jj project / 3.1k words. 

NOTES:

++ insp by 미치게 보고싶은 (taeyeon) & lost stars (jungkook cover)

++ unbeta-ed, any mistakes feel free to let me know~

++ #GOT72ndWin wanted to write this as a '15comebackfic for me and the boys lmao /thick skinned

++ enjoy. for minhyuk of btob and my husband hakyeon of vixx btovixx cross! ♡

++ WARNINGS: mentions of cheating.

ㅁㅁㅁ

Please don't see Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies / Please see me Reaching out for someone I can't see

Jinyoung picks up the clothes and books littered on the floor. It's a daily routine, now, picking up whatever Jaebum threw around the day before. He's still sleeping when Jinyoung leaves the house, getting out of the house to work. Of course, it isn't easy, never seeing your boyfriend and only catching glimpses of him sleeping. His slumber isn't even peaceful, it's filled with thrashing and movement and sometimes, if Jinyoung strains his hearing, whimpers.

He doesn't understand. Doesn't understand why Jaebum is trashing all they've so meticulously built up, and breaking it all down. But as Jinyoung looks at the last book that remains untouched, for the fifth day straight, he tries. It's been a whole month since Jaebum started wrecking the house on several occasions, perhaps releasing frustrations, and though Jinyoung may look asleep, he's burdened by the weight he sees Jaebum carrying on his shoulders.

It's the fifth day since Jaebum started to throw the books around, and Jinyoung's never seen this book anywhere on floor. He wonders if it's a bible or his mother's gift to him but after flipping it, he realises what it is. He stares, limply leaning against the wall. What did it mean, that the book was so preciously placed on the shelf, unharmed?

It was the album of their first road trip together. Careless smiles and happily taken pictures, when they were enjoying the honeymoon period of their relationship.

It holds some sentimental value of sort, Jinyoung decides as he picks up the rest of the books and arranges them in order. He places the untouched book on the very front of the shelf, almost as if challenging what he thinks are Jaebum's intentions. Because the way he so carefully handled the book although it's been two years does not mean that he still loves Jinyoung.

That would be preposterous, seriously, because if he really did, they wouldn't have remained destructive like this.

It wasn't always Jinyoung picking up after Jaebum as he runs, far, far away from Jinyoung and relishes in the presence of other people. He didn't break their relationship and leave him to pick up the pieces and and try to fix it, because Jinyoung can't fix things. That was Jaebum's part in the relationship. That is, until he didn't care much, anymore.

It wasn't always sunshine and happiness, but he knows there were times like those, but it's been so long ㅡ Jinyoung can't even remember the last time there was. It might have been love, but definitely not now.   

ㅁㅁㅁ

Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer / It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run

It was five months ago: the first time Jinyoung had seen Jaebum kiss someone fully on the mouth. It was at his friend slash boyfriend's colleague's (Hakyeon) housewarming party, and Jinyoung had not touched a bottle of alcohol in three months. He thought he was hallucinating at first, or that the cliché of the girl kissing him first was there, but as Jaebum pulled back, grinned at went back to whatever they were doing that he knew he was screwed.

He had a cheater of a boyfriend. Although Hakyeon was his friend first (the title of boyfriend's colleague be damned), his emotions of anger, disbelief and loss were too overpowering to actually care. He went over to Jackson's house, almost full out sobbing as his best friend tried to comfort and soothe his aching heart, he knew that there were some things he didn't know about Im Jaebum.

His phone had a notification at that time, the ringtone Jaebum had put, Don't Go from Dream High's OST, and he almost had a mental breakdown. The song almost was as if talking to him, and he scrambled to pick up his phone, hoping it was his boyfriend. No such luck, Hakyeon had called in worry because Jinyoung texted him that he would arrive, but his presence wasn't at the party.

Sorry, he said, something came up at work. Congrats anyway hyung which seemed to put his friend at ease because he seemed to return to his usual demeanor, chatting away about his day and how much he missed hanging out.

In the end, Jinyoung didn't receive a call, text or voicemail from his boyfriend. He waited until it was time for Jaebum to reach work that he went back to their shared apartment. Though he knew that at this time, no one would be at home, but he still quietly tiptoed inside. What he didn't expect, though, was Jaebum waiting for him while sitting on the couch, in Jinyoung's t-shirt and some sweatpants.

It would have been endearing literally two days ago, but Jinyoung was still blinded by rage and betrayal that he just stared at his boyfriend and went into the guest room.

"Where are you going?" Jaebum all but explodes. Jinyoung has half a mind to humor him, stopping and laughing soullessly.

"Bed," he replies, continuing to drag his feet to the guest bedroom. He can already imagine Jaebum's gaze, surprised, disbelieving and unforgiving. Jinyoung has his days ㅡ and his reasons, he thinks bitterly.

Jaebum takes Jinyoung's wrist, eyes boring into Jinyoung's. The latter almost gives in at the rawness and confusion that reflect.  "Why didn't you go home yesterday?"

"I was at Jackson's," he says shortly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jaebum's a little worried, and Jinyoung should be pleased at the concern he has.

But the anger he feels thrumming in his veins overpowers everything. "I didn't want to talk to someone who kissed another girl at his colleagues' party yesterday," he almost spits. He shakes Jaebum's hand off, and stalks to the bedroom.

The look of shock and guilt on Jaebum's face flashes in his mind, but he doesn't think too much of it as he remembers the older's breathy laugh after pulling back from the kiss. The resentment brings him to tears and the unsettling feeling lulls him to sleep.

Jaebum doesn't apologize or say anything to show his remorse after that. That's what leaves Jinyoung angrier than anything.

ㅁㅁㅁ

And I thought I saw you out there crying / I thought I heard you call my name / I thought I heard you out there crying / Just the same

Jinyoung needs vitamins to keep his immune system up. It's simple, taking small pills to sustain his health and give him a little energy boost while he's at it. Ironically, Jaebum had encouraged him to, but the older himself didn't take it.

Honestly, he doesn't know since when he started to forget, skipping meals altogether when his own workload got the best of him. Marketing this, doing that, it took a toll on him. He always went home, but he went to work at 5am to finish presentations or run through things with interns before the real deal with the client.

Not faring any better, Jaebum was a specialist at a hospital. Sometimes he was caught up in work, staying overnight, bit Jinyoung was sure that wasn't the only reason the older stayed overtime. He wasn't blind or oblivious. The lack of communication in their relationship didn't stop him from seeing marks on his boyfriend's body not caused by him