~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"I love you..." 
"I know... I'm sorry, Jongin I.." 
"Tae, you're my life. I'll never let you go and I know you can succeed." 

He woke up from his sleep, it had been 5 years and he still dreamt about it. 
5 years ago, the night before his debut he didn't only let go of his youth he also let go of his love. 
"If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another." He mumbled for himself in the dark. 
He realized it 5 years ago, and have since then said it, again and again.
Then Jongin debuted. 
He is happy about it, but it makes everything harder. 

Taemin knows that there is some sort of gravity in between them. 
Somehow they always end up beside eachother without even thinking about it.
Having Jongin around him is comfortable, his touch is home, he is love. 
But on stage, they can't. 
While millions of eyes are watching them, he can't meet Jongin's eyes. 
The eyes that he knows still hold love for him. 
He can't meet them.
Can't destroy their lives. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"It's important to showcase your friendship, the fans will love it. Don't hold back, you boys have known each other for ages, and I remember how close you used to be. 
Let's see around 10 years no? Best friends, show it, let them know." 
They sat there in the empty room afterwards. 
Taemin is sure he heard himself swallow, the air thick with tension, this is how it becomes when he can't run away from him. 
And when he chances a glance to the side. 
He sees Kim Jongin glancing at him. 
With a face more beautiful than 5 years ago.
With soft brown eyes.
With a small twinkle in them. 
With plush, pink lips. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"Artist of the year goes to.... SHINee!" 
The world was in slow motion. 
The EXO boys are at their table. Taemin's smile breaks out as Jonghyun pulls him up and hugs him hard.
They did it. 
They won artist of the year! 

"Tae," They are on stage, Jongin is holding him tightly. 
He throws a quick glance to the side to see that everyone is busy being happy, hugging, crying. 
"Tae, you did it" it's a soft murmur. 
Taemin's arms wraps around Jongin's middle, much like he is holding him currently. 
He know's what Jongin means. 
He did it, he succeeded. 
He feels it before he hears it, the small shiver running through Jongin's body and then the soft sound of sobs. 
Jongin's face is buried in his neck and Taemins arms wraps tighter around him.
"I did... Jongin, I did it." his smile gets wider and his own eyes fills with tears. 
"You're amazing, I told you, you could do it Tae. ." He sobs more and Taemin realizes that he can't let go of Kim Jongin, of the boy crying in his arms because he is happy Taemin managed to achieve his goal. 
"I'm so happy for you," Taemin smiled at that. 
"Thank you" 
"I love you." He let go there walking of the stage with his group, drying his tears away with the back of his hand. 
Taemin was lost, he just knows that the tears kept flowing down his cheek even when he was in the van on his way home.     
He still loves Jongin, as much as Jongin still loves him. 
And no matter how much he tries to tell himself that he is over him, he isn't. 
He has always known it, just not wanting to admit it. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"You know, I don't think I'm good enough as a rapper... And it doesn't make Jonghyun hyung's song justice, can I suggest someone else as a rapper manager hyung?" He fiddled with his shirt as he held the phone in his hand. The palm of his hand is sweaty and he is nervous, what if they say no and he isn't allowed to make a solo debut.
"Who did you have in mind Taemin?" He took a deep breath.
"...EXO's Kai?" His manager chuckled softly. 
"Sure, I'll check and see what the company would think about a best friend collaboration." 
"Really?" He smiled.
"Thank you hyung." 
The relief was indescribably. 

"P-R-E-Double T-Y, PRETTY BOY!" They bowed and the stage went dark as they where sent down backstage. 
He didn't really think as he threw himself at Jongin, happily laughing about the best stage he has ever done in his life. 
A solo debut and a song featuring Jongin.
It was a dream come true for them. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"Are you gay?" Taemin opens his eyes startled.
"What?" 
"I wondered if you where gay," he frowns.
"Hyung, you have known me since debut, please don't be like that.. Just because I'm a little femeni-" he got a IPad in his lap and he looked down.
~ Shinee's maknae Taemin spotted on a midnight date with best friend Exo's Kai ~ 
"You are the hot topic, dispatch caught you guys hanging out." 
"What...?" He scrolled down the site seeing pictures from last week, when he and Jongin where free and decided to go out to hang. 
It was innocent picture of the both of them walking by the river. 
He scrolled further down, seeing a picture of them sharing that Ice cream because one for each of them would have been to much, considering their diets.... And oh no, they got a picture of his back when Jongin pulled him into a hug and kisses his head. 
He started shaking.
Hyperventilating. 

