Pit pat

Pit pat

Pit pat…

The tiny blissful droplets fall on my window, announcing the arrival of yet another rainy day…and your sweet memories. I snuggle in my pillow and comforter more, trying hard to run away from these memories. But like every time, I fail. I close my eyes as a knock is heard on my bedroom door. Then I hear it open a creak.

'Kyungsoo?', a soft voice calls me. I try to find your sweetness in this voice but disappointment is my destiny. I hear footsteps coming closer and after few moments, I feel the bed weigh down as someone sits behind me.

'You should get up now', Chanyeol says softly, caressing my back soothingly. I lean in his touch, trying to find your warmth, which reminds me of how you woke me up in the morning.

'Hey Kyungie wake up now~', you whined, but I leaned in your chest smiling, eyes still close. 'If you won't wake up now, I'll do something which you'll regret', your threat made me open my eyes as you sat up on bed.

'Oh really?', I raised an eye brow. 'I want to see what you are going to do', I demanded, sitting up too. I didn't misunderstand that smirk and glint in your eyes, but I did misunderstood your innocence, as you pounced on me and push me back on bed, straddling my waist between your knees and your arms on either side of my chest.

'You don't know what you've gotten yourself into', you whispered huskily in my ear, sending shivers down my spine as well as . Too shocked, I just stare at your eyes, which, even in a cocky mood, held their warmth.

'I think I will enjoy the situation' I said, after recovering from shock. 'As long as I'm with you, I don't mind getting stuck anywhere'. My statement makes you smile warmly.

'I love you Yifan', I whispered.

'I love you too Kyungie', you whispered before leaning in for a sweet and innocent kiss which wasn't that innocent after a few seconds when everything got heated and passionate. I couldn't do anything else as the situation slipped right out of my fingers but in your influence, pain is the pure pleasure.

I smile at the memory of our morning love makings. I hear a sigh and turn around to see the disappointed look on Chanyeol's face.

'Kris would've wanted you to get up and eat something. Have you noticed how skinnier you've gotten?', worry was clear in his voice, so I slowly get up on bed because I don't want anyone to worry about me.

'Baek will make you breakfast, come down', he says, then kiss my forehead and went out of the room. I close my eyes, and try to resemble his affection with yours. But unlike anyone's kisses, your kisses were the sweetest thing I've ever encountered. Brushing off your thoughts, for just few minutes, I get off from bed and head to bathroom. After cleaning, brushing and changing, I go downstairs and smell something delicious. Hmmm french toast and cheese omelet, your favorite… I smile as another blissful memory of our morning crosses my mind.

'Yah~! Jagi, eat now!', your order made me chuckle and you looked at me with wide eyes.

'Make me', I ordered you back.

'Come on, eat now. I even made your favorite breakfast', you said.

'But Yifan, french toast and cheese omelet is your favorite', I said, and a mesmerizing blush creeps on your cheeks. 'But anyway, your favorite, my favorite', I said, picking up the fork and take one bite. Your oh-so-yummy toast and omlete makes me hungrier than before and I start shoving bigger bites in my mouth which made you laugh.

'It wasn't funny', I complained.

'You are cute', you pinched my cheek, which makes me blush.

Smiling to myself at the beautiful memory, I make my way to the table and sit down. Seeing my lightened up mood, Baekhyun smiles at me and places my breakfast in front of me. I pick up the fork and start eating.

'Kyung', Baekhyun calls me lovingly. I look up at him. 'Luhan said he and Sehun would like to take you to shopping, you mind them?'.

'Why would I mind?', I ask him softly which makes him smile. After a while Chanyeol joins us and we eat the rest of the breakfast in silence with them stealing quick and loving glances at each other occasionally, like we use to did. After breakfast, Chanyeol picks up the dishes and as he is busy with putting the dishes in the dishwasher, Baekhyun stands up and makes his way to where he is standing. Wrapping my hands around his waist, he leans my head on his back. I look at them for a moment.

'Guys, do you think I'm over Kris?', I ask sadly. Chanyeol turns around in hug and pulls Baekhyun closer to his chest.

