pls don't expect too much ;;

Kim Jinwoo

I used to waste my bowl of popcorn by throwing it on the TV screen, yelling at those hopeless romantics to find another person to love as if I knew love myself better than the scriptwriters did.

Yet right now I found myself in the same situation as those hopeless romantics in the TV shows. The only difference was: Eros struck his arrow in my heart with Song Minho’s name engraved in it.

I looked at him wistfully as he mumbles something incoherent while waving the bottle of his nth alcoholic drink mid-air. He was completely intoxicated obviously.

I never figured myself to fall in love with Mino. It came suddenly. The feeling surges through me like regaining air from being choked.  He is my friend ever since we moved in next door to Taehyun’s. Everybody in our small town was friends. Everyone was friendly. Everyone got along pretty well.

I was broken out from my thoughts when I heard bottles clinking. I immediately put a hand on one bottle to stop it from rolling down to the ground, breaking into pieces like my heart will mean to be.

“Mino, you have had enough.” I spoke softly like coaxing a little baby from crying while I snatched the bottle out of his hand and safely putting it on the further side of the wooden table.

He turned his hooded hazy eyes on me which, intoxicated or sober, still cages me with numerous feelings inside of me. I could not bear to hold his gaze any longer so I averted, and focused on the abandoned unfinished bottles instead.

I took a half-filled bottle and took a swig directly from it, and winced at the taste of it. I wiped my wet lips and turned to him, feeling the courage starting to surge into my veins.

“Enough?” He chuckles bitterly and took the bottle from me and took a swig from it, his face scrunching obviously from the taste of having a large amount of alcohol running down through his throat; he dramatically smashes it down on the wooden table, making the rest of the bottle to jolt and clink from the force. “She did not even have had enough of me, then why should I? .”

He muttered the last word, but my ears still caught it. My spirit has dampened even more, and I pushed my inner fan boy on the back of my mind, leaving him hopelessly fanboying over how Mino and I have indirectly kissed over a beer bottle.

“I have practically worked my on wooing her to keep her happy. Why!”

“I should not have agreed to this stupid !”

“Why was I in too much of a hurry?! My father pressured me! He says a man in his twenties should find someone to be his partner for life already or else he will think I am gay! Ha!” He scoffed. “Me?” He scoffed and shook his head, and I did not know whether because he thinks it was impossible or it was possible but he was not going to accept it.

I let him be. I allowed him to let out string of curses. I allowed him to talk rapidly, and I was there, just sitting, giving the love of my life his freedom to rant, because I knew I cannot. I knew I cannot let out what pain and love I have in my life to him.

He rested his head down hopelessly on the table, his chest heaving from heavy breaths after long minutes of letting everything in his chest out, and his eyes starts to droop.

“Sometimes I wish I had the power to turn back time and change every wrong turns I made.”

I was not sure, and I definitely do not want to make any assumption. My heart is on the verge on falling down from an Olympus-height cliff, but something swirled in his eyes other than regret that made my heart skipped a beat.

Was it admiration I detected?

I shook my head from the absurd thoughts and assumed it was just the alcohol kicking in.  I knocked my head with my knuckle gently to at least clear my mind off things and focus on how to get this heavy man home.

He groaned from his drunken sleep and left his mouth slightly ajar.

I could not help but stare at his thin lips. I have been dreaming about it on mine way back in high school where I used to purposely lag on my locker just to see him pass by and ogle at his impeccable behind.

I smiled, feeling nostalgic. I was so hopelessly in love with him ever since our high school years when I sneaked at him on the auditorium. He was rehearsing his first ever rap performance in front of the public and on stage.

I have heard him rap before, but it was for fun, something the three of them used to do during free hours. When I saw him on that stage, the spotlight lone on him; the passion wrapping around him as he splutter out those words sends me an intense feeling of admiration of his love for his talent.


I fell in love with him like how he fell in love to perform.