"Relax... Come back to me, come on..." He opened his eyes softly, meeting Kibum's worried eyes, as he pulled him into a bone crushing hug. 
He noted that he was in his room back at the dorm,  he must have fainted in the car after the dispatch pictures. 
"Hyung, I can't breath..." He wheezed, and Kibum let go of him quickly. 
"Is this how you will start reacting to half scandals? You've been in the business for ages, darling you can't just faint because some paparazzi caught you having a good time with your best friend." He frowned lightly. 
"I... I just.. Hyung, he is more than that.." It came out like a soft whisper, but Kibum heard it. 
"Then Darling why didn't you say anything?" He sat down beside him his back softly. 
"Because.. I've been doing everything to stop it.. To not let it take over.. Our careers are doomed now.." Kibum his hair softly, seeing how Taemin's eyes slowly fills with tears. 
"Is that what you are worried about?" 
"Our country doesn't accept it, people will find it weird, we'll be thrown out of the company, hated on and we won't be able to work anywhere because everyone knows..." More broken sobs left him. 
"Baby, everyone loves you. Calm down. It's okay, it's okay to love... I thought you already knew that... Your career isn't over, your fans see it as a little skin ship between friends, like me and Jonghyun, they like it, they don't need to know how deep your feelings are more than that you care for each other which is obvious since you've known each other for so long." He smiled at him softly. 
"Manager hyung already thinks it's not true, even though he probably wouldn't really care. Jongin told the company it was ridiculous of dispatch to crash your bff date and the company bought it, relax okay, no one will judge you." 
Taemin cried away the night in his arms, being thankful for being a SHINee member, for having friends- no family like Kibum, like all of s really. 
He was thankful and in safe hands. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"Hello?" 
"Jongin?" 
"Yeah, is everything alright?" 
"Are you free tonight?"
"I was going to get some chicken with the guys..." 
"Oh..."
"Why?"
"No nothing! Have fun!"
"Tae, you don't call for nothing, why did you want to know if I was free tonight?" 
"I... wanted to know if you wanted to come over and play some games with me, but-"
"Yeah, I do. I'll be there in 15." 

"You where going to hang out with your group!" Was the first thing Taemin stated as he opened the door of their dorm for Jongin. 
He just pulled him into a rough hug ignoring the statment that was thrown in his face. 
"I brought chicken." 
They spent the rest of the night in Taemin's room. On the floor playing playstation games and laughing at each other's uselessness.  
"It's like back in the days" he was leaning his head on Kai's shoulder, playstation controller on the floor in front of them as the ending credit of the game they played through rolled on the screen.
"Mm, it is..." 
He felt how Kai pushed him away gently, before swooping down and kissing him softly.
"Like back in the days." 
He is certain that he blushed, because Jongin had a disgusting smirk on his face that didn't leave until Taemin threw him out about 3 hours later. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"How well do you know Kai?" 
"Me? I know him better than he knows himself."
"100%?" 
"120." 

"Tell Taemin I know him 200%."
"Really?"
"I know everything, we don't have secrets." 

"Who is Taemin to you?" 
"My friend Taemin is, forgetful, he is like a black hole, he loses everything. He is obssesed with practicing, he works hard, always doing his best and giving his all into everything. He's passionated and greedy, he wants to keep on developing because he is never satisfied.
He's beautiful." 

"Leave him a message which he will answer later." 

"Kai left these questions for you when we interviewed him, please answer them well." The PD-nim smiled at Taemin.

"How do you feel these days?" Jongin's voice echoed through the studio and Taemin smiled looking into the camera.
"Same as you,"
"What's your happiness?" Taemin looked down thinking before smiling at the camera again.
"Your happiness."
"I miss you." 
Taemin blushed lightly still smiling, 
"But we see each other every day, how can he miss me?" He rolled his eyes softly to the camera. 
"I'll call you" 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"Stay with me..." It was soft but Jongin stopped mid move to turn around and look at him.
"Huh?" 
"I'm.. I'm alone tonight do you want to stay with me..?" He asked softly and Jongin smiled. 
"Yeah I do." 
He closed the door behind them only to feel how Jongin's arms wraps around him.
"Am I, allowed to love you?" Taemin shivered softly. But shock his head, it would be too hard to ignore the feelings if he actually tasted them again, admitting they still exist for himself was hard enough already.
"Please, Tae..." Taemins eyes closed as he leaned back against the toned chest he hasn't relaxed against for so long. 
"I'll regret it..." He murmured. 
"I take it." It hurt him, how Jongin was okay with everything, as long as he could love him for a while. 
He hated how he had destroyed him, as the older one he was no good. 
He is no good as anything he corrected his head.
He felt lips on his neck, kissing softly, and he knew he couldn't deny it in anyway. 

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~

"I love you, Kim Jongin" he was laying on his stomach, the sunlight pouring inside from the window. 
Jongin was beside him, on his back. The sun shone beautifully at him but not as beautiful as the smile that was gracing his lips. 
"I know, I love you too Tae." Taemin buried his face in Jongin's side. Feeling like he's 14 again, blushing, because the other really hot trainee boy Kim Jongin totally liked him back. 

He took the first step to make them happen, but he also took the step that destroyed them. 
He knows that Jongin deserves better.
But when he is laying in bed, Jongin's arms around him while he is softly his hair. 
Jongin smiling because he is with him. 
He decides that he can be selfish. 
He wants Kim Jongin for himself.
So he will keep him.
He'll pay the price when he needs to.
Because he knows that if he really want's one thing, he'll have to give up on another thing.

~ [If you really want one thing, you have to give up on another] ~