Title:: journey to the centre of your heart

Pairing:: GyuSoo

Requested:: marshimaru

Rating:: M (i'm not sure if it is, just to be safe i guess ^^) 

Warnings:: angst, character death(s), ummm... yeah, so enjoy ^^

~*~

They lie side by side on the cool grass.  The sky is a pale blue, high above them with only a few clouds above them.  Daisies dance in the breeze, nodding and dipping down to kiss his forehead.  Down the hill, he can hear them laughing, singing, sounding happy. 

That was something he hasn’t heard for a long time. 

“We’re going to return, right?”

Sunggyu nods, slowly, pressing Myungsoo against his side.  “We are... we will.”

He sees that trust that is always so plain in Myungsoo’s gaze, so he promises once more, “We will be home soon.”

Around them, Dongwoo is laughing as he says goodbye to the others.  Something about his laugh is different.  Maybe it’s because a part of Sunggyu’s heart knows that this is going to be the last time he hears Dongwoo’s laugh.  It’s same with Sungyeol’s gin, Hoya’s comforting words, Woohyun’s warm hugs and Sungjong’s sweet smile.  Sunggyu tells himself that they’ll be back together again, but his heart screams that they won’t ever again. 

Sunggyu tries to not worry.  He tries not to think about the others. 

There was only one thing that Sunggyu could do was make sure that each of them had someone to be with.  He made sure that the three Lee’s of their group would be in the same area, he and Myungsoo, both the Kim’s, are together too.  For Dongwoo and Woohyun, he found an area without too many people in hopes that they would be close together. 

There’s a large gap though, and Sunggyu knows that there’s going to be a big gap between Kim Sunggyu and Kim Myungsoo.  There’s a better chance between Lee Sungyeol and Lee Sungjong.  He’s comforted to know that they’ll be close, though Sungjong with his service experience might bump him up a bit, but he can’t lose that little hope. 

It’s hard to decide who he worries about the most. 

Dongwoo who is so kind hearted that he won’t lift a finger against anyone, or Woohyun who insists that he’s okay, but Sunggyu knows that he won’t be.  Maybe Hoya who is strong on the outside, but in truth, he’s just Howon on the inside or Sungyeol, whose smile is his biggest weapon.  A lot of his worry is about Sungjong who should be doing girl group dances and not carrying a weapon. 

Though he worries about Myungsoo.  The younger Kim sometimes (always) can’t sleep, staying up and crying as he flips through pictures of them when nothing mattered.  On those nights, Sunggyu climbs into Myungsoo’s bunk and holds him until he falls asleep, but Sunggyu can’t fall asleep, just staring at his dongsaeng’s faces and he wonders how they are doing. 

The war is quick, as quick as any war can be, which really means it’s not short.  All war does is break and destroy everything.  Soon, Sunggyu is walking down the quiet streets of Seoul, Myungsoo right beside him.  The smile that Myungsoo gives is the happiest smile that Sunggyu has seen since the war had stared nearly three years ago. 

They stand in front of the list of citizens that have lost their lives in the war, reading each name, hoping that the next word that they read won’t be one of the other member’s. 

There are thousands, probably even millions, of names there, but Sunggyu’s eyes just find one and that’s all that matters. 

“Hyung...”

He turns around as he hears Myungsoo’s faint voice and he knows Myungsoo saw the name Lee Howon. 

Myungsoo looks so small as he sits at the edge of the small crowd searching for the names of their beloveds too.  When Sunggyu comes back, Myungsoo is still in the same position that he left him in.  Silently, handing him a water bottle, Sunggyu runs his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair in a way that he knows calms Myungsoo.  “Soo,” he says quietly.  “You okay?”

With a little nod, Myungsoo whispers, “There was someone else on the list, wasn’t there?”

Reluctantly, Sunggyu nods.  Myungsoo will find out eventually and it breaks Sunggyu’s heart to say, “It was Dongwoo.”

This is Kim Sunggyu and Kim Myungsoo. 

Lee Sungyeol, Nam Woohyun, Lee Sungjong,

If you see this, please come home to us. 

Seoul is in ruins.  Of the ten million people that used to live in Seoul, there’s only less than a thousand people left.  The whole world of seven billion, there are only about a couple million left on Earth.  It seems like the whole world has given up. 

Sunggyu guesses that he needs to be thankful that at least he and Myungsoo are alive, but sometimes, he can’t quite feel that way.  The feeling comes and goes, like the moments when he’s watching Myungsoo play with that cat that somehow managed to survive the apocalypse, but the feeling leaves again when one of those scary officials comes to give of them ‘government’ issued trackers.  Sunggyu wishes that he could tear it out, but it’s deep under the skin and it’s just not worth it.  Constantly, Sunggyu’s eyes are drawn to the little scar from where they injected the tracking device right under Myungsoo’s ear and in the middle of his left forearm. 

