He smiled as he thanked me, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Ah, thank you!”

He shrunk back a little, almost shyly, eye smile shaped like two crescents.

    “You’re welcome!” I replied brightly, not shy at all. Then he was holding my hand - he was holding my hand (?!!) - when did he grab my hands? Did I grab his hands? Are my hands too cold for him? Oh god, they’re so soft and warm…

_

 

    Ah.. math. I can’t math. I can’t grammar either, apparently. I just wanna stop doing work and think about him. Thinking about him makes me so happy.

_

 

    Wish we could have a chance, but we don’t. I accept it.

_

 

    I didn’t even turn to look when I ran into a hooded figure on the street. His hand reached out to steady me, fingers deftly snatching my elbow. I didn’t look at him as I thanked him, hurrying on.

    “Hey!”

    I turned and there he was, eyes wide with recognition.

    “Hey,” he said again, voice soft.

    I was silent. “Hi.”

    “You were at our concert,” he said, eyes unreadable.

    I blinked two times, slowly. Then I started to smile.

“Yes.”

_

 

    What are the odds?

_

 

    “I’m a student,” I was saying, biting my lips as I gave him a nervous smile. “I’m only seventeen.”

    His eyes widened a little. “Really? You seem much older! Look much older.”

    I laughed, seemingly for no reason. “Thanks! I think...”

    We grinned at each other over our coffee, me wrinkling my nose as I breathed in the sweetness of the moment. We haven’t stopped smiling at each other yet, since the moment we met.

_

 

    “I’m leaving tomorrow, you know,” he breathed into my ear quietly the next morning. He loved me at this moment, but will he still when we can’t see each other for a month - no, years? I turned around to cradle his warm cheeks with my hands, searching his eyes for a future that neither of us could control. If I distrust him, then what I give him is not love, but a sense of possession that satisfied my ego. I want to give him an unconditional love that he can come back to, whenever he wanted to. Whatever happens in the future, whether he strays from me    or not, whether he finds a love greater than ours or not, it didn’t matter. I decided in this moment to give him my whole heart, nothing less, no matter what the repercussions.

    This is the best I can do for him - and for me.

    My love isn’t reliant on him loving me back. I ask him for nothing, other than to be happy.

    Closing my eyes, I rested my head in the curve of his collarbone, curling my fingers against his chest. His arms tightened around my waist.

_

 

    “No, I haven’t been in a relationship since pre-debut.”

    “So how did you write this song?”

    “I’m getting there. I had to rely on my friends’ experiences to compose the lyrics.”

    It still stung.

    How can he lie with a straight face?

    Or...he’s telling the truth.

    I hurt. I hurt but I prefer this pain to the nothingness from before.

_

 

    Did he deserve my love? I don’t know him that well - I just know he gives me this feeling. His imperfections, his past mistakes, his care for his image, his incessant niceness - I loved it all.

_

 

    Idol and actress dating rumors confirmed by both agencies!!!!

    Was I the only one who found those four exclamation marks redundant?

    My heart sank, turning into a cold, black knot. The anchor dropped into the dark abyss.

_

 

    The calls were left unanswered.

_

 

    “Hey, it’s me. Please let me explain.”

_

 

    Day 2. I resolved to answer this time, so I did.

    “Hey.”

    “Listen, it’s not like that,” he said. “It’s a stunt. My director’s idea.”

    I was silent.

    “God, I told him no a thousand times, but he wouldn’t listen. I knew this would happen,” he said, genuine sorrow in his voice.

    The moment ended in silence.

    “Please just say something. Yell at me. Anything.” his voice was high with desperation.

    “I trust you,” I said quietly. “I know you will do what you want. I need you to know that I won’t be hurt, not really, unless you lie to me. All I want is for you to be well.”

    “I love you,” he whispered.

    “We barely know each other.”

    “I still love you. And don’t deny that you do too.”

    _