Everyone knew a lot of things about Youngjae. He was like an open book, for the most part. However, his past was very hidden.

What a lot of people didn’t know was that his old friends did drugs and drank alcohol. Of course, his parents told Youngjae to stop hanging around them - but Youngjae never listened. However when he became a trainee it didn’t matter anymore, because he stopped seeing them so he could focus his time on his music.

So, you can imagine how surprised Youngjae was when he saw his old friends at Got7’s comeback stage for If You Do. It’d been a little over a year since he’d seen them. Somehow, even though it’d only been a year, they seemed different. They’d grown and changed, and so did Youngjae.

But they had missed Youngjae. Seeing him famous and on TV all the time didn’t feel right. They missed having him around. So, they showed up to the If You Do concert with their signature drugs they usually carried around: weed and .

“Guys,” Youngjae smiled and walked towards his friends once his performance was over and the crowed dismissed. “What’re you doing here?”

“We missed you. You don’t call us anymore. You totally ignore my calls,” The eldest, Alex, said.

“I’m sorry Alex,” Youngjae pouted. “I’m always busy.”

The four boys nodded, understanding. As they talked and caught up, Jaebum grew more curious. He’d been watching from a distance, as well as Jackson and Jinyoung. They’d never heard about these friends, but they didn’t like them automatically. They weren’t sure what it was exactly - they just looked sketchy. Especially three of them, who kept on looking around the room as if they were scanning for police.

“Should we go and meet them?” Jackson brought up, raising his eyebrows.

Jaebum didn’t answer, watching the way Youngjae laughed talking to them. If they made him so happy, why hadn’t he ever brought them up before? Something inside of him felt annoyed. Jealous, even.

“Well?”

Jaebum snapped out of it and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Jinyoung, you stay behind and let the others know.”

Jinyoung obeyed and went his way, although something felt wrong. Why was there so much tension in the air all of a sudden? He knew the guys looked shady - but it was Youngjae. He wouldn’t hang out with anyone that would be a bad influence on him, right?

“Oh, guys, meet Jaebum and Jackson,” Youngjae introduced, smiling as his two friends approached. The two boys forced a smile at the others.

“I gotta say, I always thought Jackson was the best looking - but once I saw you all live, I realized it’s really Youngjae,” Alex stated, grinning. Youngjae laughed and clinged onto Alex’s arm.

Jaebum tried his best not to feel jealous over the way Youngjae was so touchy with Alex.

“I’m a big fan of all of you. You really made Youngjae a star. He used to sing all the time when us five would hang out. Oh! Do you remember that time when we were hanging out and you were singing for me, and all of a sudden you --”

“Stop! Don’t,” Youngjae interrupted, hitting Alex teasingly.

But Alex kept going. “He choked on his own spit and totally killed the entire mood. He kept on coughing - it was hilarious.”

Jackson laughed at this, warming up to Alex. He wasn’t sure about the other three, who were exchanging looks as if they wanted to bolt. Jaebum, however, felt the sudden urge to pull Youngjae away and claim what was his.

“Youngjae, it was great seeing you but us three really should go.” They raised their eyebrows, as if they were sending a hidden message that only Youngjae could understand. Youngjae seemed to know what they were talking about and looked around, when he spotted the police entering the building.

“Alright, you three should get home. I’ll be sure to keep in touch. Alex, do you wanna hang out?”

Jaebum was hoping Alex would say no.

Of course, Alex said the exact opposite.

“Of course, let’s head back to my apartment,” He smirked. It was that kind of smirk that let you know he was up to no good. Jackson nudged Jaebum subtly, realizing it too.

Jaebum reached out to Youngjae, not wanting him to go with Alex. “Youngjae, I don’t know. We have to get up early tomorrow.”

Youngjae rolled his eyes. Jaebum always hung out with his friends when he could, why couldn’t he do it too? “I’ll be home before midnight, don’t worry,” He smiled. “See you later. Let’s go.”

Once Youngjae and Alex left the building, Jaebum wanted to punch a wall. Maybe it was because he was protective over the boy, maybe it was because he was jealous, or maybe it was simply trust issues, but he didn’t want Youngjae to hang out with Alex. Youngjae’s friends gave off a bad vibe.  