Along with the trackers, letting the government know each and every move, they live in a government issued house.  There’s a curfew too. 

“It’s for your own safety,” that ‘official’ tells Sunggyu.  “Or else, who knows who will blow off this pretty head...”

Sunggyu flinches and he hopes that Myungsoo was hiding like how he instructed him to, but knowing Myungsoo, he wasn’t. 

Later that night, Myungsoo cries quietly, trying not to let Sunggyu hear, but it’s only the two of them for miles and miles.

To distract Myungsoo, the next day, Sunggyu takes him to a valley a few kilometers away.  Sunggyu was pretty sure that it was part of the Han River at one point or the other.  It’s hard to tell without the Seoul skyline behind it, the large skyscrapers gone, grown over by forestry.  The river trickles between the dip of the valley.  Myungsoo for the first time in a little while looks happy as he plays in the water by himself. 

Watching Myungsoo play reminds Sunggyu of a day nearly six years ago now when the seven members of Infinite went out to a beach on one of their free days.  It’s nearly the same, green grass, blue skies, rushing water... it seems very unlikely that the world had ended a couple of years ago. 

Later, Myungsoo is lying on the ground next to Sunggyu in the sun of mid afternoon when he whispers, “It’s hard, isn’t it, hyung?”

Sunggyu doesn’t reply, letting the sun and daisies kiss his skin.  “What is, Soo?”

“I see how hard it is for you,” Myungsoo whispers.  “You’re always worried and I know what that officer does to you every time he comes.  You hardly smile anymore.  You never were a good actor, hyung.”

At that, Sunggyu laughs.  “It’s okay, I don’t mind suffering for you,” he says.

“It’s still hurts me too,” Myungsoo argues.  “I don’t want to see you suffer like this.  I want you to smile... I smile so that you can smile.”

The daisies are little suns in the green grass as tears blur Sunggyu’s vision. 

“Hyung... it hurts so much to smile.”

The sun doesn’t feel as warm on Sunggyu’s skin as a moment before and he wishes that he could cry, he would if Myungsoo wasn’t there. 

Instead, he hugs Myungsoo and whispers, “I’m sorry.  From now on, let’s do this together.”

Every weekend (time doesn’t matter, but it’s weekend for them) they go back to the river.  Instead of Myungsoo playing alone, they jump in the river together, joined by the puppy that Myungsoo ad adopted temporarily, proclaiming his name to be Namu, just like Woohyun’s puppy. 

The two of them smile much more freely now, but life doesn’t get easier. 

One day, when they’re doing their morning chores, the official comes back. 

“Stay here,” Sunggyu tells Myungsoo as he sees the officer coming. 

“But-”

“Stay there!” Sunggyu snaps. 

Without looking back to see if Myungsoo agreed, Sunggyu hurried outside and greets the officer before he could come inside. 

“All humans living in the Korean Peninsula must report to the government building tomorrow at five o’clock.” 

Thankfully, the official leaves right after that, unlike other days that he stays, but that only adds to the feeling of apocalypse.  Myungsoo isn’t in the kitchen where Sunggyu left him, the sink still running over their dirty dishes quietly.  Shutting off the water, Sunggyu walks through the house, looking for Myungsoo. 

In the bedroom, they spread the futon out just like they used to in the old dorm.  Myungsoo’s futon was tucked away neatly while Sunggyu’s lay strewn across the floor where he had left it that morning.  In the middle of the pile of blankets, there was a Myungsoo-shaped lump.  Sunggyu carefully lifted the edge of the blanket and crawled under with Myungsoo. 

In the warm shelter, Myungsoo clung onto Sunggyu as he cried.  It didn’t take a genius to know that Myungsoo had heard and he knew too what the official meant. 

Patting his hair gently, Sunggyu whispered, “Let’s go to the river today.”

Today, rather than playing, Myungsoo sits in the shade of a small tree, building something out of ruins that he collected on the way there.  While Sunggyu watches, Myungsoo makes a picture frame, placing one of his favourite pictures of Dongwoo and Hoya in the frame.  Sunggyu holds Myungsoo close as they hold a funeral for Hoya and Dongwoo.  They are the only ones who remember them anyways. 

Sunggyu and Myungsoo spend hours telling Dongwoo and Hoya stories about their life since they said goodbye – “We’ll see you soon.”  - and through the war against the invading army. 

“I don’t know when the two of you passed... before or after the final war... I just hope it wasn’t in the firing squads after the war.  You both believed in peace so much, it might be better that you aren’t seeing what Earth has come down too.  A couple million... less than a thousand in South Korea... I guess we’re the lucky ones.  Sunggyu-hyung and I are the only ones in left from the army, everyone else was executed by the firing squads.   There was only about a hundred men who were ‘chosen’ to be saved from the firing squad.  They saved us just so that the human race can keep on surviving, so they have someone to keep around as slaves for generations to come. 

