Title:: on the shores of the universe (riding free)

Pairing:: HoSoo

Requested:: namikaze_jkc (secret santa 2014) 

Prompt:: Myungsoo as a ranch hand Hoya being part of the family that opens the ranch. 

Warnings:: mentions of suicide, mentions of homophobia, character death

~*~

“They swayed about upon a rocking horse, and thought it was a Pegasus.” ~John Keats

“Where seldom is heaaaaaaaardddddd, and ad ad ad ad da da dah!  Something about antelopes playing somewhere!  A hoooooomeeee! A home on the raaaaaaaannnnnnnggggeeee-”

“Hyung!”

Sunggyu smiled at Myungsoo as he stopped singing.  “Come on, Myungsoo, lighten up a bit, okay?”

Myungsoo smiled at Sunggyu a bit and reached out to hold his hand.  “I’m going to try, hyung,” he said.  “I’m going to try.”

Sunggyu gave him a smile as they to a gravel road to the farm where they were going to work at.  “It’s going to be good here,” he said, more to himself than to Myungsoo.  “We’re going to make money.  We’re going to have a roof over our heads and we’re going to be able to eat every day.  It might be hard work, but we’re going to work hard and stay here.”

“Hyung.  It’s going to be okay,” Myungsoo said quietly. 

Tearing his eyes away from the road, Sunggyu spared him a smile.  “I know.  Hyung is going to be here with you.”

“I’m going to be with you too.”

Sunggyu brushed his fingers against Myungsoo’s knuckles.  “And also I asked if the Lee’s will be okay with your uality and he told me that one of his sons is gay.”

Myungsoo gave a hollow laugh, turning away again to look out the window.  “Are you trying to set me up?”

“Not at all, I just wanted you to know that... it’ll be safe there.”

Their conversation ended as they turned into the long driveway up to a farmhouse.  A middle-aged man came out of the house and waved them over. 

“Hello, welcome to our farm,” he said as Myungsoo and Sunggyu came up to him.  “You must be the Kim’s.”

Sunggyu nodded.  “I’m Sunggyu and this is my brother, Myungsoo.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, I’m Lee Jungyeop,” he said, shaking their hands.  “I’m in charge of the farm, if you have any questions about the farm, you can just ask me.”

“Okay, Mr. Lee,” Sunggyu said with a quick bow that Myungsoo followed. 

“No, you can call me Abeoji or whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Myungsoo felt Sunggyu sending him a glance as if to figure out if he would be okay with that, but he didn’t react, so Sunggyu looked back at Jungyeop and nodded politely, saying, “Okay, Abeoji.”

Jungyeop smiled and showed them to a small room attached to the back of the main house.  “This is where you’re going to stay,” Jungyeop said, flicking on the lights to reveal and small, but comfortable room with two beds and a table along with a small heater and a closet. “Please make yourselves comfortable, this part is your part of the house and my family won’t come into this part unless invited or cleaning.”

“Thank you,” Sunggyu said, continuing to speak for both of the brothers. 

“I will let you get comfortable now, when you’re done, come out to the main house and we’ll have supper with my family.”

“Okay, thank you so much,” Sunggyu said, bowing politely.  Jungyeop smiled at them before leaving them alone in the room.  Sunggyu let out a little sigh of relief.  “This is going to be good, right, Myungsoo?” he asked, setting his things down on one of the beds.  “We’re going to be safe here and no one can hurt us here.  We have roof over our head and we’re going to be able to pay off the bills and maybe we can get you into collage again later.”

Myungsoo nodded slowly, pulling out his books and placing them neatly on his bedside table. 

“I know you always wanted to ride a horse, maybe we can ask Jungyeop if he would let you ride for a little while,” Sunggyu continued rambling.  “The doctor said that you’re going to be okay, right?  Like you can do anything?”

“Both of us were cleared, hyung,” Myungsoo mumbled lifelessly. 

“Oh, right,” Sunggyu laughed nervously.  “I knew that.”

Myungsoo sat down on his bed and looked over at Sunggyu who was nervously putting his things away.  “Hyung?” he asked.  “When… Umma and Appa…”

At the mention of their parents, Sunggyu stopped his nearly frantic movements.  “Yeah?” Sunggyu said quietly, walking over to sit down on the bed beside him. 

“When they left…”

“Myungsoo, I told you, it’s okay,” Sunggyu said, placing his hands on his shoulders.  “Don’t think about them.  They left us.  I’m going to be here with you.  They’re gone.”

Myungsoo looked down at the ground.  “But if I had just…”

“It doesn’t matter who you love,” Sunggyu said firmly.  “I love you more than Umma and Appa did.  That’s why I stayed here.”

“I won’t hurt you any more, hyung,” Myungsoo said.  “I promise.  I won’t hurt anyone else.  Ever.”

Sunggyu smiled and ruffled his hair.  “Okay.  Promise,” he said as he stuck out a pinky finger.  Myungsoo smiled and hooked his finger around Sunggyu’s, just like they did when they were little kids.  “You trust me?” Sunggyu asked, his eyes never wavering.  Smiling, Sunggyu gently hugged him again.  “Let’s go for supper, okay?”

Myungsoo wiped away a tear and shook his head.  “I’m going to stay here for now, okay?” he whispered.  “I… just really don't want to talk to anyone…”

Thankfully, Sunggyu nodded in understanding.  “I’ll bring back some food,” he promised.  “You’re going to have to meet the Lee’s soon.  You can’t hide here forever.”

