It was another long day, long period of purgatory of listening to people complaining about their life.  Some were just mindless talk of people with too many money to throw around to mere psychiatrist when in fact, they only need an ear to lend.  Some were far too psychotic to be brought up twice in my mind. Hurr, I shuddered at remembering the one time I had to call the security to bring a patient to a mental hospital because the tantrum she threw was too dangerous to dismiss.

I sometimes wondered whether those people knew that working too hard might lead someone to the pit of depression. That state of depression would make their hard-earned money went to my colleagues and me, the likes of psychiatrists. Which they didn’t need to go to in the first place if they did not work too hard. A cycle of evil, really.

“But I won’t complain since I live from that…” I unconsciously muttered beneath my breath.

My assistant often reminded me not to mutter, the habit I have had since I could remember.

Well, one couldn’t exactly help that, right?

Before leaving the office, I asked the receptionist of the joint doctors’ clinic I worked in about the patients she had taken note of since my assistant was on leave.

“Min Jae-yang, any appointment for me tomorrow?”

“Eo, doctor Han. You have an appointment at 10 tomorrow. A Kim Joon Myeon-shi has booked an appointment.”

“Other?”

“So far, that is the only appointment you have.”

“Alright, then I’ll take my leave.”

“Take care, Dr.”

“You too, don’t wait up too long and go wake up Security Ahjussi if he slacked off again. I swear that man sleeps too much to even notice anything let alone doing his job.”

She laughed at me before shushing me off to go on my way.

I smiled back to her before leaving the office for good.

Little did I know that that would all changed tomorrow.

--

“Min Jae, you told me I have an appointment at 10?”

“Uhm yes, Dr…”

“Then?”

I could feel my left eyebrow rising along with the tone of my voice.

It was lunchtime and the man hadn’t showed up at his designated time. My shift ended at two in the afternoon on Saturdays and there would be no other psychiatrist available for the rest of the day. Heck, there would be no other doctors except emergency doctors on Saturdays and Sundays.

I have life too, you know.

Yeah, if life consists of sitting in front of your computer and fangirling over the latest dramas they had on streaming networks.

Sue me, old habit died hard. Or in my case, the habit never died.

“Well, tell him that I won’t wait up okay? I’ll go home at 2. Precisely.”

“What? Got a hot date already? It’s still noon, Dr.”

Min Jae winked her eyes naughtily.

Ha! I wish.

“Yes, a very hot date with Seo Jeong Hoo on my laptop.”

“Eish…a drama’s character is not counted, Doc. Find a real man.”

“Easy for you to say. Amutteun, don’t forget to have lunch, kay? I’ll go first.”

Still, the man hadn’t come until my shift ended. I could care less actually, I needed to get to my laptop and watched the rerun of Healer since I couldn’t watch it alive last Monday due to an overnight patient. I did just that and went home immediately as the clock strike two pm.

The clinic opened up a consultation time at 10 pm each night on weekdays for patients who were too afraid to come at the daylight. Those were usually the high profile ones or those who were willing to pay thrice the usual rate. One time, when I was on the shift, a celebrity came. I didn’t watch TV other than for the dramas I was addicted to, but I recognized her face as one of the faces I’ve seen on billboards. The lady looked relieved that I didn’t recognize her, and she even hugged me when I let her see the confidentiality agreement my assistant brought me prior to her entering the office.

I could care less, though. I was there to do my job and to get it done, preferably getting my patients out of their depressions without sending them to mental hospitals. It didn’t matter what they do.

Therefore, you could imagine my surprise when the clinic’s director called me in the middle of my Healer marathon.  At 9 pm. On Saturday.

“Aish…”

I picked it up halfheartedly.

“Dr. Han, where are you?”

“Home. It’s Saturday, Director.”

I might or might not slur my last words. Sue me.

“Shouldn’t you be at the clinic now?”

“What?”

I sat up straight at that.

“As far as I know I’m not an emergency doctor, and there is no overnight shift for psychiatrist on weekends, Director.”

“God, you have an appointment at 10 pm! Get your over here.”

Whoa, chill man…

“Alright, alright, don’t get yourself twisted, Director, I’m coming.”

I got dressed and went outside my apartment complex to catch a taxi. I needn’t to mention that I cursed under my breath along the way right?

--

So there I was, sitting in the dark inside my room with only the lamp desk on because I was too angry to turn on the main light. Min Jae forgot to tell me that it was an overnight patient, and on weekend.

My precious weekend! Seo Jeong Hoo…

A knock interrupted my internal musing. That must be him, then.

