∞ ∞ ∞

Sunggyu was called into an office in the hospital and that's when you know it's serious. They never call you to the office just to inform you everything's fine. The doctor was a fairly young and attractive female. She had a gentle smile and very intelligent eyes. 

"Good morning, Sunggyu-shi. Please take a seat. Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea? Water perhaps?"

"Good morning, seonsaengnim. Coffee would be nice."

She turned to make the coffee and started the usual conversation.

"So how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. What's wrong with Woohyun?"

"Don't worry. It's not that serious. We will talk about him in a second. First, tell me please about yourself."

Sunggyu was confused. Why he should talk about himself? He was not the one admitted to the hospital.

"Uh, I am fine, really. Our activities are going well so I am very happy. Even my solo work was finally recognized so I have nothing to complain about. I am just worried about Woohyun now."

"Yes, of course you are."

She smiled and placed the fresh coffee before Sunggyu.

"I will now ask you a few questions. Some of them may be private but don't worry. We have confidentiality vows so nothing will get out of this room. You really need to be honest with me. It's very important so I can help Woohyun. Okay?"

Sunggyu nodded, feeling very nervous. If it was not serious, what was the big deal? 

"Has something major happened to you recently? In the terms of work, perhaps? Any drastic changes?"

Sunggyu just stared at her.

"Uh... No. Not really. We are busy but that's given. We had more sub-units, more solo work done but nothing unusual."

"Then do you know if something happened to Woohyun personally? I've talked to his parents and there are no changes at home but perhaps in his love life? Was he dating?"

"Uf. No. We are kinda careful about that and as far as I know, Woohyun hadn't been in a serious relationship for a long time. He doesn't even meet the girls much."

"Okay. Then maybe something traumatic? Could something scare him or hurt him? Maybe it was something the fans did?"

"Well, you know how the fans are. Amazing and awesome until they follow you to your home. We have some hard cases but it's relatively okay. We have good security and managers and our fans can control themselves most of the time. There were no out of ordinary cases recently. He is popular as always so..."

"But you've seen a change in him, right?"

"Yes. I... Not too long ago he started to act out of character."

"How exactly?"

"He is very good, you know? Very idol like but recently, he started to avoid his responsibilities. He missed practice, he came late to the events... He even performed poorly! He never does that but now he keeps making the mistakes and... We fight a lot. Sometimes he even picks the fight with me over the stupidests things."

"I see..."

"Sunggyu-shi. Don't be shocked but as you were already informed, I believe he is suffering from an adjustment disorder. This is a form of mental illness but usually it's a short-term condition. It means he can't adjust or cope with a particular stressor. The questions I asked were because I was trying to find the stressor. You see, this disorder is similar to depression and it should be only temporary but if the individual can't deal with the stressor even after some time passed, it may morph into something more serious. I believe he is already changing and passing from the adjustment disorder to the major depression. From what I've heard, there've been changes in his sleep, apetite as well as energy. However, I believe he is not suicidal or his behaviour didn't change that much - aside from picking the fights with you. It's normal when you are suffering from the adjustment disorder to start fighting, to skip school - in his case practice, etc. So I believe we diagnosed him at the right time. The problem is, we need to now what the stressor is so we can help him overcome it. It's usually a life event like changes in school, work, family... But nothing seems to be a problem. I've talked to him and he refused to answer. I could see he was having a hard time but he didn't give away anything so I... Now. Please, you need to deal with what I tell you calmly, okay?"

Sunggyu was not calm at all. At first, he started to feel better. The doctor explained the situation well and he started to believe that it really wasn't that bad. They will just help him get over whatever is troubling him but now... What could it be? Has something really bad happened to Woohyun without him knowing?

"I fear... from his reactions I believe it's something he is afraid to talk about, something he believes he can't talk about and when it comes to adjustment disorders, one of the common stressors is also uality. You see, everyone expects to know what they like when they hit puberty but the human's psyche is changing. I have plenty cases when people realize their uality late. Even in their thirties... They may know what attracts them but they don't know what will actually make them feel good in reality. I think, Woohyun... I think he realized what he likes just recently and he can't cope with it."

Sunggyu was at loss. Even with his genius mind, he was just not following the doctor anymore. uality? What he likes? As in what sense? Is he into some kind of ?

"Huh?"

"Sunggyu-shi. To be blunt, I think he discovered he is gay."

"Oh."

Sunggyu was utterly shocked. Woohyun was gay? That was the big deal? But why?

"Sunggyu-shi?"

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't get it. What's the problem with him being gay?"

The doctor smiled again.

"Ah, how cute. You know how the korean society is. Being gay is not something you want to promote."

"Well, sure. You can't be openly gay. Especially not if you are an idol but still... Many of us are. So what? We just don't talk about it in the public..."

"Omo. Sunggyu-shi, are you gay too?"

"Yes and I have no problems with it."

"This may be either very good or very bad."

"Huh, why?"

"Maybe it is okay for you because you've already adjusted but think back to the time when you learned you prefer boys? You were not thrilled with that discovery, right? For Woohyun... he found out only recently. When he was already in the spotlight. When all of his actions and reactions are carefully observed. He is afraid to talk about it because he has nobody to talk to. Does he know you are gay?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure?"

Sunggyu thought back and realized they've never really talked about it.

"Uh... Maybe not. As I said, we don't talk about such things. You never know who is listening and it's too dangerous. We already have Sungjong who is not even gay but is always labeled as one and so we are actually not bringing this topic up. Now, that I think about it I've never officially came out to my members... I've always assumed they just know but perhaps..."

"Yes. Woohyun is scared. Being gay is frowned upon. He fears your reactions and so he is keeping it all inside."

"I am the leader and his best friend. He should have trusted me with this."

"There is one more thing."

"What?"

"I think, he is attracted to someone in the group."

"WHAT?"

"Well, you confirmed, you don't have many chances to meet others and you've been even more busy lately so I think, it must be someone close to him."

"Oh no. It's Kibum! He started to act weird right after their collaboration."

"Let's not make assumptions. Perhaps, you are right but now the important step is to talk to him. You need to be very careful. He is trying to hide this so when he finds out you know, it may actually worsen his condition. So you need to be very cautious. I would suggest to start with admitting you are gay and talking about how it is okay to be one. Don't mention his uality, okay?"

Sunggyu nodded. He was putting up a front. Acting all strong but deep down he was hurting. Ah Woohyun-ah. Why?

∞ ∞ ∞

to be continued