I caressed his hair to the back although it was already gelled neatly, making him look cooler and more handsome.

When people are drunk, they mostly forget about what happened last night, right? All of the memories from the night before wipes out, right? If so, then I will just have one kiss.

Just one kiss is all I am ever going to ask for. Nothing more, nothing less.

I won’t hope for your love anymore. An unconscious kiss would not hurt you, Mino.

I slowly leaned my head down, my heart racing on its own.

“Jieun.” He muttered under his breath, but I caught it. It felt as if I was sentenced to death. That was my call. That was my heart’s call to finally jump over from the cliff down to the angry waves crashing against the cliff’s end.

Something gleamed in the corner of my eye, and I turned around to look at it, and there it was: Mino’s engagement ring, resting calmly on his ring finger, yet it gleamed onto the corner of my eye as if it had seen what I was about to do.

Well, do not worry. I leaned away and took my phone out of my pocket.

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Doe-eyed, pale complexion, plain, normal, mundane --- that was what I was along with several hormonal teenager acting like barbarians on the back of the van.

Minutes later, the trees banished from my vision and the vehicle’s door was slid open; I immediately jumped out from the car and made a beeline towards the back.

When I was to reach my luggage, something warm against my back made the little hairs on my back sprang up. Another hand reached to my luggage first and hauled it off from the vehicle to the ground.

“Let me help you with that, hyung. It seems heavy.” He said, chewing a piece of gum. He grins at me, and I could only purse my lips and duck my head to hide my flushed face.

“N-no, Mino.” A big round of applause for me, for I have received the award for being Mr. Obvious-by-stuttering. Yippee! I mentally punched myself for acting stupid.

“I can manage to carry my luggage.” I gulped then looked up at him, still grinning down at me. I reached over to my luggage when he stopped me by holding my hand, halting me immediately. I gulped again hardly; my eyes bulging out from its socket. My poor teenage heart was leaping out of my ribcage. My poor lungs must had been tired from pumping out air too fastly.

I hid it pretty well. I hid my incessant inner turmoil within. I tried my best to hide it.

He just laughed at me like I had told him a non-sense revelation like I am a super hero and sorts.

I glared at him, suddenly my mood shifting. He does not dare underestimate me. I yanked my luggage from his hold. “I told you: I can manage, Mino.” I told him firmly, stomping my foot on the ground for emphasis and walked away from him swiftly before I changed my mind and let him take my luggage or carry me instead.

Sometimes I did not understand myself.

The sun rested down onto the horizon too quickly, and everybody was already called out of their rooms for dinner.

In the midst of loud chattering in the dining area and some subtly trying to start a food fight, Mino’s knee bumped against mine. I looked at him and raised a questioning brow. What is it? I mentally asked. He indeed wanted to ask something because he leaned in and open his mouth to tell me when a big blob of pasta smashed square on his cheek. Some of its sauce spluttered on my cheek from its force.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself when someone in the room stood up and shouted:

“Food fight!!” He screamed his lungs out and on cue: everyone started to stand up, grabbing a fistful of food from their tray and threw aimlessly in the air. 

And there it started the colossal clashing of food in the dining area.

I was too dumbstruck in what was happening when a hand encased my wrist and pulled me under the table, breaking me into my thoughts.

“Whoever started this will surely taste death.” He broke the ice first, wiping the sauce on his cheek with the table napkin. I could still hear the loud war cry from my school mates and classmates, or maybe it was the food crying on the table, but everything seemed to tune down when Mino slowly turned his heads towards me. I took my gaze down and realized he was still holding my hand. He threaded our fingers delicately like it was woven perfectly for each other.

The table had a small space underneath, so our distance was too close for my liking.

I took every will I had in me to put more distance in between us. Whatever the reason he took me down here must be important.

“What were you going to say, Mino?” I queried, obviously trying to quicken things up, so I could finally get out under this table and out of this mess.