“Excuse me, Dr. I would have to turn on the light.”

An old man, dressed in modest but impeccable clothes, could be seen in front of me. He didn’t sit in front of me, instead he stood his ground with his hands held in front. Like he was…

“Please sit down.”

I threw my usual opening sentence, to test my theory.

“You would have to excuse me again, but I want you to sign this agreement first.”

“Well, as you can see…”

I signed him to the wall, to the place where my pledge of confidentiality was framed and hanged for whomever that entered the room to see.

“This is purely for Young Master’s convenience. So if you could, please sign this agreement, Dr. Han.”

I read it carefully, afraid of any scam or anything. Judging from the old man’s posture, I probably took too much time to read it.

“Well, there you go.”

“Thank you very much.  Young Master will be here in few moments.”

I prepared myself for another rich, possibly bratty heir or something from the way the old man addressed him as the man went outside to fetch him. Who the heck still uses Young Master these days?

I was not prepared for what greeted me the next. The old man came first and opened the door for what I assumed is the Young Master. A very handsome, impeccably dressed even more than the old man, young man entered the room. From the moment he entered the room I knew, I was doomed. I would have a hard time listening to his stories if his face was as distracting as that.

No! This is work! Not the time for your inner fangirl to come out!

I slapped myself mentally to get my head back on the track.

As he went on to sit in front of me, only then that I noticed something other than his good physique. The way his shoulder hunched, the dark circles beneath his eyes and the seemingly constant frown he had on his forehead. Signs of heavy depression.

“Talk.”

, I sounded rude even to my ears.

“Excuse me Dr, but you have to watch your-“

“Assistant Kang, could you please wait outside for me until I finish this?”

“But-“

“Please.”

The young man said in a final tone.

“Alright, I understand, Young Master. I’ll be waiting at the front.”

The old man gave me a disapproving glance before exiting the room. Huh, too strict.

“You would have to excuse my butler, Doctor. He was not used to people talk to me in banmal.”

“I guess I should have learned table manner. The way to speak to a Young Master or something like that.”

I couldn’t help the sarcasm from seeping through my words. I used complete jondaemal when addressing his Young Master, yet he called it banmal? The nerve of that old man.

Instead of reprimanding me, the man let out a bitter laugh. He just shook his head at me, motioning me to continue my job.

I took the chart and started my usual routine of asking him general questions.

“Kim Joon Myeon-shi, there is actually nothing wrong with your chart. Care to explain why that was so?”

“Because I’m not the one who fill it in.”

I schooled my features before continuing.

“Kim Joon Myeon-shi…I take it this is not your writing?”

“No, it was Assistant Kang. You would have to excuse him again for that.”

“Now, Kim Joon Myeon-shi, this form is supposed to be filled as true as it is and whoever filled it in shouldn’t matter.”

“What is written there is true.”

“Now you confuse me.”

“True for him.”

I sent him an enquiring glance. I knew he would continue talking.

“I just let him fill it to save all what I’m going to say. I don’t want to be bothered by having to write it and say it again.”

“Then by all means, tell me.”

“It was true that I have a complete set of parents, but they were never there.”

“As in?”

“As in they just gave birth to me without raising me. They practically surrendered me to the maid in the house to be raised.”

That concept…felt foreign on my ears. It was a classic example of people having close to no parental affection to lead into depression, but I only heard it in the class back at uni. Most patients who came here never suffered from it.

“I thought that I was stronger than to let it affect me. You know the saying right, Doctor? That if you pretend it was not there, then it wasn’t there?”

I nodded.

“I thought that if I surrounded myself with friends and girlfriends, I could change myself.  I could fill in the empty void that seemed to be constantly exist in my chest.”

“But at the end of the day, when I go home and finding only maids and butler to greet me, that emptiness returns.”

“I decided one day that I was going to live alone, to make my own house according to my taste. I thought that the emptiness would be gone if I change my environment.”

“You know what, Dr?”

I tilted my head to him.

“It didn’t. The emptiness returned in full force and it was worse because there were no maids and butlers to greet me. The emptiness on my chest amplified with the emptiness of my new house.”

“Have you tried finding a roommate? Or a girlfriend?” I asked him when he paused for too long.

“I tried finding both. I’m a fast learner, Dr. I had to because I grown up with maids, who would not do anything without command. I think fast because if not, they would not come.”

I shivered at the thought of a toddler having to learn to call a maid in a big, empty house. It was a worse case of loneliness. Growing up, I had a (mis)fortune of living in a noisy family. My mother’s constantly raised voice, my younger siblings causing riots and dad’s busy calming my mother. 

