Suho
Forever AlteredSuho wouldn't cry much in front of the others. He hadn't been as close to Kai as his roommate Sehun, and no where near Kyungsoo. Of course, who among them could match Kyungsoo -- say Taemin? Oh Taemin wouldn't look at any of them.
"I think Taemin blames us, blames EXO, for taking you away from him."
He was alone in his room, speaking to the empty air.
Kai sat across from him, surprised by the words. He hadn't known what to say to Suho. Making his goodbyes feel important, but there had always been a distance between him and Kai. Suho had been the fist to fold into the group, and even though he'd bonded strongly with them once he had, the personal connection between Kai and himself hadn't been as deep.
"He shouldn't." Kai whispered back, knowing Suho couldn't hear him.
"I wonder if he might be right. I know how hard it is to give up music once it's in you. Even when it isn't what you thought it would be. Even if it's painful or risky. You can't give it up. Never entirely." He pulled his knee up to his chest and his hand gripped his forehead, exerting pressure in an effort to stop the tears from coming. "Maybe we did. Maybe he should blame us."
"No one made the choice but me, Suho."
"How can we-- How can I ever make amends for that?"
"I wanted to be here. I wanted to live. Really live, and EXO was everything I wanted. I wouldn't have been myself if I hadn't tried."
The effort became useless and tears started coming down Suho's face.
"I just... I wish you were still here. It doesn't feel right."
"I'm still with you. I'm right here."
"Almost all of EXO is missing and we all feel it. We need you," There was a pause as Kai realized Suho couldn't bring himself to say his name anymore. "We need you. I don't know how EXO--"
"I'm here. I'm sorry this is the best I can manage." Kai leaned against Suho's shoulder, wishing he could impart some sort of comfort across the distance between them. "I'm still with you, and you have to keep EXO going. The others look to you to lead."
"We can't forget you, and Kyungsoo is sure you wouldn't want us to give up either."
"D.O is right."
"But it's hard."
"I know."
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