Yeah, my girl

I’m an idiot…
Your unforgettable love,
The final tears
are ripping away at my whole heart
Its ripping away,
(I’m Sorry) I’m so sorry

ONEW's POV

It's 9 in the morning already and I'm still laying on my bed. I checked my phone and it's still her picture as my wallpaper. Tears fell down on my cheek. My heart is still into its pieces. I blame myself for being such a fool. Now, I'm regretting everything. I deserve this. I deserve this pain. 

 I was so numb and stupid at that night...

-flashback-

"Yeobo..." HaRa pleaded while hugging my back. I really wanted to go. I want to leave her. But she didn't let me.

"Let me go." I replied coldly.

"We can still fix this right? We've been through so much but why all of a sudden, you're leaving me?" she said. The back of my shirt is now wet because of her tears. I turned myself to face her. I held her shoulders and stared at her teary eyes.

"I want to go. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Let's just leave it like this. I don't love you anymore." I said those words and left her. As I walk ahead, I turned and saw her. She's on her knees, crying hard.

"It'll be for the good of us..." I thought. And I walked ahead again and headed home. I found myself crying on my bed. My pillow was now full of tears.

"I'm going to be okay. It's just her. It's just a girl, Onew. You don't love her anymore." I said to myself as I fell asleep.

-end of flashback-

I'm still asking myself why in the world I did that to her.

I closed my eyes and thought for a while. All I can see is her face. Her smile. I miss her.

I'm sorry HaRa. I was wrong. Really wrong. I still love you.

 

I fix myself and I go outside. I pass by the chicken restaurant. I don't feel like eating even I haven't eaten anything yet. 

I stared at the store and remember her. Our first date was there. That was the place when she told me that she likes me. I wasn't able to finish what I was eating. Finally, I thought. She confessed the same feelings I have for her.

That day was the day when she became mine already.

 

I continue walking ahead. All these places we have been. They remind me of HaRa. The souvenir shop where she bought our couple ring. The ice cream parlor where I bought her favorite chocolate sundae everytime we pick up a fight. The waiting shed where I was the one who always wait for her.

 

- flashback-

 

"That girl. Always late." as I check my time. It's already 30 minutes past the time. I'm very impatient but I don't mind waiting for her. But this time, she's going to get it.

 

"Yeobo... sorry for making you wait." she said, back hugging me.

 

"Omo. Jagiya." I faced her. She smiled at me . Her smile melted me.

 

"I've been waiting for so long." keeping that straight face.

 

" I'm sorry." she pouted.

 

I couldn't resist her. I hugged her and kissed her forehead. "It's okay. Let's go and ride a bus. We'll be late for the movie."

 

She nodded and held my hand as we wait for the bus.

 

- end of flashback-

 

I'm standing near the waiting shed. Remembering those times when I've waited for her so long. The times that she back hugs me and say sorry. The times when I hold her hand while I listen to her stories. Reminiscing those times, a girl poked me at my shoulder.

 

"Yeobo.."

 

It sounded like her. My heart beats fast. I turned.

 

"Omo. Mianhae. I thought you were Jae Hee. Mianhae." a stranger bowed at me while apologizing for mistaking me as someone else then walked away.

 

I thought it was HaRa. 

 

I miss her. I still love her.

 

I trusted that I could love again
Still you stay,
branded in my heart unmoving.
What do I do?

 

My phone vibrates. I checked and I received a message. It's from her. It's her usual "Good Morning" group  message. It's been a long time since I haven't heard anything about her. How is she now? It's been a week already. I want to show my love to her again. But, how?

 

It's still her in my heart. I still love her.

 

It has to be you.
I am so miserable
that I realized this now
The pictures still
make it look like I am still your love
The heat of your body and your face
I can still feel it
deep inside my heart
Still I have romantic in my heart
I want to go back.

 

I decided to go to JongHyun's house to chill for a while. I want to rest my mind and my mind. Going back home reminds me of her. Our pictures in my bedroom. Our pillow fights whenever she stays at home to sleep. Her "experimental" recipes at the kitchen with me messing her ingredients up. Our movie marathons at my living room. Everything I see, I always think of her. On my way to JongHyun's crib, I saw a familiar figure walking my way. I stopped and stare at her. Could it be?

 

"Oh. Annyeong Onew!" it's her. Her smile. Those eyes. They look happy. I wanted to hug her so tight and confess to her what I feel right now.

 

"I'm... d-d-doing good. You?" I stuttered.

 

"I'm alright. Are you going somewhere?"

 

"Yeah. To JongHyun's house."

 

"I see. Oh, I must be going. I'm late for my Math class. You know how much I fail on that subject. Haha."

 

I could not hear anything from her. All I know that she's the girl I left just because of my selfishness. I wanna say sorry to her. Beg her to come back to me. Hug her again. Kiss her tender lips and say those words I didn't bother to say when I left her.