“The three bolted when the police came,” Jackson noted, sighing. “And did you see the way Alex smiled at Youngjae? I have a feeling whatever they’re going to do at his place - it’s something you’d only see at an R rated movie.”

Jaebum really didn’t want Jackson to paint that picture in his head. He knew what Jackson meant. The thought of Youngjae kissing another man, having with another man, made him boil with rage and jealousy. Of course, Jaebum and Youngjae weren’t exclusive. But they had dated in the past. Although they broke up, they were still very touchy with each other, as if they were dating without it being official. Honestly, in Jaebum’s eyes, they never broke up. Youngjae was still his. That’s how it’d always been. Youngjae on his arm. Youngjae kissing his cheek. Jaebum holding Youngjae as they slept. It was them two, always.

And exclusive or not, there was no way Jaebum was going to let Alex steal Youngjae away.

The boys went back to their dorms without Youngjae, curious as to what he was doing. They expected it to be something like - but they didn’t expect anything near to what they were really doing.

Sure, Alex and Youngjae dated in the past. Well, sort of. But now, Youngjae was in love with Jaebum, just like Jaebum was in love with him. They didn’t make it official, but in Youngjae’s eyes, they were basically dating. Alex was nothing but an old friend, now.

“Do you want some?” Alex asked, sitting next to Youngjae, spreading the on the table. “I mean, that’s why you came over, right?”

It’d been a long time since Youngjae had done . Once he got accepted into JYP, he automatically stopped. He dropped drugs. He dropped alcohol. It was tough, but he had no choice. He dropped everything and put all of his time and work into growing as an artist and trying to debut.

“I don’t know if I should,” Youngjae groaned. “Can’t we just catch up?”

Alex laughed. “There isn’t anything to catch up on. I haven’t changed.” A pause. “I see you have, though. Back then, you were addicted to coke.”

Youngjae pouted thinking about his dark past. Alex was the one that dragged him into everything. He was the one that took away his innocence. His dealer. But, to be fair, it wasn’t all Alex’s fault. Sure, Alex introduced him to the drug, but Youngjae had a choice not to take it. And when he got addicted to it, since he was just a kid - to pay Alex back, he would have with him. That’s what they were. That’s all they ever were.

“Come on, just let loose a little bit. You’ve been working too hard. Don’t you miss it?”

Honestly, it was tough to give up on coke. And Youngjae would be lying if he said he didn’t miss it just a little bit.

“Just a little,” Alex pouted playfully.

And Youngjae always gave into that pout. Even if he was over Alex, - Alex had a way of getting anyone to do whatever he wanted by putting on that pout. He nodded, taking the rolled up dollar bill from Alex’s hands.

Here goes nothing.

As Youngjae snorted the , he automatically remembered how nice it felt. Sure, it had some bad side effects, but the high was worth it. Youngjae let out a sigh of relief, immersed in the moment.

“I missed this,” He admitted, grinning.

Alex laughed. Youngjae was his favorite addict.

Once Youngjae had gotten back to the dorms, it was three hours past midnight. Everyone was sleeping. Quietly, although he was still high from the - he walked into his and Jaebum’s room, hoping not to wake him up.

But it didn’t matter, in the end. Jaebum was sitting on their shared mattress. He had waited up for Youngjae.

“Jaebum,” Youngjae jumped, startled. “You’re still awake?”

“You said you’d be home by midnight. What did you and Alex do exactly?”

“Don’t interrogate me, I’m tired,” Youngjae whined, taking his spot on the bed and ignoring Jaebum’s heavy stares.

He was acting different. Jaebum could tell right off the bat.

“Before you sleep...I have to ask,” Jaebum started, looking over nervously at Youngjae. “Did you and Alex...um…”

Youngjae chuckled softly, but before he could say no, he fell asleep. Jaebum wasn’t sure to take his chuckle as a yes or a no. God, he hoped it was a no. Putting his arm around Youngjae, he held him close.

“You’re mine,” Jaebum whispered.

