on the road (again)

“@chakaiprompts: abandoned on a road, a lonely jongin offers a ride to a lost chanyeol”

The stars are beginning to lose their wonder as each night passes by with barely any changes. Jongin is still behind the steering wheel, still in the same old, battered car his mother had left him with, still clueless about where he should go next and still very much alone. It’s a long stretch of road before him and he keeps driving for as long as the car still works. There’s a bag full of snacks at the back seat from his last visit to the store, knew it would be a couple more days for him to pass by another.

He wants to laugh when he remembers just how much he had craved being on the road; now all he wants is to go home, be wrapped up in warm blankets fresh out of the dryer and sip warm soup his mother was well-known for. He could always turn back around, go home and get into his very warm, very comfortable bed and sleep for hours so he would forget all that has happened. But he promised he wouldn’t return until he finds himself again, until he finds a reason to be. His purpose had long been gone, vanished alongside the beautiful, dark-eyed prince he had sworn to love for the rest of his life.

Fate has other plans for him, which was why they had taken Sehun away and never to return him. Jongin spent too many nights angry, curled up in the sweater Sehun had last worn, soaking his pillows in stubborn tears that refused to stop falling. He woke up one day to a final realization that things could never be the same again and with a kiss onto his mother’s cheek, Jongin dragged his backpack with just enough clothes and got into his car, living up the very thing he and Sehun had once dreamt of.

It has been almost a month, and Jongin still couldn’t find himself.

Sighing loudly to himself, he steers the car slightly to the left on a deserted road for a quick break. It is the beginning of September and the night weather feels just a little cold but Jongin doesn’t know if it was just him. He gets out of the car and closes the door behind him, not bothered to bring along a sweater to shield him from the chilly breeze. There is literally nothing for him to see in this open space, a narrow line enough to call a road sandwiched between open spaces. No buildings, no houses, just blank spaces. He misses the presence of another human being, loneliness creeping up his bones beginning to scare him into thinking that he might be the only one left in this world.

He reaches into his opened window to grab himself a packet of buttercream bread, tearing it open and finishing it in two bites before grabbing another. The silence is deafening, wind swirling so hard it makes an eerie sound that raises the hairs on his arms. Jongin spends the next five minutes just staring at nothing until he turns his head towards the direction he’s headed and spots a figure walking his way. There’s a rush of blood through his veins at the knowledge that there is someone else on this deserted road, and Jongin considers for a second if he should approach this stranger and perhaps, make a friend.

But just as soon as he gets back into his car, Jongin remembers why he’s out here all alone. He has yet to find himself, and he doesn’t know if befriending a complete stranger would be a good idea. His hand stops mid-air, and he grits his teeth together in wonder if he should turn the key and start the car. He thinks about more and more lonely days and compare them to ones where he would be less lonely if he had a friend to go with. Snapping out of his thoughts, Jongin starts his car anyway and prays the stranger in front wouldn’t raise an arm for a ride home. He doesn’t want to make friends just yet, he wants to find peace. And for as long as he has yet to find it, Jongin doesn’t think he would need friends.

He starts driving forward and as he draws closer towards the stranger, Jongin realizes it’s a boy not much older than he is, dishevelled brown hair a mess atop his head, clad in only grey sweater and a pair of jeans. Jongin drives past him, a little surprised that the stranger hadn’t even glanced up. He feels a frown etching onto his forehead, pursing his lips as he tries to make up his mind to whether or not he should go backwards and offer the guy a ride. He sure does look like he needs one.

Finally making up his mind, Jongin reversed his car enough until it stops right where the stranger is. This time, the taller guy glances up and squints his eyes to see if he recognizes the driver. Jongin watches him for a second, only remembering that the stranger could be a bad guy and he might actually be robbed off all his food, clothes, car and worst, his life. Shaking his head, Jongin clears his throat and opens his car door, stepping out of it to flash the guy what he hopes is a friendly smile.

The stranger flashes him an even wider grin, startling Jongin a little. Recovering from his surprise, Jongin clears his throat, unable to form words. “Um, are you going somewhere far?”

“Very far,” The boy answered almost immediately, voice deep; the kind that touches you skin-deep. “They say nowhere is almost impossible to find.”

No destination, either, Jongin thinks and can’t help the smile that quirks up the corner of his lips at their similarity. “They’re right. I’ve been looking for over a month now, still no sign of it.”

Chuckling with that deep, deep voice, the stranger releases a sigh, the sound so faint yet it holds so much meaning and Jongin thinks he’s looking at a reflection of himself. “Why are we still searching?”

There is something in the way the guy’s voice cracks and Jongin remembers every single tear he had shed up to this night. His bottom lip trembles and his grip onto the edge of his car door tightens. The question lingers in his head and he tries to find the answer but none came. He blinks, clears his throat once again and shakes his head, shrugging a shoulder. “I… I honestly don’t know.”

The stranger only chuckles once again, lifting his own shoulders in a shrug and then he’s turning back and walking away. Jongin panics, not ready to be alone again and watching someone’s retreating back makes him oddly afraid. He calls out without thinking twice, “Hey, you!”

He doesn’t catch up with the stranger but the taller guy turns with a tiny smile, “What is it?”

Jongin’s eyes flickered from the stranger to the moon just above his head, “Want a ride? Maybe we could go find nowhere together. You know, if we get lucky.”