“Then what was the worst scenario you could think of, Dr?”

“Of what?”

“Of having a roommate and a girlfriend at the same time.”

I cursed inside. Seolma…

“They both cheated on you, weren’t they?”

He nodded, still with that bitter smile on his face.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

I was stunned by the resignation I saw in his eyes. Like he had resolved to live like that. No, that couldn’t be. He shouldn’t.

“Joon Myeon-shi. Do you want to change your life?”

“If not, then why would I come here in the first place?”

Touché.

“You don’t look like someone who would want a change in his life.”

“I was halfway there, but I guessed I already more than halfway right?”

I took a breath before answering.

“It is my job to decide whether you were too far gone or not, not yours.”

I composed myself before continuing.

“However, I could do nothing if you had resigned yourself to your current situation. You learned fast, so I’m sure you already knew what kind of purpose my advice would serve.”

I leaned in the table and looked him on the eyes.

“If you want to change, I could help you by setting up your next schedule. If you don’t, don’t bother showing up here and I’ll subscribe you anti-depressants instead.”

--

I scolded myself along my way home. The heck was I doing by being rude to a patient, the director’s close friend at that?! I gave myself an internal shove as I read the message the director had sent to me.

Said to treat his friend well. Said to give him my best interest as a psychiatrist. Instead, I gave him my y, no nonsense attitude.

Way to go, Na Bi-ya, way to go…

Even another date with Healer on my laptop couldn’t cheer me up.

I was ed.

I went to work the next Monday with dreaded anticipation. Afraid of my director’s wrath, more likely. Kim Min Seok might have a face of a young, hyperactive child, but his outburst was not something pretty to be witnessed. Now, I was about to be the first recipient of said outburst.

FML.

I went on with my day in caution in case Director called, but instead of finding a message from him, I found another appointment schedule with Kim Joon Myeon on this coming Thursday.

Huh.

--

“We meet again.”

“Yes, Kim Joon Myeon-shi.”

“Can we drop the formalities?”

I remembered the disapproving look from his butler when I used the banmal tone on addressing him.

“Can I?”

“Please.”

Ugh, focus Na Bi-ya, focus. Really, the combination of his handsome features and that deep timbre was not good for my heart. Any female’s heart.

You’re here to work. To work.

“Then, Joon Myeon-shi, what brings you here for the second time?”

Two hours went by with mundane talks of him being the CEO of his father’s main company (among many other companies his father had) and about how he tried to fill the emptiness in his chest.

“So, tennis?”

“Yes, I thought that since work was full of insincere people and heartless amount things to do, I tried tennis.”

“And how was that going for you?”

“That went well.”

I sensed a but on his words.

“But?”

“It is just that, I was too tired to think about anything else when I got home. I went into a deep slumber after shower.”

I face palmed. Then that meant he was just avoiding the issue instead of solving it.

However, baby steps. Encourage him first.

“Good then. Keep doing that and let’s be positive about the absence of your emptiness.”

--

The third and fourth appointments were spent over conference calls. I didn’t mind it because the third and fourth were spent on office’s hours. The fifth one, however, still had me reeling to this time.

“Ne?”

I took my earphones off while going to the balcony because suddenly it was too hot inside. Summer was taking place and the aircon in the apartment was doing its job well up until Director called. Dank that Kim Min Seok for disturbing my marathon, again.

“Help me.”

“Isn’t this too much, Director?”

“You’ll be paid handsomely.”

“It’s not-“

“If not, then think of it as a favor.”

I stopped rebutting his words at that tone.

He was sincere.

“I was just hanging off the phone call with him, and from the tone of it, he was not well.”

I composed myself before sighing.

“Alright, Director. I understand.”

“Great, he’ll call you in five.”

“Wait, Director! Did he know-“

“My account ID…” I said to a disconnected line.

I shook my head repeatedly as I headed inside. Safe to say, I was surprised when I saw an invitation to connect over Skype with another account.

How he knew- I guess being a CEO had its perks.

I clicked the accept button without thinking and a box popped up.

His tired, apologetic face popped up.

I could see his face, which meant-, he could see my drama-phase face. Unwashed, dirty, wrinkled face.

This was a SKYPE account!

I didn’t know why, but I truly didn’t want him to see my bare face.

“Wait a minute! Close the window!!”

“Umm, why?”

“I’m not presentable!!” I said over the speaker as I hid behind the laptop screen’s upper side.