The next morning, Youngjae was still acting different. Erratic, in some way. He refused to eat, and couldn’t focus properly to what anyone was saying. Everyone assumed that he’d gotten drunk last night and was just hungover.

No one assumed it was something else.

“I’m going to hang out with Alex again,” Youngjae told the others at the end of the day.

“Wait, Youngjae,” Jackson stopped him. “No offense, but Jaebum and I don’t exactly trust him.”

The four boys stood by watching silently, not wanting to create any more conflict. They figured Youngjae was just ing Alex, they didn’t see why that was so bad. They didn’t understand why Jackson and Jaebum didn’t trust him. I mean, they could understand Jaebum being jealous - because the two were unofficially official, but why Jackson?

What they didn’t know, however, was that Jackson had seen those three boys bolt when the police came. And it worried him. A lot.

“You don’t have to trust him. I do,” Youngjae replied quietly and began to leave.

But Jaebum grabbed his arm, stopping him again.

“Stay with me for the rest of the night. Please,” Jaebum pleaded. He didn’t want to think that Youngjae had found someone else.

Youngjae hesitated. He loved Jaebum. But, he really missed the . And he wanted it now more than ever. He craved it.

“I’m sorry. I’ll see you tonight,” He whispered, truly feeling sorry, and getting out of his grip.

Jaebum stood, feeling empty. Feeling betrayed, even. What was so good about Alex? What did he have to offer Youngjae in one night that was better than what Jaebum had to offer in over a year?

He didn’t know the answer was an addicting drug. He thought maybe, it was just . Lust. And I guess to Youngjae, was kind of like .

“Youngjae, you came,” Alex grinned, opening the door wide enough so that Youngjae could come in, but not wide enough that people could smell the weed that Alex had been smoking. Youngjae walked in, grinning. He missed this. He missed Alex. He missed getting high. “I’m guessing you want the coke?”

Youngjae saw that his three other friends were here, passed out on the couch. He furrowed his brow, worried.

“They’re fine, they just did too much. They’ll wake up soon,” Alex reassured. “You know they like to binge.”

Alex led him to the , a certain glint in his eye that proved he was up to no good. “I was thinking...it’s been awhile since you and I...you know,”

“No, Alex,” Youngjae shut him down, rolling up a dollar bill. “I’m not going to give you my body as money anymore.”

“Don’t you miss it, just a little bit? The way I made you feel.”

“I found someone that makes me feel better,” Youngjae told him bluntly.

“Please, there isn’t anyone that could love you that good,” Alex whispered, getting closer to Youngjae. “Who is it?”

Youngjae trusted Alex. He was a big part of his childhood. But he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, even his own parents - although he still did, about the two of them. The only people allowed to know was JYP and the rest of Got7. They couldn’t risk it becoming a scandal. Couldn’t risk breaking fans hearts.

“I’m not telling,” Youngjae replied, leaning down to the table to snort the , when suddenly Alex began to leave kisses on his neck, and then took it a step further when he began to on his skin.

“Stop. I am a singer, you know. I can’t have hickeys.”

“I can just leave them somewhere no one will see.”

“Stop, I mean it,” But the high of the came in, and suddenly, Youngjae didn’t care. It wasn’t like he turned into an entirely different person - he still had logic and sense. But the feeling was just too good, like he was free. And so right now - he would let Alex kiss him. He would kiss him back. Right now, he just wanted to go crazy.

That’s what he loved about the . Even with the side-effects, the feeling of being free was like no other.

When he got back to the dorm, hickeys were placed all along his body. He’d have to wear a turtleneck tomorrow. The high from the was gone, and he was left with fatigue and a feeling of being empty. Unfortunately, he couldn’t go straight to sleep because Jaebum had waited up for him again.

“What were you two doing for so long?”

Youngjae groaned, getting into his side of the bed.

“No, not this time, Youngjae.” Jaebum turned Youngjae to face him, and that’s when he noticed it. The hickeys. “You two had , didn’t you?”

“No,” Youngjae replied, and he wasn’t lying. They didn’t exactly get that far before the boys woke up, almost catching them in the act. “He just gave me a few hickeys, that’s it.”

