First of all, let me introduce myself to you guys and I’m giving you a chance to know more about me and my bae, Ten oppa.

I’m Kim Dahyun, y’all can call me Dahyun or Dubu, which means ‘tofu’ as most of my friends call me. I’m 18 years old, living in Sinsa-dong. I’m a twelfth grader at Hyundai Senior High School located in Apgujeong-dong, Gangnam district.

Are you an ELF or EXO-L? Nah, Choi Siwon and Park Chanyeol were my hi-school sunbaes; they’re alumni from my school. No, if you’re going to ask ‘did I have their phone numbers?’ To be honest, I have never seen them in person, but yeah I had caught a glimpse of Lee Jung Jae during our school’s 30th anniversary a few days ago. He was also my senior.

My mom would say I’m a spoiled-brat daughter, and my friends might say that I’m a quirky, bubbly, carefree, and a bit naughty. I’m also a mood maker, a dork, a troll, and someone skilled at making sarcastic comments. But hey, I’m not a bad person.I do my best to pray every morning and every night before I lie down in bed. Sometimes I get very shy and lovely, sometimes I acted immature, selfish, and possesive around my boyfriend. My friends and even my mom probably don’t know these sides of me.

Yup, I have a boyfriend. His name is Ten Chittaphon. Yup, he’s not Korean; he’s Thai with Chinese ancestry. He’s my first love (I used to hate romantic thingy but now... Nah, people can change! However who can resist the lure of tempting feelings), and he is also my very first boyfriend. I called him Tenten oppa. He’s a 20-year-old sophomore student in Yonsei University, under the Communication and Arts program. Sounds cool, right? Yonsei is one of Korea’s three SKY universities, and considered to be the most prestigious university in our country. Ten oppa lives in Apgujeong-dong. You may be wondering or raise both eyebrows with a sense of surprise, why he didn’t live in Yeonhui-dong, which is nestled right up to Yonsei with lots of homestays and cheap rent. Why did he live in the most expensive area in Seoul that makes your brows furrow how expensive everything is. Simply because his apartment located in Apgujeong.

For a high school student like me that seems as if the purpose of going to school is to get good grades, I feel like I have nothing to be proud of but him.

This will cause vomiting, but I’m running outta words to describe him, and also it’s kinda hard for me to identify what it is about him that attracted me a lot. It might be the combination of his contagious smile, his charming personality or even his looks. Whatever it is, I absolutely hit it off. Although he’s not perfect, he was like the lost part of me that completes me. I have never felt this way to anyone before.

HE MADE ME REALIZE THAT LOVE EXISTS ^^

It feeds me more than any nourishment. I feel full in the presence of his love. He’s like the sunshine in my rainy day, his warmth has melted my heart. My mom said, once I find someone I love and care for so dearly, I will find purpose in my life that makes it worth living. She was right.

As far I remember, I and Ten oppa have never gotten into argument or had a fight, mostly because he always manages to give me what I need. Our relationship SEEMED almost too good to be true which is a blessing. And we do have a lot in common that makes us fit well together.

BUT,

okay these haven’t been written down in any particular order so it might be hard for you guys to understand what I’m trying to say. I mean, we do know, there was once a girl attracted to a guy, the more a girl got to know this guy, the more deep her feelings grew and this kept on going until the girl was deeply in love with him. So do I, the more attracted I became, the more insecure I grew. And I felt totally helpless to the feelings that were brewing. There are a tons of emotions that I'm going through. I don’t understand some of the emotions, words can’t come close to expressing what and how I feel.

I have a tendency to go into bad mood suddenly. I get very overprotective of him from time to time. I become very jealous whenever another girl is closer to him. And I end up nagging, blaming, judging at all the things that I think he’s not doing right. I’m getting mad at trivial things.

That’s torturing, and this will only lead to hurt my feelings and could possibly end up hurting him. I’m afraid he will give up and end up hating me, yet I totally trust him, he’s not someone that gives up easily.

But, who wants to be with someone who makes them feel uncomfortable for being who they are and afraid of being judged? I guess, no one.

My ego took over everything. Even when I’m wrong, I won’t apologize. I’m scared to death. I need to stop being immature and hold my ego before it’s too late. I’m afraid of pushing him away and screwing everything up, that somehow drove me to become even more insecure.

With everything that happened to us, the good and the bad, today is still our 1st anniversary!!

I promise I will do my best to change for the better. I need to change the way I behave, and I will. I promise things will be different now. Seriously though, I need to be with him and want him to know how much he really means to me, how much he is needed by me.

But, to my surprise...

He seems to forget our 1st anniversary :(

Am I too late?

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