“We came back here.  There was nothing to come back to really.  Without everyone... it’s lonely without everyone else, but we managed to make it work.  We live in a small house a couple of blocks from our old dorm, you wouldn’t be able to recognize it, without all of the buildings, the cars, the people, it looks totally different.  There are trees in our front yard and it’s green everywhere.  It looks beautiful, it really does.  We managed to make it work as long as we lived in here, but we need to go now... it’s our turn this time.”

Silence takes over as Myungsoo carefully set down the picture on the grass among the daisies.  “Sleep well, hyung,” he says to Hoya and Dongwoo. 

“What about the others?” Sunggyu asks. 

Myungsoo shakes his head.  “They aren’t dead yet,” he says confidently.  “I won’t believe it.”

The curfew is at seven o’clock and it takes about half an hour to walk back to their home, but still, at quarter to seven, they’re sitting on the banks of the river, watching the sunset for the last time. 

“Hyung,” Myungsoo mumbles.  “I miss them.”

“I know you do,” Sunggyu replies quietly.  “I miss them too.”

The daises on the banks of the river are going to sleep with the sun and soon they will have to go to sleep too. 

The next day, in the remains of Seoul, there’s a bare thousand people who live in North and South Korea.  The officers push everyone towards the old government building. 

There’s a board filled with messages from all of the survivors, looking for their own beloveds.  Once again, Sunggyu and Myungsoo post their note again – This is Kim Sunggyu and Kim Myungsoo.  Lee Sungyeol, Nam Woohyun, Lee Sungjong; if you see this, please come back home to us.  – hoping that soon, maybe one of them will see it and come back home. 

There are many messages; everyone is desperately looking for their family before the end of their world.  Among the many, many messages, there is one message that catches Sunggyu’s eye. 

My name is Lee Sungjong. 

By the time you read this,

I don’t know if I’ll be alive,

The world is going to end soon,

But if by any chance that you read this

before we are all dead,

Hyungs... I’m alone. 

It’s scary to be without you.

I miss you and love you so much.

Please come home again soon.

“Myungsoo?  Sunggyu?”

It’s the first time that Sunggyu hears their voices for years and he thinks that his mind is just making things up, but Myungsoo left his side and was hugging Woohyun tightly.  Woohyun looked over Myungsoo’s shoulder at Sunggyu with teary eyes.  “Hyung,” he whispers, but that’s enough for Sunggyu. 

Sungyeol is there too – holding a small child, which Sunggyu only notices later – and Sunggyu holds him tightly, not wanting the choding to be out of his sight for even a second. 

Sungyeol and Woohyun tell their story in a hurry, how they too were some of the lucky ones who were ‘chosen’ by the firing squad just like Myungsoo and Sunggyu.  They returned to Seoul, but were relocated to Gwangju in the first few weeks where they were reunited.  One of the other survivors who was with them got pregnant – Sungyeol didn’t mention whose child it was – but died soon after the child was born.  Sungyeol carries around ‘their’ son like the little boy was the only thing that matter which Sunggyu supposes he is. 

Whatever the story is, Sunggyu doesn’t really care because at least now, they’re together again. 

Woohyun voices that to Sunggyu a little while later, while Myungsoo and Sungyeol are playing with little Sungwoo.  “I’m really glad that we got to find each other once again.  I wish that we didn’t have to die.”

It’s a little tiny wish Sunggyu knows that will never come true in this life.  He’s never wanted anything more than this little wish to come true.  Maybe a close second to becoming a singer, but that wish was such a long time ago and it hurts to think about it. 

Sitting next to the other four makes Sunggyu feel like the past four years hadn’t happened.  Maybe they were just sitting backstage ready to perform once more.  Myungsoo’s smile makes it more believable as he smiles that smile that only Sungyeol can bring out of him. 

At the beginning of the war, Sunggyu had promised – promised on Infinite – two things; that they’ll be together again soon; that he won’t think about the future, because he knew that he couldn’t plan for a future that wouldn’t happen and there isn’t anything more painful than shattered dreams. 

For the first time, Sunggyu lets his guard slip and he’s thinking of a future where the five of them could live together.  Woohyun and Sungyeol could live in the spare room that they have and Sungwoo could play with Namu, all boys need a dog.  Maybe that life would be a bit difficult to live in, but if they’re together, that’s all that matters to Sunggyu.  For years, Sunggyu’s only dream was to become a singer and being a part of Infinite made that dream come true.  After that, Sunggyu decided on a new dream, to reunite Infinite once more. 

“I’ll go get us some food,” Sunggyu tells the others.  “Stay here.”

