It was one of the saddest and happiest days of my life. A day I wouldn't be able to forget. An experience I would treasure my whole life.

It was right after Yonghwa walked away from my dorm that I felt that this is the end. That I will never be able to see him as much as I want to.. We will never have those simple conversations that make me smile at the end of a tiring day as often as we do now..

It's going to be hard for me and I know it's going to be the same for him..

I wanted to hug him longer but seeing all those camera crews around us is stopping me.. I wanted this moment to be ours.. I wanted to cry.. I wanted him to say something but he only let out a sad smile..

We were told that if we have already said our goodbyes there would be no looking back.. Yonghwa was supposed to walk away and I was supposed to go up in our dorm..

When I went in the first time, I can't help myself but to look at him again.. There he was standing outside the sliding door waving his hands at me.. I know I had to go back and even if there were camera crews around, I just went and hugged him..

I don't want him to see me cry but in the end I still did.. When no one was looking, I cried until all the pain in my heart went away..

My SNSD sisters were there for me.. Cheering me on.. Trying to make smile..

"Seohyun-ah.. it's okay.."

"Seo Joohyun.. Don't cry.,"

"Seohyun.."

They were trying their best to comfort me but I guessed they felt how sad I am that they cried with me until I can't take it anymore..

This is the first time that I felt something like this.. I know being in We Got Married is temporary but I didn't expect that I would meet someone like Yonghwa in a show where reality gets confusing..

What do I do when I see him again.. Should we act like strangers? Should I act like I just saw someone I know? Should we pretend nothing happened between us?

It's hard to deny feelings that I wasn't supposed to feel but I know it was there.. I didn't know anything about relationships or love.. but because of Yonghwa.. I cared.. I loved.. For the first time..

The next day was just like any other day for me.. We had rehearsals, pictorials, recordings.. It was a perfect definition of a full day..

At days like this, Yonghwa sends me a text once or twice a day.. Checking up on me whether I was okay, if I was having fun.. but sadly I didn't receive one today..

I was just looking at my phone waiting..

"Joohyun.."

"Yes?" I looked up and I saw Taeyeon standing in front me.

"Are you okay? Are you still thinking about what happened last night?"

"Uhmmm.. No.. I was just... He was supposed to check up on me.. I guess I was just expecting him to talk to me after what happened.."

"Oh Seohyun.. I guess he's having a hard time too just like you are now.."

Days went by like this.. No phone call.. No text until one night.. When everybody was sleeping, my phone suddenly rang..

"Hello?" I heard a familiar voice on the other side of the phone..

"Yong?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Uhmmm.. I was but I'm awake now.." I felt my voice shaking.. It was weird hearing his voice again.

"Hyun~~"

"Yong~~"

I realized how I miss talking to him.. How I miss him..

"I miss you.." That caught me off guard since he never said those words to me before.. "I thought you should know.."

I was speechless.. I didn't know what to say.. My heart was beating really fast..

"Sorry for not calling you.. or texting you.. It's just.. I didn't know what to say.."

"I'm sorry too.. I didn't call or text first.. I miss you.. I just had to say it too.."

Why are we saying this to each other now when we're not really "together" anymore.. Is it too late for us? Are we the living proof of the saying “You’ll never know a good thing until it’s gone”?

We spent hours on the phone talking about the funny experiences we had when we're doing We Got Married. What changed after we left the show, we caught up on the activities of each other, how we are so busy now that if we were still on WGM, we wouldn't have any material to show.

"I guess we had to really leave.. Look at us.. We're so busy..."

"Yeah.. but I was not prepared to leave the show just yet.."

"I just wished they gave us a lot more time to prepare.. But I guess it's not for us to decide.." I agreed.

And then there was silence..

"Goodnight Yong"

"Goodnight Hyun"

We spent every night talking to each other for the past month.. And then every night became thrice a week.. then we can only talk on weekends then now.. we rarely talk to each other at all..

Time and distance took its toll in our friendship. We became busy. We were brought back to the days before we knew each other, when my life was all about SNSD and performing and his life was CNBLUE and his music.

