“Sunbae!”

Yoona turned to find a young lady running hastily towards her. Yoona frowned slightly but then let out a wide grin when she recognized the young lady.

“Irene?”

“Sunbae, hold up!”

“Yes, I’m holding up.”

But instead of stopping, Irene rammed into Yoona because she couldn’t stop in time. Both fell at the same time. Irene was above Yoona.

“Ow.”

Yoona winced as she felt slightly pain on the back of her head.  Irene was horrified to find her sunbae beneath her.  She quickly tried to stand up but her feet got entangled with Yoona’s thighs. She fell flat on the poor girl again.

“Ow! Ya, Irene Bae!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

Irene carefully stood up and moved to her side. She then pulled Yoona up slowly and stared worryingly at Yoona’s face.  Yoona carefully massaged the back of her head before turning to the side. She was taken aback at first but then burst into laughter.

“Why are you laughing? Are you alright?”

Irene was concerned. She thought Yoona might have gone crazy because of the hard knock.  Yoona smiled and nodded.

“You look so adorable.”

“Eh?”

“You look so cute with that frown on your face.”

“I’m frowning because I’m worried.”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, silly girl. Now help me up.”

Irene got up on her feet immediately and helped Yoona up. She was still worried and she couldn’t control her expressions that well. Her eyes were teary.

“Are you crying?”

Yoona was amused when Irene wiped the tears away quickly. She shook her head.

“I’m still living. I’m not dead. And I’m perfectly fine. You’re such a crybaby.”

Irene pouted her lips but her eyes lit up once more when Yoona leaned closer to hug her.

“I’m fine, okay? And it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself for everything. I’m perfectly fine now. Now, dry your tears and let’s go for lunch. I’m famished now.”

Irene nodded like a little child. Yoona put her arm around Irene’s shoulders and walked together towards the canteen. Irene’s face was blushing red. They were happily chatting and teasing each other.  Irene’s smile was from ear to ear. She had moments like these where Yoona would act chummy with her.

But she knew something that it would be impossible for her to obtain. She has a huge crush on Yoona. She got into medical school because of Yoona. Yoona’s family lives next to hers. Yoona’s smart and pretty. And when she got into medical school, the whole neighbourhood was proud of her.

Irene was proud of her too. And she slowly developed feelings for the older girl when they were studying in the same high school. Yoona took good care of her.  And Irene took that as a sign of affection. But she was devastated when Yoona returned in her last year in medical school with another girl in her arms.

“Everyone, this is Jessica Jung. She’s my sunbae in the same medical school. But she has graduated and now she has become the top surgeon at a hospital in New York.”

Jessica Jung was an epitome of beauty. She was gorgeously beautiful and from the look in Yoona’s eyes, Irene knew she had no chance. Although she was introduced as a family friend, however with the way Yoona treated her with gentle and those tender touches Jessica gave to Yoona; Irene knew they were more than just friends.

“Irene, I have something to tell you.”

Yoona eventually confessed to Irene the truth about Jessica.

“Jessica is actually my wife now. We got married in US and we have been living together.”

“Huh? Your parents knew?”

“Yes, I’ve told them way before but you know people in Korea are not really open to such relationships. But I need to tell you though.”

“Ah, I see.”

“You’re a good friend of mine. You’re just like a sister to me. I had to be honest with you.”

“I’m thankful that you think of me that way.”

“But are you fine with it? I mean, am I disgusting to you?”

“No, I think it’s own personal preference. I’m fine with it just as long as you’re happy.”

“Really? That’s great! I was so afraid that you might not want to be my friend anymore.”

“Don’t be silly!”

Yoona was grateful but Irene was broken-hearted. She couldn’t let her feelings show and her love was left unspoken.

But despite that, Irene wouldn’t stop loving Yoona further. When Yoona return to visit them in Korea, she would return alone. Jessica was busy with her work.  So each time Yoona returned, she would spend most of her time with Irene much to the girl’s delight.

“So how long would you be here this time?”

“I’m going to be here for the longest time.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve got a job at Seoul University Hospital. I’ll be working here permanently.”

“REALLY?! That’s great! But you’re going to leave Jessica unnie in New York?”

“No, she’s coming over too. We were both recommended to work at the same hospital and besides she’s the new director of the hospital!”

Irene’s heart sank. She couldn’t spend more time with Yoona anymore if Jessica returns. She knew it was wrong of her to think of Yoona like that but she couldn’t help it. Soon, Irene got into medical school. She was going to be a doctor just like Yoona.

“This is great news!”

“Yeah, we should go out and party tonight!”

“It’s okay, Sica unnie! I just barely scrapped through.”

“What are you talking about? This is good news! We three can work together in the same hospital.”

Jessica squealed in delight as Yoona wrapped her in her embrace tightly. Irene could only look on and although her heart ached; she felt grateful towards the both of them. If not for Jessica and Yoona, she wouldn’t achieve this.

“Let’s have dinner and get some drinks.”

“Call!”

“Okay.”

Unfortunately, Yoona couldn’t leave the hospital in time. She was scheduled for an important surgery at the last minute. So Jessica went ahead with Irene first. Yoona would join them later on. They were sitting in the car; Jessica was driving. It was awkward for Irene because she hasn’t really been left alone with Jessica.

“Irene?”

“Huh?”

“Are you uncomfortable? Is it too cold for you?”

“Ah, no. I’m fine, Sica unnie.”

“I heard you got into medical school because you wanted to follow Yoona.”

“She has always been my role model.”

“You have always been in love with her, right?”

Jessica spoke without even looking at Irene. Irene was stunned.  Her heart was beating rapidly. She was too shocked to say anything.

