Tears In Heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

Tears In Heaven – Eric Clapton

Summary : Chanyeol wakes up on a sheet of white feathers, at the face that he thought would never appear—not even in his dreams—that greets him with an awkward “Welcome in heaven!”. As he saw that same shy smile lit up, he was sure now he is in heaven.

Chanyeol wakes up on a sheet of white feathers, at the face that he thought would never appear—not even in his dreams—that greets him with an awkward “Welcome in heaven!”. As he saw that same shy smile lit up, he was sure now he is in heaven.

“W-what?” He stuttered, and the boy laugh at it. “You—I—how?” Chanyeol’s hands make a panic gesture above his head that sure cracked a louder laughter from the latter.

“Are you asking me why you’re in heaven Mister?” He inquired after done laughing Chanyeol’s dumbness off. “Simply because you’ve live a good life up until now.”

“But I—“ The memories of him spending a hell week preparing his next album in his studio, no sleeping, a lack of food and having too much booze to keep him up, he remember the stranger in worn out body he saw in mirror everyday—“You mean… I have died?”

The boy looks taken aback at the question and makes the cutest thinking face before he answered: “Not really.” He smiled.

“Not really? But you—“ Chanyeol remembers about the accident, about the flood of blood he saw on the street and he remembers how he burnt his lungs from crying out loud at the bloody body—ugh, he felt like throwing up—“You are dead, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Chanyeol remember the dead eyes he saw the last time he saw him, and how much the looks he got from this boy now is a completely different from that. “But that’s not the point, I’m here to give you a brief explanation why you are in heaven when it’s not your time Mister… Park Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol frowned, he wasn’t sure before but now he need to know if by chance… “Jongin, you… you don’t remember me?”

The boy, Jongin, glazed at his question and staring unblinking at him, “What do you mean?”

Chanyeol get up from the floor covered by white feather and stared down in disbelief at Jongin. “Don’t kid with me, Jongin. You can’t say you don’t know me. You can’t—“

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ve known you before, Mister.”

“Mister? I’m Chanyeol! Your Chanyeol hyung! The boy who live next-door!” His face glowering as he grabbed the boy by his shoulder—the same tiny shoulder the same 15 years old Jongin he remember always had. “You don’t remember me? For real?”

Jongin looks agonized in Chanyeol’s strong hold, “You hurts me, Mister…”

“Answer me!!!” He shook Jongin’s body who just blinking at his forceful act. “Jongin-ah!!!”

“I don’t…” Jongin ducked his head down, “I don’t remember anything from my past life.” He looked up and Chanyeol felt like crying, “Neither you Mister.”

Chanyeol been living a ty life, working his off as a song writer and writes more than hundred songs the past five years after that accident. He lost his friends and family in between, but he knew none of it matters because his everything had taken away from him that day. In that rainy day where he supposed to pick him up from his examination in hospital…

“Hyung, where are you? It’s start raining here…” Jongin’s voice sounds so small as the sound of rain filling in the background. “Are you that busy?”

“No, I’m on my way.” When the truth he just done packing his guitar to it’s case, he always lost the track of time everytime he was in the music room in his school, the music is like an air for him, the guitar is his water. His dream is to become musician in the future, his high school teacher been asking him more than thousand times to rethink about his future decision but his answer always remain the same. “You got your jacket on you right? Don’t get out from the building and just wait for hyung, okay?”

“I’ve got your sweater. Just… Hurry hyung… It’s getting dark.” Chanyeol smiled as he picture his younger childhood friend’s face at the moment, since he always hates dark. “Oh and one more thing hyung.”

“What is it, Jonginnie?” Chanyeol was running to the bus stop and thinking of stopping the cab but remember he had to save his money to buy that composing software he saw online the other day.

“Just be careful and don’t get hurt because the street must be slippery right now.” Jongin always been worried of his sloppy habit of falling over nothing, he always been a sweet kid, as if they were real brother related by blood.

“I understand, mom.” Chanyeol get on the bus and check on his wristwatch, he could get on the hospital in about fifteen minutes, he hopes Jongin won’t get mad. “Now wait there like a good boy you are for hyung, understand?”

“Yes.” Jongin chuckled, and Chanyeol smiled at the sound, “I love you hyung.”

Chanyeol blushed as he looked around at the crowd of passenger in the bus and swallow down the I love you too in his throat, instead, he said, “I’m hanging up, see you.”

And he ing regrets it. He regret hanging up on Jongin because even after he arrived five minutes early in the bus stop near hospital he couldn’t get to see him. Well, not completely.

Because as soon as he arrived there, there’s a crowd in the street, looks like there’s an accident when he saw there’s a car stopping in the midway, he was cringed at the red water flowing down on the street and decided to hurried his way to the hospital when he noticed the familiar red shoes dropped on the sideway near the accident.

“No way, no way—“ Chanyeol couldn’t hear anything but his own loud heartbeat as his feet dragged him down to the street—closer, closer and too close to see the unmoving body of the boy who just sounds so alive on the phone not long before. “No, God, it can’t be—“

But he knew that maroon sweater that originally is cream colored because it was his, he knew that beautiful bronze skin because he lost count how many times he dream of feeling up those skin in his sleep, he knew those purple full lips that supposed colored in rose—because those lips wore Chanyeol’s fave smile in this world.

“No, no, no, Jongin…” Chanyeol remember dropped on his knees and searching for pulse, faint breath, slow heartbeat, anything—anything that could tell him that his angel is okay. Any sign just to make him able to breathe again because he forget how to when he felt nothing but cold and wet body in his arms.

“No! No! Not my Jongin! Oh God, why?!!” He remember he rocked that skinny boy in his arms like crazy as he cried to the crook of his neck until people in white coming to brought them to ambulance car—and everything went too slow and too fast for him—all he knew the next time he saw Jongin he was sleeping in the box and everyone who was standing near him wearing black.

“Jongin, come on buddy, wake up, what are you doing sleeping there? Haha, you really like sleeping, don’t you?” Chanyeol remember trying to wake him up by shaking his body wrapped in white suits that Jongin prepared but never get a chance to wear on the prom. “Jongin! If you don’t wake up now, I will be really mad!!!” And he remembers his sister was the one who take his hand, brought him to a hug and told him to let go, he didn’t know what he should let go when he never really held him in the first place.

Chanyeol keep calling the same number every night and leaving voice messages with the same ending, “I love you, I love you more than you would ever know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry and please just comeback…”

Or sometimes he would call him to vent, “Why didn’t you hear me? I told you to wait in the building, didn’t I? Why are you so, so stupid…? Why did you—“ Chanyeol remember a witness saying there’s a stray pup looks so lost in the middle of street when that car coming, “Why can’t you just save me by not saving that ing dog and stay alive?”

But every voice messages left unheard, even after years passed and Chanyeol graduated from Music Major in one of prestigious Art University in Seoul, got his song accepted in one of biggest entertainment company and hired him as their song writer, even until all those eventful things happened in his life Jongin is still not coming to knock on his door with his prom’