It was the performance at the Kpop Live Concert in Nigata that brought us together again. When I heard the news, my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

"We're doing Banmal Song together? Live?" I asked my manager.

"Yes.. We Got Married is going to be shown in Japan and I think Banmal Song is going to be theme song."

"It's been so long since I've last seen him,,"

"Well, you'll see him again Joohyun-ah.. For your rehearsals.."

The thought of it makes me nervous. I haven't seen him in a long time.

After arranging our schedules, we realized that we only have one day to practice everything.

When I saw him walking towards us, I was frozen. A feeling of longing ran through me. Though I want to run towards him just like when we were in Japan before, I can't.

"Hi Yonghwa! It's been a long time.."

"Yeah.. We became really busy.."

He took out his guitar and tuned it a little..

"Ready?"

"Yeah! Go for it.."

Then I heard the tune I haven't heard for a long time, The Banmal Song. The song he wrote for me. The song he wrote for us, our relationship when we're in We Got Married.

I looked around me and many people are patiently watching us..

"This is just like when we're in We Got Married. People are patiently waiting on what we're going to do next.." I sighed..

Yonghwa started to sing while playing our song in his guitar.

"Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other

Even though it’s still awkward and unfamiliar

Instead of saying ‘thank you’

Talk to me in a friendlier way

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other

You walk towards me slowly, step by step

Now look at my two eyes and tell me

I love you"

It was just like the old times. At least I'm hoping it was...

We didn't get the chance to really talk to each other though. After we rehearsed, we just talked about our recent activities and that's it. We had to leave because we had another schedule.

At the day of the performance, I was surprised to see Yonghwa outside our dressing room.

"Seohyun.. Do you have a minute?"

"We'll just come back after you guys have already talked". My SNSD unnies went outside to give us some privacy.

"Oh.. What's the matter?"

"Are you okay with this? With us singing this song together?"

"Of course.. This is our song.."

"Let's do our best together.. There's going to be a lot of people watching us.. I'm actually nervous.."

"I am too.. I hope our rehearsal is enough.."

“Seohyun, I have to tell you something..”

Before he can even finish his sentence, someone was calling us from the outside.

"Yonghwa, Seohyun.. It's time to go up the stage.." The staff told us from outside the room.

“Yes.. We’re coming.. Can you just tell me after we perform?” I told Yonghwa and he gave me a slight nod.

From the backstage, I hear loud screams of fans waiting for us. I saw pictures of us flashing on the big screens. Suddenly, I had flashbacks of our memories together and I felt tears forming in my eyes.

Our Banmal song video was playing and I almost can’t contain my tears from falling.

"Breathe Seo Joohyun.. Breathe.."

And then the Banmal Song played..

I was singing but my thoughts are somewhere else. I was trying not to look at him too much because I think I'm going to cry.

"We were so happy together but what happened to us.. They took away our friendship.. I want it to be just like before.."

I looked around and I saw our pictures flashing on the big screen, our 200^th day performance, Our wedding pictures, Our train ride to Busan, Our matching glasses. Every beautiful memory we had was there.. For everyone to see..

I was trying really hard to concentrate and seeing him doesn’t help.

When we're walking towards each other during our duet part, It's like we're the only

ones in that arena. Everything was in slow motion.

Without hesitating, in front of all those people, I felt a familiar hand touching mine. I was hoping he wouldn't let go.

And as the lights dimmed, I heard a soft whisper in my ear. "I love you Seo Joohyun."

I took a step forward in panic and bumped into him.

And even in the dark, I felt his eyes looking at mine.

He never let go of my hand as he led me off the stage. Before a staff could see us in the dark, I held onto him tighter and said. "I love you too Yonghwa."

I said it just in time before my manager went to check up on me.. He let go of my hand and said his goodbye before he walked away..

Those three words are our promise to each other. A promise we’re still keeping now. We may be apart now but someday in the future, we're going to be together again.

 Next time, there will be no cameras. Next time, it’s going to be real.

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a/n : *cries* Writing this made me miss Yongseo more.. :'(