Okay, so first of all, thank you thank you thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! *hugging you all very very tight* Thank you for all the subs! And for the upvote and the comment! *kiss* I LOVE you guys!! All of you! <3 <3 <3

And I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeally really sorry for the long absence >.< *begging on my knees* can you forgive meeeeee?

I just had soooooooooo much to do for university, and then I had a lot of stuff going on in general so I wasn't able to write, let alone update >.<

BUT for Christmas, I thought 'what the hell are you doing, girl?! Not updating in such a long time!!!' and took some hours from my usual study-schedule (yeah, I know, bad student, bla bla bla hahahaha) to write the first chapter! 

So here your Christmas-present <3

Enjoy ~ 

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Do you know how much it hurts when someone you love leaves you behind? Do you?

Do you know how much heartache I had to endure just because of that? Do you?

Exhausted, Tao let his head fall on the pillow, staring silently at the ceiling upon him.

A year.

Twelve months.

Three-hundred-and-sixty-five days

Eight-thousand-seven-hundred-and-sixty hours.

Without you.

And even after such a long time, he didn’t understand. Didn’t understand why he had left him, had left them.

Why?

‘I don’t understand…’ he really didn’t.

‘Why did you leave…? Kris?’ still, the EXO-M Maknae stared at the ceiling, unmoving. From the outside, one could think he was dead, with the stiffness of his body and almost non-existent breath.

He wasn’t, even though, he sometimes wished he was. After all, he was left alone. Kris, his beloved Duizhang had left him behind… had turned his back on him, without as much as a Goodbye.

Nothing.

He had asked himself a thousand times, over and over again, as to why Kris had left without a word, had sued their company without talking to his band members, his friends – heck, his brothers! – before.

Had they done something wrong?

Did he not trust them?

Did he not have trust in their bond? In EXO? In their friendship?

“Have I done something wrong?” Tao mumbled, eyes clouded with unshed tears.

It was the true question that bothered him. Not if Kris didn’t trust them, as EXO, but if he didn’t trust him, Huang Zitao. Why else wouldn’t he talk with his maknae? Why else, if not for the simple fact that he didn’t trust him?!

But why? Why didn’t he trust Tao?

What have I done wrong?

Had he not done everything to earn his gege’s trust? Had he not done everything he could to show Yifan that he could rely on him? No matter what?

Where have I gone wrong? Where?

Did he go, because he had no-one he could confide in?

But… but I… I did everything… everything

An ear-splitting cry cut through the silence. Soon being engulfed in the overwhelming silence once again.

Was it not enough?

Was I not enough?

Or… a horrendous thought popped up in the black haired boy, widening his eyes to immeasurable size.

What… what if he had been too much? What if he had suffocated his leader?
They all knew – Tao especially, since he paid a lot attention to his Duizhang – how much Kris loved his freedom, how much he liked to have time for himself. Because being a leader, being responsible for five other boys, some quite a couple of years younger than himself, was an exhausting task.

Had Tao not given his gege this freedom?

Is it my fault?

‘Was it me? Did he have enough of me?’