.him

 

Joen's POV

From the bottom of my heart, I was never sorry—how could I? And no. Jiyong's so-called love confessions that evening failed to stir even the slightest bit of warmth inside of me.

He did me wrong. All I see in front of me was something else, a total opposite of blessing. My chest boiled with disgust and this eyes of mine were about to bawl out of its orbit from the mere thought of having to stick longer with him.

"I would love to learn your languange, Joen ah." He finally had said it. I chuckled instantly, no longer bothered to appear saint in front of him.

Facing the old sturdy bridge in our town, "Lady" as we named it, all of a sudden felt more comfortable than meeting with his gaze. With both arms folded tightly against my chest, I tried really, really hard not to roll my eyes.

This is normal—between us, and it had always been like this since the first time we met five years ago. Because the fact that I loathed him while he knowing it at the back of his mind wasn't a mere acceptance by now—it was history.

"Let's play a game." My heart reared up as the words made its way through my lips. Oh boy, I was so excited right now. I didn't realize how long I was waiting for this moment.

All these years, I had been enduring fairly well. It would take a miracle for the kind of him to falling in love with me. Then, why in the world I should believe in it? More than anyone else, I knew. It was painfully clear that every single words he had said, it wouldn't remain longer than three days in his brain. 

He was 'that' hopeless—Jiyong is. And this was just another mind games simulated by his freaking psycho flights of thought.

My gaze shifted upon him, who was stepping on a road divider that I was leaning at. Again, he was doing something foolish but why others didn't notice it? but, me? Then what? Trying to impress me with his balancing game after burted out "I Love You, let's date for real?"

His eyes met mine but I turned away swiftly. Don't let me start to describe how eery that look he had been giving me.

"Hide and seek. The game you like." After a long pause, I managed to say it out as I gritted my teeth.

"The rule is simple. If you find me, I'll be your girlfriend, and if you don't, you'll have to listen to my request."

He chuckled, pocketed his hands and leaned closer until the tip of our nose almost touched.

"How about a final kiss then?"

I groaned inwardly and shot a glare at him. "The winner would have to decide that.." I hissed and looked away.

On a second thought, I should've met up his gaze and proved to him that I wasn't kidding but then I was too afraid that he might noticed the fear in my eyes and laughed me off like what he usually did.

"No kiss, no play." He said in a hushed tone and that was creepier than ever. "Joen, I love you..." his voice softened, as if that would make a difference.

To my surprise, he crushed his lips forcefully against mine and began kissing me like he owned me. I gulped and a scream welled up in my throat. My hands balled into fists as I tipped my head back to inch away from him. He paused to chew on the corner of his mouth before grabbed me by the waist and at my nape to deepen the kiss.

He empowered me. It made me felt lowest, and lowest. I was helpless, hopeless and worthless whenever he was with me. It was something that I couldn't even afford to shed a tear for, because it was painfully annoying. 

"We'll kiss again. I'm gonna win this...just to have you..." He told with a smirk. That smirk. I swear I would've ripped it off off his face if only, if only he wasn't holding the card about me and hence I have to win no matter what because this was my only chance to get rid of him.

Others might not know this, and nor did I care but, one thing for sure, I've always wanted to become more like myself and less like him. If only things happened the way I wanted, probably I wouldn't have to live in insecurities for a lifetime.

That day had calloused my heart. And yes, my gut feeling was right—I won. He never return ever since. A police report was secretly made. His mysterious incident were murmured everywhere. The picture, his picture that were put at every corner in our town were coincidentally the one that I took not long ago. And instead of questioning where's him, I couldn't lie my conscience into thinking why must they've chosen that picture out of all.

After that point, nightmares begun. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there—in front of my mind's eye—as though my brain wouldn't forget.

But, I would like to emphasize one thing. That night, our last memories together, I, Joen, didn't kill Jiyong. He disappeared by his own. Away from my life, like I've had prayed in every seconds in my lives.

Final kiss? He shouldn't have done it. 

lusckairi