Imagine that you’re an average person-

Wait. You are average. That’s my mistake, not yours. Trust me, it won’t happen again.

Imagine that you’re, well, you. You’re walking along the road eating something you’d just finished telling that bloke you work with that you had given up eating. The urgency in this situation isn’t in the fact he might see you eating that order of chips and he might give you the slightest downward turn of his nose. The urgency is in the fact that you’ve just bumped into someone and in turn acquired an object of their property. Sure, you could run after them with the object held high in your hand hoping that they’ll see your wild arms flapping about. However, that doesn’t happen, because you are eating those chips you said you’d given up- honestly, you’ve been eating them for as long as you can remember- and all of that delicious grease is now finding a comfy spot in the arteries of your heart. Now, I’m no doctor, but I would say the certain sting of pain that comes with the clogging of your arteries might just make you clutch your chest and fall to the ground. As you lie there heaving shallow breaths through your gummy throat, you have the concentration to ask one question. Your answer is:

Yes. You are, in fact, having a heart attack.

It’s a bit morbid isn’t it?

Now, after you’ve died and God or whoever you believe in comes to retrieve your soul or whatever you think is inside that terribly-taken-care-of body, the next question you may be asking is going to be ‘why’. It’s not a dumb question, but it’s not very original is it? Due to the lack of originality in your question, you’ll surely receive an answer with that same lacking tone. That’s quite alright. You see, you are one of many, and the knight in shining armour that you believe will take you to eternal paradise is quite tired of hearing the same old questions. It’s not you, repetition is just a bore. Frankly, I anticipated this outcome, and I’ve prepared an answer for you: