author's note :

This chapter will be a long chapter.

Before, I apologize if there are so many errors in this fanfic, sorry for bad grammarvor typo(s). and thank you so much for giving support, thank you for subscribing and for your comments also.

I will evaluate myself again to become a better writer, so don't hesitate to give criticism or feedback to me :)

Thank you so much, I love you all~

I, toscadandelion, proudly present a final chapter :')

 

 

 

chapter 14

 

 

The weather is getting cold, Christmas will be here soon. Every year, Christmas Eve will be the most terrifying night for Hara, the longest night ever she spent alone without family. And now, when she gets back her family, when she thought that her Christmas Eve will be bright, everything is turned into a black hole.

"You're supposed to wear sweater, snow will soon fall," Leeteuk advice when Hara arrived at his office.

"This year I want Sulli in my home with Minho when christmas come. You and Taeyeon eonni could also come if you want," said Hara who strayed from the topic of their conversation.

Leeteuk's expression grew serious again, "you know I can‘t let her get out of here before she recovered,"

"Do you really think that Sulli will be cured? do you still insist to heal her? .. I'm okay if she is mentally ill, as long as she comes back to us," Hara said sincerely.

Leeteuk lost his words. Hara’s recognition shut him up.

"I want to talk to her," Hara said.

"Hara, don’t make the situation getting worse by talking to her, her emotion isn’t stable,"

"Is there any situation worse than this?"

Leeteuk let out a sigh.

"I can’t think of another way. I bet if the medicines you gave her will not help and also with the therapy, because we never knew her well, because we never understood her, we never knew what’s on her mind. We just need to talk to her, think of her as a normal person. One thing that I know is that she's just going to down in this place if we keep silent." Hara explained.

"We can’t confirm whether Sulli is ready to hear what you want to say or not. Likely she will reject all your words, her emotions getting out of control these days. I know you want to talk to her, but it could be very dangerous for you and for her," Leeteuk argued.

Hara sighed, "I know this might be dangerous, but this is the only way we can do. This is my way who already can’t wait for her recovery. I know it has risks. But maybe she'll realize if we talk to her, or probably the worst; she might be getting worse, but Oppa, we should take the risks,"

Leeteuk stared into Hara's brown eyes. He didn’t know in what way he broke again Hara’s beliefs that is very strong. Hara put a lot of hope, she was so confident and believe that a miracle will happen. Miracle, one thing that Leeteuk didn’t believe could happen in rehab.

"Just this time let me talk to her, Oppa." Hara miserably.

Leeteuk saw his clipboard. Hara may be true, the only way that he had never tried was  asked Sulli to speak what’s on her mind. After the medicine and all kinds of therapy he had done, but not with that one. But is it possible only by talking can cure a mental disease?

"What if this does not work?" Leeteuk asked.

"At least I've tried before giving up." Hara said weakly.

-

 

Sulli sat on her bed. Leaning against the wall, hugging her knees. Her eyes looked straight ahead towards the blue blanket that was folded neatly by the janitor. Her eyes were getting withered, as if losing the light. Like a forgotten doll in the warehouse, she seemed lifeless.

Leeteuk and Hara entered simultaneously. She did not look at them at all. Leeteuk pulled a chair in front of the window and sat on it while Hara sitting on the bed. Both of them looked at each other, decide who will open their mouth for the first time.

"Sulli, annyeong .." Hara is the first. "I have come, how are you?"

No answer from Sulli.

"Say something to Hara, she took the time to meet you. You must be happy to see her, right?" Leeteuk's turn this time.

Sulli remain silent.

Hara said, "you're definitely not fine, me too. Both of us aren’t okay, Minho too."

Sulli was not keen to even lift her head.

"Please answer me!" Hara said softly with tears hanging in her eyes.

"Just give us a sign if you hear us if you don’t want to talk, Ssul," Leeteuk said.

They waited a few minutes in the hope that Sulli will respond, but Sulli doesn’t move at all. Hara wiped her face, Leeteuk sighed deeply.

"It's okay if you don’t want to talk, but you can hear us right? There's something we want to talk to you," Leeteuk told her.