He blinked many times before setting the table napkin aside. His face was now completely pasta sauce-free. “I just wanted to ask you if you want to have a swim with me on the lake tonight. I am sure the teacher would not mind. I mean it is our last year in high school, of course.”

“Just you and me?” I queried again, and mentally face palmed myself at the realization that I sounded too hopeful or clingy. I groaned in annoyance and waved my hand in front of him as if I was erasing what I just had said from his mind. “Ugh. I did not mean it like that. Are the others invited too?” I took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh and looked at him courageously.

He laughed at me: his laughter that just simply took me out of this world. He shook his head, and ducked his head and covered his mouth to stop his laughter but the shaking of his shoulders says otherwise.

“You are so cute, hyung.”

Four words that simply bazooka my heart out to space.

“So…” he continued. “Are you coming with me or not?” He laid out an open palm.

I stared at his luring eyes for a moment before speaking: “I should change some clothes, shouldn’t I?”

A smile etched onto his face, and I knew that he knew that I was going to come with him for a swim. He nodded at my question. “I know hyung. I should too.”

We stared at each other’s eyes for a moment when the doofus broke the silence first.

“First one to come to the lake wins!” He declared and completely zoomed out underneath the table in a whoosh. I was surprised and left wondering how he went out that fast. I just laughed and shook my head at his childishness and ran out from underneath the table shortly after he did, covering my head from the still on-going food fight.

* * *

I went to the lake as fast as I could, only clad in a white shirt and my boxer.

I was not surprised to see him there first, standing on the lakeshore gazing in a distance. I smirked inwardly and took out my sneaking skills Seunghoon used to teach me. I was on tippy toes and was about to scare the heck out of him, but he spoke before I could even broke his eardrums.

“Tsk tsk. Jinwoo hyung you should really learn the sneaking skills from the master.” He spoke like those old wushu masters in the movies and turned around to face me.

“Master Seunghoon has taught me well.” I said proudly, riding along with him.

He quirked up a grin and then looked past his shoulder. “If he did, then I challenge you a race towards that boat.” I responded him with a challenging glint in my eye; I smirked at him and dramatically cracked my knuckles.

“Not a problem, Song Minho.” I scoffed playfully. “Easy as pie.”

We took off our shirts, and it took me a lot of willpower not to look longer than usual at his body. Goodness, I want to munch on it like chocolate, letting it melt on his abdomen. Stop with the weird thoughts!

“You know…” He stopped for a moment dramatically and I looked at him, confused as to why he stopped. He quirked a smirk at me with raised brow and continued. “You can stare all you want; I do not mind. Take a picture if it is not enough.” He winked at me, and my mouth literally dropped open, gaping at him by his egoistic words.

I was loss at words, so I manage to punch his shoulder hardly; it could have broken my knuckles. Yay for being skinny!

“I am so going to beat you, Mino.” I scrunched my brows in annoyance at how he could make my heart pound in my chest hardly in seconds.

“Oh, we will see about that. The one who loses will treat dinner.” He grinned smugly. He leaned down and pressed his soft lips on my cheek, and he whispered, his lips still hovering above my cheek “Good luck with that, hyung,” My soul jumped out of its vessel from the occurrence. I became rigid from shock.

I was broken out from my state when I heard laughing.

“You big cheat!” I shouted at him as I plunged into the water, so I quickly went after him as far as my limbs could, “I was not yet ready!” and plunged into the water; I stretched and wheeled both my hands and legs in , putting my swimming lesson during summer into use.

After how many and kicking of legs against the water, I have finally felt the hard wood of the boat, so I stopped and resurfaced, taking in very quick breaths. I should have eaten more vegetables for dinner.

I thread my fingers through my wet hair to it back, so it would not cover my eyes. My eyes scanned for a familiar figure and there I saw him newly-resurfacing from the waters. God forbid my thoughts. Everything slowed down as he whipped his head gently and smoothed his hair to the back as he took in deep breaths and swam closer to the boat.

