photograph, is a way of preserving memories. that's what everyone says. there's a silent beauty in the captured moment that holds a thousand of meaning and breaks the limit of forever. it's great to have a certain nanomilisecond, one of the greatest nanomilisecond of your life, stilled in splash of colors and wrapped in warmth just like how you remembered it to be.

 

liyin is not into the world of photography that much, and she doesn't really like to dwell herself into the deep thinking about a philosophy or a hidden meaning behind a photograph, but she can relates to the statement.

 

liyin likes to take photos herself.

 

sometimes it's her new cup of coffee freshly delivered by her manager early in the morning, a silent companion on the car ride to the tv station. or maybe the people she meets on the show, to be saved and see for later and fangirling when she looks at her idol standing beside her with the same bright smile she always sees on the posters hanging on her old room in her hometown. or maybe the buildings around her, mostly when she's abroad for work or travelling, making it a sign that, 'hey! liyin's been here!'. or even sending it to Jongdae, only to see his response from across the country brightens her day like nothing else can.

 

photographs like that are the ones she likes to share. uploading it on her weibo account, seeing her fans liking it or sometimes commenting it. it brings a sense of satisfaction for her to know that she is able to share her life in a click of her finger.

 

as much as a photograph can be shared, there's something, in certain photographs, that can't be seen by anyone else but her. the photographs dont have to be perfect, dont have to be so artistically taken, but it holds a different level of intimacy. making it personal to her.

 

liyin has a lot of photographs like that, lots of it if she must say. the one she always keeps to herself, the one she opens more than she should, the one she always yearns to see, the one that she holds pride to be the only one who is able to see it.

 

photographs of jongdae falls into the category the most, if not all.

 

the photograph of him smiling from across the table under the kitchen lamp on 2 a.m in the morning, mouth curled upward in a sleepy manner, too excited to be together to trade it with sleep. the photograph of him eating with the sauce getting into everywhere, but still grinning like a cat when liyin scolded him. photograph of him fixing the lamp on liyin's apartment, face scrunched up in a too-serious manner that it's funny.

 

one of liyin's favorite is the one she took when it was in the morning, exactly a year ago, the morning after their relationship escalated into another level, a new beginning. he had his back on her, facing the sink while brushing his teeth. but his eyes meet liyin's from the bathroom mirror, standing by the door frame with blankets wrapped around her body and cheeks tinted pink.

 

all the photographs were mostly taken out of impulsivity. nothing planned, nothing measured. there are moments when liyin just so entranced in the moment and she unconciously grabs her phone and takes a snap. it is in the moment like that her soul craves to engrave the moment in front of her eyes so she can open it one day and drown in the reason why and nostalgia.

 

it's like a return ticket to a moment otherwise gone.

 

just like this time.

 

beijing night is cold when it's nearing the end of the fall and will be replaced with winter. they are walking side by side, one of liyin's hand is inside his pocket, engulfed perfectly in thick cotton gloves. they're silent, the kind of silence that liyin doesn't dread. they are in the kind of relationship where it's okay to be silent sometimes, no matter how chatty both of them are. they will talk when it's the only way for them to communicate after they are being separated by oceans again in a few hours, so there will be plenty of times for that. long distance sometimes.

 

"tjie, are you tired?" jongdae stops in his tracks, snapping liyin out of her thoughts. liyin looks up to meet his worried eyes, "we can go back to the hotel so you can rest for tomorrow's flight back home if you're tired. you need all the energy" he adds, always so thoughtful.

 

liyin shakes her head. sleep be damned. how could she sacrifies her so little time with him for sleep?

 

"i'll sleep on the plane. it's yourself that you have to worry about. your flight is in... 5 hours?"

 

he chuckles, curls on his head bouncing along with his movement. "like you, i'll sleep on the plane. now! can we walk faster because I think it's nearing sunrise? I dont want to miss it!" he reaches out his hand for liyin to take, which the latter receives happily. "you know, tjie. if only we are together for longer and public places are always this empty I will take you to that new amusment park"

 

"..and then we will buy animals hairbands. I want a dinosaur, do they have dinasour? that's what couple has to do!! or even..." his voice tunes out of liyin's ears as her mind wanders to how she imagines amusment park date with him will be. both with matching animal hair bands and ice creams for both's tummy. they will be busy to get ice cream on both faces other than focusing on the rides. they are just like that.

 

"or we can do ice skating when the river freezes over in winter and we will..." he runs forward while making slow dance move, twirling in place oh-so-elegantly like the figure skater they watched on the olympics.

 

[CLICK]

 

he stops in his move as he hears the shutter of the camera. his eyes turn wide as he looks around trying to get a glimpse of who took a picture just now, and when he found the camera that is directed to him, he lets out a relieved breath.

 

"oh my God, tjie. you're scaring me. I thought it was the paparazzi"

 

liyin doest answer, as her eyes keep looking at the photograph she just took. the photograph isn't that great, kind of blurry because he moves too much, but she managed to captuee the moment when he looked at the camera for nanomiliseconds and smiled, one arm in his front forming a half circle as if he's really imagining it's liyin he's holding for his imaginary slow dance in the ice skating ring.

 

she can almost hears his laugh. she can almost feels his hair curls bouncing. she can almost see how his eyes look at her with the way she wants him to do forever.

 

a warm feeling creeps into her body like a wrapped blanket and hot chocolate in a winter night. she knows exactly how the photograph is going to make her feel.

 

just like the other photographs hidden in a spesific folder in her phone make her feel, it is like being in love.

 

liyin clicks her phone locked again and puts it inside her coat pocket once again, "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to surprise you like that. Now lets go." she smiles even more brightly this time and circles her arms and clings to him.

 

"you know, tjie if you are a fan of my photos that much you don't have to secretly take photos like that. you can ask me and i'll send you, selcas? head to toe? or you can go to my fansite pages, they took really good photos." he teases, and it's not long until he winces because of the pinch liyin lands on one side of his body.

 

"tjie that hurts!!!" he whines and pouts, like the five year old kid he is.

 

"you can't shut up and that's why!"

 

he smirks,, "why dont you make me, then? I know a better way t--"

and liyin does just that.