But for some reason, that hurt more. Because if the two of them were strictly , then Jaebum could steal him away easily. But if it was more - it was romance, then it would be harder.

“I thought you and I…”

“You dumped me, remember? Even if we still have a thing going on...it’s not exclusive. You’re not allowed to get jealous,” But Youngjae knew he was kidding himself. If he saw Jaebum with another man, he’d get upset too.

Jaebum grunted as Youngjae faced the wall, ignoring him. That night, Jaebum didn’t wrap his arm around Youngjae like usual.

For the next few days, they followed the same routine. Youngjae would come back at 3 in the morning, exhausted and unwilling to talk, but Jaebum noticed he didn’t have any fresh hickies anymore, which made him wonder what the hell he was doing with Alex if it wasn’t pleasure.

Youngjae was different, it was quite clear. He was grumpy, erratic, his sleeping schedule was ed up - he was acting like a brat, in general. The other members didn’t understand why he was acting like this, but they thought that maybe Alex was just stressing him out.

What they didn’t know was that it wasn’t Alex that was stressing him out. Instead, it was something much, much worse.

And when Youngjae told the members he was visiting Alex again, Jaebum got the idea to follow him.

Jaebum followed Youngjae in his car and was led to an apartment. Before Youngjae walked in, he looked both ways as if he was nervous to get caught entering. Jaebum furrowed his brow, watching from a safe distance. Once Youngjae entered the building, Jaebum made his way to enter too.

He was surprised he hadn’t gotten caught, but Youngjae was so out of it lately - he figured it had to do something with that. He followed Youngjae up to the second floor of the apartment, watching as Youngjae knocked on Alex’s door and squeezed in, as if he was making sure no one else could see what was going on inside.

And then, Jaebum waited outside the door, listening in.

“Youngjae, you should slow it down,” He heard Alex mutter. “You’re only gonna get yourself killed.”

Killed?

“Shut up. It’s worth it.”

What could be worth his death? Jaebum almost slammed down the door right there and then, but decided to wait longer to really figure out what was going on.

“Alright kid, don’t say I didn’t warn you. But come here first. I’m .”

“No, Alex,” He heard Youngjae groan.

Alex grunted, and Jaebum heard objects fall to the ground and glass break, as if Alex was angry and took it out on his furniture. “What happened to being my pet? You think you can just get all this stuff for free?”

Pet?

“Just because I used to do whatever you wanted for this doesn’t mean I still do. I told you, I’m seeing someone. I’m not gonna just hop on your like I used to.”

Jaebum felt his blood rush. What did “this” mean? Why did Youngjae do whatever Alex wanted for it?

And that’s when Jaebum’s heart broke. No, it didn’t just break - it snapped into pieces, unable to be fixed. What he heard terrified him. It horrified him.

“I knew you would get addicted to the coke again,” He heard Alex laugh, and then Youngjae snort.

And Jaebum had heard enough. Using his shoulder, he slammed down the door, catching Youngjae in the act. Youngjae had a rolled up dollar in his hand, his pupils dilated, and a white powdery substance under his nose.

“Jaebum-” He croaked, surprised. He couldn’t defend himself for long though, because the high came in, releasing him from all his worries.

Jaebum stared at the boy sitting on the floor, his eyes widened and filling with tears. Youngjae was doing drugs. Youngjae was doing . Moving his eyes from the boy and to Alex, anger rushed through him.

“What the is wrong with you? How could you let him do this?” Jaebum held out his fist in front of Alex’s face, who was sitting down on his couch smirking.

“He wanted it. I just gave it to him,”

But Jaebum didn’t have the time to beat Alex up, so he grabbed Youngjae, pulling him away from the drug and forcing him to stand up.

“We’re leaving,” Jaebum said sharply, staring into Youngjae’s eyes.

“No, Youngjae, stay,” Alex pouted, grabbing Youngjae’s other arm to stop Jaebum from taking him away.

Jaebum almost broke out in sobs. Not because of the sadness, but because of the shock. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He didn’t want to think Youngjae was an addict. That Youngjae was with this .

