Jongin was different.

He knew he was, ever since he was four and wanted to take his first ballet lesson. His parents were fine with it of course, thinking that their son only wanted to see the pretty girls in the class and hold their hands and see them dance. But that wasn’t the case of course. He wanted to be a ballerina.  He always admired the girls wearing pretty pink tights and sparkly, frilly tutus that he would always see whenever his mother watched ballet on tv. He thought that they were graceful, and beautiful. And he wanted to be beautiful too. And the day finally came when he was eight when he could take ballet lessons. He hopped into the car with a skip in his step and a bright innocent grin on his face . He bounced happily in his carseat while thinking about all of the colors of tutus he would receive when he gets there.

“Mom, do you think the teacher would know what color tutus we would want to wear while practicing ballet? Oh I’m just so excited. I want many tutus! I want a white one, a black one-”

Jongin was cut off when he felt the car came to a harsh stop.

“M-Mom?” Jongin smiled nervously as he stared at the back of his mother’s head. Although he couldn’t see her face, the silence made Jongin very aware that something was wrong.

“Did you say.. Tutus? Jongin?” His mother replied, then looked back at him with smile that looked overly sugar coated. Her eye twitched. Something was wrong.

Jongin nodded slowly and slowly smiled. “Yes mommy… tutus.. I really like how pretty they are. I was wondering if the teacher was going to give me one on my first day-”

Jongin was cut off once again by a loud gaffaw coming from his mother. He usually loved the sound of his mother’s laughter, but this time, he felt unsure about her tone. It sounded angry, and Jongin was too young to understand why someone would laugh if they were angry. Jongin nervously laughed along with her. But then she suddenly stopped as a car honked behind her to tell her to keep her car going.

“Jongin, you silly little boy. Tutus are for girls! And you’re definitely not a girl.”

Jongin frowned at his mother’s words. Tutus aren’t only for girls! Why, just the other day, a boy named Luhan, (Although people call him Lulu instead) came to school proudly wearing pink tights, a white leotard, and a pretty pink, sparkly tutu! Many kids from his class oohed and aahed at Luhan while he practiced his ballet during recess. Many of the boys from other classes made googly eyes at Luhan and whispered amongst each other. He was pretty sure his best friend Oh Sehun had a crush on Luhan. He admired Luhan and talked with him during free time and asked him about his tutus, and Luhan revealed to Jongin that he had a whole collection! Jongin wanted to ask his mother about going to Luhan’s house this afternoon, but he wasn’t so sure now.

“Mom, tutus aren’t only for girls! My classmate Luhan was wearing a tutu just the other day!” Jongin was starting to question why his mother thought that tutus were only for girls. Jongin’s mother sneered and cleared . “Jongin. He’s a bad boy. He is disgusting, and he should be punished for acting like a girl. If he was my son, I would have brought him to your father and your father would have beaten him to a pulp!” Jongin widened his eyes and gulped loudly. He has never seen his mother so angry in his life. He trembled at the way his mother raised her tone, and felt tears well up in his eyes, getting ready to fall out.

“And if you Jongin.. acted the same way.. I would not allow you to call me your mother ever again.”

Jongin felt as if someone took his heart and smashed it with a hammer. It cracked into multiple pieces, and his dreams were also being stepped on by his mother as well. Jongin let tears roll down his face, his hands clenching into fists. He was upset. No, he was outraged. It’s been Jongin’s dream for the longest time to be able to perform on stage wearing a beautiful tutu.  

And now, everything was ruined.