; she shines, a little. Her long eyelashes cast faint shadows over the gentle curves of her cheeks, her plump lips fallen open and saliva slick. Taeyeon’s fingers are curled into the hem of Eunsook’s shirt, her short pink hair fluffed up around her ears where she’d nuzzled into Eunsook’s belly.

 

Eunsook raises her own hand and looks at the back of it, the familiar moles and tiny scars, the wrinkle of her knuckles and the blue of her veins. The soft, pale light of the sun lines the edges of her hand, too. When she lays it carefully, softly, lovingly, over Taeyeon’s little fist, as she did earlier in the car, as she’s done countless times before, their luminescence blurs, merges, bonds. Their shines recognise each other. Eunsook melts, the small jerks of her stomach at each breath of quiet laughter stirring Taeyeon so she blinks, frowns a little, then looks up and smiles, as if on instinct. An answer to Eunsook’s unasked question.

 

“Taeyeonnie.” Eunsook whispers, moving her hand to thread and brush through Taeyeon’s curls, then trace a finger down Taeyeon’s nose and press lightly at the side of her puffy lips. There’s a question she needs to ask that isn’t answerable with a smile.

 

Taeyeon hums into her fingers, kisses Eunsook’s knuckle.

 

“I love you, buttercup.”

 

She’s not sure if the streetlights just came on outside, but Taeyeon seems to glow even more.

 

“I love you too.” Taeyeon’s ebony eyes sparkle and shine, glittering in ways so familiar Eunsook could paint them in her sleep; flashing with depths Eunsook has yet to explore.

 

“Tae, will you marry me?”

 

Taeyeon freezes, her eyes widening, falling slack. And , , Eunsook had waited until after Christmas so it didn’t make things awkward, had wanted to wait until they were alone again, a little after the Christmas frenzy. She didn’t want Taeyeon to be caught up in the spirit of Christmas and regret anything, didn’t want to pressurise her with the presence of their friends downstairs. Maybe make dinner and set up fairy lights and flowers and put on a playlist of Taeyeon’s favourite music in the background-

 

“Marry?”

 

“Uh. Yes?”

 

“Marry you? Me, marry you?”

 

“Th-that was the question, yes.” Eunsook can feel herself going bright red and fiddles with her hair nervously, refuses to meet Taeyeon’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve-“

 

“Yes.” Taeyeon whispers.

 

Eunsook glances at her before she can stop herself and gets caught in Taeyeon’s gaze. Those eyes overflowing with raw emotion, with fondness and excitement and disbelief and love.

 

Taeyeon blinks rapidly, little butterfly flutters, then speaks again, in her soft, mumbling, lilting voice. “Yes, if you’re sure, if you really-“

 

“I am. I do.” Eunsook nearly falls over the words in her desperation. “I love you and I want to spend my life with you.”

 

A little pause, and then Taeyeon bursts into a delirious mixture of whole-body sobs and spluttering laughter, heaving herself upright and then flinging herself forward, climbing up to sit on Eunsook’s belly then bend down and capture Eunsook’s lips with her own.

 

Their kiss is wet with tears, desperate for each other’s familiar heat, breathless from laughing and crying, Taeyeon’s sweaty, hot palms on Eunsook’s jaw, her thumb subconsciously rubbing into Eunsook’s red cheeks and Eunsook’s fingers lacing themselves in Taeyeon’s hair where they belong.

 

“You should’ve asked me sooner.” Taeyeon teases between kisses, panting and gasping and tearstruck.

 

“I didn’t want to risk ruining Christmas. Didn’t want to force you into anything.” Eunsook says, pouting when Taeyeon giggles.

 

“You could never ruin Christmas.” She curves protectively over Eunsook, hands moving to frame Eunsook’s head on the pillow taking the chance to drag her gaze over Eunsook’s tear-streaked face, lingering on the wide, sunshine smile that makes her whole body feel warm and loved and wanted. Lowering herself onto her forearms, Taeyeon ducks her head to brush their noses against one another and Eunsook’s exhale puffs over her lips and she breaths it in and seals their lips together.

 

“I love you,” say Eunsook’s soft, wide palms on Taeyeon’s waist.

 

Taeyeon’s tear-clumped eyelashes whisper the same thing in return.

 

Eunsook doesn’t think Taeyeon has ever shone more brightly.

 

Then forms a funny little ‘o’ in realisation. “We could’ve announced it yesterday! Sookie! Think of all the trouble you could’ve saved us!”

 

“I’ll write the emails.”

 

Taeyeon shakes her head, grinning so her eyes almost disappear. “We’ll have another party. And even better one?”

 

“Better? How many times better?”

 

“Two thousand and fifteen years better!” Taeyeon laughs and Eunsook’s heart throbs and thrums in her chest, beating wildly against her ribcage, threatening to burst out and fly straight onto Taeyeon’s stubby little, mint-fingernailed fingers. She remembers something, twists to pull the drawer open and take out a little burgundy pouch. Taeyeon doesn’t freeze this time, practically vibrates in her lap, hands dancing over Eunsook’s s excitedly.

 

“Is it? Is it?”

 

Taeyeon holds out her palm and Eunsook lets the tiny emerald and diamond ring fall out onto it. There’s something a little old fashioned about the setting.

 

“Your mum’s?” Taeyeon asks. Eunsook drinks in the joy on her face, the fluttering confusion underneath the joy, because…because, it’s familiar…?

 

“No. Yours.”

 

Taeyeon blinks up at her once more, and when she speaks her voice trembles and tumbles like a stream over the edge of a waterfall.

 

“Mine? My mum’s?”

 

Eunsook can’t breathe at the desperate shock on Taeyeon’s face. She waits until Taeyeon has, dazedly, fingers shaking, slid the band onto her ring finger. It fits perfectly.

 

“Yeah, buttercup. I told her I was going to ask, because I wanted to see if…and she hung up on me.” Eunsook thinks Taeyeon shines brighter than any precious stone. She whispers, “And then last week this arrived in the post. I’ve always known she loves you, I-”

 

Taeyeon bursts into tears again. “I swear to God, if you say ‘I told you so’-!” And Eunsook just pulls her down against her, holds her so tight there are no gaps between them.

 

The tears are subsiding just as Gwiboon calls up the stairs, “Eunsook! Taeyeonnie! Dinner’s ready!”

 

Taeyeon sits bolt upright and grins so widely her eyes squint up and her nose wrinkles.  

 

“I’m telling everyone before you!” Eunsook groans at the elbow to the stomach as Taeyeon scrambles off the bed and sprints from the room, throwing the door open with a loud bang.

 

Eunsook thinks she ought to follow but her heart is still beating a bit too fast, so she just flops back on the bed and listens to the thunder of Taeyeon’s feet down the stairs, smiling widely at the pure joy in Taeyeon’s voice as she yells, “Boonie! Everyone! You won’t believe what just happened! Oh my God, I’m engaged, we’re engaged! We’re going to get married!”

 

---

 

Eunsook reaches over and pulls the little slip of pink paper from out of her recent book, where she’d been using it as a bookmark and smiles softly.

 

---

 

“Fish in the sea are luminous so that they can recognise one another; might not people also exude some kind of speechless luminescence to those akin to them?"