Taemin’s heart is heavy as he watches Jongin collect last minute things with that dazzling smile on his face. He’s so excited. It’s everything he’s been talking about for the past few weeks. No matter how much Taemin tries to be excited and happy for him, he can never fully commit. Maybe he's just being melodramatic, but he feels like this change is so much more significant than it should be. He feels like Jongin leaving Korea means that he's leaving Taemin, too, and he'll never come back. 

He’s never been very far from Jongin. This will be the first time they ever have to try the long distance thing… and Taemin’s not optimistic. He’s seen how easily it happens; friends promise to talk every day and it starts out that way… before talking turns into just a few exchanged texts a day, then once a week, until it becomes so infrequent that they can’t even remember the last they spoke.

Taemin’s already missing Jongin, and he hasn’t even left yet.

“Taeminnie, what’s wrong?” Jongin asks softly. The smile still lingers on his features. He’s practically glowing with excitement. What right does Taemin have to take that beautiful smile away?

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” he says, smiling and placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to mean what he says. 

“Taemin…” Jongin says, his smile faltering slightly. “Please tell me.”

He won’t. He won’t say those words if there is any chance that they will hold Jongin back. How can he do that after everything he’s seen Jongin go through? All the late nights in the ballet studio, all the extreme bouts of stress, all the smiles at every well-done performance. He's seen Jongin push himself so hard, and it's all lead up to this. So no, Taemin is not going to say anything. He’ll wait and see what becomes of their relationship after Jongin goes to New York. If it remains steady and constant, then maybe he’ll find the courage to confess. But he’s not going to say those words at such a vulnerable time.

“We’re going to be late for your flight,” Taemin murmurs, smiling softly and squeezing his shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you,” Jongin sighs, pulling him into a tight hug.

The words aren’t comforting to Taemin because he already misses him so much. Nonetheless, he rubs Jongin’s back reassuringly and whispers, “Don’t worry. We’ll talk so much that you won’t have the time to miss me.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jongin says, nuzzling his face into Taemin’s neck. His warm breath tickles against his skin, causing an involuntary giggle to escape his throat.

“Jongin-ah, stop it,” he says, pulling back a little. Jongin doesn’t budge. He pushes him backwards onto the bed and begins to tickle him. His fingers play at a strip of skin just above his hip, and another dances under his chin. Jongin abuses all his weak spots, and Taemin can’t stop laughing. “Stop, stop,” he laughs, hiccuping for air. 

Jongin’s fingers tickle his stomach through his shirt unrelentlessly. His smile is so cheery and carefree. Taemin’s suddenly overwhelmed by how much he's going to miss this, and all the bliss vanishes. Maybe Jongin senses the change, because he stops just then and his gaze goes soft. His warm, strong arms pull him close. “Taemin-ah, we’ll always be close. Even if I’m miles away…” 

The sentiment kills him a little inside. How is their story different from anyone else’s? Plenty of other people have exchanged those same words and still lost their closeness. There's no denying that Jongin has made a huge decision... without him. He freely chose to exclude Taemin from his future, at least in some way...

“You’re right, Jongin-ah,” he says anyway, wanting to believe those words. He hopes they’ll be right.

“Of course I am,” Jongin says with a playful tone, trying to lighten the mood.

It sort of works. Taemin gently bops him on the head, smirking while doing so. “Mhmm. And they say I’m arrogant.”

Jongin sticks his tongue out playfully before snuggling in closer again. Taemin’s heart aches at every touch. Jongin’s warm arms holding him close like this make him feel the best he’s ever felt. His heart is breaking to think he’s going to lose this… He doesn’t want Jongin to go. He doesn't want their easy going, close relationship to change.

Taemin wants to say more. He wants to say how he really feels about his best friend, but he’s terrified that it’ll change things… and he’s also terrified that it won’t change anything. Jongin’s leaving. That’s not going to change just because Taemin has feelings deeper than friendship, right? He'll just be hurt and rejected that way. But what if his confession does impact Jongin's decision to go? What if Jongin stays and doesn’t follow his dream?

“Taemin,” his childhood best friend says softly. “Stop worrying.” 

He sighs. “Jongin, it’s time to go.” This time, he’s the one to pull away. He doesn't want to, but if he spends one more minute in those arms, he'll never be able to let go. Not without breaking his already broken heart. “We can’t have you missing your flight, can we?”

Jongin nods and sits up, finally breaking the intense eye contact. “No, I guess we can’t.”

His eyes drift to his bedside table, where a picture of the two of them at Lotte World sits in a frame. Jongin isn’t even looking at the camera. He’s looking at Taemin, while the latter is actually smiling at the camera. In moments like those, he could honestly believe his feelings weren’t one-sided. But moments like now, he can’t tell. He can’t tell what’s in Jongin’s eyes as he looks at the photo of them a year ago. He can’t make sense of him, whereas he used to be able to read him like an open book.

“Take this,” Jongin says, handing it over to Taemin. “I want you to have it.”

“Why? You love this picture,” he says, smiling sadly at it.

“Because you don’t have any hard copies of us together,” Jongin says quietly. “I want you to at least have one to look at every day.”

It sounds so hopelessly romantic and Taemin doesn’t know if it’s because Jongin reciprocates his feelings or if it's because he's the sentimental sweetheart Taemin's always known. Either way, it hurts. Looking at that picture every day with the reminder that Jongin is half a world away instead of with him will hurt... but it's better than nothing, so he gingerly takes the photo from his hands. “Thank you,” he says quietly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

“You’re welcome, Taeminnie,” Jongin says, standing from the bed and extending a hand to help him up.

Taemin looks at his hand and tries to take in every detail of this moment. Jongin is here in person right now. He doesn’t want this moment to end. He knows that when he takes his hand, they’re going to go downstairs and they’ll get in the car. Once they get to the airport, that’ll be it. If Taemin lets him go, he’ll never come back. Their relationship will never be what he wants so badly for it to be.

But he can't be the reason Jongin stays, so he takes his hand and smiles as brightly as he can. He puts all his riotous emotions into the smile, widening it and making it as genuine as possible. 

Jongin pulls him to standing, no longer smiling. His dazzling smile is downcast, and Taemin’s overwhelmed with the urge to comfort him again.

“You’ll do great,” he murmurs instinctively, squeezing his hand. The connection is so simple, yet it feels so intimate between them. 

“I’m not so sure,” Jongin admits, taking one anxious last look around his room. “I’m not going to have anybody to support me in New York.”

“I’ll always support you, Jongin. Always,” Taemin says, allowing his gaze to follow Jongin’s. So many memories resurface… both good and bad. Arguments and makeups… studying and practicing... playing and sleeping. They do so much together that Taemin doesn’t know what he’s going to do without him.

“I know, but…” He runs his shaky free hand through his hair. “I’m not going to be able to walk to your house just to say hi, or study with you when we have a big test coming up… I won’t be able to see you or Sehun or Baekhyun or Kyungsoo… I’ll be alone. I’ll have to make new friends…”

“Stop it,” Taemin murmurs. “You’ll be okay. You can call me whenever you need to talk. I’m sure that they all feel the same. We’ll be here for you.”

Jongin nods, but tears begin to flood his eyes. Taemin knows he gets like this sometimes, but seeing him cry never fails to tug at his heartstrings. The desire to hold him and wipe his tears away hits him like a train, but he doesn’t do it. He knows that if he grabs Jongin and