“So it’s true.”

“Unnie, don’t get me wrong. Yes, I admit that I like Yoona unnie but I would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship with her.”

“I’m not angry, Irene. I’m just asking because I have been noticing you. You would always have that yearning look on your face. It seems like you have always wanted her but you knew you couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Jessica unnie. I know I’m way out of line.”

“No, I’m not angry, Irene. I’m just glad that at least if I’m no longer around, Yoona has someone to watch over her.”

Irene was shocked with Jessica’s words. She turned to look at Jessica abruptly.

“What do you mean by that, unnie?”

“Nothing, I’m just saying.”

“Jessica unnie, you know how much Yoona unnie loves you, right? You know how happy she was when she talked about you. I have never seen such radiance on her face when she shared with me about the proposal she had for you.”

“I’m aware, Irene. But life is so unpredictable.”

“Unnie, please don’t say such things. Yoona unnie would be upset if she hears this.”

“Alright, I’ll not talk about it anymore.”

Jessica smiled widely; leaving Irene perplexed with their conversation tonight. But it seemed so surreal. Irene thought it was a bad dream when a few days later, she woke to the news that Jessica had died in a car accident.

She was horrified when Yoona was hysterically screaming into the phone. It hurt Irene to watch Yoona crumbled in front of her. Jessica died of her internal injuries and it was hit-and-run accident. Irene vowed to find the killer but she recalled Jessica’s words.

She finally understood why Jessica had that conversation with her that night. Somehow Jessica knew she would no longer be around anymore. During Jessica’s funeral, Irene stood in front of her smiling photo. Jessica’s smile was still as beautiful but Irene wouldn’t stop crying. Her heart hurt so badly.

“Are you telling me to take care of Yoona unnie because you knew you would not be here anymore? Were you trying to tell me something, unnie?”

Irene whispered softly.

“I promise I’ll take good care of her, unnie. You can put your trust on me. I’ll help her.”

It took Irene almost two years to find the old Yoona back. She painstakingly stood by Yoona’s side; nurturing her; consoling her; comforting her and taking good care of the poor lady who have lost the loved of her life. They even went to the court together when Jessica’s killer was finally put to justice.

It was crazy for the two years because Yoona often gave up on herself. It was too painful for her to carry on without Jessica but Irene relentlessly stood by her side. Finally her efforts paid off. Yoona got out from her misery and returned to the hospital.

But despite all that, Irene kept her feelings to herself. She hasn’t confessed yet and she had no intention of doing so. She was sincere in helping Yoona getting over her heartbreak and she knew she didn’t have the right to barge into Yoona’s life; not just yet.

“What are you doing?”

Irene snapped out from her thoughts. Yoona was holding a tray with two bowls of dumpling noodle soup. She looked up; in a daze.

“Are you that hungry?”

“What?”

“I’ve been calling out to you for the last 5 minutes.”

“Oh, I was just thinking of something.”

“Stop thinking and eat.”

“Yes, boss!”

The pair dug in almost immediately and Irene watched as Yoona spoke about her day animatedly. To Irene, this was good enough. Yoona didn’t have to know about her feelings. They share their lives almost together every single day.

Suddenly there was a voice calling out to Yoona. Both of them turned to find another lady walking towards them. A lady with the most beautiful eye smiles was waving at them.

“Tiffany!”

Irene smiled when Yoona ran towards the lady in question. They shared a kiss before Yoona hugging the lady tightly in her arms.

“You’re back!”

“Yes, and I came straight from the airport.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet.”

“Do you miss me?”

“Of course I do!”

“That’s sweet!”

“You must be hungry!”

“I am!”

“I just bought a bowl of noodles. I’ll share it with you.”

“That’s fine.”

Irene looked on as Yoona pulled her new girlfriend closer to her. They sat opposite Irene.

“Irene!”

“Hey, Fany unnie!”

“How are you? I’ve missed you!”

“Me too! Are you flying out again soon?”

“Nope! I took two weeks leave. I want to spend more time with Yoona.”

“That’s really sweet.”

“Of course she is! She’s my girlfriend!”

Hearing those words from Yoona hurt but Irene managed a smile on her face. Two years have passed and Yoona got out from her depression. It wasn’t long before Yoona met Tiffany on a flight. Yoona fell in love with Tiffany and they have been together ever since.

Irene was devastated when she found out but she could only blame herself. She had many chances to reveal her heart but she didn’t take advantage of those opportunities. For some reason, Irene knew her love was better left unspoken.

Yoona was never meant to be hers in the first place.

Irene watched as the pair of lovers shared the bowl of noodles.  Once again, Irene saw the radiance on Yoona’s face. It was the same kind of radiance she saw when Jessica was still alive.

Perhaps this love was better left untold.

“Irene, why are you daydreaming again?”

Yoona was waving her chopsticks at Irene. Irene stuck her tongue out.

“Why are you jealous of me daydreaming?”

“It’s just weird that you have been daydreaming a lot lately.”

“Im Yoona, stop disturbing Irene. She’s fine as she is.”

“Of course she is.”

Yoona was being cheeky and she earned a pinch from Irene. Just then, someone suddenly sat next to Irene. Yoona was grinning away. Irene was stunned.

“Hello baby.”

“Wendy?”

“Yes, I’m back!”

“Oh my god! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Irene threw her arms around Wendy and hugged her tightly.

“I just wanted to throw a surprise for my beautiful girlfriend. Aren’t you happy to meet me?”

“Of course I am!”

Well, Irene might have lost her first love but she has found someone who loves her more than she ever loves herself.

She didn’t feel at loss.

She has found someone else while she learnt to let go.

-