He lingers outside your apartment, pushing back the entirely too logical voice in the back of his mind telling him how disturbing this situation would seem to passersby- a man, clad in black from head to toe, standing in the shadows; it didn’t matter. He had to see you, to explain to you… Drawing in a staggered breath, he takes a wary step towards your front lawn, treading on the nearly bald grass; scorched from the summer sun. His gait falters as he catches his own feet, standing stock still in the middle of the path leading to your door. Remember what you have to say, you’ve said it all before…

Forcing down the lump in his throat proves more difficult than he expects, the gulp is hard and harsh, leaving a persistent ache there- it seemed appropriate for his voice to fail him now, it was the only thing that could win you over, his voice, his words… your mercy… He deep sigh is all that emerges from him as he picks up the courage he needs before finding himself at your door- his heart beats harder and harder as he readies himself for rejection; but he needed you to hear him.

He knocks on the door and waits. Sweat builds on his forehead and trails down in a droplet, he wipes it away with the back of his hand as the door creaks open. There you stand, squinting out of the darkened hallway into the light of dusk, you look tired and forlorn as you furrow your brows at the angular man before you. Concern for him passes as you steel yourself, crossing your arms and leaning on the doorframe.

“What do you want, Chanyeol?” The control in your voice shakes him to the bone, you were never one to watch your words- you were normally so carefree and welcoming; your neutralistic tone scared him. Finding his voice- albeit shaky- he holds his hands out in front of his, defensively.

“Please appreciate that I’m choosing my words carefully… I don’t want you to misunderstand.” You raise your eyebrows at this, his seriousness showing how he’d obviously thought long and hard about what he had to say- yet you were still hurt.

“What is there to misunderstand? You left, without a word, for months. You left for months after I tell you I love you.” Not bearing to allow him to see your expression, you close your eyes and turn your head skywards. You take a breath. “I think it’s quite simple to understand, don’t you?” Chanyeol cringes.

“Please… hear me out?” You nod, lowering your gaze to his broken stare. He takes a shaky breath before starting.

“Before I come to meet you, I have all the conversations I want to have with you in my head- I play them out, every word, every sentence- because when I’m with you, my mind is so enraptured by everything that you are that I can’t think.” He pauses, seeing if his words are settling before continuing.

“And when I say ‘you’, I don’t just mean the words you say, of the hair you comb or the clothes you choose; I mean everything that makes you, you. The ideas that you make reality, the faith that you stand by, the kindness that you spread to everyone around you.” You stare at him, unmoving as he takes a step closer to you. You don’t step away. He reaches for your hand, trembling as his fingers tap along your skin before intertwining with yours. He searches your eyes, you feel bare underneath his intense gaze.

“You are the light that tears down the darkness and I’m so blinded by that light that- for a while at least- it made my forget myself; and that scared me.” Suddenly, his legs give way and he’s kneeling at your feet, your eyes widen as you stare down at him. As if nothing would break him from his speech, he continues.

“After this time away from you, I’ve realised that I’d never gone anywhere, I just grew. I just changed- and that’s okay. I grew into a better person with you, and that is why I throw myself at your feet- at your mercy- to beg for your forgiveness. I’m sorry I ever ran from any change you brought to me, I’m sorry that I thought you were at fault, and I’m sorry; I’m sorry that I ever left you. Will you forgive me?”

You blink in awe, his words had touched your heart, how could you not forgive him after everything he’d said? To be cared for to this point… was anyone cared for like this? You kneel down, level with him as you squeeze his hand and run your free hand through his hair. At your sweet embrace, tears spill from his eyes- he’d missed how you would be so gentle with him. Your smile sends him overboard as you shake your head, disbelief of how he could still be so shaken and nervous amused you slightly.

“Of course I forgive you, you complete and utter sap.” You throw your arms around his neck as you hear him let out a broken sob. His arms slowly close around your back, holding you as if you were made of glass.

“I love you, Y/N.” You feel him shake as he sobs, feeling his tears roll down your neck as he hides his face in the crook of your neck. You pull away and cup his face, looking deep into his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He smiles with relief as he presses an unsteady kiss on your lips. He was home.