 

"Uhm. Onew? Hello?"

 

Without any hesitation, I hugged her. Tight. I don't want to let go. I layed my head on her shoulder. I missed her scent. I miss everything about her. I wish she could feel my heart beat. It's still for her.

 

I still love her.

 

 

HARA'S POV

 

I want to leave right now because I don't want him to see me cry. I don't want to show him my weakness. I want to show him I'm strong enough and I'm happy even though he left me. I still got this anger in my heart. But when he suddenly hugged me, I felt his warmth. His head upon my shoulder... I could feel his tears on my shirt. I hugged him back. His hug went tighter like he didn't want to let me go. I could hear his heartbeat. Does he still love me? No. No. He left me with no cause. But why is he being like this? Why does my anger vanished as I hear his heart beating like he's confessing to me...

 

I still love him. I really want to go back to those times. But not now. I'm sorry, Onew. I need to think first.

 

"Uhm Onew.. I really need to go." as I pull away myself from him. He faced me and cupped my face. His tears are still in his eyes, controlling them to fall on his rosy cheeks.

 

"You still look the same. I miss you... Take care." he said to me as he smiles.

 

I smiled and nodded. I turned away from him and tears start to fall on my face as well.

 

ONEW'S POV

 

I walked ahead and still thinking that I saw her once again and I got the chance to show her I still miss her. I didn't notice I'm now at the front gate of the dinosaur's house.  As I enter, he greeted me with a smile.

 

"Hyung. You look happy. What happened?" The cheerful aura is pretty obvious in me, maybe that's why he asked me that.

 

"I saw her."

 

"HaRa? Oh. How is she?"

 

"Still the same... I miss her so much, Jjong."

 

"So, what'll you do?"

 

"I don't know. I just miss her so much. I want her back. I wanna rest and think for a while. Can I stay here for the rest of the day?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Just to think... I don't know. Just let me stay. Okay? My house was a mess."

 

"Whatever hyung. Come inside. I can help you with your lovey-dovey problem. Haha."

 

We entered the house and he brought out some chips and soda. Nice. Junkfoods for breakfast. He went to the kitchen and tried to cook some more decent food. I checked on him and he's doing good. I went to his

balcony and breathed some fresh air. I calmed myself and thought for a while. What a good place to relax.

 

Lunch came and we ate his masterpiece recipe- whatever he calls it. After that, we talked for the whole day and we didn't noticed it's night already. We ended up the conversation by him saying:

 

"It's you who left. It's you wanted to come back now. It's you who must sacrifice."

 

I will Jjong, I will. I'm willing to take the risk. After all, I still love her.

 

 

 

In the many days I had
everything of you.
But why is it (baby why)
that now (tell me why)
that I can’t find you?
I’m so frightened that
where our memories are deeply embedded
That I may (I know)
see you there with the perfect man.

 

Jonghyun's words struck me. He's definitely right and I am willing to wait and sacrifice. I still lay in my bed and I am too lazy to go to my training today. As I look at the ceiling, all I can see is her face. I closed my eyes, opened them again and got up. As I go to the bathroom to take a bath, I remembered her.

 

-flashback-

 

"AHHHHHH!!!!" Hara screamed as I opened the door, not knowing that she's still there not yet finished in dressing herself up. She quickly grabbed her towel and covered herself.

 

"Oh. Sorry jagiya. You should have locked the door!!!" I defended myself, closing my eyes with my hands but still peeking a bit. (kekeke. okay, I may be erted BUT, it's normal right? :D)

 

"YAH! GO OUT!" she said while pushing me.

 

She then closed the door but smiling. I waited beside the door, smiling also to myself.

 

"You're going to be my wife anyway... Times like these would be normal by that moment." I thought.

 

- end of flashback-

 

I sighed. Those words. Those thoughts. Where does that good feeling go?

 

I finished taking a shower and headed to my bedroom. I dressed up and went out. I didn't even bother to take a breakfast. As I walk ahead to the bus station, I passed by the places we have been.

 

-flashback-

 

* at the park *

 

"Nareul bulleojweo my name, oneuli baro your day. Neoru wihae modeungul haejul. Namani hal ssu itneun jageun seonmuleul kkog- nege jugo shippeo jigeom dallyeoga, geobeghalgeoya..."

 

"Wow. You really composed that?" she asked as soon as I finished singing the song.

 

"Yeah I do." as I look at my guitar. When I faced her, her tears are in her eyes and they slowly fell down on her cheeks. "Omona. W-w-why are you crying? Is it bad?" I panicked as I wipe her tears.

 

"No it's not! You're so silly. I'm crying because I didn't know you have such talent. Haha." she joked as she held my hand. "Onew-ah. You know what, I start to realize each day that you are the only one I need and forever I'll love." she said those cheesy lines as she kissed my cheeks.

