It was cold that time, early winter if one can remember. There was a royal blue scarf wrapped around your neck, you look warm but the scarf’s colour makes you look pale. I sat beside you like this on the far end of the same bench, waiting for the same train going to different directions.

 

          Out of memory, you were wearing your school uniform. I recall it’s an all-girls school, one where you need to stay at a dorm and live away from your parents. Why do I know so much you asked one time. I smiled at you and said I’m a guy, we’re all curious.

 

          The train arrives and we set off in opposite directions. I walk through the carriages a little, trying to find a window seat. All of them are occupied by families or couples going on vacation. All of them, except for one.

 

          I walk towards that empty window seat and you were there sitting right across from me, now familiar blue scarf and pale face. I smile intending to make conversation only to see your eyes closed, sleeping peacefully.

 

          I leave you be, content on just staring. The paper you’re holding slips from your hand. I picked it up, it’s a note with a name. My smile grows wider. I finally have a name to go with that pretty face. Getting a pen from my book bag, I wrote you a note.

 

          My name is Kim Myeong Soo, I sat across from you on the train going to Jeonju.

         

 

~0~

 

We’re standing here

Facing each other sadly

It’s quiet as if everything stopped

Only the cold wind wraps around us

 

And now a few years later...

              We’re sitting on that same bench, no longer wearing our school uniforms. I’m thankful, we’ve met and have gotten to know each other through this train station, on this bench. But today I feel like we’re back to those few years ago. Sitting on the far ends of this bench, back to being complete strangers.

 

             The train arrives; you stand up first as usual, but not even sparing me a glance. You’re still wearing the same royal blue scarf (faded from use), paler face. Has it gone colder, for some reason I can’t ask you directly.

 

              I step into the train, walking a safe distance behind you. I smile as I see you sit on the same seat we used to. Old habits die hard they say. You look out the window and close your eyes.

 

~0~

 

          It was summer vacation, by now we’ve taken the same train several times. I’ve had the courage to introduce myself to you. Though the note I wrote the first time actually helped. I remember your smile, it’s like spring has come early. There weren’t many window seats available. I raced you when I spotted one, you obliged saying that looking outside makes you dizzy.

 

          Words weren’t needed; we usually just sit there silently. Looking outside the window; enjoying the scenery that’s passing by. You were asleep a few minutes later. I smile wider this time. I’ve noticed, I’m always smiling when I’m with you.

 

          The ticket you’re holding slips, again. You’re unaware as usual. I take your hand in mine. This way you won’t lose things. I also promise you won’t lose me.

 

~0~

We’re facing each other

The hands we’re holding are scattering

 

          You open your eyes not really seeing anything. There’s a ring in your hand this time, holding on to it tightly. It looks familiar, is that the same one I gave you? I think to myself, unable to voice it out loud.

 

          “Goodbye now...” you whisper as tears fall from your eyes. I sit there frozen.

 

From the miracle of meeting someone like you

The times we spent together, the pain, the joy

I want to forget it all from now on.

 

 

~0~

 

          It was the last day of vacation. I was standing amidst a commotion. There’s a constant sound of sirens and shouting medics. You were there on the sidewalk too, thankfully safe. But you’re crying and I can’t seem to console you.

 

          I stood there in a panic trying to decide what to do. An ambulance stopped right in front of me. The medics spring into action, lifting someone into an available gurney. You cry harder, screaming but voice barely audible. There has been a traffic accident, a collision of some sort. It makes me confused, why are you crying like that when we’re both safe?

 

          A friend of yours comes running towards you, I recognize her from all the pictures you’ve shown me of your high school classmates. I remember she lives around here. She too doesn’t even give me a glance. Why do I feel like this is my entire fault?

 

          You and your friend left, taking the closest ambulance. I intend to follow but the ambulance door closes right in front of me.

 

          Why can’t you see me?

 

 

~0~

 

          I must’ve fallen asleep coz when I open my eyes you were already standing up. Have we arrived at our destination?

 

          You exit the train station, walking slowly towards an uphill. I follow you quietly; I believe our destination is the same. I didn’t notice you stopped by an ahjumma to buy flowers, you still remember those are my favourite. The ring is still in your hand.

 

I don’t want to let you go like this

But I need to decide now

For you, for me

 

          You stopped walking, turning around. I was surprised, did you know i was there all along? You smile at me for the first time that day. I can’t recall when, but I have started crying.

 

You walked towards me

 

          “How have you been? I can’t believe it’s been three years...”

 

We faced each other and smiled

 

          “I’m letting you go...” I was finally able to say.

 

Saying our last goodbye

 

          I watched you as you put down both the flowers and the ring, clearing a spot. I sat next to you, looking at my own photo.

 

          “Goodbye now...” you whisper to the wind. “Kim Myeong Soo...”

 

Kim Myeong Soo

B:  03131992 D: 08182012

 

 

I took a step first

Closed my eyes and took a step