Sunggyu didn’t wait for an answer and instead leaving Myungsoo alone in their room.  Myungsoo sighed and fell back down on his bed.  Slowly, he rolled down the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows.  The light cast strange shadows on the scars of his forearm. 

Everything came rushing back to him, the slight pain in his wrists as he cut into his skin, the pain in his body as he downed the bleach, but that pain didn’t compare to waking up in the hospital just to his parents left him and his brother alone to fend for themselves in the big world. 

Myungsoo covered his mouth to stop the sobs from surfacing, but he couldn’t stop them as tears flooded down his face and onto the bed below him. 

Even a hour later, when Sunggyu returned from dinner, Myungsoo was still curled up in a small ball on his bed, occasional sobs leaving his still heaving chest. 

“Myungsoo, you need to try to stop doing this to yourself,” he said gently as he took a damp cloth to wipe off the tearstains off his cheeks. 

Myungsoo nodded numbly and accepted the sedative pill that Sunggyu offered him.  Thankfully, Sunggyu didn’t ask what was bothering Myungsoo because they both knew that they were going to talk about it tomorrow morning when Myungsoo had collected himself. 

The sedative pill slowly pulled Myungsoo to sleep as Sunggyu gently ran his fingers through his hair.  “Do you want me to tell you that story?” he asked. 

Myungsoo nodded, reaching out to hold Sunggyu’s hand.  “Yes please.”

 Quietly, Sunggyu started to whisper a story to him.   It was a story that their mother used to tell them when they were little and since they were left alone, Sunggyu started telling the story to Myungsoo whenever he had troubles falling asleep.    

“Myungsoo-yah, this is the story of Pegasus…”

~*~

“In the Greek mythology, Pegasus is a white winged horse.  A loyal companion to any hero who can tame it, Pegasus was kind, helpful and never greedy. 

“The Greek hero, Perseus, set out on a quest to slay the monster Medusa, who could turn anyone into stone with her gaze.  Perseus used a polished shield to see Medusa only in her reflection and chopped off her head. 

“From Medusa’s blood, the winged horse Pegasus sprang out.”

The next day, Myungsoo was in the barn, tidying up a few things.  Jungyeop had been understanding about the last evening and showed him around the farm that morning.   He was introduced to one of Jungyeop’s sons, Sungyeol, immediately taking a liking to the tall and cheerful boy. 

His morning chores included cleaning up the barn.  The barn was quiet, just Myungsoo and the farm cat.  The sunlight fliterd down between the cracks in the barn as Myungsoo swept up the little bits of hay on the ground.  Myungsoo finished stacking the pails and turned to untangle some reins against the wall, his fingers fumbling with the leather straps. 

Suddenly, a pair of warm arms wrapped around his shoulders and big hands covered his pale hands, deftly untying the reins from the gate.  Myungsoo’s eyes widened and he slowly turned around in the other’s arms. 

“Hello.”

Myungsoo’s voice got caught in his throat and an ungraceful squeak escaped.  He stared at the stranger in front of him, everything catching his eye.  The other was just a bit shorter than Myungsoo, but his shoulders were broader and he had more muscles than Myungsoo too.  His skin was tanned from being out at the farm and he had very set features. 

In response to Myungsoo’s squeak, the other just smiled and reached over Myungsoo’s head to grab another bridle from the wall.  “Hi, I’m Hoya,” he said, holding out his hand. 

Staring at Hoya’s hand, Myungsoo couldn’t find a response. 

“Are you Sunggyu’s brother?” Hoya asked, unfazed by the lack of response.  “We missed you during supper last night.”

Slowly, Myungsoo nodded, his heart beating faster with every second he spent beside Hoya. 

“Are you feeling better?” Hoya continued.  “Sunggyu said that you weren’t feeling well last night.”

Realizing it was rude not to reply, Myungsoo cleared his throat and bowed quickly.  “I’m doing better.  Thank you for asking.  I’m Kim Myungsoo.  I’ll do my best.”

Hoya laughed, his laughter echoing through the air, making Myungsoo’s heart flutter again.  “You don’t need to speak so formally,” he told Myungsoo as they walked towards the barn again.  “I’m the same age as you.”

“Really?” Myungsoo asked. 

“A year older, but you don’t need to call me hyung,” Hoya said with a shrug as he dragged open the doors of the barn.  “Is that okay?”

Myungsoo nodded, hoping that he wasn’t blushing.  He opened his mouth to say something else, but something else caught his eye.  “Whoa…” Myungsoo said in awe as he walked into the stables. 

Hoya laughed and walked to the stable.  “Have you ever rode a horse?” he asked. 

Shaking his head, Myungsoo stepped closer to admire the horses.  “Can I?” he asked. 

“Sure,” Hoya said.  “Do you want to try now?”

“Are you sure?” Myungsoo asked again, his eyes wide as saucers. 

Hoya laughed.  “Yeah, so do you want to?” he asked. 

Myungsoo nodded so enthusiastically that it felt like his head was going to fall off. 

“Well, first you got to meet the horses,” Hoya said.  He reached out and took Myungsoo’s hand, bringing him closer to the stable.  “Put your hand right here,” Hoya instructed, taking Myungsoo’s small hand in his, placing it on hand on the top of the horse’s face.