 

I blushed. I know I blushed at that time.

 

"Hahaha. You're blushing at my cheesy lines!"

 

"Yah! I'm not." I denied. "Hara-ah. Don't ever leave me okay? If you left me, I will sure hunt you! Be ready!" I warned her.

 

"Hahaha. As if I will leave a clumsy guy like you. Okay. A CUTE clumsy guy like you! Just sing me that song again. I'll join you. Kekeke." she said as she pinched my -blushing- cheeks.

 

- end of flashback-

 

Yeah right. And now, I'm the one who left her and now looking for her. I am afraid that the day will come- the day that she's happy with another man. Doing the same things we did together. Yes, I know it's my fault that we're at this state now.

 

But I won't give up Hara. I won't. That's because I still love you.

 

 

I guess I'm exhausted.
Left alone I wander,
Looking for the love left in the empty space where you were.
I'm begging you to look at me.
Look at the one so similar to you
This ordeal is too much for me

 

And another normal day passed by. Traning's done and I'm tired. Just ate a burger while on my way home. Gawd. I've been like this for two weeks. I'm like killing myself now. I am so tired.

 

And tonight, I don't feel like sleeping. I went to my backyard and lied on the green grass with my sleeping wear on. Staring at the stars, I am hoping to see a wishing star and ask just one wish- for her to come back. This burden in my heart, only you can take it away from me. These tears in my eyes, they're falling again. I can hardly breathe. This is too much for me. But I'm the one who's at fault. It's me who suffer. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of this waiting. But I will still wait.

 

Because I still love her.

 

 

It so much worse than simply waiting
I became so similar to you that I copied even your habits
There is more of you inside me than myself
I wanna be, wanna be your man
Let's go back to the way things were
I want be reborn as a man that loves you
I won't hurt you ever again
Can I go? I wanna be... I won't let you,
Be your man

 

 

"Hyung. Hyung. HYUUUUNNNNGGG!!!!!" Taemin shouted at me while at the studio.

 

"YAH! Will you shut up?!" I shouted back.

 

"Ohhh. Someone's having a mood swing." Jonghyun teased.

 

"I'm not." I defended myself.

 

"Yes you were hyung. You even initiated a game earlier then now, you're shouting at us." Minho said to me, in his usual deep and very very low voice.

 

"Are you undergoing some process of aging or developing your hormones? As far as I know, I'm the one who always have tantrums among us." Key jokingly asked me.

 

"Hormones. Funny. Haha." I said sarcastically.

 

"Sarcasm. Mood swings. Yeah. You're really something hyung." the dino came up with a conclusion afterwards which really shocked me. "You're like Hara. You're acting like her. It's cute when she does it. But for you.. ne-ver. Haha."

 

I was dumbfounded.

 

I woke up and it was a dream. But still, it feels like she's in me now. Is this how much I miss her?

 

Another day today and I found myself that I slept at the couch on the sofa. I have no idea how did I get there when I was at the backyard, reminiscing. I just realized, how could I get her back and make her believe I'm going to change everything if I'm not doing anything?

 

Today's the day Onew. I must me a man. I must be brave enough to face her. I will do anything. This is how much I love her. I am regretting everything I said to her. This is a new me. I want it to show her.

 

I immediately fixed and prepared myself. Maybe, this is the day. And I hope this is really the day.

 

It's Tuesday and it's her Math class. I waited outside the tutorial building and kept an eye on the students coming out of that establishment. And I suddenly saw a familiar figure. A girl wearing her brown dress and her hair unfixed. I ran to that girl.

 

It was her. The girl I've been waiting to see again.

 

"Oh, it's you again Onew-ssi. How are you? What brings you here?"

 

I breathed deeply and looked at her eyes. I grabbed her hand and took her to the park- where I sang her songs, surprises her with her favorite cupcakes, our meeting place after her school and my training, and the place where I left her.

 

"You dragged me here. What do you want?"

 

I'm not saying a single word since I saw and grabbed her.

 

I just hugged her tight. That same hug when I saw her last time. I couldn't control the tears that fell on my face and landed on her shoulders.

 

"Onew-ssi."

 

"Hara. I still love you. I don't know how would you believe me but please give me another chance. It's not too late right? These days, I couldn't be myself and act normal like nothing's wrong. There is something wrong Hara and it's you not being with me. I was selfish and now I am regretting it. I... I'm sorry. L-l-let's get back things back, where they should be. I s-s-still love you. Hara-ssi. Please, come back."

 

HARA'S POV

 

His voice is now shaking. He suddenly burst into tears. He cried so hard on my shoulder and I found myself, crying silently on his chest.

 

Your unforgettable love,
The final tears
Are ripping away at my chest
Leaving only scars that will never heal
Leaving me as my miserable self
I'm so distressed, what do I do?