A low chuckle could be heard through, and damn it if it didn’t cause my heart to flutter.

That was what hearing a man’s voice did when you were in the middle of watching passionate scene on the dramas. Chae Young Shin and his man were having that fluttering invisible-hand-holding moment in my countless Healer rewind watching session. It also didn’t help that Joon Myeon’s voice was my favorite’s voice in a man. Deep with a tinge of held-back soprano tone.

“Don’t bother on my account. I won’t take long and disturb your rest for a long time.”

“Can I take a moment to at least put on a BB cream?”

“For a five-minute-session in the middle of the night? You won’t need it.”

“Or I probably should-“

“Please.”

God, not that tone again…His commanding tone always did things to my ovaries. Not the professional kind, either.

“Fine then. Don’t blame me when you came to your next session complaining about bad dreams of haggard women.”

I heard him chuckling once more before I hopped again on the bed, taking the laptop over my lap and leaned against the wall.

Figured it was not polite to lie on my stomach and since I was too lazy to go the table set, that was the best option I could come up with.

“Evening, Joon Myeon-shi. Long time no see.”

“Good evening to you too, Doctor.”

My heart fluttered at the sight of his face after not seeing it for half a month. I had to hold my hand from reaching to the monitor to smooth the crease on his forehead. From the look of it, it only deepened from the last time I saw it.

God, the burden he bore.

“How was work?”

“It went fine, until I went back to the hotel.”

My heart dropped.

“The silence intensified, Doctor. What should I do?”

“The tennis session?”

“It didn’t work. I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“Probably due to your new environment…”

To his employees, he might not look like one, but she could see the underlying tone of distress beneath his words.

He was cornered by his silence. He needed a friend, or anybody to keep his mind off of being alone.

“Where’s that old man?”

“I told him not to follow me.”

“Are you crazy?! Of all times, why-“

“I want to try…whether it works or not.”

“What?”

“The self-treatment. I should be alone for an extended period of time to find out whether it went away or not.”

“But not so suddenly Joon Myeon shi! You couldn’t go from zero to 100 so suddenly. It’s dangerous and now you were…”

I sighed loudly, brushing the hair that had covered the sides of my face to the back. Gees, I needed a haircut. Long hair in summer was not a good choice.

“What? Alone?”

“Yes! No one’s going to be there to alleviate your loneliness right?”

“You are.”

I stilled. My heart missed a beat.

“I don’t count. What you need is a real person with care, with passion to befriend you!”

“Are you not real?”

I stopped talking.

“Don’t you care?”

I still didn’t speak.

“Aren’t you…my friend?”

The hesitation in his tone, combined with the pleading look he had on his eyes, compelled whatever it was inside me to reply immediately.

“Yes.”

Those eyebrows, I wanted to smooth the crease they had formed on his forehead so badly.

“I’m your friend.”

--

“Ne? Blind date?”

“Yes, Doc. A blind date. You really need to branch out your circle of friends. Do you want to end up alone?”

My assistant had her point. I didn’t want to end up alone. As noisy as my family was, I wanted to recreate it into my own later. A house full of laughter and mischief, not the empty apartment I went home into each evening.

She gave me the restaurant’s address and the meeting time. I looked at it in contemplation. No harm done, right? This was just a casual meeting. Whatever outcome it would hatch, I wouldn’t hold it against myself.

Liar.

Deep inside, I knew, I accepted it because I knew that there would be no way for me to act upon my feelings to him.

The man with baggage, who now stood in front of me bearing gifts from his trip and an easy countenance that felt so out of place.

Had he recovered over the course of the month?! I gulped empty air to calm myself.

“You look good, Joon Myeon shi.”

“Because of you, Dr. Han.”

“No, don’t give the credit to me. It was all up to you and your will to get out of your defunct.”

We spent that session with him telling me his progress while he was abroad on an international conference on behalf of his company.

I shouldn’t have ignored the uneasiness I felt inside me, but I thought that I was way too immersed in the façade he put upfront and well, they did say that being in love made you vulnerable, right?

I was in love with him.

I made a mistake of being vulnerable at the wrong time. I didn’t pick up the subtle crack showing in his façade, the way he obviously tried to hide the stiffness of his shoulder and the permanent frown he had on his forehead.

I would pay for my negligence later, in near future.

--

“Are you alright?”

“Oh! Never been better! Ahaha!”

Liar.

From the way you fidgeted, you wouldn’t fool even a blind person.

I was on the promised date with a salary man, courtesy of my assistant. I figured by setting the date in early Fall would help ease my heart.

