To love is a glimpse of heaven. He said and i believed it.

Because every time we bumps into each other in the hallway, I would smile all day. Like an idiot.

DIARY OF JUNG JAESHIN.

Middle School.

My name is Jaeshin. Jung Jaeshin. Class 2.  You can always call me Jae or Jaeshin for long name. I have a crush in my class called Kim Hanbin. Perfectionist long leg dude that sit in front me, i like him to max, but i hate the fact that he actually sits there because i barely see anything written on the green board, i need to like stand up for many times a day just to see and copy all those things.

He is like a boy that would do anything for you. He is, i thought. But never did i know if he had a girlfriend. All i know he has a bunch of idiots as friend, i mean not really idiots but dorks, crazy dudes that are pretty well, handsome and okay. The boy that sit beside him named Kim Jiwon and i swear he would sleep all day in class and still urgh, stay cute. Stop, we need to talk more about my crush named Kim Hanbin.

Today is day 45 since we knows each other. I mean i know him, but we barely talk. All i did is stare at his back during class, or exchanging glances on hallways, or just bowing to each other. But, i still like him, no matter it is, he’s still the one for me.

High School

This is day 956. This is almost three years since we know each other, barely. He is in other class, but i still can see him. His friend, Jiwon and Yunghyeong stays in same class in me, but we never talk, i got no reason to talk to him. Im just a wallflower, nobody notices a wallflower for godsake.

Day 1024.

Today is so special, I actually talk to him because our classes, have decided to cooperate to do the same thing for sports day. We will be having a festival kind of things, so the kids decided to pick a representative. To everyone surprise, Im choosen. I hate teacher Kim to max  but it suddenly become a good thing because he also choose Hanbin as other representative.

We get to talk to each other, i barely see his face, i mostly stare at my feet until he actually said.

“ Head up girl, i dont ever know your name.” Damn, he didnt listen when Mr. Kim called me?

And i realized, we’re the only people left in the classroom. I shudder. Why?

“ Where other people?” “ They already left minutes ago, Lets go, we need to buy all these things, and name please?” His voice is just alluring and i hate him at the moment.

“ Jae. Jaeshin. Let’s go”

Literally i walk behind slowly until suddenly i bump into his back. Head u he said and I see him smiling.

“ Head up Jae, you need to see the world to appreciate it.” Yeah, to appreciate you handsome face. I actually smile, it this people called a glimpse of heaven?

“ Where are we heading actually?” I asked, im tired of walking, no, im not, but i am afraid of my legs because with this Kim infront of me, im not sure how my legs will react further.

“ Arrived.” He put his hands on air and head to a small store and grab my hand out of nowhere. God. Tell me this is a dream. I still standing there.

“ Jae, we got no time, Palli.”

We strolled the every corner of the store and found some cute cups and plates to used for the festival. We even managed to get so much for a little budget, i bet we clicked well? Urgh.

I swear this one of the happiest moment since i was born. Im gladly you;re there Kim Hanbin.

Day 1050. Festival day.

Since the day we were pointed as the representative, we actually talk, like friends should. We actually managed to get lunch together too, me, and his friends too. Even his hoobae called Chanwoo is there, he’s cute and evil. We share drinks during the end of the festival because we got no more cup left. I know fate is fate. Destiny is destiny.

But happy things wont be there for me for a long time, i know it, because also, at the end of festival’s, Jiwon’s words break me into pieces.

“ Hyung, your girfriend is here.” And i saw a beautiful girl running to him. I smiled and left.

Day 1234. College entrance exam day.

We manage to talk. Of course i acted naturally but deep inside, i was in deep scarred position. But i cant even hate him, is this heaven or hell? I cant even answer that.

I think i saw him at the hall this morning, i just smile. Jinhwan talked to me about the bunch and i just keep saying yes even when i cant even brain what’s he’s talking about.

I did pretty well in the exam, im going to sleep right now. Goodnight.

Day 1500.

I went out to see what happen to the world. I barely left home during the winter break.  All i did were streaming movies and dramas. Oh i dont have real friends. I dont have good friends to talk to. Im lacking there. Who wants a wallflower as a friend?

I walked into him again today. After a long time. Im planning to just ignore and hide, but he saw me and greet lightly.

“ Okay. Have a great holiday.” I said.

I was crying profusely. Sheet i swear the tears wont stop. The books will ripped eventually if i cry again.

Day 2000. Winter 2015

Hi, im here again. Years passed bye im still earning for you, im sorry but i never know how to un-love you. Kim Hanbin, saranghae.

Current time. Winter 2015

She walks  quickly to catch the earliest bus to go to college. Today’s seem gloomy than usual. She seems okay. I mean she always thought she is okay. When the bus arrived, she hop on and say hi and smile to the bus driver. He smile back. Jung Jaeshin seems different, she’s much cheerful and stronger.

At the back of the bus, there is a boy watching her from afar. She just sit behind the first sit. She was listening to her phone and hop off at the university entrance. The boy hop off too, and walking off a few meters distance from her.

He knows her. He knows her very well. He watched her while smiling.

Bump. A car from nowhere actually hi that girl, the girl he was following. He stands there for seconds and the moment the situation hits his mind, he run, run for her.

“ Jung Jaeshin.” He screams for her life. The blood was terrified. Her white shirt turned red in seconds. He wipes those blood of the pale face, and her eyes blink slowly. “ Hanbin.”

“ No, dont talk. God, someone please help.”

Day 2100.

This is Kim Hanbin writing for you love.

Im still waiting for you.

He cried. He cried the most he ever did in his life. Little did he knows, his play and waiting game turn into such a thing. The sadist thing ever happened.

He knows she watched her since in middle school.

He knows how she chuckled alone while writing and reading her books.

He knows she secretly went to his concerts on weekends during high school.

He knows she actually be there everytime for him

But still he cannot do anything because he’s afraid of losing again,

And no, he’s losing now.

And he’s writing his apology. God, save her, i love her.

Sincerely,

Kim Hanbin.

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