“Whoa…” Myungsoo breathed, moving his hand along the softness of the horse’s face and down to the jaw.  “What’s his name?”

“This one is a her,” Hoya corrected with a little smile as he rubbed her neck.  “This one is Starlight,” he said, pointing to the star between her eyes.  “The other one is Roheryn.”

“Those are beautiful names,” Myungsoo said.

Hoya smiled.  “Are you ready to ride now?”

“Really?” Myungsoo asked, whipping around.  “Now?  Really?”

Hoya nodded.  “Yeah,” he said, opening the stable to harness Starlight.  “So, Myungsoo-yah, do you always like horses?”

“I’ve always wanted to work on a farm,” Myungsoo said.  “But I never had a chance until now.”

“Cool, never rode a horse then?” Hoya asked, putting a heavy saddle on Starlight. 

“No,” Myungsoo admitted.  “I was in the school play Don Quixote and there was a fake horse there.”

Hoya laughed again as he finished hitching Starlight’s saddle.  “That doesn’t count,” he said with a wide grin. 

“Why doesn’t?” Myungsoo asked with a little bit of aegyo on the end, which immediately after he nearly kicked himself for. 

“Because when you ride, it’s better.  You’re finally free once you ride,” Hoya said.  “Once you’re out there, your soul is finally free.”

“Really?”

Hoya nodded, leading Starlight out of the stable.  “Yeah,” he said, standing right in front of Myungsoo, his breath mingling with Myungsoo’s.  “So, are you ready to be free?”

A smile spread over Myungsoo’s lips.  “Okay.”

“Foot here,” Hoya instructed, pointing to the stirrup.  Myungsoo struggled to get his foot up onto the stirrup, but Hoya was right there, helping him find his balance right away.  “Then swing your other leg onto the other side.”

“What?” Myungsoo looked over his shoulder at Hoya, trying to figure out what he was asking for. 

“I’ll give you a boost,” Hoya said, putting his hands on Myungsoo’s back. “Ready?  One, two, three, up you go.”

Myungsoo scrambled awkwardly onto Starlight as Hoya gave him a push upwards.  “Whoa… this is so high up.”

Hoya smiled up at him.  “Makes you feel alive, doesn’t?”

“I guess so,” Myungsoo said, trying to find his balance on Starlight.  “This is fun.”

Laughing, Hoya nodded again.  “Okay, when you’re riding, don’t stiffen up or else you’re probably going to fall off,” he instructed.  “Just keep yourself steady and balanced out.  Keep your back straight and look forward.” 

“Okay, like this?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Hoya said, handing him the reins.  “If you feel like you’re going to fall off, just hold onto her mane until you feel balanced out again.  Got everything?”

“I think so,” Myungsoo said nervously. 

“Okay.  Now if you squeeze your calves against her sides, she’s going to move forward, simple?”

“I guess so, do I have to steer?” Myungsoo asked. 

“I’ll teach you that later, for now, I’ll lead Starlight, so you don’t have to worry about that,” Hoya said.  “You can try whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay…” Myungsoo experimentally tightened his legs around Starlight’s side.  Even though Myungsoo was prepared for it, he let out a little shriek as Starlight started to walk forward. 

“Whoa, Starlight,” Hoya said, stopping Starlight.

Unprepared for the sudden shift of balance, Myungsoo fell forward, but Hoya caught him.  Myungsoo stiffened in surprise as Hoya’s face was barely a few centimeters away from Myungsoo’s. 

“Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?” Hoya asked. 

His eyes widened and he nearly slipped on Hoya’s grasp before he managed to slip off Starlight and put his feet firmly on the floor.  “What?” he asked, his knees shaky from the short ride and the sudden words from Hoya. 

Hoya smiled.  “You are beautiful,” he said, brushing away the hair from Myungsoo’s eyes. 

“Really?” Myungsoo asked quietly. 

Hoya nodded slowly, coming closer and closer.  Myungsoo watched as Hoya leaned in and pressed his lips against his.  Melting into the kiss, Myungsoo reached up to touch Hoya’s face, bringing him closer and closer.  

Just as suddenly as he kissed him, Myungsoo pushed him away, his face burning in embarrassment.  “I’m so sorry!  I’m sorry!  I don’t know why I did that, oh my god, why did I do that?”

“Myungsoo!  It’s okay,” Hoya said gently.  “I wanted that.”

“B-b-but… wait, you aren’t straight?” Myungsoo squeaked.  “Sungyeol is the straight one?”

Hoya started laughing at the stunned look on Myungsoo’s face.  “Oh, no.  I’m not,” he said.  “Do you mind?”

Eyes fluttering down to Hoya’s lips that were getting closer and closer, Myungsoo could only reply with, “No… not at all,” and close the gap between their lips again. 

~*~

“For years, Pegasus lived out in the wild, flying in the sky.  It wasn’t until the hero Bellerophon came along was Pegasus tamed again.  Bellerophon rode Pegasus to slay the monster, Chimera, and was successful. 

“But that wasn’t enough for Bellerphon.  He wanted to go to Mount Olympus, the mountain in the heavens.  Zeus was not happy with the ignorance of the hero and sent a lightning bolt to the duo, causing Pegasus to buck and throw Bellerphon off his back.”

Myungsoo walked into his and Sunggyu’s room and kicked off his shoes in the doorway, the kiss still fresh on his mind.  Sunggyu looked up as Myungsoo stumbled towards his bed.  “Hey, Myungsoo, what’s up?”