“Youngjae, listen to me,” Jaebum said softly, his voice breaking. Youngjae wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but his head began to hurt. Whatever was happening, it was stressing him out and ruining his high. “Do you want to stay with this , or do you want to come home?”

Youngjae obviously was going to choose Jaebum, confused or not - Youngjae still loved Jaebum. But before he could answer, Alex interrupted.

“That’s the wrong question. What you really should be asking is you…” A pause. “Or the coke.”

And this time, Youngjae found it hard to answer. He craved the drug, so, so much. He was addicted to it. It made him feel good. Free. And Jaebum - God, he craved him too. But was it as much as the ? The question made him frustrated - and Youngjae felt himself getting dizzy.

“Choose me,” He heard Jaebum’s voice. He could hear how broken he sounded.

It was the last thing he heard.

Youngjae fell down into Jaebum’s arms, unconscious. Jaebum felt like he was about to have a heart attack right there and then. Hell, he think he did.

“Youngjae,” He yelled, laying him down onto the floor and putting Youngjae’s head into his lap. “What happened to him?”

Alex sighed. “Is he breathing?”

Jaebum grunted. What kind of question was that? Why was he so calm about this? When Jaebum growled, Alex got closer to Youngjae, examining him himself.

“He’s fine. He didn’t have that much . You stopped him. He just fainted. We probably made him stress out, that’s all. Relax.”

Jaebum gritted his teeth, wiping the powder off of Youngjae’s nose. “How are you so calm about this? Haven’t you known him for a long time?”

“My whole life, almost,” Alex admitted. “He was my neighbor. He always followed me around everywhere. But since I’m two years older than him, I always saw him as an annoying kid. When I became a dealer he wanted to try the , but I told him that he would have to give me something in return. And that was . He’s just another client to me. I don’t care about him.”

If Youngjae’s head wasn’t on Jaebum’s thigh, Jaebum would have stood up and beat Alex to pieces.  

“You’re sick.” Jaebum hissed.

“It’s not my fault he got addicted.” A laugh escaped Alex’s mouth, not taking Jaebum’s words seriously.

“If you had just looked out for him - this wouldn’t have happened. I’m calling the cops.”

And that’s when Alex’s stopped playing around.

“You do that, not only am I going to jail - but so is Youngjae. Not to mention, everyone will think that the rest of Got7 does . There will be an entire investigation. Got7 will be over. You really want that to happen?”

Jaebum thought carefully. In this case, Alex was right - as much as it killed him to admit that. He wanted to see Alex behind bars so bad.

“You take me down, you take him down with me. So, get out while you can. He’ll wake up soon. And if he decides to come back, that’s his choice.”

This time, it was Jaebum’s turn to laugh. “Trust me, he won’t be coming back. And if you ever come anywhere near him, I’ll kill you.”

Slowly, Youngjae’s eyes opened. Everything was still groggy, but he could see Jaebum’s eyes staring down at him. He still felt high from the drug, but he had more sense in him than before. Jaebum stood him up, grabbing him tightly by the arm so that Youngjae couldn’t escape from his grasp.

When they got home, leaving Alex behind forever, Jaebum tried everything in his power not to yell at Youngjae right at that moment. He’d wait until the morning, and let Youngjae sleep for now.

That night, Jaebum held Youngjae closer than ever, tears falling down his face as he did so.

Why was Youngjae throwing away his life?

When Youngjae woke up the next morning, Jaebum’s arms were still tightly around him, making it hard to breathe. He felt deflated because the high had gone - but he knew he didn’t have the right to snap at anyone today. Today, Jaebum was going to kill him before any drug could.

Surprisingly, Jaebum had woke up after Youngjae. He was exhausted from last night’s events, and he still felt groggy. Youngjae wasn’t in the bed next to him, so Jaebum took this moment to figure out what he was going to say. He went into the bathroom, staring at his reflection. Whenever he closed his eyes, pictures of Youngjae snorting the appeared. Pictures of him fainting. And it almost brought him to tears again. His breathing shaky, he left the bathroom and found Youngjae in the kitchen.

“Youngjae, we need to talk.”

Youngjae let out the breath he’d been holding.

The other boys didn’t know what was going on, but they figured they’d find out later - considering the walls in the dorm were paper thin and they could hear everything anyone said.

