A short drabble, September because I wrote this draft last September. I have some drafts I made last year, maybe I should update it in the coming days. Pardon for grammatical errors.
In that Cold Month of September, I Realized How Cold these Roses Meant
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been wondering why flowers are special. Why do people use them to communicate or express their feelings to somebody every Valentine’s day or in every important occasions like baptismal, weddings, birthdays or even funerals.
‘Feelings and flowers are connected with one another.’
My friend Taeyeon always tell this words to me.
Taeyeon loves flowers a lot. She dreamed of becoming a florist and building her own flower shop one day. Ever since we were on grade school, Taeyeon and I are always together. We just can’t live without one another.
‘We’re just inseparable!’
That’s what we always say to people who ask why we are always together.
I remember when Taeyeon and I first met.
We were on our 4th grade on primary school. I was a loner, I did not want to talk to anyone so I always sit in the last row alone. There was this bubbly little girl, with her short bob hair who gave me Pink roses.
“Here! Take this.”
She handed me the roses with a smile on her face, I awkwardly took the pink roses and just looked at her as if I was asking what was it for.
“Can I be your valentine?” she asked as she gave that beautiful smile to me.
That smile that made me say
Since then, I celebrate every Valentine’s Day with Taeyeon… we became best of friends so it’s comfortable between us. Each year, Taeyeon give me Pink roses. I started to wonder why she gave me pink roses every year so I asked her as we sat on a park bench besides each other.
“Why do you give me pink roses instead of the red ones?” I asked her as I held her hand in mine
“Pink roses symbolizes admiration, friendship and platonic love… You’re my friend and I love you…” she told me
“I want a different color next Valentine’s Day.” I told her
“Why?” she asked innocently
“I like pink but I got a lot of pink from you already… I want to know how important I am to you.” I told her
“You’ll always be the most important person in my life.” she said “It’s hard to win a friendship from a grumpy girl like you. I worked hard!” she laughed afterwards
“Yah, who’s grumpy?” I reacted
“You! Hahaha…Omo! Look Fany-ah… An Ice cream store!...Treat me there please?” she plead me with her beautiful smile and that smile made me say this word one more time, in a sighing manner.
God bless my wallet!
On the next Valentine’s Day, Taeyeon gave me a red and white stripped roses.
“Red and white?” I asked
“I thought you said you like other color?” she asked as we had our picnic in their garden
“Well, you gave me two colors.”
“Because it means two things.”
I looked at her as she explained
“It means togetherness and unity… Our bond is a strong one and nothing can break what we have.” she said
“Some people only give red roses… What does red roses means?” I asked
“Red roses means passionate or undying love.” She explained
“Taeyeon, why do you like flowers?” I asked
“Because flowers symbolizes love, birth, unity, growth and connection…Flowers express feelings that can’t be express.” she told me
“Thank you, for the flowers… It’s a pity I haven’t gave you one since the 3 Valentine ’s Day we’ve spent together but here a friendship necklace. Don’t lose it!” I said
“T for Taeyeon?” she asked as she wear the necklace I gave her
“And T for Tiffany.” I said to her and she smiled at me and gave me that look I hate the most “Fany-ah, Can I borrow your phone? I want to play Space Impact!” she pleaded
“No.” I said
“Pretty please…” she gave me that smile and look that made me say this word again
“Alright…Yes! Yes! Fine! Just half an hour or my mom’s going to look for the 3310.” I told her as I gave her my first phone ever.
“Gee, thanks you’re the best!” and she gave me that hug, so tight that I could not forget it up today
And there goes our childhood.
Every Valentine’s Day I spent with her, it felt so warm.
Fast forward on our high school days, pretty much the same I guess. We’re still as strong as ever, always together every day, not until there comes a time when I got sick and I did not go to school for a week. Taeyeon came knocking on my door with a flower on her hand.
“Camellias?” I asked
I could not forget how soft and round the petals of the flower is. It’s the gentlest thing I ever saw.
“It means, deep longing for the heart for your beloved…I missed you.” she said
“I was sick the whole week. I’m sorry, I miss you too…”
“Oh, I got another flower for you…” she said as she scrammed on her paper bag. “Here.”
“Get well soon.” she said as she smiled at me that gave me hopes and happiness that made me said this word again
And there comes this Valentine’s Day, I was expecting for everything to be the same as last years. But what I did not realize is that this Valentine’s Day will be the coldest one I can ever have.
I walked up on Taeyeon’s home room to ask her about our date but I saw her walking in the hallway with a boy while holding red roses on her hand. She was smiling so bright while she was talking to the boy. I figured out maybe she was busy so I left and went back to my home room.
Then, there was this boy who asked me to be his date on that Valentine’s Day.
I gladly accepted it.
On my way out of my room, I passed by the hall way, I saw red roses with a pink card on a trash bin.
‘Another unrequited love.’ I thought to myself as I walked side by side with my date.
I didn’t see Taeyeon on her home room.
It was already late when I got home. I saw Taeyeon standing in front of my house while holding blue roses.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked her as I saw her body shivering in cold
“I was waiting for you.” She said in a low voice
“H-How’s your date?” I asked her awkwardly
“Date?” she asked confusedly
“I saw you holding red roses as you were talking to a guy in your home room.” I explained
“I-It was fine.” She said in a monotonous voice as she refrained looking at me. “How’s yours?” she asked
“H-How did you know?” I asked her
“Nichkhun, he’s a nice boy.” She said as I tried to decipher the look in her eyes. It was unreadable, blank, it speaks nothing on it.
“Yes, he is.” I said as I looked at the roses on her hand. “Is that for me?” I asked
She nodded her head and gave me the roses.
“It is written on the card.” She said pertaining to the pink envelope attached to the flower
I was about to open it but she stopped me.
“Open it when I’m gone already.” She said
“Would you like to come in?” I asked her
“No, I have to do something. I’ll be going now, take care okay?” she said as she hugged me tightly
I pushed shoulder a bit so I can see her “Is everything okay Tae?” I asked worriedly
She just looked in my eyes and speak “You know, the flowers I gave you are not enough to express what you really mean to me.”
I never saw her again since that day, her family moved abroad and she didn’t even say goodbye to me.
I guess we’re not inseparable after all.
For the past seven months, I tried to recollect myself and contemplate:
What went wrong with Taeyeon and I?
Why was she so cold that she left without saying goodbye?
I was hurt, I lose my focus on everything that I lost the envelope she gave me. I tried to continue my life with new friends I have found. I even got closer to the boy I dated on that Valentine’s Day. But everything is not the same without Taeyeon. I’ve been wondering about what the Blue roses meant for months.
It had been a mystery to me.
I never knew what the blue rose meant until I found the lost envelope in the cold month of September. It was under my bed.
I opened the envelope and saw the necklace I gave her before, she gave it back to me. My heart can’t help but sunk as I hold it. I saw a card inside and read what’s written on it.
I realized a lot of things:
The red roses I saw she was holding was meant for me but I failed to recognize it.
In that cold month of September, I realized how cold these blue roses meant…
She loved me, and thought the love that she had was unattainable and left.
Now she’ll never know how I feel, her love is attainable, but it’s too late to say it now.