JESSICA’S POV

I was now in home alone, I plan to go abroad today because I don’t have schedule but my sister, Krystal insist of me staying at home on this very day that I despise. I don’t want to feel alone this day but I know I can’t drag Krys because she has a comeback to prepare. I want to forget about this day we’re my world came crashing down.

I don’t know how long I can take this so I get my keys and wallet; I need to get out in here. I don’t want to think of them anymore especially when they don’t even think of me. I may know that it wasn’t their fault but for them not to contact or even give a single text to know if was okay is the most painful thing they done for me.

The very same date today last year I thought my phone will be flooded by their text to make sure if I’m okay or if I’m still breathing after knowing the news but I didn’t receive a single text from them. I drive in a secluded bar we’re celebrity is the only one that can enter. I need to drink and forget everything even just for today. I did prevent for the last one year that I’m okay but I can’t this day. I need to let my feelings out even just for getting myself drunk. When I enter the bar it was still empty, of course it was, it just 11 am in the morning. But this bar opens 24/7 so it was okay for me to be here.

“Give me martini please.” I told the bartender when I sit on the counter

“Okay.” The bartender said, I know he knows me, and he’s giving me the look of pity

I drink in one shot after he handed me, I don’t know how many glass I drink I just continue to drink. When my eyes got blurry, and some customers is coming I requested a private room there to continue. I drink myself out there and didn’t care if I get caught by paparazzi later. After nth times I drink, I realize that I was crying already, my shoulder is shaking uncontrollably.

“I was*sob* pathetic, crying *sob* on someone that didn’t*sob* even care for *sob* me.” I laugh while crying

I’m crazy, right? I get the bottle of martini and pour myself again. The alcohol supposed to forget everything right? But why do I still feel the pain? Can’t I just be numb even just for once; GOD please let me forget the pain. What did I do in my previous life for you to punish me? Do I deserve this? Did I do anything for them to hurt me?

Please someone help me erase the pain. Is there anyone there that can help me? My tears continue to fall even I wipe it many times. If someone saw me like this they will feel pathetic towards me, who wouldn’t when you saw a person drowning herself on alcohol while crying and laughing at the same time, they probably think I was crazy.

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