Hara holding Sulli’s hand, "come back to us, Ssul, come back to me and Minho .."

"Ssul, I know if you can hear me very clearly, I'm sure you can understand every words that come out of my mouth, so please listen to me, think about what I say," Hara took a deep breath, "I'm sorry if I'm wrong, I'm sorry .. "

Sulli considers none of the people in the room besides herself. Did she hear Hara or not, no one can be sure.

"You're not crazy as long as I've said, you're just different. Yeah, I admit you're different. And this is the time for you wake up,  you have to prove that other people's opinions about you is wrong ..." Hara opens again with tears down her cheeks.

Leeteuk felt there was an arrow sticking in his heart when he saw this sorrowful incident occurred in front of him. Everything feels quite painful though he is not part of the Choi family.

"Please say something, Ssul .."

"I just want you to comeback, I just want us to get together again, I don’t care you're back on us as Sulli or Jinri, I just want my sister back .."

Jinri .. The name was mentioned again after so long buried in her heart. The name appears again. Again.

Leeteuk was quite surprised because Hara brought that name. He touched the back of her hand to make her calm who got carried away before she crossed the line he gave.

"Sulli, maybe you've been hurt in your past and maybe it was certainly very deep wound, but you must show that you can, you are a strong person. I know that you are a strong person."

Leeteuk tighten his grip on Hara, but she doesn’t seem to care. She still says things that crossed on her mind in this occasion because Leeteuk most likely will not allow her to speak again on Sulli after today.

"Ssul, don’t hide who you are. Don’t hide yourself. Open yourself, open your heart!"

"Hara, stop!" Leeteuk command.

"You don’t understand! Let go off of me!" Hara snap.

"You could make the situation worse!" Leeteuk replied.

Hara covered her face and cried hard. All the anger, disappointment, hurt feelings, loneliness, all the unsaid feelings pouring out with tears. She must heal Sulli so that everything will back into normal. It is a mission; a mission as well as the burden for her. Leeteuk was touched. He tried to calm her down by caressing her back.

Meanwhile Sulli still doesn’t move like a rock.

"We don’t need to continue this," Leeteuk said as he tried to lead Hara out of the room.

Hara wiped her eyes before she said goodbye to Sulli. She along with Leeteuk stepped out of the room without bringing any results. Leeteuk was true, Hara thought, she’s only make Sulli’s condition worse. Even makes the situation more difficult.

"Wait a minute," said Hara then turned to face Sulli, "Minho was miserable without you, he did not stop blaming himself for making you have to stay here ... And you should know why he is so. Ssul, Minho loves you. He doesn’t care if you are Sulli who is mentally ill, he just loves you sincerely. And I know you must be love him too, are you?" she asked with the hope that Sulli will respond to something that related to Minho.

A few seconds passed with the wind coming through the open door. She still did not respond. tightly shut as she looked at the blanket on the bed.

-

 

kring kring kring

Minho got a call from Suzy in the afternoon. After they met a few days ago, Suzy never came to the house and rarely called. She said she was busy. Minho was still in his decision that he is only concerned with Suzy as a friends only, but he could no longer accept another bad news if he left her.

"Yeoboseyo .."

"Minho .." Suzy’s soft voice caressed his ears.

"Yeah, Suzy, what's up?"

"There’s something I want to ask you," Suzy sounded weak, "in my eyes, you are a perfect man. You’re a man who I love today, yesterday, tomorrow, and ten years from now. But in your eyes, who am I?"

"Hey, what's up? Why do you talk about it all of a sudden?"

"It's okay, I just want to know,"

Minho cleared his throat, "You are Suzy. A girl who held my hand for two years, a girl who stay beside me without ever complaining. Cheerful and honest girl. A girl who gave me a lot of positive things that I did not have before."

"Can you remember me like that forever?"

 

At the airport ...

"You are Suzy. A girl who held my hand for two years, a girl who stay beside me without ever complaining. Cheerful and honest girl. A girl who gave me a lot of positive things that I did not have before."

