Yeri walks to the front and stands on the podium. She looks around her and sees her fellow student looking at her, anticipating her speech. It's their second meeting for this class and they all have an assignment to complete today.

Think of one moment in your history that would have altered everything-that one focal moment that sent you here.

The people before her-Tzuyu, Sana, Jungkook-they all spoke about how they came up with the verdict to take Philosophy as their major. There's one kid-Jackson-who told the story of how he ended up in Seoul. None of them seemed to have impressed Professor Kang-and frankly, none of them have impressed Yeri either.

Her mum always told her; don't be like the rest of them. And she won't be.

Yeri clears , briefly looks around, and then starts, "I'm Son Yerim. People call me Yeri. My parents think I’m their victory so I try to be competitive even when I’m not."

The class laughs for some reason and she smiles, too. She sees Professor Kang perk up on her seat. She's got her attention now.

Her mum is right, make them laugh first and then talk their ear off with your intelligence.

She takes a deep breath and releases it before confidently pushing through with her speech, "They say that the biggest moments that shift our lives occur in an instant-a twist in time, a missed minute; or a half an hour stuck in traffic could alter our lives forever. I'm Kim Yerim and I'm here today because of things that didn't happen."

•Just yesterday morning, they let me know that you were gone.•

The silence is ear-splitting.

No one is moving.

The doctor's words struck them all like lightning: we did everything we can, I'm sorry.

Irene's father is a doctor. She knows what it means. She knows exactly what it means when doctors say they did everything they can. She knows what it means and yet she doesn't understand it.

It doesn't make sense.

The first sound anyone hears is of Mrs Son's sobbing. She breaks down with her hands on her face and shoulders shaking. She mumbles the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Irene feels her heart hammer in utter anger.

Taeyeon punches the wall, multiple times, and Tiffany runs to stop her. She breaks down, too. She cries and Irene hears her mutter things like 'I'm sorry' and 'I should've been a better sunbae’.

Irene feels like punching her.

Seulgi runs to Mrs Son to hug her, her silent tears falling, too. She tells Mrs Son 'it's okay'. She tells Mrs Son that there are places than this. She tells Mrs Son that Wendy will be okay.

Irene feels like yelling because how about the people she left behind? How about her? How about this world she left behind? How about Irene's world? How about that big gaping hole she emptied?

Joy starts crying, too. Her wedding dress is all ruined now-a constant reminder that this should have been a good day. None of them was supposed to be here. She whispers 'I'm sorry' and 'it's my entire fault'.

Irene feels like slapping the younger-and never thought she would say this but Joy Park Sooyoung is so selfish and she hates her because if it wasn't for her persistence to let everybody be early on her fake wedding, they wouldn't be here. Wendy will be here, alive and whole.

When the doctor leaves, Irene realises she doesn't feel anything at all. She can't cry because at the moment, no tears will be falling any time soon.

If everybody is apologizing, Irene just wanted to say 'I love you'.

•There are hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come.•

On the third night of Wendy's wake, Irene still hasn't cried-or said anything, or talked to anyone.

When Wendy died, it's like she left with her.

Irene feels like she's in a different world, the one without Wendy; the one without the only person whom she trusted with her life. She's in a world without the only person who understands her being. She’s in a world without the only person who loved her despite it all.

And Irene has imagined lifetimes and futures, and an alternate universe where people had special abilities. Irene has imagined her second life.

Irene has imagined heaven and hell.

Irene has imagined she will be a cabbage and Wendy will be a snowman.

But she has never imagined a world without Wendy, her life for that matter.

This is how his world is right now.

And it feels like she doesn't know how to be here.

It's like she doesn't belong here, like this world exists somewhere but it's not hers.

It's not because Wendy's not here.

•I've seen lonely times where I could not find a friend.•

They say we die twice - one is when we stop breathing and the other is a bit later, when somebody says our name for the last time.

"Goodbye, Wendy," Irene hears Solar say in amid sobs.

Irene just stares blankly as they lower Wendy's casket to the ground.

She still hasn't cried.

She still thinks she'd wake up from this nightmare and she'd laugh at herself for dreaming of something as horrible as this. Irene has prepared herself for so many things like dating scandals or anti-fans or the group disbanding but Irene never thought of preparing herself for neither Wendy's death nor Wendy not being there when she needs her.

And somehow, out of all many thoughts circling in her head, this one is the scariest.

How does one go on after a thing like this happens? How does one wake up the next morning and go to music programs knowing that their best friend will not be there that day, or ever?

Irene doesn't say goodbye to her.

She can't.

And she just won't.

•Been walking my mind in an easy time.•

It's funny how the mind works. It can make you believe in things that don't exist and it can make you deny the things that do.