The three of them nod as Sunggyu leaves.  While he’s collecting food, he thinks about how they could split the chores around the house, and as he comes back, he wonders if there will be arguments about who’s turn it is to do the dishes again. 

He should’ve known better not to dream. 

When he’s walking back to where he left the others, now thinking about who would go get the rations from the government every week, Myungsoo spots him first, smiling happily. 

Then suddenly there is a familiar sound that Sunggyu wished that he could never hear again and he hits the ground as bombs rain from the sky and explode all around them. 

When the whole world comes back, his ears are ringing and there is dust everywhere.  The whole world is broken, his right arm is screaming in pain and blood runs down in rivers, but nothing matters except for finding Myungsoo once more.  Crawling forward, he calls out Myungsoo’s name, alternating with calling for Woohyun and Sungyeol too.  He knows he wasn’t far from where the four of them were before the bombing, but after a bomb, it’s hard to find anything. 

“Myungsoo?”

“Sunggyu?”

A small hand reaches through the dust and Sunggyu takes his hand.  “Don’t let go of me, Myungsoo.” 

“I won’t...”

Sunggyu crawls forward and brings Myungsoo into his arms.  He can hear the weakness in Myungsoo’s voice and Myungsoo’s body is limp against his as he gently brushes away the dust on Myungsoo’s face.

“I want them back, hyung,” Myungsoo whispers suddenly.  “Where are they?  I want them...”

“I... I don’t know,” Sunggyu admits.  “I want them back too...”

Myungsoo’s warm blood cakes over Sunggyu’s hands as he holds Myungsoo even closer.  He always knew that Myungsoo was a fragile person, like those moments when Myungsoo played like a little child in the river or when he stayed in one place to watch a caterpillar turn into a butterfly, but never before had he felt this small and fragile as he lay in Sunggyu’s arms, blood escaping his lips as he coughed. 

“Myungsoo... let’s go home, okay?” Sunggyu whispers, unable to find anything else to say.  “Then tomorrow, maybe we can go to the river again.”

There’s a dim light in Myungsoo’s eyes as he nods.  “Can... can Sungyeol and Woohyun come too?”

Wiping away the blood on Myungsoo’s lips, Sunggyu nods.  “Of course.”

He sighs, looking up at the dust covered skies.  “Hyung... what is the river like?  I can’t remember?”

Swallowing past his tears, Sunggyu manages to reply, “It’s really peaceful.  The sky is blue, there are only a few clouds today... there are daisies too, they’re really pretty, aren’t they?  Down the bank, there’s the river.  It can’t get much better than this, can it?”

Myungsoo’s eyes light up slightly and he smiles, blood still staining his lips.  “Hyung... can’t you hear them?  They’re singing again...”

Sunggyu wants to scream and cry, but all he can whisper is, “Really?  What are they singing?”

Closing his eyes, Myungsoo starts humming a song that Sunggyu can’t quite place.  Sunggyu wishes that he could scream and beg Myungsoo to open his eyes, but all he does is carefully calm Myungsoo by running his fingers though Myungsoo’s hair. 

“They’re happy, hyung...” Myungsoo whispers.  “Let’s go join them... they’re right down the bank...”

Sunggyu is crying, tears dripping down onto Myungsoo’s peaceful face.  “Are you happy?” Sunggyu asks quietly.

A smile spreads across Myungsoo’s face and he nods.  “I’m really happy,” he says, his voice fading away.  “Hyung, you should be happy too... are you?”

“As long as you are,” Sunggyu promises, leaning over to kiss Myungsoo’s forehead.  “As long as you’re happy.”

Myungsoo opens his eyes to find Sungyeol, Dongwoo, Woohyun and Hoya smiling down at him. 

“Come on, Myungsoo, let’s go.”

Up on the bank, he saw Sunggyu, looking down at the five of them, tears running down his cheeks.  Myungsoo badly wanted to run up to Sunggyu and hug away his tears, but all he could do was watch, the warm valley air holding both of them safe. 

“Myungsoo?  Coming with us?”

From behind Sunggyu, Sungjong walks up and takes his hand.  Sungjong smiles at Myungsoo and nods once before pulling Sunggyu away from the river.  This time, Myungsoo takes Sungyeol’s hand and joins them at the bottom of the valley. 

“Take care, hyung...” 

hi!  i hope you like this one!  if there are spelling mistakes, sorry, i'm really sick right now and i have a project tomorrow for history, so i'm kind of in a rush.  I'll come back and edit this later.  

for the other prompts, i'll get to them during the thanksgiving weekend hopefully.  i want to finish soth/sog asap too and i have a new chaptered fic coming out after those two are done.  I don't know which one i'll get to first, but i hope you'll read all of them >_

have a wonderful day everyone!