Suzy wiping her tears with her finger, but the tears keep rolling down her cheeks and made her feel more and more chaotic, "can you remember me like that forever?"

"Why not? Suzy, what actually happened?" Minho worry.

"Can you promise me that you will remember me forever? Remember all the good things we had together," she said wiping her tears again.

"Suzy, don’t make me wonder! What's with you?" Minho emphasized his sentence.

"I'm sorry, I’m the one who separates you and Sulli .. Everything is my fault, I'm sorry,"

"What do you mean?"

"I did it because I love you so much, I'm afraid to lose you, I want to have you .. But I realized that it was not love. I know you don’t love me, I know you were not happy with me, I know, and I realized that we could not carry all of these but I was too selfish, "

"Bae Suzy!"

"After all the things I've done, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but promise me you will not be mad at me, you will remember me as Suzy who ever you love. You don’t have to worry anymore because I'm not going to bother you .. I will go," Suzy sighed.

Minho couldn’t say anything. He can’t be angry even though he already got a bright spot of all that happened. He did not get angry, he'd worry hear how Suzy hold back her feelings.

"Bae Suzy, what will you do? Don’t do anything!"

Suzy replied with a broken heart, "you don’t have to worry about me, I'm not going to do anything stupid again. I'll try to forget you, I'll live well without you,"

"You don’t need to do this so far, Suzy,"

"Because I love you too much, I don’t want to lose you. You know how I feel, when you do not want to lose Sulli, when you feel that the world is much more beautiful when there’s Sulli beside you, when you can’t control your feelings, as that is what I feel. I love you like you love Sulli .. "

Minho gaping. Suzy must have moved to tears when she said that. Although she gathered all her strength to tell it, she remains weak. She was just a girl who was blinded by love. Everyone who has ever fallen in love certainly experienced it, the moment when your eyes can not see another things except the one who you love, isn’t that fair?

"Thank you for the two years that you gave me, I'll remember it forever. Minho, I will go, then you should go back to Minho that I know. Pursue Sulli if you really love her, I want you to be happy."

"Suzy, I'm sorry."

"You don’t need to apologize, you're not doing anything wrong. I will hang up the phone, Minho annyeong." Click.

Suzy hang up the phone.

She cried for herself as a girl who holding Minho’s hands for two years without Minho ever holding her hands back. She was, for two years, is a girl who continues to love but not be loved.

-

 

Taeyeon ran along the hospital corridor toward the room of Leeteuk. She was in a hurry to tell what was delivered by one of her colleagues to Leeteuk. When she opened the door and saw Leeteuk who is surprised by it, she said, "Something happen to Sulli!"

Taeyeon got the news if her colleagues heard a shout from one of the rooms in the rehab and the room was Sulli’s.

 

In Sulli’s room ..

Leeteuk entered into the room with Taeyeon. When they went inside, Sulli groaned in pain as if she was attacked. She covered her ears and shook her head.

"Sulli, what is it?" Leeteuk asked., "Sulli?" Leeteuk holding her hands.

"Jinri .. I hate her," Sulli began to droop limply while saying the name.

Finally, Leeteuk understand the reason behind the commotion tonight. It is Jinri. Although Sulli acted as if she did not hear Hara this afternoon, she did. The voices were entered into her, into her mind.

Leeteuk patted her shoulder. Her condition makes Leeteuk increasingly worried and sad. "You're finally open the box, calm down! You don’t need to keep all your feelings again, you could say it started now. You do not have to hide who you are in that box, Ssul," he said affectionately.

Sulli is getting quiet.

The box that he said is a metaphor that he uses in every therapy. A box in her heart where she buried her true identity, her past, and her wounds during this time, saving the truth because of the cruel past.

"Every person must have a past. All that happens may be painful but it does not mean all of it happens without a reason. Your past makes your learn, make you became more mature, you don’t need to cover it because we all know you're more precious than anything, Ssul, whoever you are. " he added.

-

 

Minho’s behavior always made Hara upset lately. "Please back to Minho whom I knew," Hara said when she found Minho was reading a book about politics.