Irene goes on like nothing happened. She goes at the company to practice. She attends scheduled interviews and photo shoots. She attends all of her schedules.

She still hasn't cried. She still hasn't mourned. She still hasn't let go.

When SM pays tribute to Wendy, Irene didn't attend the ceremony. She spends the whole time sitting by Wendy's grave. She reads the engraved epitaph:

'Our story has no words in it but it's ours.'

It's one of the lines of Wendy's unfinished song-the last one she wrote; the one their manager found scribbled in Wendy's notebook.

Mrs Son decided to let that be Wendy's epitaph. She knows Wendy would have finished it if she had the chance.

•Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.•

Irene hasn’t been good, so does Red Velvet. They barely made comebacks.

Taeyeon quits her solo career. Mrs Son went back to Canada. Red Velvet disbanded.

Joy continued college, Seulgi pursued acting and Irene, she went modelling. She smiles and posed for the camera, life just passes her by.

In all of the special nights, she'd sing The Weeknd’s "Can’t Feel My Face” It's Wendy's favourite song and sometimes, when she sings she'd see Wendy in the studio. It's in those moments Irene knows she's there-and for some weird reason, she finds comfort in that.

•I walked out this morning and wrote down this song. I just can't remember who to send it to.•

A year after Wendy's death, the truth hits Irene hardest.

She wakes up that morning just like every morning since Wendy left.

She pulls out her phone and types: Happy birthday, Wan-ah!

It's when she's scrolling through her contacts does Irene realise it.

She cries for the first time.

•You've just got to see me through another day.•

It takes Irene five years to accept that Wendy is gone.

She visits Wendy’s grave one day and talks about her new tattoo-a cursive handwriting that says, Olaf.

"You're such - I hate you," Irene says, her tears falling down her cheeks.

A voice then speaks, "I think your friend will not be amused."

Irene looks up and sees a girl about her age-blonde hair, sweet smile.

Irene wipes her tears and chuckles, "This snowman is laughing at me right now for being so soft."

"Probably, but she'd appreciate you being here," the girl says.

"How'd you know?"

The girl smiles at her as she puts flowers on top of the grave that sits a couple of feet away from Wendy's, "I don't. I mean, I haven't died yet or anything. It was just a guess."

Irene laughs and the girl does, too.

When the laughter subsides, the girl extends her hand and introduces herself, "Hey, new girl. I'm Seungwan."

And Irene is instantly reminded of the first day they met.

Irene raises an eyebrow, "New girl?"

"I've come here at least twice a week for the past two years and I've never seen you once. You must be new."

Irene nods, "It's only the third time I visited."

"That's okay."

"I'm Irene."

“I know. I’ve seen you on t.v before.”

Seungwan nods and they shake hands.

And Irene feels something again for the first time.

Irene thinks this is Wendy telling her it's time.

This is her world now-a world without Wendy but it's the world that will forever hold Wendy in it.

It's time.

"Did Irene and Seungwan end up together?" one of her colleagues asks.

Yerim smiles, "They didn't. I'm right here, aren't I?"

The class laughs along with a round of applause. They bought her story and for the first time since the class started, Yerim sees Professor Kang nod in understanding. Yerim knows she's impressed.

Yerim further knows she gets it.

"Ms Son," Professor Kang calls her name as she was heading out.

"Yes, ma’am?"

The 50-year-old professor walks to her and gives her a small smile.

"How are you coping?"

And it still hurts when someone asks her that.

"Barely but it gets easier."

"And how's your umma?"

"She's going to be fine," Yeirm says with a heavy sigh. "Life keeps on going, doesn't it?"

The professor nods.

"How about your baby brother? How is he?"

Yerim smiles, "Umma always have complications with giving birth but Seungwan is very healthy."

"I'm glad to hear that. It will get easier, Yerim. You have your umma's strength."

Yerim takes another deep breath, "Nah, umma was a lot stronger than I am now. But yeah, she always told me life gets easier by the day."

Professor Kang only nods as Yerim walks toward the door. Before she exits the room, Yerim turns around and looks at the professor, "Aunt Seulgi?"

The woman looks up at her.

"SM is giving mom a tribute on Sunday. You should be there."

"Is Irene going to be there?"

"She wouldn't miss it for the world. Umma’s been strong. It's the last thing Mum asked of her," she finishes and then walks out the door.

The moment she reaches her car, Yeri breaks down in tears. Out of habit, her fingers find that spot in her wrist where her new tattoo rests.

Olaf

This is her world now.

A world without Wendy but will forever holds her in it.

Yeeahhhhh... This happens when you're an angsty 15 year old....

And I know maany winter cabagges out there will probably hate me....

Annd for my readers and subscribers of my other fic I have created a twitter account. Just go there and ask me whatever you want... I'll probably give spoilers for my fic.... just look it up @CertainPain