Youngjae got up on his own, following Jaebum to their bedroom.

At first, Jaebum found it hard to form the words he wanted to say. Whenever he looked at Youngjae - he either wanted to hold him, or hit him. He was angry and confused. Hurt, overall. Youngjae sat on the bed, looking up at Jaebum as he paced back and forth.

“Why? Do you not care about your life?” And then the anger started flowing through his blood, and Jaebum couldn’t help but yell at the younger boy. “What do you think would happen if you were caught with the ? Got7 would be ruined. You would have ruined everything. How could you be so selfish? So careless? Don’t you know what it can do to you? You could have died any time. Hell, I thought you died last night.”

“I’m sorry,” Was all Youngjae could mutter out.

That only made Jaebum more angry.

“That’s it? You’re sorry? You think that’s all it is going to take for this to go away? Think again, Youngjae.”

“I-”

“Shut up,” Jaebum sighed, not wanting to hear Youngjae’s defense right now. Youngjae sat awkwardly, waiting for Jaebum to continue. “You could have died,” Jaebum simply whispered, looking down at his shoes. As he continued, his voice only got louder. “Do you know how hard that would be for the fans, for your parents, for the guys - for me?”

Of course Youngjae knew. But the addiction made him not care. He craved it, and right now more than ever. He needed it to get through the rest of this ty day.

“Don’t you know that I can’t lose you? That if I ever lost you...I think I’d die myself.” Jaebum finally met eyes with Youngjae, making sure he was listening. “I need you.”

Youngjae gulped. He thought that maybe it was finally over, but suddenly he saw Jaebum’s legs beginning to shake.  Jaebum fell to his knees, and he couldn’t stop the tears that poured out of his eyes. At first, Youngjae was surprised. He knew Jaebum was shocked, hurt, but he didn’t know it was this much. Did he really mean so much to him?

The answer was yes. At the simple thought of Youngjae dying, Jaebum broke down in tears, unable to keep hold of himself. He loved Youngjae more than he’d ever loved someone. Youngjae was the light in the dark.

Hesitating, Youngjae got off the bed and sat in front of Jaebum, wrapping his arms around him.

“I’m sorry.” Youngjae whispered into Jaebum’s ear. “You won’t lose me. I promise. I’m not going anywhere from now on.”

Youngjae was unsure of that himself. He already missed the . He knew he didn’t want to hurt Jaebum anymore, but he also knew he was addicted to it. And he loved the feeling of taking it almost more than anything in the world.

But as Jaebum met eyes with Youngjae, Youngjae looked at the boy’s desperation - the sadness, he saw the broken. Quietly, Youngjae wiped the tears off of Jaebum’s face. And Youngjae knew he never wanted to see Jaebum like this again.

“I didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Of course I do,” Jaebum automatically fired back. “You’re the love of my life, Youngjae. Alex he…” A pause as Jaebum held back his anger. “He took advantage of you. Your body. He made you addicted to . He didn’t even care if you died…”

Youngjae was quiet. There was no denying Jaebum was right. But part of him wanted to. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to pretend that he liked Alex, and Alex liked him - and it all wasn’t just and .

“He was my friend,” Youngjae whispered. He knew that was a lie.

“Please don’t see him again,” Jaebum pleaded, holding onto Youngjae’s wrists tightly.

Not seeing Alex again meant not seeing again. Youngjae’s insides crumbed into a ball. Why couldn’t he just say yes and move on? He had someone like Jaebum in front of him, why did he care more about a drug than him?

“I…”

“Youngjae. I know it will be hard. I know,” Jaebum’s voice got low and deep, assuring Youngjae he was being serious. “But we’ll get you through the addiction. If you love me, promise that you won’t ever see Alex again.”

Of course, Youngjae loved Jaebum. Jaebum was the sun, the moon, the stars. He was the reason he’d been able to stay strong throughout, well - everything.

And so, Youngjae said something he knew he would regret later on. “I promise.”