He didn’t reply and just fell down on the bed next to him, curling up against his side.  “Hyung… remember that promise that I made?”

Sunggyu hummed and nodded.  “Yeah, why?”

“How can I not hurt anyone?” Myungsoo whispered.  “I said that I wouldn’t hurt him.  I like him so much.”

“Him?”

Myungsoo nodded slowly.  “Yeah…”

“Me?”

Myungsoo laughed and smiled against Sunggyu’s shoulder.  “Hyung!”

“I love you, Myungsoo,” Sunggyu said.  “Even if you think that you’ll hurt me, I’m your brother.  You can’t hurt me.  If anyone who wants to love you, you won’t be able to hurt them.”

“Are you sure?” Myungsoo asked. 

Sunggyu smiled.  “Yeah, I am.”

“Even if it’s Hoya?”

Sunggyu paused.  “It’s Hoya?”

Myungsoo nodded.  “Do you think that that’s okay?”

Drawing him closer, Sunggyu nodded.  “Just make sure that you love him.  You can’t hurt someone if you love them.”

“Okay…” Myungsoo whispered. “Is it okay if I love when I’m like this?”

Sunggyu nodded, patting his hair gently.  “Yeah, just love him, then it’ll be okay.” 

The next day, Myungsoo found Hoya in the barn again, playing around with the new litter of kittens. 

“Hey,” Myungsoo said quietly. 

Hoya looked up as he held a little kitten in his hands.  “Hey, look,” he said, handing Myungsoo the kitten.  “Gureum had her kittens.”

Myungsoo smiled sat down next to Hoya.  “Hoya, can I tell you something?” he asked quietly. 

For a moment, panic flashed over Hoya’s eyes, but he did nod and gesture for him to continue. 

Myungsoo closed his eyes and took a deep breath before starting.  “I… was in high school and that’s when everyone was getting themselves a girlfriend, but I got a boyfriend.  That’s what I wanted... that’s what I still want, but everyone started making fun of me and I couldn’t take it anymore, so… I cut my wrists.”

Hoya’s eyes opened widened and he reached forward to grab his wrists.  Forcing the sleeves past his elbows, Hoya traced his fingers over the scars on his forearms.  “Oh, my god…”

“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo mumbled, his cheeks burning.  “I…”

“Don't be sorry!” Hoya interrupted him.  “You shouldn’t be sorry.  Never be sorry for these scars.  You’re alive.  Don’t apologize.”

Myungsoo looked down at the ground at Hoya gently rubbed his thumb against Myungsoo’s forearm.  “I… need to be,” he said quietly.  “I tried again and that time, I was in a coma for a month… and in that time, Umma and Appa… they left me and Sunggyu alone.”

“What?”

“They couldn’t take the fact that I wanted to die, that I was… gay…” Myungsoo said.  “So they… decided to run away from me.  They wanted to take Sunggyu too, but Sunggyu said that he’d stay beside me no matter what.  Sunggyu was left with a brother in a coma and a whole pile of bills to pay away.  By the time I woke up, Sunggyu was already working a dozen jobs to keep my alive and about half a month later, he collapsed because he couldn’t keep up with the stress.  I started to work too, so that we could stick together.  After hyung left the hospital, we found an ad for a job on a farm…”

“This farm?”

Myungsoo nodded.  “I promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt anyone else.  I hurt Umma and Appa when I first kissed that guy.  I hurt Sunggyu when he worked so hard that he collapsed.  I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

“You can’t hurt me.”

He blinked surprised and looked up at Hoya.  “What?”

Hoya reached over and brought Myungsoo’s hand to his chest, resting it over his heart.  “Do you feel in my heart?”

“Is this your way of flirting?” Myungsoo asked. 

He laughed.  “Not really,” he said.  “My heart weak, the doctors said that I’ll probably not even make it for another year or so.”

“What?” Myungsoo asked, looking down at where his heart was.  “What do you mean?”

“The doctors say that I have a weak heart,” Hoya explained. “In all of the stories I’ve read about love, I I keep on thinking that love is the greatest thing that I could do, but then heartbreak sounds like it would shatter the rest of my heart.  I didn’t think that love would not be worth the pain if there’s heartbreak, but with you, all my heart wants is you.

“Even though my heart is weak, when I’m here with you, it beats like I was totally fine and healthy,” Hoya whispered, coming closer and closer.  “You make me feel so alive.  You can’t hurt me when I feel so alive like this.”

Over the next few weeks, Hoya taught Myungsoo how to ride horses.  It nearly felt natural after a little while and Myungsoo loved being out free in the fields with Howon. 

About a month after Myungsoo and Sunggyu arrived at the farm, Myungsoo woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of something hitting his window.  He glanced over to the window and nearly jumped as he saw someone standing outside, but he stopped his scream as he realized that it was Hoya smiling at him. 

Hoya grinned at him and pointed towards the door.  Quickly, Myungsoo slipped out of his bed and shrugged on his outside clothes before hurrying outside. 

Closing the door behind him, Myungsoo smiled as he saw Hoya standing in the moonlight.  “What’s going on?” Myungsoo whispered.

 Hoya smiled and took his hand.  “I had an idea,” he said, tugging him towards the barn.  “My friend called me earlier and told me that there was going to be a meteor shower tonight and I wanted to watch it with you.”

