February 3th 20XX,

I still think it’s stupid! It’s stupid to tell people things as it’s stupid to write it on a journal. It won’t change anything! But I guess I’ll try it… I’m not even sure of what I’m supposed to write in here… My therapist said I should write every time I feel frustrated, well this is going to be easy.”

February 10th 20XX,

I’m frustrated! Very frustrated and annoyed! I mean, how could this happen to me?! I just started my second year of college and I was sure to share my room with Sungmin, but when I got to the dorms I had the most unpleasant surprise ever. Lee Donghae! Why him of all people?! When I saw him my heart almost stopped, I couldn’t breathe anymore… He always had that effect on me… not only because he has the same face as Minha, but this guy has something, something that makes you want to take him and protect him for the rest of your life. And I hate his eyes… his amazing brown chocolate eyes…”

February 12th 20XX,

The very moment I opened that door I knew I was going to regret it… There it was, the face that I thought I would never see again. That face that haunts me in my sleep, and even during my day. A face I wish I never will forget but at the same time long for it to fade away… Minha’s face. But it’s not Minha. I thought that after all this time I would’ve moved on or at least that I wouldn’t feel her loss as much. But it’s useless; the pain is still the same as when I lost her. And Donghae… I try and try hard to understand why I hate him so much but I can’t figure out. It’s just that, every time I see his face, see that he is alive and breathing, that he is laughing and enjoying the rest of his life, I think of what I lost, and I find it so unfair. And also I can’t stand how it doesn’t seem to touch him, when I’m consuming myself from the inside. I mean, it was his sister that died his twin moreover. So how can he smile, laugh and do like if nothing happened? I can’t… and I won’t… I’ll make so Minha will still be alive in my heart for a long time. But Donghae and his indifference… I want to make him feel as much pain as I am, I want to make him feel something!

February 21th 20XX,

I finally accepted to sleep back in the room, with Donghae. I don’t really know why I said yes, but I guess that now, I can’t go back on my word. And I have to admit it