The next few days were painfully hard for Youngjae. He was suffering. He was constantly tired, he felt depressed, his anxiety on stage had only gotten worse, and if that wasn’t enough - he had extreme mood swings. He wanted it so bad. He missed the drug more than anything. But the guys were there for him throughout it all, making sure Youngjae wouldn’t mess up. Making sure that Youngjae was safe.

Of course, Youngjae threatened to give up all the time. And so whenever Youngjae would suddenly disappear without telling the guys - Jaebum would panic that he was going to relapse. The guys were nervous too - but they had a certain trust in Youngjae still, that they knew Jaebum had lost. But, they hadn’t seen Youngjae snorting with their own eyes. Maybe if they had, they wouldn’t have trusted him either.

However, it always turned out Youngjae had gone to the bathroom or to talk to a friend. Of course, it wasn’t Alex.

“I gave you a promise,” Youngjae would mutter, annoyed, to Jaebum after Jaebum would blow up at Youngjae for suddenly disappearing. Whilst he knew that maybe he didn’t deserve Jaebum’s trust, he also hated the fact that he didn’t have one ounce of freedom. He had to tell Jaebum where he was going any time he was leaving his side.

But, it helped. Because the truth is, if Jaebum wasn’t breathing down his neck, Youngjae knew he would go straight back to Alex.

Youngjae also got professional help. JYP made sure that no one found out about Youngjae’s addiction, and so far - things were working. Of course, it was one of the most painful things Youngjae had to go through - as he often broke down at night, crying because he wanted it so badly, which only resulted in Jaebum crying too. Jaebum, for all the macho manliness he put up, had a big heart. He hated seeing Youngjae suffer, but he knew in the end - everything would be okay.

This night was especially hard. As Jaebum and Youngjae lied in their shared bed, Youngjae was missing his parents. He hadn’t seen them in so long. And he wanted to relapse, so, so, bad. He wanted to meet up with Alex and just be free. Happy. And the fact that he couldn’t killed him. If there was a way to take the pain away - even if it was just for an hour or so, wouldn’t you take it? The fact that he had a way to get rid of the pain - but couldn’t, God, it made him so angry. So upset.

was an addicting drug.

Jaebum, however, was there for him as Youngjae cried. Which was quite common now, since he was so irritable and depressed.

“It’s okay,” Jaebum whispered. “Let it out. I’m here.”

And Youngjae did.

It took awhile for Youngjae to stop missing the drug. A little over a month, which shows how addicting the drug really is. It was tough, but eventually, Youngjae just stopped craving it. Stop needing it. That didn’t mean he didn’t miss how it made him feel - but he knew he didn’t need it anymore.

Jaebum had his arms wrapped around Youngjae as he slept, as usual. But unable to sleep, Youngjae went over past events.

He wouldn’t have gotten through this without Jaebum.

Turning around, he faced Jaebum, admiring the way he looked while sleeping. He loved him. He loved everything about him. He reached out his hand, cupping the side of Jaebum’s face and rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

Jaebum saved him.

Why did he ever need when he already had a stronger drug by his side the entire time? Jaebum was his drug, that he was so, so, addicted to.

“Youngjae,” Jaebum muttered softly, opening his eyes slowly. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Jaebum expected Youngjae to be upset again - that maybe he wasn’t completely over his addiction. Instead, what he got was Youngjae staring at him, tears in his eyes and a smile on his face.

“What is it?”

Youngjae was silent for a little bit longer, taking it all in. Jaebum’s scent, his smile, his eyes, his touch. He wanted to say thank you to him, since he hadn’t thanked him all this time. But instead, he settled for something else, something just as meaningful.

“I love you.”

Jaebum smiled, his eyes softening.

“I love you too. Now go to sleep, idiot.” As Jaebum said this, he tightened his grip around Youngjae, holding him close. “You’re welcome,” He added quietly, understanding what Youngjae was trying to say.

Youngjae didn’t know how he got so lucky. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Jaebum. He knew he really didn’t. He knew it was selfish to have Jaebum, because Jaebum could be with someone so much better - that wouldn’t cause him so much pain. But God, as he intertwined fingers with him, he didn’t mind being selfish.

Official or not, the two of them belonged to each other.

And that’s how it always had been, and always will be.