"I couldn't remember the first time we met. I don't know if it's because my mind was blurred by your beauty or because it smashed me so hard that I couldn't actually keep it in mind. But I remember how I've fallen in love with you immediately. How your eyes were big and how I lost myself in. Everything seems to be so far away from it. As if kilometers were between this day and now. I don't know why it happened so fast. Why life can be so hard with some of us and so nice with some others. 

I never believed in destiny or god. I didn't need it in my life because you were always by my side. I mean you are still by my side, it's not what I'm saying but you were enough. You gave me all the strength I needed and I was beyond happy. But today every part in my life seems uncertain. I don't know if I will be strong enough to continue. They said I have to talk with you everyday... Then here we are. September 2nd. They said you need this. But I'm neither a fool nor stupid. Though I'm still laughing. Because even if I'm not stupid I feel like I need to talk to you. I can't help myself. I feel so guilty you know... For everything.

Yesterday I dreamed of you. Again. You were smiling like you used to. Your smile almost blinded me, it was so bright.. You were smiling at me, though I don't know why. But I didn't need to know because it was amazing to see you smile. And when I woke up my eyes were wet as was my pillow. But I smiled too. It was cheesy and I loved it. Do you remember when you always were zany and how many times I hit you for that ? I'm sorry. I wish you could be cheesy again. I mean... You'll be cheesy again, right ?

Oh, I almost forgot. They told me I have to say your name. That it will be a good thing if I do. But, once again, I can't help myself. I'm selfish and I know it... I'm so sorry you know. But I can't say it. I hope you understand. Everytime I try my throat burns and I feel like crying and throwing up. And I cry anyways. But I promise I will say it soon. I know you need it, you need to hear me saying your name. Besides I need to hear you saying mine. You're so selfish either. Why don't you say mine ? They always think of you, tell me what I have to do to you, but who's thinking of me ? And don't tell me you do. I know you'll be lying. You didn't think of me that night.

Yet, I almost forgot once again. They talked about you in the newspaper. It's the same as always, but they indeed talked about you in the newspaper. I know you're proud, don't deny it. I laughed so hard like I always do even if my vision was fuzzy. Fuzzy because of tears but I don't think you needeed me to precise it. But don't scold me, you need to hear lots of words that's why I'm talking too much. Mostly today." his voice broke and he stopped talking for a few minutes. He knew what will happen after he'll be done talking and he didn't want to stop talking. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't have stopped myself but.. Anyways. How was your day ? Did you do well ? Were they good at you ? I thought of buying you flowers and coffee but I also thought it will be too much. I was right, you don't need coffee. It would just bother you. I thought right, uh ?" he smiled and looked at his feet, nervous. 

He took the newspaper set down besides him and took a look at the last page of it. His tears started to fall one more time and his heart broke harder than ever. Though it was unfair he know he couldn't do anything to change it. And it was hurting himself so much. He felt so down. "So... I guess I don't have anything else to tell you... Oh, your mother talked to me yesterday. She knew I'll stop by today since it's the d-day and she tells you she loves you. But you already know it, right ? How much you are loved ? How much I care ? Hey.. Do you remember our real first date ? We agreed we will meet each other at this fancy restaurant. Do you remember ? The one on the sixth street. I've waited for 2 hours before you came. I swear I was so mad at you this day.." A soft laugh slipped between his trembling lips while he cracked a poor smile. "But then I saw you, wet as hell and a bouquet of flowers in your right hand. It was raining cats and dogs this day. And do you remember what you told me ?" he stopped during a few seconds. "You told me you ran through the entire city to find those flowers. You told me they weren't as beautiful as me now because they were completely soaked but that they were my favorites. And I started crying and you were upside down because you thought you were wrong... , I knew you were the one. The one I would love for the rest of my freaking life. The one I wouldn't spend a day without." Sobs escaped from his mouth and he couldn't see clearly at this moment. He knew it was only a question of minutes now.

"Please, tell me something... Anything. You can even tell me you don't love me anymore. You can just come back and tell me you don't want to live with me anymore. Anything. I swear I will be okay with it. With everything. Just.. Myungsoo.. You can't leave me behind. Why did you do that anyways.. Why were you so stubborn ? I'm so mad at you, I swear. Just come back, please.. " His voice was only whispers and his legs weren't strong enough to support his body. 

He sat next to his lover and took his hand after a moment of hesitation. Sungyeol interwinded their fingers and looked at his beloved boyfriend standing still next to him. And he cried harder and harder knowing nothing would change today. Not even the day after. 

"Then... Can I ask you something ? Watch me. Watch me and stay by my side. Watch your mother though, she needs you so much.. And please don't forget me. Because I won't forget how sweet were your lips and how your hips were the soulmates of mine." He tried to laugh one more time but his voice decided otherwise and all he could do was letting out a loud sob. "I love you, I loved you yesterday, I love you right now and I will love you until my last breath. You are the best thing I've ever had." 

Sungyeol's life was hard to imagine without Myungsoo by his side. Everyone knew it, everyone but Myungsoo apparently. Sungyeol took a short look at the newspaper and looked at his lover, showing only a small smile. Not that he didn't want to smile, he just couldn't. "Thank you for having loved me so much." He bended over Myungsoo and kissed softly his forehead before kissing Myungsoo's cold lips. He looked at his lover once again and took the newspaper before having his way out of the room. Sungyeol looked at the nurses and doctors who waited silently in front of the room and nodded, his eyes red and inflated. He waited during a few minutes, standing up were the doctors were before he came out of the room. He heard the engines of each machine in the room start to slow down and he reached his limits. His hands clenched the newspaper and he left.

He just left, throwing the old newspaper in a trash, throwing his whole life with.

"15/05/02, KIM MYUNGSOO A YOUNG BOY ACCIDENTALLY PULLED OUT OF THE ROAD BY A TRUCK DRIVER [...]"