I bet he did not saw me yet for he kept an award-winning grin. Well, let us see if you could retain that grin of yours, Mister. I smirked and gripped the edges of the boat and popped my head out for his view.

I puckered my lips into a shape of “o” my gesture attempt of yelling “boo!’ at him; or I was going to say something in between the lines of “haha in your face Mino” but his gaze lodged the words in my throat. I was unable to let what I had been practicing in my mind because of it. Our eyes locked into a comfortable silence encasing us. His eyes swirled different things in one moment, throwing my heart in somersaults.

He spoke first, soft and calm, like the night breeze. “Hi.”

I smiled at him; the corner of my eyes crinkling a little bit. “Hi.” My heart was already pounding against my chest.

“Dinner?” His eyes gleamed with a promise of something else.

So he knew I was the one who came here first. I smiled again, thanking for the cold temperature for not making my pink-tinged cheeks unnoticeable. I nodded at him. “Dinner.” I smiled, reflecting the promise his eyes h

“Would you like to take this old chap to dinner too? Or would you be kind enough to GET OFF MY BOAT!”

They were both broken out from their dreamy gazes and whipped their heads to see an old fisherman, his arms crossed, and both of his eyebrows raised. They quickly swam away from the boat. They arrived to shore, and both of them immediately broke down in a fit of laughs.

                                                ==============================================

I had always fantasize of the time when Mino would come up in front of me, embarrassed as heck, as he hands out a scented colored-paper--- the paper that contains his deepest affection for me.

What I did not expect is that he would truly come up on my doorstep with the same paper in hand, but the only thing that shatters my fantasy is that: it did not contain what I like for it to contain.

I sighed. Fantasies are not true. They never do.

“Will you come?” I looked up from gazing on the pink paper to meet his eyes. He spoke nervously, and I did not know why. He was rocking on his heels back and forth and biting his lip in the process and his eyes did not seem to want to look at me directly.

I tapped the paper against my palm as I zero down my eyes on him. He was in a white and navy vertically-striped button-up shirt; the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and blue jeans. He looked hot, and ready for a fun date outdoors.

Meanwhile, I was at home, and being at home means wearing comfortable clothes. It was a Saturday---my day off from working in the office. So I wore my usual home clothes---which is synonymous to hideous and embarrassing.

“Is there a reason not to?” I spoke, not meeting his eye, trying to hide the tone of retort in me. If stares could burn, this paper in my hand had already turned into ashes on the ground.

His eyes widen for a moment, surprised at my response. He slowly nodded and kept his eyes on me. I feel so little under his scrutiny.

“I do not know. Is there?”

Yes, there is.

I took in a deep breath and faced him again.

“I will be there.” I gave him a firm nod before stepping back and closing the door on his face. Before it completely could, a foot stepped in between the jam and the edge of the door, halting it from closing.

“Promise me, hyung.” I looked into his eyes that held so much plea. It was a miracle that I was still standing there firmly and not wavering.

I forced a smile at him and discreetly crossed my finger on my back. “Of course, Mino. I shall be there, I promise.”

                                                                                   ===============================

On the eve of the wedding, I did not come. I kept glancing at the opened-letter beside me briefly then looked back up to the stars again. I took the bottle beside me in my hand and took a sip. My face contorts from the bitter taste i

They say when you wish upon a star; your dreams come true.

I have wished for Mino longer than any love struck person would do.

In a place where every man should comply the responsibility of marrying a woman when he comes into the right age, I was fortunate enough for my father to leave me to do what I wanted with life.

My father has given me the responsibility to be responsible of myself.

Then I came to realize, that Mino was a dead star.  

I have kept clinging on the dead star, which was loving Mino. The idea of being with him forever—like any star; it kept shining, but it was long lost already—the hope and dream was long dead already.

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/hides from complete embarrasment