Myungsoo smiled happily and watched as Hoya grabbed the saddles from the pegs on the wall.  “Really?” he asked. 

“What?”

“You really want to watch it with me?” he asked, his heart filling with joy, as he looked over Starlight’s back at Hoya.  “Just me?”

Hoya smiled as if they weren’t standing in the middle of a smelly and damp room.  “Just you and me,” he said.  “Is that okay with you?”

Shyly, Myungsoo returned the smile, leaning across the saddle to him.  “That’s very okay with me.”

Hoya laughed and finished saddling up Starlight and Roheryn.  “Here we go,” he said, going around Starlight and Roheryn to Myungsoo’s side.  “Ready?” he asked, his body warmth seeping into his. 

Myungsoo nodded slowly, reaching up to kiss him again.  “Yeah,” he whispered against Hoya’s lips. 

Hoya gently wrapped his arms around Myungsoo’s waist.  “And up you go.”  He swung Myungsoo up onto Starlight’s back with surprising strength. 

Laughing, Myungsoo watched as Hoya jumped onto Roheryn’s back as well and they rode out of the barn. 

The night sky was dark blue, the city lights were not visible in the night sky as the city was too far away.  While Myungsoo and Hoya rode through the prairie, the air was crisp and fresh, brushing against their bare skin. 

Once again they reached the spot where Myungsoo had ran away from Hoya a few days before.  Again, Hoya got off first and offered Myungsoo a hand to get off Starlight.  Myungsoo smiled as Hoya placed a kiss on Myungsoo’s forehead. 

Hoya spread out a blanket and pulled Myungsoo down with him.  “It should be starting any minute,” he said, looking at his watch.  “It should be right there.”

Myungsoo nodded and leaned back to watch the sky.  “Look at that star,” he said to pass the time before the meteor shower.  “That’s called Sadalbari.”

“Oh, cool.”

Myungsoo laughed and pressed his forehead against Hoya’s shoulder.  “If you add the stars next there and there and there,” he said tracing a few stars in the sky.  “That makes the constellation called Pegasus.”

“Really?” Hoya asked. 

“Yep,” Myungsoo nodded enthusiastically.  “In the myth, when Pegasus died, Zeus made him into the stars, so that he could last forever.”

“Did you read all of this in your book?” Hoya asked 

Myungsoo nodded.  “The star Sadalbari’s name means luck star of the splendid one.  That star can be you.”

“Yeah, what other stars are there?”

Looking up at Hoya, Myungsoo thought about it for a little while.  “Well, there’s Matar, the lucky rain of shooting stars.”

“Then that one will be for you,” Hoya said.  “Then we will be together in the stars forever.”

“Really?”

Hoya nodded.  “I promise.”

Myungsoo laughed happily before kissing him again as the stars fell down around them like rain in the sky. 

The next morning, Myungsoo stretched happily and squinted into the grey light of dawn.  He smiled when he felt Hoya’s warm arm around his shoulders, holding him close.  Slowly, Myungsoo turned around in Hoya’s grasp, so that his chin was resting on his chest and he looked up at the other. 

Hoya was already awake.  Smiling at him when he saw him awake too, Hoya leaned down a little bit to press his lips against Myungsoo.  “Hey, there.”

Myungsoo smiled and snuggled closer to Hoya.  “Did you sleep well?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Hoya whispered.  “You look really cute when you sleep.”

Blushing, Myungsoo sat up and patted down his hair.  At that moment, the sun started to rise, streaking the sky with red.  Myungsoo smiled in the golden red light.  “Hyung… I’m so glad that we managed to do this.”

“Yeah,” Hoya agreed, sitting up with him.  He put his arm around his shoulder and pressed a kiss against Myungsoo’s forehead. 

Myungsoo smiled and let out a content sigh as they sat together.  “Hyung…”

Hoya smiled.  “I love you.”

Suddenly, Hoya stiffened and cried out in pain. 

“Hoya?” Myungsoo asked, panic rising slowly.  “Are you okay?”

Even though Hoya nodded, but leaned over and started hacking. 

“Hoya!” Myungsoo screamed in horror.  “Hoya!”

He was bent over on his waist, gasping and fingers digging into the grass.  “Myung… Myungsoo… get help.”

“I can’t leave you here!” Myungsoo yelled desperately, tears falling down his cheeks.   “Hoya!”

“Myungsoo, please get help,” Hoya snapped.  “Go get help!”

“I-I-I…” he looked around desperately. 

Hoya suddenly screamed out in pain and fell back on the ground, clawing at his chest. 

“Hoya!” Myungsoo screamed, tears running down his cheeks.  “Hoya!  Wake up!”

Even as he shook Hoya’s still body, Hoya still wouldn’t wake up.  “Please wake up,” Myungsoo begged. 

Shakily, Myungsoo stood up, pulling Hoya up and pulled him towards Starlight.  Realizing that the two of them couldn’t fit on Starlight’s back with the saddle.  He quickly unbuckled the saddle, kicking it down to the ground.  “Starlight, lay down!” Myungsoo said, his voice cracking.  Starlight gracefully knelt down on the ground and Myungsoo carefully, but clumsily placed Hoya on Starlight’s back.  Myungsoo got on next, wrapping one arm around Hoya’s waist and the other weaved into Starlight’s mane.  “Up.  Up,” Myungsoo commanded, kicking her sides with his heels.  “Please run.  Run!”