Minho shrugged, "why?"

Hara took the book he read and throw it to somewhere, "Minho whom I knew just reading a book on health to heal Sulli,"

"Isn’t she was in a mental rehab? Those people over there are going to heal her, I'm not a doctor, Hara, I couldn’t heal her." Minho replied.

"What's the matter with you? Do you want me to take you to a rehab? Don’t act like a crazy person!" Hara squealing.

Hara remembered Kyuhyun's words when he joked a few days ago. Do Minho very frustrated that he could say such a thing about Sulli? Is he going crazy? Do Minho will also leave her? All the questions were like a bomb ready to explode on her mind. She couldn’t relax, especially after she met Sulli yesterday and didn’t get anything.

"You'd better go and see Sulli now, I don’t want to see you at home this time," Hara pulled him to go.

"I will not come again starting today," Minho said, "she didn’t want to see me, there would be no point if I come there,"

Hara ruffled her hair with a sigh, she would soon explode. "since when do you give up on Sulli? Since when are you don’t care about Sulli?"

"I care about her, so I will not go there, because she didn’t want to see me .. I'm just going to slow down her recovery," Minho leaned his back, resting his head until he could see the ceiling of the house.

Hara chuckled, she was  upset by what she had just heard, "Pardon? Now you are treating her like a mentally ill person. Did not you used to always get mad at me if I said that Sulli is mentally ill? Then how about you today?"

It was a big slap to Minho.

"Did God change our soul? Why now I'm really excited to put her out while you give up on her?" Hara added.

Minho saw Hara with a look that can’t be explained, "maybe God made ​​me realize that Sulli is mentally ill."

It was a hard slap to Hara. She dropped her body next to Minho.

"Because Suzy, I finally thought that maybe this is the best way. I closed my eyes because she's my sister, Sulli is mentally ill and she needed medical treatment. I want her to get well, not solely for me, but for her. She can’t forever like this, she also needed to live as a normal person," said Minho.

"What did Suzy say to you?"

"Everything."

"Then you're not doing anything? That means Sulli didn’t do anything to her and you say nothing?! You're supposed to put Sulli out of rehab!"

"But Sulli is mentally ill! Don’t you suffer every time you saw her cry? Did not you come to feel the pain every time she hurt for something you don’t understand? She needs medical treatment, Hara .."

Hara left Minho in the middle of the room without saying a word to replied her brother. She doesn’t want to fight with her brother but she wants to revive him if what he thinks is wrong. She had to rush back to the living room with Sulli’s notebook then gave it to Minho, “she just needs you," said Hara.

Minho opened the book giving by Hara. Just like Hara, he read the sheet after sheet of paper in the book, find the word that has been read by Hara previously until he realizes something that he didn’t know before.

Sulli had a lot of things that she draw in her book; the ice cream they had ever eaten, peaches they have ever eaten and they were trying to plant in the yard, and Minho who were playing with their dog. All the little things that Minho had forgotten, that he did not remember if he ever did it with Sulli, but apparently Sulli remember it.

Minho dropped the book on the floor before he could read the remaining pages.

"He needs you, Minho, not medical treatment," Hara said slowly, "like you who needs her, as you are .. who love her. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t stop you if you really love her, I will be there to support you."

Minho looked at Hara then Sulli’s handwriting on paper.

 

I don’t need Taeyeon eonni, Leeteuk oppa, or whoever he was asked to take care of me. I don’t need them all because Minho was here beside me. Minho is enough.

 

"Now, it's up to you, if you still want to sit here or go pick her up?" Hara asked.

Minho smiled. He is getting his strength back  to fight for Sulli. He should get Sulli back, no matter what the situation is, they both need each other. No matter how he struggled as a brother or a man, he will fight to the end.

Minho ran out of the house after gave a brief hug to Hara. He ran towards the hospital, he didn’t want to waste time by standing on the street waiting for a taxi to come. Every second is precious for him to get Sulli back.

-

 

Leeteuk has never come so early. He couldn’t sleep for thinking about Sulli after last night. He arrived at the hospital and met Taeyeon at the front of his office. Taeyeon looked worried like yesterday. "Thanks God you're coming fast, I don’t understand what's going on Sulli," Taeyeon said.