'From my view, I see that you haven't moved over him. He is still in your heart. And you haven't done anything wrong yet but it really wouldn't matter, because knowing Krissince childhood, even he would've wanted you to share your pain with someone and being his best friend, I took this responsibility and promised him to take care of you'. His soft spoken words make my eyes tear up. Why did you left someone for me, when I don't even know if you are fine there or not? I complain inwardly, hoping you will surely hear my heart.

'I promise you Yifan, I will take care of your kyungsoo more than my own self', Chanyeol repeats his same words which he had said that day.

That dreadful day…

When everything was open to me…

And realization had hit me, knowing I'll be loosing you…

Sooner or later, but for sure…

I ran. I ran without hesitation, Sehun trailing behind me, calling me. But my mind was too fogged, and eyes blurred by tears. Rain drenched me to my skin. But I didnt stop. I had to reach you. Endless sobs escaped my mouth as my breathless chest heaved, but my legs never stopped. My actions came to halt when I reached the place I never thought to meet you.

Central Hospital…

I rushed in the hospital, and made way to the front desk, demanding your room number from lady sitting behind it.

Room number 306… I will never forget that number…

I rushed to the destined room. I opened the door with much more force than intended, which startled you. But your face soon turned warm.

'Look, the honey pot is here', your weak voice concerns me. I took wobbly steps towards the bed, on which you were lying. Reaching the foot, I lost my balance and fell to ground, Chanyeol and Baekhyun quickly came to my help. On your order, Chanyeol picked me up and put on your lap. Being wet and cold, I snuggled in your warmth, cryied endlessly, your soothing words seeped in my senses. When I got control on my sobs, you hugged me even closer.

'Chanyeol, will you take care of him?', you asked him. I looked up. He took your hand in his.

'I promise you Yifan, I will take care of your kyungsoo more than my own self', he spoke softly.

'Why are you leaving me?', I asked in shaky and broken voice, looking at the wires and tubes connected on your arm.

'Kyungie, I love you too much. But my time is here', you spoke too softly which made the fall of tears to continue. You took my face in your hands and made me look at you. And I saw it…

Saw what you meant…

Saw the tiredness in your eyes, the weakness in your movements, saw the lost shine of your skin…

But warmth was there…

Home was there, in your arms, but not for long…

'I have brain tumor. And I am in my worst condition now. But I won't be gone away from here completely. I live in your heart Kyungie. I may not be with you physically, but as long as you give me home in your heart, I am staying with you forever. You have my heart, and in the end we will be together. If not here, then definitely there', then you kissed me for the last time…

I tied your soft words to the string of my life, never letting go…

Then I heard it…

Heard your heart rate going down…

Saw your eyes drooping close, but never loosing their affection…

Then your body limped…

Chanyeol quickly pulled me away from you…

I saw it…

Saw with my own eyes…

The love of my life, the reason of my existence slipping away from my fingers…

I just stood and watch as your final breathes said goodbye to me…

But that angelic smile told me everything…

Told me where you are…

Up there, you are happy, but definitely waiting for me and our love to be reunited.

Chanyeol pulls me closer to himself as he and Baekhyun gives me a warm hug. They know where my memories are taking me as they can feel my silent tears falling. I look up at them and smile brokenly through tears, knowing it will make both of them and me as well feel better, as it was your way to make situation better.

I sit down in front of your bed, where you are sleeping, but sadly six feet under the ground. But that doesn't matter because I can feel your presence around myself. I run my fingers on the name engraved on the tomb stone.

Yi Fan Wu…

I smile and put the bouquet of red and white roses on your bed.

A single drop of rain falls on my cheek. I look up at the clouds, so warm, so clear, so affectionate, just like your eyes. Your lovely eyes…

Soon, it starts drizzling. I let those sheer blissful drops to caress my skin, drenching in them, assuming them as your unshed tears which I know you have in store for our love.

I promise you to live my life here fully before coming to you and sharing the love with you in store for you…

Wu Yifan I Love You…

Always…

Forever yours, Do Kyungsoo