At his words, Starlight started galloping across the prairie.  Myungsoo tightened his grip on Hoya’s waist, trying to stop the burning in his eyes as the wind whipped through his hair.  

“Hoya, please hold on.  I’m so sorry,” Myungsoo whispered into Hoya’s ear.  “Please, please, please.”

Soon the farm house came into view and Myungsoo started to scream for help, “Someone!  Help!  Help!  Sungyeol!  Sunggyu!  Help!  Eomeoni!  Someone!  Abeoji!” Myungsoo screamed as he slowed Starlight down to a stop.  “Hyung!  Someone!”

The front door of the Lee’s house opened and the Lee family ran out, still in pajamas.  “What happened?” Sungyeol asked, his eyes filled with panic as he saw Myungsoo and Hoya on Starlight’s back. 

“I don't know, he just collapsed!” Myungsoo said, his eyes filled with tears.  “What happened?”

Jungyeop looked furious as he grabbed Hoya from Myungsoo’s grasp and dragged him off Starlight’s back.  “Sungyeol!  Get the car!” he commanded. 

Sungyeol raced off as Sunggyu helped Myungsoo slip off of Starlight’s back.  “Myungsoo…” Sunggyu said quietly. 

Myungsoo felt another set of hot tears run down his cheeks.  “Hyung…”

Before he could get a sentence out, Mrs. Lee started screaming at him.  “What the hell did you do to my son?  What did you do to him?”

“I-I-I… didn’t do anything,” Myungsoo stammered.  “I… we just… Hoya was… he was fine!  He-he…”

“Eomeoni,” Sunggyu said, getting between Mrs Lee and his brother.  “Abeoji’s ready to go to the hospital.  You need to go and be with Hoya.”

Myungsoo looked down at the ground ashamed as the Lee’s drove away to the hospital. Tears dripped down his cheeks and he fell down to the ground, burying his face in his hands. 

“Myungsoo?”

He looked up as he heard Sunggyu called his name again.  “Hyung,” he sobbed painfully. 

Sunggyu sat down beside him and gently rubbed back as he gathered his younger brother in a hug.  “It’s okay,” he said. 

“I promised that I wouldn’t hurt anyone else,” Myungsoo cried.  “I wasn’t going to hurt anyone, like how Umma and Appa did when they left us alone.  I hurt Hoya, I hurt Sungyeol and the Lee’s.  I hurt my heart.  It hurts so much.  Hyung, why does love hurt this much?”

“Because that’s love,” Sunggyu whispered in his ear.  “Love hurts, Myungsoo, it does.”

Myungsoo found himself a few hours later riding on Starlight back to the place where he and Hoya spent the night together.  When he got there, Roheryn was still tethered to the tree where he had left him in the morning. 

Silently, he slipped off of Starlight’s back and started to untie Roheryn from the tree.  Roheryn snickered and nudged Myungsoo with his nose, ruffling his hair slightly as his breathe skimmed over his hair. 

Closing his eyes, Myungsoo let out a shaky breath as he leaned against Roheryn’s neck, his hands curling in his mane.  “Roheryn…” he whispered.  “What did I do?  Why did I fall in love again?”  

He fell down to the ground, sliding down Roheryn.  “Why… I hurt him.  I hurt him so much.  Why did I do this?”

Sobs shook through his body as he cried on the grass.  “I’m sorry, Hoya, I’m so sorry.”

The breeze brushed past his cheeks, cooling down his cheeks as the voices in the winds whispered to him. 

~*~

“Pegasus continued its journey to the mountain in the sky where he lived in Zeus’ stables.  Often, Zeus would use Pegasus during his thunderstorms, giving him the name Thunderbolt Bearer.  Pegasus also helped Eos bring the dawn or Apollo to bring the sun.”

The next day, the Lee’s were home and Mrs. Lee was on the edge of firing Myungsoo before Sungyeol managed to talk her out of it, pointing out that it technically wasn’t Myungsoo’s fault.  But even if they said it wasn’t Myungsoo’s fault, he still felt horrible about it and he couldn’t find rest until Hoya came home the next weekend. 

Hoya looked shaky as his father helped him out of the car, leading him into the farm as Myungsoo threw hay bales into the truck with Sungyeol.  Throwing another pitchfork full onto the truck, Myungsoo watched as Hoya entered the house without glancing at Myungsoo. 

Suddenly a voice interrupted his thoughts, “OW!  Myungsoo!”

He whipped around and gasped as he saw Sungyeol covered with hay that he had just thrown onto the truck.  “Oh my god!  I’m so sorry, Sungyeol!” he apologized as he jumped onto the truck and started pulling hay out of his hair. 

Sungyeol laughed and finished shaking out the last of the hay.  “Hoya is okay,” he said, knowing what Myungsoo was trying to say.  “I know he looks bad, but the doctors say that he’s fine.  At least for now.”

Myungsoo smiled and sat down on the truck.  “Are you sure?  Your mother and father seemed mad about it…”

“Appa is kind of hot headed in the first place,” Sungyeol said, waving his hand in dismissal.  “And since the doctors diagnosed Hoya, Umma’s really protective.  Do you know how long it took for us to convince her to let me help Appa around the farm?”

Myungsoo laughed and played with his gloves.  “But… does Hoya blame me?”

