December, winter.

As if everything was not bad enough, it started snowing since few days ago and has yet to stop. It is not helping when your mood was already hitting rock bottom. As a full time idol singer, they can't take a break, they can't afford to take any break in this completely saturated market because the competition is too harsh especially for rookies like Bang Tan Boys. Everything is a race, a fierce competition, they need to produce quality content constantly with not-too-long interval period.

Namjoon had been staying in his production room as long as possible in the past one week already. The only positive thing he could point out from this whole mess was, at least he had his emotions overflowing oozing out from his core, more than enough for him to create more than a few mixtapes. Some days J-hope would be taking short naps throughout the day on the sofa, some days it would be Suga writing away on his small notebook outside the production room. The members could not do much for their leader, the most they could do is to keep him company, even if it is just one person minding his own business in a corner quietly. 

-

They started off well, just like any other fairytale-like fanficton you had read before. When Bangtan just debuted, she would attend a lot of their fansign, as long as the bus ride towards the destination was not too far, 7 hours was the longest ride she had beared. But it was all worth it.

The boys, especially Namjoon had seen her often enough for them to have a basic understanding towards her. Namjoon knows her favourite colour, favourite subject, favourite cafe, favourite english song, favourite shirt, favourite amusement ride, and favourite make up brand. So much for an idol to know about a fan huh.

It was a little too late when Namjoon realized that he had a crush on his fan, that girl who would always wear a velvet wine croptop to music bank during their comeback, that girl who would always give him a few packet of peppermint teabags during fansign event. That was her favourite tea, which later became his least favourite flavour in everything ranging from food to fragrance, the scent that lures out headache the moment his senses had detected it. Back then, it would almost made him feel that something was missing if she did not turn up for one of their events.

Not that she has the prettiest eyes or dimple, nor she has the best legs or body, her constant presence at their public events were enough to slide under his veins and become his habit unknowingly. It was scary, but he embraced it.

Before anyone could react to the whole situation, this young artist were in love. From twitter mention, to kakao talk, to meeting up in a convenient store near their company, to... You know what it is.

Namjoon probably would not expect his petite girlfriend to have such a greedy heart.

We all know drama series were drama for a reason, they are exeggerated to be interesting and attention catching. Fanfictions were fictions for a reason, they were all kinds of wild imaginations coming from fans who wished witness a miracle between them and their favourite idol. People posted beautiful photos on the internet to show off their wealth and trying so hard to portray a flawless life the fish for fame and jealousy from others. Selfies of seemingly perfect individual were scattered everywhere, tricking you into thinking there are a lot attractive man out there who are still single and ready to mingle.

She was lost in her tiny mind, thinking that maybe I could be that other guy's friend and have a even more wonderful life. 

Have you ever encounter this type of girl, who used to have a wonderful boyfriend who had high tolerance level, always bring her out for good dinner, and listens to her whenever she was throwing tantrums, yet he would never say to break up because he really loves her? Then, somehow some where down the road, she got bored of him, thinking that relationships are just like a story book, you could put it down when you lost interest and pick it up again when you missed the content.

He was her favourite singer, favourite boy, with a smile she favoured the most. She blossomed into a glowing individual, nourished by his selfless love. Somebody once said that a woman in love will glow in bliss, being in love, a healthy relationship made a person appeared so much more attractive.  

Her smile had attracted not just Namjoon, who was already head over heels over her. 

I believe that you have had been in a situation where you have so much option to choose from, that you don't know what to pick, and was thinking that "is this colour cute? Oh no wait I think the other is prettier! No way I think this one fits me more. Damn it which should I get???"

You always give short answers like yes, I'm sleping, No
Your messages never exceed 10 bytes
You are like a goal keeper who has lost her will

No one ever see the bitter droplets that rolled down his cheeks so quickly, like a broken piece of his mind trying to escape from within. He never thought the tears could burn his cheeks that much, he never thought all the silent screams which he struggled to keep inside his throat could burn so much too. Negativity never stops flowing in, it is a dark energy that he just could not describe. As if an invicible hand were choking him towards unconsciousness.

After many months of having her in his life, feelings had grown so much that they were rooted deeply under his skin, they grow deeper everytime they shared a kiss, cuddles, and silly snapchat stories. Namjoon was caught off guard.

Just when he finally gathered his courage and ready to be in another relatonship...

What am I to you girl what am I to you
I do love you crazy uh do you?
Like this and like that, stop confusing me
If you are gonna keep this up, let's write a contract
x number of kisses per day, x number of texts per day
If we do that,
Will I feel better?

Will I feel... ... better?