Everything should have gone well. I went there prepared for the worst. Be it careless or thrifty person, even a dirty person, I was prepared. But no, the man was well mannered, soft spoken and a good listener. All the characters I would want in a man.

I should have, but I didn’t. I couldn’t because he kept on popping in my mind. I kept on comparing my date’s doing to Joon Myeon’s. Comparing him to the way Joon Myeon would crease his forehead whenever he tried to remember details from his trips. Comparing him to the way Joon Myeon would coax mundane stories out of my mouth. Comparing the way he smiled politely over my stories about family to the way Joon Myeon smiled widely over the riots I called family.

I was doomed. Being in the wrong place with the wrong person when all I wanted to be was to hear Joon Myeon sliding the chair, emitted a single creak, before sitting in front of me inside my office, listening to him telling me stories.

A single mail worsened it.

My director mailed me to ask whether I knew where Joon Myeon was. He went away on his own, and his worried old man slash butler had called everyone he knew in case Young Master was with them.

Apparently, that included me. Now, I fidgeted as the date progressed, my fingers itching to make some calls and my feet wanting to run to some places.

Joon Myeon. Alone.

, I couldn’t take it any longer.

“Excuse me, but could you please excuse me for the rest of the night?”

“I thought so.”

“Ne?”

“There is no way a lady like you stay available for a date.”

“Umm, I really do have a work emergency…“

“The way you couldn’t calm yourself, it was not a mere patient, right?”

“…”

“Go. I’ll take care of the bill.”

“Thank you very much. I owe you.”

I held his hand to show my gratitude to him. “Why did I ruin this perfectly working date” was what should have popped into my mind, but it didn’t.

Joon Myeon. Joon Myeon.

That name resounded in my head as I ran outside the restaurant to grab a taxi.

Out of nowhere, a hand grabbed me before I could gesture for a taxi in the queue.

“The - Joon Myeon-shi?!”

His hair was tousled from the wind, his over coat’s top two buttons were open and he seemed to be lost. Be it on his mind or on the road, I didn’t know.

I acted on impulse at seeing him at the height of my adrenaline. I hugged him.

NO.

.

I DID IT.

 “Thank God, you’re safe. Are you okay? Why were you missing? Everyone was-“

He hugged me back, right there besides the restaurant’s building. His breathing was ragged and I might have hallucinated, but he relaxed immediately as he went deeper inside my hug.

I tried to get out our embraces but he wouldn’t let me. His hands tightened on my waist.

“Umm Joon Myeon-shi, what are you doing?”

“Wait.”

“People would see…”

“Let them.”

“This is completely unprofessional and I could be-“

“Please.”

That ing please again. Soft with an undertone of command. I blamed myself for being the er of that tone.

I felt awkward having my palms on his shoulders, so I circled it around his neck again, trying to calm him by patting his nape softly.

“Have you calmed yourself?”

“Can you…accompany me?”

“Where to?”

“A drink.”

“That I can do.”

He finally let me out of his embrace. Though instead of letting me go completely, he took a hold of my hand before leading me to the place I assumed was a bar attached to a huge hotel complex.

I didn’t pay attention where I should have, so I blindly let him take me there. I thought where was the harm of having a drink or two? This time, I would finally be able to see him out of my capacity as a psychiatrist and him as a patient. I deluded myself to think that this would be the only time we went on a date.

I was distracted with how wide his shoulders were as he held the circular entrance door before me, and as we were seated on the private booth, I was too distracted over the way he shrugged out of his coat and the way his pristine white shirt looked beneath the soft shine of bar’s lamp.

I was already digging my own grave when the drinks came as I was too busy composing a mail over to my Director to tell him Joon Myeon’s whereabouts.

My nerve went through the roof as I glanced that he had rolled his sleeves to his elbow.

Calm yourself down…Calm yourself….

I took the shot glass and dunked it immediately. The vodka burned my throat with a hint of bitter taste.

Wait, bitter?

My head suddenly got heavier, and I couldn’t remember anything as my vision went black other than the fact that I out before I could hit the send button on my email.

--

---

This is the prequel up to the Apalah Gue Noona's excerpt. I'll post the rest tomorrow, or whenever I complete it.

I am sorry I am such a bummer in updating, but inspiration is vital and right now, it vacates my mind.

Have a good preparation everyone, because like what that dummy-loveable Kim Joon Myeon said on the Vroong-Vroong broadcasct

"Yeorobun, tomorrow is..Monday...hahahaha"

/I know I'm not the only one clenching my fist at his words, I know/