A stunned look covered Sungyeol’s face before he started laughing.  “Oh, no, he doesn’t!  Not at all,” Sungyeol said.  “He kept on saying something about Pegasus flying away if he wasn’t there and I’m guessing that’s you.”

Tears filled Myungsoo’s eyes as he looked down at his gloves.  “Yeah, that’s me,” he barely managed to squeak out.  “I can’t believe that it’s like this.”

Sungyeol knelt down in front of Myungsoo and hugged him tightly.  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered.  “Hoya’s okay.  You can go riding with him again soon.”

“Sungyeol!  Myungsoo!  It’s supper time!”

“Okay, Umma!  I’m coming,” Sungyeol yelled back.  He stood up and started to head away before glancing back to see Myungsoo still sitting there.  “Myungsoo coming?”  

Myungsoo looked down at the ground, nearly wanting to cry, “No,” Myungsoo mumbled.  “I’ll eat alone later.” 

Sungyeol glared at Myungsoo, effectively shutting him up.  “Hoya wants to see you.”

A half an hour later, the Lee’s and Kim’s were sitting down at the table.  Before supper started, Sungyeol not so subtly switched seats, so that Hoya was sitting right next to Myungsoo.  Myungsoo was fidgeting uncomfortably as Hoya kept on sending glances towards him.    

Suddenly, Hoya put down his fork.  “Umma.  Appa.  Would you excuse me and Myungsoo for a moment?”

“I guess so,” Jungyeop said.  “Where are you going?”

“I need to talk to him,” Hoya said, grabbing Myungsoo’s arm and dragging him away from the table. 

“Hoya?” Myungsoo asked, uncertainly as Hoya led him into the barn again. 

Hoya turned to Myungsoo and crashed their lips together in a kiss.  “Myungsoo, are you okay?” he asked as they pulled apart. 

Myungsoo glanced away, feeling his cheeks heat up.  “I should be asking you that,” he mumbled. 

“Myungsoo, it’s not your fault that it happened,” Hoya said firmly, forcing Myungsoo to look at him.  “I was the one who decided to go in the middle of the night and you saved me in the end.”

Tears ran down Myungsoo’s cheeks silently.  “But if I had said that I didn’t want to go…”

“That doesn’t matter, Myungsoo,” Hoya said.  “It’s not your fault in any way.” 

When Myungsoo didn’t reply, Hoya took his hand and placed it over his heart again, looking straight into his eyes.  “I might not have much time until my heart finally gives out on my body, but until then, I want to spend it with you, Myungsoo,” Hoya whispered.  “I love you so much and I don’t want you to blame yourself like this.”   

Myungsoo managed a smile as he pulled Hoya closer again.  “I love you a lot too,” he whispered. “I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

Hoya smiled and hugged Myungsoo tightly, his chin resting on Myungsoo’s shoulder.  “It’s going to be okay.”

Suddenly the barn door flew open and Sungyeol came flying in.  “Hey guys!  Appa is taking us to the fair after we finish the chores!” he said, his eyes alive with excitement as he grabbed a bucket from the pile in the corner of the barn.  “Come on, Myungsoo!  We need to get everything done before we go.”

Myungsoo laughed, as Sungyeol was gone as soon as he had come in.  “I guess I should go then,” he said, stepping away from Hoya. 

Hoya smiled and nodded.  “I’ll see you later then.” 

Myungsoo nodded back and started to head away, but before he could get much further, Hoya called out his name and suddenly he was right there, kissing him once again. 

Pulling away, Hoya smiled at Myungsoo and pushed him towards the doors.  “Okay, now you can go,” he said with a wide smile. 

For the rest of the afternoon while Myungsoo was doing the chores with Sunggyu and Sungyeol, the smile wouldn’t leave his face.  Maybe it was because they were all excited to go to the fair, but they managed to finish the chores, though a bit sloppily, in an hour.  By two o’clock, everyone was getting into Jungyeop’s van and driving down the road to the fair. 

Myungsoo smiled and clung onto Hoya’s arm tightly as they squeezed together into the back seats of the van, Sunggyu and Sungyeol in the back of the pickup.  “This is so exciting,” he said happily. 

“Yeah,” Hoya said, patting his thigh with a smile.  “When I was in the hospital, I was afraid that we wouldn’t be able to ever see each other again.”

Myungsoo’s eyes dropped again.  “I know… I was wondering the same thing,” he whispered. 

Their conversation was brought to a halt as the car stopped and Jungyeop cheerfully called out, “Last stop, everyone off!”

“Thank you, Appa!” Sungyeol yelled as he jumped off the back end of the pickup. 

“Boys, here’s money that you can spend, you don’t need to return the rest to me,” Mrs. Lee said, handing them an envelope of money each.  “Let’s meet back here at 11.  If you aren’t here by then, you’ll have to walk back to the farm.  Got it?”

“Yes,” all four of them said at the same time. 

“Okay, go have fun then.  Shoo, I don’t want to see you,” she said, a smile over her face as she watched the boys run off as if they were little boys to the fair. 

Myungsoo laughed as Hoya dragged him along through the fair.  For the rest of the day, Hoya and Myungsoo ran through the fair, playing games and going on rides, their laughter as free as the wind. 

As the night was coming closer and Hoya pulled Myungsoo over to the Merry Go Round.  “One last ride before we go meet the others, okay?” he said, leading Myungsoo to a pair of beautifully painted horses.

