‘Just because it’s over, doesn’t mean the love ends… It’s easy to break a relationship but the love you feel is hard to break and sometimes it is impossible to break and get over.’
I am listening to the radio on my way home as I drive my car. I cannot help but to agree on what the caller said to the DJ. I actually love this relationship and moving on segment on SM radio show so I quite listen to it a lot these past few months.The caller seems to be having trouble moving on from her past relationship so I can relate to her story.
It’s been six months since my relationship lasted, and I couldn’t help but to think about her all the time.
Everywhere I go is filled with her and everything I see is all her.
Just this car I’m driving was given by her.
I couldn’t help but to imagine her sitting beside me at the passenger seat as she beams that beautiful smile.
‘I love you.’ she said to me
‘You’re an idiot, Tiffany.’ I replied to her as I concealed the fluttering feelings I felt that time and tried hard not to smile like a stupid love sick teenager.
I was too prideful to admit that I love her too.
I shrug upon my thoughts and focus on the present time. Anyway, I shouldn’t think about the past things and focus upon my future more.
I arrive to my house and fumble my keys to open the door. I go straight up on the couch and flop myself there.
I am so tired.
I enjoy the peaceful comfort that the couch is giving me but suddenly, it isn’t peaceful anymore.
I just remember, this couch was given by her too.
‘Taeyeon, what’s you favorite color?’ she asked me as we were walking on a furniture store, apparently, she needed a new book stand for her room and I accompanied her to buy one
‘Tiffany, that’s a children’s question. We’re both adults here.’ I said to her
‘Okay, who invented the microscope?’ she queried playfully
‘Blue, Tiffany…Blue is my favorite color.’ I said to her and she looked disappointed
‘Why Blue? Pink is better!’
‘Tiffany, I’m not you.’
‘Oh, look at that couch. The design looks cute.’ she made an admiring comment towards the pink couch
‘I think the blue one is much better… It looks cool.’ I suggested
‘Do you want that couch?’ she asked out of the blue
‘We’ll buy that.’ she said eagerly
‘Tiffany, how about your book stand?’ I asked
‘I don’t care about the book stand, what matters to me is you.’
And there goes my heart.
I sat up and happened to look at my TV.
Even my TV reminds me of her. Oh, that 69 inches flat screen TV was given by her too.
She used to come over my house and we cuddled on the same couch she gave me as we watched those corny chic flicks she likes. Eww.
‘Taeyeon, you’re sleeping, wake up.’ she whined
‘I don’t care, go away.’ she moved even more closer to me and hugged me tightly
‘Nope, I won’t move. Not even a hair strand apart from you.’ she said
I wasn’t able to form a decent reply.
My brain malfunctioned and so as my heart.
But that I wouldn’t dare to tell her because I still chose to believe that I wasn’t serious about her.
The traffic’s hell, slow as the pace of my moving on.
I went to the kitchen to drink some water to clear of my thoughts.
But that .
Even that ing fridge was given by her.
I cook my dinner on the stove and I wear my apron. I could just imagine how she used to give me some back hugs as I cooked dinner for us before.
‘Hi.’ she said as she gave me a bone crushing back hug
‘Tiffany, I’m cooking.’
‘Did you like the fridge I sent?’ she asked softly, her hands were calmly moving from my shoulder to my wrist.
‘Tiffany, of all the things that you could give, why a fridge?’ I asked still trying to focus upon my cooking
‘Because ,whenever you shop for groceries and fill that refrigerator up. I want you to remember that my love for you is full.’
‘Because it will never be empty.’
Warning, brain malfunction is occurring…
Then, I felt her moved and I can feel her hand inside my shirt as they roam around slowly on my waist.
‘You smell nice.’ she whispered huskily on my ear as she rested her head upon my shoulder
That was so sultry that I lost my senses and turned off the stove. I turned around and grip her shoulders.
This girl will be the cause of my death someday.
‘We’ll have a different dinner tonight.’
She bought me a new table the next day.
I’m not going to say what we did on that table but I didn’t set my feet on the kitchen for two days after that night.
My thoughts were interrupted when I smelled something burning.
I ing burned my dinner and it’s all her fault.
I skipped dinner then I went to the bathroom to wash my face and sleep on the bed at my room.
Only god knows what I remember about her in these places.
I close my eyes and wonder how can my past self be such a jerk towards her? Thinking about the thing I should’ve done.
I should’ve loved her more.
I should’ve shown it.
I should’ve said it.
I should’ve let her known.
But I didn’t.
Because I thought I wasn’t serious about her.
Causing for her to have some doubts.
‘Where were you last night? I called you 15 times already and you weren’t picking it up!’ she said angrily as she stood in front of my door and I scoffed
‘That’s the point Tiffany, you called me fifteen times that I almost wanted to throw my phone because it rings so loud.’
‘That’s because I was worried about you! You didn’t answer my question.’
‘I was working over time, okay?’ I said in frustration
‘Well, I was working too, but I make sure I have time for you!’
‘You have so much time that it chokes me to death already!” I finally said
‘What do you mean?’ tears were threatening to fall on her eyes
‘Let’s break up.’
I hated my past self for saying those words.
‘I…You…T-Taeyeon…No, l-let’s talk a-about this…I’m s-sorry… I…’
‘Let’s end this.’ She looked down and chuckled bitterly
This shouldn’t be the three words I should’ve said to her.
‘After all I’ve done, did you even love me? Even just once?’ she asked and I did not know how to respond
‘If that’s what you want. Good bye Taeyeon. Thanks for everything.’ she said and ran towards her car and drove fast.
I swear, I heard her sobs and it broke my heart.
Because I just realized that I was serious all along.
I never loved anyone so I did not recognize the feeling.
But I feel it all along.
It was love, but I missed it.
I decided to end my torture.
I went to Tiffany’s house to apologize and get back with her and finally give her something for once.
Thoughts running on my mind….
‘Am I too late?’
‘What if she won’t accept me?’
‘What if she hates me?’
I finally saw the one I’ve been waiting to see for six months.
The one I hurt the most.
The one I’ve taken for granted.
The one that gave me everything but instead I gave her heartache.
‘Taeyeon?’ she asked surprisely
‘I’m sorry… I was a jerk… I shouldn’t hurt you that way. I didn’t give you importance and took you for granted.’ I said
‘Did you even love me? Even just once?’ she asked a familiar question and I finally got an answer
‘I did and I still do love you… I never ceased to love you.’
‘I know, I don’t deserve this but…Please love me again?’ I asked as I hold up a box of ring
But, she just stared at it.
I was too late.
She hates me.
I messed it up.
I’m heavily broken.
So, I decided to leave.
‘I… I know you don’t love me anymore….I-I’m sorry about this…I-I should go.’ I said as I turned back and heard her speak
'Nice ring' she said
‘Just because it’s over, doesn’t mean the love ends… It’s easy to break a relationship but the love you felt is hard to break and sometimes it is impossible to break and get over.’ Tiffany said
I was happy…
I think I heard those words before?
‘Hey, that was the caller said to the DJ on the SM radio show!’ I said
‘Maybe, I was the caller? Tiffany said and smiled
‘Whoa!’ (Mind ing blowing, lmao)
‘Can I hug you?’ she asked
‘How about cuddle, on bed?’ I wittily suggested
‘We just get back together!’ she glared at me
‘Maybe you prefer the kitchen.’ I said and looked at her from head to toe
Thank you for the inventor of mini-skirts!
Bless the clothing industry for this trend!
And this is the time for me to do the things I should've done. If you love someone, be vocal. Show it through action. Let them know.
Not proof read.