어쩌면 그렇게 아름답게 웃는지

How can you smile so beautifully?

너를 보고 있으면 내 시간이 멈춰서

When I look at you my time stops?

어째서 이런 사랑을 하는지

How am I in this kind of love?

 

It used to be the three of us, friends forever. Or at least…that’s what I wanted to believe. I don’t even remember when it first started; these feelings however sweet

and real seemed so foreign. When did I begin to notice how your lips curl like a Cheshire cat whenever you’d smile? My heart beats faster every time I look at you,

but you’ve always had your back to me.  

네가 하는 말이, 말할 때 몸짓들이

The words you say, the body movements when you talk

내 가슴을 끝없이 두들기고 두들겨

It knocks on my heart endlessly

하지만 나는 문을 굳게 닫아
But I am tightly shutting the door
 

I’m looking at you and yet you never notice, please turn around. I love you, am I not worth your time, your attention. Does it always have to be you, me, and

her? I know we three have been friends since elementary, but knowing that you love her and not me hurts. Our unrequited loves for each other, when will it

end? This hopeless love that I can’t seem to let go of makes me want to disappear.

 

오 날 보는 네 눈빛 속엔 내 맘과 같은 맘이 없어

In your eyes that look at me, there aren’t any feelings that are like mine

슬프고 슬픈 일이지 네 맘을 안다는 게

It’s such a sad thing to know your heart

Waking up to see your face every day was a blessing, now I barley catch a glimpse of you. Don’t walk too far away from me, I need you. Quiet mornings

like the many before it.. calm and comforting; today however, it feels stuffy. I look at you, you look at her, and she…looks at me. She loves me, I found out

by accident when going through some old boxes. She used to keep a diary and my curiosity got the better of me so I sifted through the pages, I knew I

shouldn’t have done it but I couldn’t help myself. I still keep it safe within the confines of my room. I spare a glance towards her and her gaze softens, she

smiles at me. She’s always had a bright smile even when we were little; I hear a faint cough and glance my head back towards your direction. You motion

for me to leave the room, but I don’t really want to. I know you’re going to confess to her, I’m the one who helped you with what to say. Even still, I secretly

hope you mess up. Am I wrong for that?

희망이 없는 걸 알아 그래서 널 볼 때마다 난

I know there’s no hope, so every time I look at you

너무 힘들어 너무 사랑해서

It’s so hard, because I love you so much

친구라는 말이 아파 넘지 못할 선 밖에 선 나

It hurts so much when you say I’m just a friend

아픈데도 왜 난 계속 돌아서질 못하지

I’m standing outside the line that I can’t ever cross
It hurts but why can’t I turn away?

Falling in love with you was never my intention. And now we’re arguing because you’re confession went south. It’s not my fault that you’re in love with her,

she’s in love with me, and I..I’m in love with you. So ing in love with you that it hurts every time I hear you laugh, see you smile, watch you crinkle your

nose and pout whenever you don’t get your way. It’s addicting, you’re.. addicting and I’m suffering for it. I don’t want to suffer anymore. Am I not allowed to

breathe?

조금만 더 있다, 조금만 더 바라보다

Just a little bit more, I’ll just look at you a little more

마음을 정리할 수 있을 거라고 믿어 이러고 있어

Then I can put away my feelings

하지만 점점 더 커져만 가고

That’s what I believed, that’s why I’m doing this

점점 더 깊어지는 내 맘이

But my feelings are getting bigger and deeper

말을 듣지 않아 나아지지 않아

My heart won’t listen, it won’t get better

My face feels hot, blood drips from the corner of my mouth and I hear someone gasp beside me. I can feel my shirt being grabbed and another blow comes towards

me this time to my stomach. I cough up more blood as you slam me straight in the counter, I hit the sharp corner and blood oozes out. My arms don’t have the

strength to fight back, to even protect myself. I deserve this for not telling you sooner. Before you have a chance to hit me again she’s in between us trying to stop

you. Crying out to you, yet rage has blocked out all thought process. Everything’s a blur, one minute she’s in between us the next she’s laying in a pool of blood. All

I see is red, you shakily drop the gun before falling to the floor. I crawl over to you, you’re hyperventilating crying in a desperate attempt to atone for your sin. I

whisper sweet nothings in to your ear as I hold you close. I place the gun to your head, are you ready to be free?

 

Red has always been my favorite color, it reminds me of the red velvet cake that we made when we were kids. You both loved to put way too much frosting and I

would like the batter out of the bowl. But this is not the time to look back on such sweet memories. I quickly wash and dress you both in your best clothes, sit you

down at the table, and bleach down the floors. Everything must be clean and perfect. I drag both bodies up the stairs and place them on king bed. I play some music

and place the wine glasses on the bedside table. I down the glass of wine, softly I kiss the both your heads before taking the gun and placing it against roof of my

mouth. We’ll always be friends right?