Myungsoo nodded and smiled as again, Hoya offered him his hand and helped him onto the horse.  Hoya smiled back and reached up to kiss him on the lips once more before getting onto his own steed. 

“Myungsoo,” Hoya said quietly, running his hands over the painted plastic.  “Let’s ride this once, then I want to ride it once more and I need to tell you something.”

“Tell me what?” Myungsoo asked, panic rising slowly.  “What do you mean?”

“Just this ride, let’s not think about it, okay?” Hoya said firmly.  “Just for a bit longer.”

Slowly, Myungsoo nodded and reached out for Hoya’s hand.  Hoya took it, losing the gap between them.  As Myungsoo looked into Hoya’s eyes, he felt as if the whole world was complete, but he knew that the world that he saw in Hoya’s eyes was going to end soon. 

He was right as too suddenly, the ride slowed down and the night was finally upon them. 

Hoya got off his horse first and walked around his horse so that he was standing in front of Myungsoo who hadn’t moved yet.  “Myung?  You okay?”

Myungsoo let out a shaky breath, leaning his forehead against the pole as tears burned in his eyes.  Hoya’s warm hand gently cupped his cheek and his fingers caressed his cheeks.  “Myungsoo?” Hoya asked again, his voice filled with concern.  “Myungsoo, it’s going to be okay.”

As Myungsoo didn’t reply, Hoya gently lifted him off the horse and hugged him tightly.  “Myungsoo, come on, let’s sit down, okay?”

Numbly, Myungsoo nodded and sat down on one of the benches on the Merry Go Round with him.  Silently, they sat together as the Merry Go Round started to rotate again. 

“Did you know that carousels are also called flying horses?” Hoya asked quietly, his breath gently ruffling Myungsoo’s hair. 

Myungsoo laughed shakily and raised his head, wiping away his tears.  “I can’t say I did,” he said quietly. 

Hoya smiled back at him and held out his arms again.  “Come here,” he whispered. 

Immediately, Myungsoo obeyed, burrowing into Hoya’s warm arms.  “Hoya.  Are we going to be okay?”

He closed his eyes as Hoya didn’t answer right away, only letting out a slow breath before tightening his arms around him.  “Myungsoo, you’re going to be okay… but I’m not.”

Myungsoo tightened his grip around Hoya’s waist as if that would prevent him from going as he answered, “I know… please don’t make it end like this.”

Instead of saying anything, Hoya smiled at him and reached out to put his arm around him.  “Myungsoo, let’s move to the city together.  Okay?” he said.  “We can have an apartment in the city where you can go to collage and I can go dance.  We won’t have the horses any more, but maybe we can get a dog or a cat instead… or maybe both.”

Myungsoo choked on a laugh.  “Really?”

“Really,” Hoya replied.  “If you want to.  I know I really want to, but if you don’t, we don’t have to.  Maybe we can get a farm outside of the city so that we can still go horse riding, but go to the city for dancing and university-”

Myungsoo cut him off with a kiss again, but even the kiss was filled with tears. 

Breaking away, Hoya hugged Myungsoo even closer, “I’m so sorry, Myungsoo, I’m going to have to join Pegasus first.”

Slowly, Myungsoo weakly hit his chest a few times, tears running down his cheeks.  “Don’t leave me like this… I need you.  You’re my wings.  I need you or I won’t be Pegasus, but only a horse that can run and not fly.  Don’t leave me.”

Hoya didn’t reply, only holding Myungsoo closer, as slowly, the lights on the carousel swirled around them and the tinkling music sang to them. 

~*~

“When Pegasus grew old, Zeus placed him in the stars, so that he could fly forever.  Pegasus rises with the spring and rainstorm.  This is the season of rainstorms and thunderstorms.  Even in the stars, Pegasus continued to bring lighting and rain.

“Pegasus brings the new weather of spring as his name means “Springing Forth”.”

Myungsoo rode through the prairie, the new spring breeze whispering through his hair.  Starlight tossed her head as Myungsoo stopped her and slid off the saddle. 

Now Hoya was no longer there to offer his warm strong arms to Myungsoo whenever he got off the horse, he was already riding on a horse somewhere in the white fluffy clouds above them. 

It was a year and a half since Myungsoo and Hoya met and more than a year since Hoya had passed.  It felt like yesterday when Myungsoo and Hoya’s family spread Hoya’s ashes into the wind, sending Hoya into the wind where he could be free forever. 

Myungsoo sighed happily, putting his face into the wind.  Even a year later, Myungsoo could nearly feel Hoya’s warm presence beside him. 

“Hey, Hoya,” Myungsoo whispered.  “I’m so glad that you’re free.  I love you.”  

The wind whispered around him, taking his message up to the sky where Hoya was free, riding Pegasus in the stars for the rest of eternity. 

~*~

“As if an angel dropped down from the clouds

To turn wind a fiery Pegasus.”

~ William Shakespeare

~*~

edited and repost from secret santa 2014, i forgot that i had this one and i'm actually pretty proud of this one ^^ 

the last chapter, "the end"'s title was from the last book of the series of unfourtunate events by lemony snicket.  he's one of my favourite authors ever and definitely someone i look up to, the series of unfourtunate events are some of my favourite books ever and i can't wait until the netflix series comes out. 

any guesses about this one shot's title?  bonus points if you guess where the horses got their names from ^^b

one more one shot today!  hope you enjoy~