Gwangsoo must be going insane.

Or maybe this was just a normal reaction when one knew their best friend was in love with them.

Either way, he was now very much aware of where Jongkook was. Hyper aware, in fact. It was as if as soon as Jongkook was in the near vicinity Gwangsoo could feel him, like a nagging in the back of his head. He was a magnetic field and Gwangsoo’s eyes were helpless magnets and he couldn’t help himself from watching, observing, staring at Jongkook.

Like when he smiled, how his eyes would disappear as his cheeks rose, or how his nose would wrinkle the tiniest when he was thinking, or how his gaze would almost seem to burn through whatever he was staring at when he concentrated.

Gwangsoo suddenly noticed all of these things and he couldn’t seem to stop looking for more. He would stare at Jongkook’s hands absentmindedly, wondering how his fingers would fit with his own or if it would feel as rough as he expected. He’d observe the way the light caught in Jongkook’s hair and fantasize about how it would feel to run his fingers through the strands. He’d sometimes even watch how Jongkook’s lips moved and wonder if he was a good kisser and how many people he had kissed.

It was weird and it was wrong, all because Jongkook had confessed. Of course Gwangsoo would start thinking about those things, Jongkook had put ideas in his head with his confession. Not that Gwangsoo blamed him or anything, he was just feeling embarrassed that he was suddenly thinking all of these things and being so aware of the other man.

Jongkook on the other hand, seemed to have gotten a great weight lifted off his shoulders and he was smiling and laughing in his carefree way again. Gwangsoo was glad his Hyung seemed better, even if it was at the expense of his own declining sanity… well, it was a bit harsh to say that, but he truly felt like nothing in his head connected these days.

Gwangsoo knew, for a fact, that he wasn’t in love with Jongkook and yet, he couldn’t stop himself from getting closer to him, sitting nearer than really was necessary and touching him when he had no reason to.

Jongkook didn’t seem to mind.

Gwangsoo continued.

Soon, it was more of a habit. Gwangsoo would watch him during breaks and meals as if it wasn’t weird, sit close to him without even thinking and hold onto his shirt or arm without any qualms about it.

He found that he quite liked this new closeness to Jongkook. It made him realize how safe Jongkook felt, how well he cared for his friends and how kind he truly was. He was warm and firm and comfortable, and Gwangsoo couldn’t get enough of it.

But did that mean he reciprocated his feelings?

Gwangsoo didn’t think so.

Until Jihyo pointed it out one day.

“You and Jongkook-Oppa have been really close lately,” she mentioned neutrally as they sat in the van that served as today’s transportation on Running Man while the others were on a bathroom break.

Gwangsoo looked up from his phone and at her, confused frown denting his forehead.

“What do you mean, Noona?” he asked.

She raised her eyebrows.

“That since you two made up two weeks ago you’ve been a lot more gung-ho about him,” she answered. “You talked about him a lot before, but now I can actually count on my fingers how many times you don’t mention him during a week. Then there’s all that trailing after him, sitting close to him and practically staring at him as if you haven’t seen a human being before. It’s like you have a crush on him or something.”

Gwangsoo’s entire body went cold and he gaped at her.

“I – I –” he spluttered. “Excuse me?”

Jihyo frowned, but only gave him a shrug as Gary returned from the rest stop they had stopped at with a bag full of snacks. He took whatever he wanted from it before throwing it to the two in the backseat.

“Take whatever you want,” he said.

“Thanks, Oppa,” Jihyo smiled.

Gwangsoo still couldn’t tear his incredulous gaze away from her and she gave him an irritated eye cast, showing a chocolate bar into his face.

“Just think about it,” she muttered and Gary looked between them curiously.

Gwangsoo swallowed harshly, turning away from her to stare out the window as she tried to deflect Gary’s question about what was wrong.

That proved to be the wrong thing to do, because he could see Jongkook and Jaesuk outside the small convenience store, discussing something, that probably had to do with the mission they were on. He was glad the editors would cut this part out of the show – like they always did – because heat rose in his cheeks, his palms began sweating, and his heart beat picked up, making his breath stutter.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jongkook as he watched how the wind ruffled his hair, how his eyes narrowed at something Jaesuk said, how he smiled at Haha, who exited the store with a bag of drinks, and how the sun and shadows played across his skin as the three of them along with Sukjin made their way back to the van.

What was this?

What was this?

He bit his lip as tears welled up in his eyes and his breath hitched.

The sudden want to scream, and thrash and kick was overwhelming and he took a shuddering breath, swallowing the lump in his throat, a silent tear sliding down his cheek

He was scared.

He was so scared. It was too strong and sudden and uncontrollable.

A soft hand suddenly landed on his shoulder and he managed to tear his eyes away from the rest of the cast to meet Jihyo and Gary’s worried gazes. They were saying something, but he couldn’t hear what, the fear in his head was ringing too loud. He barely registered the rest of the cast piling into the car, but was thankful he and Jihyo were sitting alone at the very back. Neither Gary nor Jihyo said anything and he managed to compose himself enough to look decent for the cameras.

The rest of the day went by in a blur and he couldn’t concentrate. He just wanted to go back home, crawl into bed, and never wake up again.

Of course, Jongkook had been worried. He, and the rest of the cast, had been flitting around him hesitantly for the rest of the day, all feeling the desperate air surrounding him but not knowing what to do about it.

He wished they would all leave him alone. He needed time to think, to adjust. And he needed silence.

At the same time he longed for the comfort he knew Jongkook would provide if he only told him. The reassuring words he would tell Gwangsoo – like all the other times he had done when Gwangsoo had felt insufficient and unworthy.

But Gwangsoo had a feeling he would not be satisfied with only that anymore. Which terrified him to no end.

How come love was this scary?