"What else? What's wrong with her?" Leeteuk replied.

"You have to meet her," Taeyeon pulled his arm and quickened her pace towards, again and again, Sulli’s room.

Leeteuk rolled his eyes all over the room. Nothing has changed, it's just very different nuance. Feels warm and alive. In front of the window, a girl sitting as usual. When Leeteuk came in, she looked back then stand up and gave Leeteuk a sweet smile.  "Sulli?" Leeteuk frowned.

" Doctor, I want to go home," she said without hesitation.

Leeteuk blinked. This is not a dream. Sulli who was standing in front of him is very much different from yesterday. She combed her hair. She washed her face and looks great with simple make up.

"I've opened the box, a doctor .."

 

They both sat face to face. Leeteuk still do not believe what he had just seen. Sulli looks alive, she looks normal. Taeyeon left them alone in the room so they could talk freely.

"I want to go home," she clarifies her wish, "I guess I have no reason to stay here again,"

"What did you say?" Leeteuk stammered.

"I've opened the box, doctor, I can’t live forever in fear. Whatever happened to me before, anything I do now will not change it. The only thing I can do is fix it and I want to fix it,"

"You sure you can do it?"

"I'm not sure but I will try. Minho and Hara were here to help me, if you don’t mind, I want you to help me too,” Sulli smiled.

"Is this what you want? .. I mean-"

"For a dozen years I don’t know what I'm doing and what I want, today, for the first time I know exactly what I want to do. Yes, I want this and I'm happy, doctor, you don’t have to worry about me. Starting now , I already know what I should do as a 21-year-old girl. "

Leeteuk amazed with the answers. Sulli gave the right answers to the questions she was asked for the first time as long as they get to know each other. "And now I have no reason to forbid you to go home."

 

Leeteuk pull his lips, his conversation with Sulli a few minutes ago still feels like a dream. Leeteuk couldn’t help himself from smiling. The girl was cured, she eventually returned to normal. He was also happy with her recovery. So much happy.

-

 

Sulli squeezed her fingers, can’t wait to get home even though she is not far from there. A few blocks and she would take off her longing for Minho, only a few blocks to her meeting with the figure she miss most in this world.

"Ahjussi, faster please," she instructed the taxi driver.

"Yes, Miss."

Her feeling increasingly out of control as she imagined her meeting with Minho. Last night, when she had to wrestle with herself, deciding what steps she would take next, the only person on her mind is Minho.

Minho is the reason for her to recover.

For Minho who had been sacrificed to support her, care for her and protect her, she finally opened herself. Minho loves her whoever she is.

 "Ahjussi, please stop here!" Sulli looked back, following the shadow of a man who ran on the side of the road. "It's Minho!" she said to herself.

A man with a green coat that had just flashed before her eyes was Minho. He was in a hurry. Sulli immediately got out of the taxi when the car was stopped. She followed Minho who was in front of her.

"Minho," she called out with a loud voice, "Minho!"  Minho looks across the street while Sulli is getting far behind.  "Wait for me, Minho!"

Tiiiinnnn ...

"Aaawh!"

It happened very quickly. Sulli closed her eyes as her body is pulled into the arms of someone. Her breath seemed to compete with her heartbeat. She didn’t dare to open her eyes until she heard a familiar voice, "are you okay?"

Sulli opened her eyes slowly, "Minho?!"

Minho pulled her into his arms. He wrapped his arms around Sulli’s body tightly. Sulli was doing the same thing along with tears flowing down her cheeks. They both hugged each other very closely, challenging anyone who can separate them because after this, they believe there will be no more to separate them except death.

"Don’t go away again! I love you .." Minho whispered in her ear. Sulli nodded. "I love you, whoever you are, I love you, Sulli, Jinri .." His voice trembled, he was about to cry for fear of losing her again.

"You probably will not likes Jinri," said Sulli.

Minho strengthen his arms, "Whoever you are.. I love you so much .."