It’s a long stretch of silence, but finally the stranger smiles.

His name is Park Chanyeol, a college drop-out who had been behind the wheels for the better part of the last three months until his car broke down and stopped working. He’s running low on cash and the last time he had eaten a proper meal was almost three days ago. Jongin drives for hours into the night, losing track of time as he listens to Chanyeol speak. He says everything he thinks Jongin would like to know; which college he had been from, which city he was born and had grown up in and everything else basic except why he’s on his two feet on a deserted road in the middle of the night.

Jongin doesn’t ask, however; he had no place to seeing he hasn’t even told the taller his full name. Chanyeol talks and talks and talks, filling in the silence that used to accompany Jongin on cold nights much like this. He finds it rather pleasant and there’s a permanent smile that’s plastered onto his lips as he continues to listen to Chanyeol talk. Jongin only stops driving when he hears Chanyeol’s stomach growl angrily and they had both laughed it off before he offers the taller some snacks.

They stopped by an open space, a cliff overlooking the ocean below and Jongin watches as Chanyeol finishes two pieces of bread in less than five minutes. He doesn’t say no when Jongin offered another. They sat on the rooftop of his cars and enjoy the sea breeze; it’s cold but Jongin is used to it and it seems that Chanyeol is too. Silence fall unto them as soon as Chanyeol finished his fourth bread and they sat there watching the clouds move and eventually, the rising of the sun.

It’s an astonishing sight, and they both gasped when the sun broke out and lightens up the whole world. Chanyeol laughs and Jongin joins in, for whatever reason he has no idea but it feels good, after spending a whole month just being on his own. Jongin finds himself dreading the time when Chanyeol would go his own way and he in his. They had been on opposite directions when they met, after all. Jongin begins playing with his fingers, a habit he had grown up with, only looking up when Chanyeol speaks.

“Ever wondered how it’d feel like to be the sun?” Chanyeol asks and Jongin is stuck silent for he had never wondered so. Chanyeol only smiles as he continued. “I have. At first I thought it could be pretty tiring, hiding away when the moon comes up only to appear again when it’s time. An endless cycle. I always thought my life was like that, except the sun had a reason, and I don’t. So one day I just woke up and thought, why not I find my own reason? But I didn’t know where to start and for three months, I just wandered aimlessly. At some point, I think I gave up. But I gotta keep moving, don’t I?”

Jongin listens to every word Chanyeol says, nodding when he needed to and staring just ahead as he lets Chanyeol’s words sink in. He clears his throat and suddenly his heart weighs a ton, like he needs to say something to get it off, so he said what he never planned to let anyone know. “I had a reason.”

Chanyeol’s head turn to face him, waiting, and Jongin takes a deep breath, releasing a nervous chuckle. “I had a lot of reason, actually. Graduate, get a good job, travel the world, and you know, maybe get married. Except all those plans and reasons to continue were shared with someone and when he left, he brought them with him. Strip me off my purpose, completely bare, and all I had was this car and maybe a lot more cash than I would need. Now I’m trying to find the part of me that I lost. No luck, so far.”

He startles when he feels a hand over his, Chanyeol’s larger one squeezing it gently. “Love is vicious in the most beautiful way. They make us forget that we’re only temporary by making us find home in another person, who could, by any day, leave us. Whether on purpose, or taken away. But love kind of also make us stronger, doesn’t it? We get to smile and we get to learn from heartbreaks.”

Jongin watches as Chanyeol speaks, follows the way his lips move to form each word. His eyes hold no light like they should, like each pair of eyes should and Jongin knows Chanyeol speaks from experience. There’s a whole weight resting on his shoulders and Jongin admires the way Chanyeol could still smile, a whole lot wider than Jongin could manage. “You speak like you know.”

“I think I do,” Chanyeol chuckles, taking his hand back from grasping Jongin’s. “I grew up with a loving mother, who couldn’t manage loss when my father passed away. She became almost… cruel, not the woman who had given birth to me and sang me lullabies before I sleep. Because she loved him too much, his death took away a part of her that was capable of love and affection. I have scars from when she gets angry and naturally, I just started thinking that there’s no point.”

Silence once again blanket them as the sun rises even higher. They are two strangers who happen to know of each other’s story and it makes Jongin want to smile. He feels almost as though the weight on his chest had been lifted off and breathing feels so much easier. After a long while, Chanyeol moves to hop off the car and Jongin watches him silently, preparing himself to be on his own all over again.

“I think I should go,” Chanyeol says, shouldering his backpack. “Don’t wanna keep you back from whatever you’re searching for, right? All the best in everything and thanks for the bread, and the ride.”

Jongin doesn’t say anything as drops down as well and opens the door to the driver’s seat. He smiles at Chanyeol, and gestures for him to get back inside the car. “What if we could find whatever we’re looking for at the same place? Better go together than alone, don’t you think?”

“And if we don’t find it?”

Tough question, but Jongin only smiles wider. “Then we’ll keep searching.”

Chanyeol smiles, and for a second, Jongin thinks he could see a sparkle in those cold brown eyes. The taller shrugs a shoulder then and moves towards the passenger seat. “Sounds like a plan.”

They get into the car and in silence, Jongin starts the engine. They say silent goodbyes to the sight of the sun and then they are back again. On the road to nowhere.

A/N: Very brief but I saw the prompt from @chankaiprompts and I had to write it. chankai is love <3